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I Will Call Upon Your Name
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day 1 down, day 2 tomorrow
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bad (a poem)
Not so good at cooking, but want to eat with you
Not so good at singing, but I like this tune
Not the best at thinking or remembering the things
Because my brain tends to run out of steam
Life may be bad at rhyming, but let's trust divine timing
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The walks of life make me wonder if it’ll even matter in the end if this rhymes.
Or if I give this guy a dollar, will he give it to the woman so she can buy her kid a burger. Was that better?
I put myself there, or did you?
Where?
That box. The box right there.
How can we assume. What do we really know for sure. Have we ever asked.
Yo, people out there truly think
they truly think
people out there truly think
yo, people out there truly think
(sighs)
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“Find a spot, lay down”
I’d never trusted strangers and bugs freak me out. But for some reason, I’m not getting that sinking feeling in my tummy.
OK.
I go into some tall grass. Alone.
“Now ... close your eyes and listen. Listen to the noises all around you. I want you to make a list in your head.”
Buzzing of dragonflies, check. There’s the wind running through the grass... wow. Why does this feel amazing?
I’m twelve, chubby, and the first one in my grade to grow boobs. All my friends are frenemies. Life’s awkward.
I knew the word “peace” meant no war. Never heard of inner peace, let alone felt it. A wildlife refuge employee, a man named Sharon, changed the course of life that day.
Inner peace was within my own reality, away from physical interaction, in scratchy grass. Teeming with life.
The rest of the day was a breeze. People were easier to understand and relate to. The feeling didn’t last ... but I found it again.
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Thanks Mike
My gut feels knotted, dunked in water and rung out. There’s no actual pain just sensations. It’s just a sensation, it’s just a sensation I continue to repeat to myself over and over hoping to finally believe it. I had at least 20 shirts in the closet, now there’s six and that was just in the closet. I’m a virgo, so I loved my shoes. Ten pairs to three solid pairs with no holes. I’m bummed though kinda. I could have decluttered and simplified my living situation a lot sooner than waiting for a legitimate reason to do it. I had so much stuff. And most of it wasn’t being touched, let alone looked at. Plus side, now it’s taken care of.
In the next coming weeks and beyond my life will be hella different. I’m moving from one coast to another, in a car, with my partner and two cats. It’s a Honda. 2001. I’ll enjoy more barbecues in the next two weeks than I’ve had in a months time. I’ll count the days as they dwindle down to one, to zero. My emotions will be everywhere and nowhere. Patience is what I ask, understanding is what I ask in these transitional times.
I’ve never lived outside of California. A kid from the bay area driving to start a life on the east coast. I never thought I’d leave the bay and when I did I thought I’d never leave California. I could go on for hours about how nuts this is, but I think you’ve got it.
(I almost just fell in the river while writing this :o)
My life was so different, my mind was so much different too. Like I definitely have most of the same methods about how I do certain things or respond a certain way or whatever, but I’ve changed a lot. Almost so much that I forgot who I even was as a kid besides the stories, what you can see in photos or what someone tells you. Shit, I try to think about stuff now like what did I even think of myself as a kid. I don’t even know, I never can answer that question.
But back to patience man, please keep that in mind when dealing with me. And this is basically a PSA for myself to look back on and be like, “yeah, okay Mak is in their emotions because of the pressure and stress from the preparation of this trip, so just be patience, they’ll find their way.”
Also, we met this guy tonight named Mike who says the humidity will make our skin glow, so there’s that.
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