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masterwilliamsblog-blog · 7 years

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Gratitude.

Are you grateful for all you have, do you even realize all you have?

I have had to learn to ask myself that question, every day I ask myself are you grateful for all you have, that includes my pain, my frustration, my inability to do things I used to do.

I should have died on May 21st 2007 at about 9:15 AM, I was spraying blood all over the windshield of my car, things looked grim to say the least, but even in that moment I was so grateful that I had kissed and hugged my family and told them I loved them before I left for work the night before.

It gave me an incredible sense of peace that I was going to die having spoken such amazing words to them and them to me.

Right then nothing else mattered, not money, not status, not anyone's opinion of me, I had zero regrets, I closed my eyes and readied myself for my next chapter.

I was so calm, so full of bliss, and then I felt this amazing presence, I felt a hand on my shoulder, I heard a voice say don't worry, everything will be just fine. I wasn't in any pain, no tunnel, just the most beautiful warm glow.

Then all hell broke loose, an off duty paramedic wrenched the passenger door open and tied a clean shirt that I had hanging in the back around what was left of my shoulder.

The next hour was a lesson in what pain truly is, the ambulance ride, about 30 miles was as close to hell as I ever want to get, just about the time we got to the hospital the morphine really kicked in.

I rolled into the hospital and there were the incredible blue eyes of my beautiful wife making sarcastic comments to me about "really doing it this time", a few hours later I woke up in the ICU thinking I had dreamt it all until I looked at myself.

The next several days i wandered the halls with my IV and catheter bag trying to get them to send me home.

All in all I have had four surgeries for this little adventure, they want to do more but so far I have held them at bay.

After four days I walked out into the sunshine a completely transformed person, I really thought I would be going back to work in a few weeks, but the rehab and the meds would not allow that to happen.

But, but, but, but everyday since the accident I have woken up grateful for the chance to live another day.

A month or so after the accident a nurse asked me how I was feeling, I told her I was great, she wrinkled her nose at me, I said I have another day above ground, another day to love my family, another day to maybe help someone else.

I won't lie to you, there are days that the pain is terrible, there are days I have to retreat from the world because I am as mean as a bull with his balls on fire, I send to the basement to my office and computer, or outside to get it out of my system.

As screwed up as this world is, I still want to be here every day.

I want to make you all laugh, and think, and occasionally be aggravated.

I can't and won't tell anyone else how to live, a girl I was in love with many years ago killed herself, she just could not take it anymore, I don't blame her, I am not mad at her, I miss her every day, when she was doing well her laugh was amazing, her smile was radiant. I am glad she is at peace, I am looking forward to seeing her on the next pass.

Everything that has ever happened to me good and bad I have learned from, it has made me a better man, father, and a better human being, in some cases it took me 30 years to learn that lesson.

So please don't look at the glass as half empty, look at it as room for more of your favorite beverage.

Hugs and love.

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masterwilliamsblog-blog · 7 years

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Beauty.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, to me it's in ones very soul.

Internal beauty without societies idea of physical beauty is still beautiful to me.

Physical beauty without internal beauty will never be beautiful to me.

The first thing I notice is someones smile, not that it's perfectly white or perfectly straight, but does it light up their whole face, does it take over when they laugh.

The eyes, oh I am a sucker for eyes, color doesn't matter, but do they light up, do they dance, are they mischievous.

The laugh, I am always saying something to try and get a laugh, I will throw something outrageous in the middle of a completely normal conversation to see if I can bust someone up. My rubber chicken sentence. Throw your head back and laugh, the weirder the laugh the better, snorting and snuffling is a bonus.

Size to me is irrelevant, I have dated women from 80 pounds to 350, be happy in your own skin, you are sexy because you decide you are sexy. Some of the sexiest women I have ever dated have been over 300 pounds, the one thing they all had in common was that they KNEW they were sexy, they owned it, it was in the way they held themselves.

Color, how can people not find beauty in every color, from porcelain white skin to those so dark that they are that incredible eggplant/ebony black and every possible shade in between.

I have never fetish dated, I know people who only date one color, one size, height, one type, age etc., hell I know people who only dated people who had some kind of unique physical disability.

If I asked someone out or dated someone, it was because I wanted to be with that person, enjoy their company, roll around in their mind, their has never been a check-off list.

I took a lot of crap in college for dating outside norms, be they color, size, age, looks, whatever, guys would tease but would also admit that they admired me because they let peer pressure get to them, women were much worse, much more confrontational especially if you dated outside the invisible size/race barrier.

Bottom line

The only thing that ever really mattered to me whether someone was nice to others, especially people who could do nothing for them.

That makes you so incredibly beautiful to me.

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masterwilliamsblog-blog · 7 years

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Sexuality.

As many of you know I am bisexual or pansexual depending on your terminology. I don't say "identify" because that implies that I have a choice in the matter.

I have been this way since at least 8, probably sooner. I prayed, I agonized, I denied, I suppressed, I made myself sick over it.

It was made worse by a father who was a raging homophobe, I have a cousin who is a flaming stereotypical hairdresser, and my father blames his mother for him being gay.

I finally at 50 looked myself in the mirror and said it out loud, and then I sat my wife down and told her. She wasn't surprised, she never is, she knows things about me before I know them.

The important thing was that a huge weight was off me, I have told some friends, some family, people I thought would shun me have told me they loved me no matter what.

Being pansexual makes me a better Dominant, I have had male salves, both masculine and sissies, aftercare is much better when you can offer the comfort of cuddling.

My wife's best friend is a gay man, they have been close for half her life, my daughters best friend since kindergarten recently came out, it was a relief, we were wondering when it would happen.

My children know they can bring home another human and as long as that person is a good person and good to them they are welcome in our home. They know this is a safe place for their friends should they be thrown out of their homes for their sexuality.

I know that some believe that it conflicts with their religious beliefs, and I understand that, I also know that some people believe it's a phase, or a choice, I assure you it's not, no one (especially a child) wants to go through the agony of being different.

I also know I may lose some of you, if I do I am sorry for both of us, I promise I don't love any differently than you.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Thank you again for being along for this ride.

Love and hugs to each of you and everyone you hold dear.

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masterwilliamsblog-blog · 7 years

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Death:

Oh you all may think I am looney with this one, but here goes.

Have you ever heard this joke:

The light at the end of the tunnel is just the next vagina you will be pushed out of.

I believe I have lived many times, I have been places and had Deja vu moments that terrify other people.

And I believe that we have all lived many many times, how many I have no idea.

I read the book Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsh, he says that everyone goes to heaven, and I mean everyone, Hitler, Stalin, people who write smooth Jazz, etc.

Neale writes about actual conversations he has had with God, he's a conduit for Gods word, Fascinating read whether you believe him or not.

Neale was told by God that you stay in heaven as long as you want, five minutes or forever, you decide, maybe you have unfinished business, maybe you want to try again, make the world a better place etc.

When I was dying I did not see heaven, no bright light, etc. I heard a beautiful voice and felt a hand on my shoulder telling me simply "it will all be okay".

That left a lot of room for interpretation but I was satisfied with that statement and closed my eyes and waited for the rest of my blood to drain from my cut artery.

Well the story did not end that way and of course I survived and immediately started searching for a purpose to my being saved.

I decided that was to help people even in the simplest of ways.

But back to death, I have never feared death, just how not being here anymore would affect those I love.

I know I have met many people before, we have been brothers, sisters, parents and children, lovers, brothers in arms, I have had visions, I have had dreams about real places I later visited and could take you places and show you things I had no way of knowing had I not been there before.

When I meet someone and we click, we talk for hours, we touch and there is an electric current, we touch our foreheads together and I see little snippets of past lives.

I cannot explain any of this to you in any scientific way except one.

Read and watch Doctor Michio Kaku a theoretical physicist who studies things like parallel universes, and you will have your mind completely blown.

Death is in my opinion like a hard restart on your computer, you are gone but your soul lingers waiting for a new body, you can ride the ride one time or 500, it's all up to you.

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masterwilliamsblog-blog · 7 years

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Miss Rhonda suggested I write about forgiveness.

I must admit that forgiveness is my single biggest failing.

I would often joke that my anger keeps me warm at night.

I have had rage issues all my life, my therapists (three in all over the years) have told me this is from PTSD from growing up in an abusive environment.

I felt like I had the right to hate out of righteousness for what was done to me.

The concept of forgiving others for me just seems so completely ass backwards to me.

It lies there in the back of my brain saying "if you forgive them they are off the hook", "if you forgive them then you will forget what happened".

My father still allows my cousin who abused me at his dinner table because:

One) He is not sure he believes me.

Two) He doesn't want to hurt my aunt.

He actually had the nerve to say that if it really did happen then I needed to just get over it for the sake of the family.

I am sorry but I just cannot do that, would he say the same thing if he had raped my sister?

I asked him that question, he said he would have killed him for that, oh well, shows you where I rank.

My wife is a Buddhist, forgiveness is a key element in moving on the path to Nirvana and escaping the physical self.

One thing I have been able to do, is see the people that hurt me less as evil and more as what they really are, damaged people incapable of getting better because they refuse to get help with their own baggage.

For all I know they were abused in multiple ways, people of that generation never speak of things like sexual abuse and incest.

By allowing myself to convert my hate to pity I have begun to have some empathy, I still waiver when something happens to pour gas on an already volatile relationship.

With age I am learning that some things just are not worth lugging around with me anymore, do I ever think of revenge, sure, or more often hoping the karma bus runs over them. ;)

So forgiveness is a complicated mess for me, it's the thing I have to work hardest at.

The love that surrounds me makes it easier.

Do something for me today please, tell those you love that you love them, kiss their foreheads, hugs them til it hurts, if they are away call them or send an email or text, just let them know that they are in your thoughts.

Big bone crushing hugs to every one of you.

Have an amazing day.

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masterwilliamsblog-blog · 7 years

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Negotiating your first scene.

I have a very particular way of handling negotiations, I do a lot of one-off scenes, people traveling through have been referred to me, these are non sexual scenes, and they are usually fairly rough in nature.

But sexual or non-sexual, rough or gentle, one-off, regular, or lover, things always start the same way.

Over coffee or a coke at my kitchen table or at a diner.

This usually puzzles most people as they are in a rush to get started, I tell them up front, you either sit down and answer my questions or you leave now, I don't budge on this one inch.

For this to not be a disaster, let alone be good or amazing, I need to know the following.

1) Medical issues 2) Abuse history 3) Triggers, be it words or actions 4) Bad scenes in your past 5) What you want to do in our scene 6) safe-words 7) soft and hard limits 8) do you have a call plan in place 9) Does anyone know your here, if not, why not.

These are the bare bones questions, that lead to many more questions and answers, I usually need at least an hour across the table from you before I am even close to ready.

If you have shown up here without a safety plan you are going to get a lecture, you drove to the middle of nowhere to meet a stranger, and you are going to go in their basement and be put in shackles and not one person knows you are here, you are out of your damn mind.

I am not a serial killer (but I could be) you could just vanish, car sold to a scrap yard, and there are many ways to make a body disappear in the country.

Don't let sub frenzy get you hurt or killed, if you walk in and someone doesn't ask you these questions you better be looking for the door.

I adore you all, I worry over your safety, all I can do is warn, educate, preach, and cajole you into being careful.

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masterwilliamsblog-blog · 7 years

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Foreplay:

Foreplay really is not really foreplay because if you love someone you woo them in an infinite number of ways.

Touch her every time she's within reach.

Cook for her.

Brush, wash and color her hair.

Rub her feet after a long day.

Shave and lotion her legs.

Rub her back before bed without expecting sex.

Text her during the day.

Make her lunch and put a note in it.

Buy her books and read to them.

Don't just peck her cheek, kiss her, her whole face, neck, shoulders, kiss her eyes, touch your forehead to hers.

Buy her cards, the dollar store has great cards two for a dollar.

Come home with her favorite ice cream or candy.

Dance with her barefoot in the kitchen, you don't need music.

Tell her you love her and that's she's beautiful every day without fail.

When you are out together hold her hand, open her car door, keep your eyes on her.

When she comes home ask her about her day, let her vent.

Write her stories you don't have to be Hemmingway, but make the effort.

Write out your fantasies, make her the star.

Do things without being asked and don't expect a thank you for doing things you should be doing anyway.

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masterwilliamsblog-blog · 7 years

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BDSM and disability.

As a consenting adult of legally sound mind there is nothing stopping you from being involved in BDSM except your own mind.

Accommodations are infinite, the use of pillows, pads, benches, soft stools, are all perfectly fine.

The thing that I try to remind people of is that there is no one size fits all answer.

There is no book that says you have to be a size 6, you don't have to have all your limbs, you don't have to kneel to serve.

I have seen people do suspension for people in wheelchairs.

If you can't kneel on the floor you cam use pillows, contractor knee pads, those little garden kneeling pads all are a tremendous help.

If you can't stand with your arms over your head then show your dominant what is comfortable for you.

If you are like me and have nerve damage, you cannot put your body in certain positions then talk about it,

Talk, talk, talk, and talk some more, until you have a plan that works for you.

If your dominant cannot accommodate your disability they either lack creativity or they are not trying.

Google bdsm for the disabled.

And for the love of Pete (whoever Pete is) don't let anyone tell you you are doing it wrong because they read some book or watched some movie or listened to some great bdsm guru that said you have to be a size 2 and sail around in rope like the flying Walenda's or you are not doing real BDSM.

Real BDSM is what works for the two of you, what makes you happy.

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masterwilliamsblog-blog · 7 years

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Dreams:

I have always dreamt in color.

My first dream I remember was about 3, we had driven through a tornado-ravaged area on the way to my grandmothers and I had a dream the tornado was behind me, just keeping pace, letting me run across the furrows of a freshly plowed field stubby little legs, very weird.

Until I was put on Prozac I was a frequent victim of night terrors, so much so that they wanted to study me, which terrified me because my dad always told me if I every sought mental health help that they would lock me up.

Most people that have them have one every 2-3 months, I averaged 2 or 3 a night on bad nights.

Now I know it is all a result of PTSD, from childhood trauma.

The first two years on Prozac I had no dreams I could remember which was a blessing and a curse. No nightmares but no fun dreams either.

One thing I have practiced from my early twenties is "active dreaming".

I would get ready for bed and there would be some complex problem I needed to solve so I would say, I want to dream about this problem and I want an answer when I wake up.

It may be a way to help a customer or a design for a piece of machinery.

I worked for many years selling "factory automation" which is basically the parts and pieces that allow a factory to convert to robots.

I do that with my stories, I tell myself where I want to go, say the Scottish Highlands in the 1300's or the Caribbean in the 1600's or a dungeon in the current time period.

My mind takes over when I close my eyes and weaves an exotic and erotic and as you can see from the Santa story sometimes something that melts asbestos underwear.

Most of my dreams these days are about beautiful people in beautiful places, some I have been, some I have only seen on tv or read about.

Some are places from my past lives, my lineage is riddled with colorful characters including a Viking King, a Templar night, a beautiful Cherokee great great grandmother, and many more.

One of the coolest things about an ancestry.com DNA test is they link you to your famous relatives.

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masterwilliamsblog-blog · 7 years

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You asked for a scene/story, this is one of my favorite subjects.

This is not a tame story, it's not erotica, it is BDSM and sex, read at your own risk.

As always comments are welcome.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- It was a typical boring evening, boring dinner followed by boring tv shows, that was until the phone rang.

How is my beautiful submissive this evening?

Well Sir I was bored, but I hope you are going to spice up my evening.

Well, we will just have to see won't we, a package will arrive soon, you have an hour to dress and be ready.

Yes Sir.

The box arrives and I am very confused, it is a female elf costume, dress, and ears, but below the paper it gets interesting, fire engine red, shelf bra, thong, garters, and stockings and at the very bottom black patent leather thigh high boots.

I hurry and do my hair and makeup so I can be dressed in time for the limo to get here.

Just in the nick of time (pun intended), I finish putting on lipstick when the doorbell rings.

The driver escorts me to the car and closes the door.

Your sir will allow you one glass of Champagne on the ride over.

Where are we going?

Why to see Santa of course.

I think what the hell is up his sleeve this time, I only know two things, I am intrigued, and I am wet.

The driver stops at the local mall, opens the car door and then the mall door for me and tells me to walk to the center of the mall.

My heels clack like gunshots on the marble floor of the empty mall, no one is here, what the hell is going on.

I finally get to the center of the mall and there sits Santa, no the fat jolly red suited Santa we all grew up with but a big strong Santa in all Black, he looks like a very masculine leather bear, but I don't think he is gay.

The outfit is almost the same, except in black, and instead of a closed and belted coat his coat is open, he is shirtless, he is wearing leather chaps and a leather thong, and he looks very happy to see me.

On either side of him are two beautiful male elves in black leather thongs, and black leather collars, Santa is holding their leashes.

Well, well, well, there is my naughty little elf, are you ready for your visit with Santa?

Yes sir Santa.

Well, there are a couple of problems, the first is that you are still dressed and you are still standing.

Get your dress off and get on your knees where you belong.

Yes Sir Santa.

The elves come over to me, they set several presents down in front of me.

Open each present and lay them out in front of you.

Yes Sir Santa

Present number one is a wide patent leather collar.

Present number two is a set of chains with clover clamps.

Present number 3 is a jeweled butt plug.

Present number 4 is a butterfly vibrator

Present number 5 is a blindfold

Present number 6 is a set of silk ropes

Present number 7 is a ball gag

Present number 8 is a jar of butt butter

Present number 9 is a patent leather paddle

Present number 10 is a double dildo

Present number 11 is a beautiful elk hide flogger

They place the wide patent leather collar on my neck, they attach two chains to the ring on the front, they pull my nipples out of the shelf bra and flick them until they are standing at attention, when they place the clover clamps on them I feel my pussy clench, they grease the plug with butt butter and tell me to bend over, face down, ass up, they rub the butt butter into my ass and slide in the plug. Then they attach the butterfly.

They leave the other presents sitting in front of me, they stand on either side of me.

Santa walks over and picks up the remote for the butterfly vibrator and looks down at me.

If you move or make a sound when I turn this on I will have them blindfold you, bind you and gag you, do you understand? Yes Sir Santa.

You have been a very naughty girl this year, thinking naughty thoughts, touching yourself at work, enjoying the lessons your Sir has given you.

Yes Sir Santa.

Well all those lessons will be put to good use tonight my naughty one, Santa and his elves are going to have their way with you in Santa's dungeon.

Stand up.

Just as I stand up he hits the button on the butterfly, I am slammed with the force of vibrator right on my clit. I fight my way through the scream I want to let out and stand rigid in front of him.

Good girl, now follow me.

Off we go through the deserted mall, following Santa, with a Greek god on either side of me, wondering what is in store and where the hell my Sir is, I know he is nearby, I sense him, I smell hints of his pipe.