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madam-wakefield · 2 months

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Open When Chapter 23

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Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open if…

Serena is confused when Ric Griffin steps into her theatre scrubbed in and tells her to let him take over. There is absolutely no reason for him to be here let alone taking over her surgery.

“Why would I do that?” She questions, genuinely perplexed. “I mean I know I’ve only just started but everything is going fine, and this is definitely much more my expertise than yours.”

“Serena,” she looks up at his tone and it’s as her eyes connect with Ric’s that she knows something isn’t right.

“Okay,” Serena concedes unable to control the quiver in her own voice despite knowing nothing. “She’s got…”

“Don’t worry I’ve already checked her file, just go.” There is an air of urgency in Ric’s voice that she isn’t used to hearing expect when it comes to time critical emergency surgery and it does nothing to put her mind at east. As she washes down, she closes her eyes and breathes, because this cannot be what she thinks it is.

She instinctively knows to go to her office and as she gets closer, she can see through the blinds and there is her confirmation, stood in her office is a gentleman in uniform. Her mind starts to swirl but she needs to stay focused. She quickens her pace, needs to get into her office and find out what the news is.

She on autopilot as she walks into the office, shutting the door behind her as the man in uniform instantly holds out his hand. “Ms Campbell I am Captain Brown; do you want to sit down before I continue?”

She shakes her head, the “no” coming from her lips as if by its own accord, she probably should but she feels rooted to the spot, unsure if her legs would move any further even if she wanted them to.

“I’m here as you are the next of kin of Major Berenice Wolfe.” Serena winces at the name on Bernie’s behalf. “I regret to inform you that as of 7pm yesterday evening she is missing in action.”

“I, what, I’m …” she can’t formulate words. She isn’t being told Bernie is dead, which she must admit had been her first thought when she’d seen the man, Captain Brown, in her office. But she is being told that Bernie, her partner, the love of her life, is missing in action, but she doesn’t understand.

“There was an explosion,” Captain Brown begins as if he can read her thoughts. “At the field hospital that Major Berenice Wolfe was working within. Her body armour and ID tags were found within the location of the explosion. There was no body so currently all avenues are being explored.” Serena sways unsteadily on her feet, while miniature scenes of what might have happened to Bernie play in her mind like on a TV screen that she can’t shut off.

The silence stretches on, but in the end, she forces her voice to break through the haze, apologising to Captain Brown to the silence.

“No need, I understand it’s natural that what I’ve told you is a shock. I’m sorry I don’t come with better news. We will of course keep you informed of any updates at the soonest possible point. I’m afraid I must leave now, I have two more of Bernie’s next of kin to inform, if you happen to know them, can I please ask you give adequate time for me to deliver the news before contacting them.”

She watches as Captain Brown leaves, and it’s as the door clicks and if finalising the conversation that the emotions come. She lets out a truly guttural sob as she instinctively sinks into Bernie’s chair, pulling her legs up to her chest, hugging her arms around herself tightly as if she’s trying to stop herself falling apart. Her Bernie is missing. She had let Bernie go on this tour because Bernie had needed closure, but while the thought had always been there at the back of her mind, she never really imagined losing Bernie. She shakes her head then because Bernie isn’t dead, or she hasn’t been told she’s dead. She’s been told she’s missing.

It’s while these thoughts are running round her head, tears streaming down her cheeks and body racked with sobs that she feels the hand come to rest on her back. She looks up to see Morven’s eyes full of concern.

She fights with her own brain, her own mouth trying to force the words to form. “B…b.” She shakes her head, trying to let Morven’s hand which is now rubbing small circles into her back centre her.

She takes a deep breath before saying “Bernie’s missing in action. Explosion, they’ve found her body armour.” It’s all she can say before she is sobbing again, she doesn’t know how she’s still got tears to give. Her whole-body shakes and she feels like her world has literally turned upside down.

Morven puts her arms round her then, pulling her to her feet before guiding them both gently into the visitors’ chairs, and she allows herself to be held by her. If anyone has any idea what this feels like it’s Morven, Serena still can’t full comprehend what it must have been like for Morven losing Arthur so soon after they’d found each other. Doesn’t ever want to be in Morven’s position.

She’s not sure how long they sit there before she goes from crying to furious. “She was due home in a little over three weeks. Three bloody weeks. Why now! I know she couldn’t ever promise to come home, but she always promised this was it, that she’d stop after this that she just needed it for closure. Why does she have to be so fucking noble? Why did I tell her she could go? If I’d have said no, she wouldn’t have gone, and she’d be okay.” Serena isn’t sure if she’s raging with herself of Bernie but the outburst helps for a split second before making her feel even worse.

“Serena stop!” Morven’s hands grab hold of her biceps, with a lot more force than Serena is used to from Morven. “You can’t blame yourself for this, Bernie wouldn’t want that!” Wants to yell that she doesn’t know what Bernie would want as she isn’t here to ask her, but knows Morven is speaking the truth. “You let her go because of how much you love her. Plus, you said it yourself she’s missing it doesn’t mean she’s dead.”

Serena battles with her own thoughts for a while. A stream of different concepts battling to be the dominant idea in her brain before all of it is overtaken by the thought of Jason. Knows that she must be the one to tell him about this before it manages to spread through the hospital. Knows only too well that the rumour mill is one of the most efficient parts of the hospital. Before once again being enraged at the idea of something so important spreading through a rumour mill at all. Serena asks Morven to send Jasmine to find him. When he arrives five minutes later, Jason doesn’t wait for Serena to invite him inside the office or to ask him to sit down, he just does it, because he’s Jason and that’s what he does.

“Bernie’s dead, isn’t she?” She hears him ask like it’s the simplest question in the world. Like that if the answer to that question had been yes, their lives wouldn’t have shattered. But it’s Jason and Serena gets that.

“No Jason, she isn’t dead.” She’s not sure how much her own brain believes that statement right now, but Jason needs to facts. “She’s what they call missing in action.” Serena continues, “Do you get what that means?” She needs to make sure Jason understands this, understands what it all means. What the outcomes might be.

“The army can’t find her?” Jason says looking a little puzzled. “How can you just not find a person.”

Serena presses her fingers to the bridge of her nose; her own emotions are too raw for this, but she has to be the strong one for Jason. Forces herself to find the right words to explain. “It means that there was an accident of sorts, they’ve found some of Bernie’s belongings but not Bernie herself. That’s where it gets a little complicated because they aren’t sure where she went and if they’ll ever find her.

“So, we just have to wait? Bernie might be alive and might be dead and we all we can do is wait?.”

“That’s right Jason” Serena says taking his hand and squeezing it gently.

“But then who is going to watch all the episodes of world’s strongest man with me?”

“Oh Jason,” she says gently, because of course it’s something like that that upsets Jason out of all this, because that’s just who he is. That is the person that Bernie has always accepted where so many never have.

“I will!” Serena says not an ounce of doubt in her voice. It’s quiet again for a while before Jason unexpectedly breaks the silence.

“I miss her Auntie Serena” and Serena’s heart shatters all over again because for Jason to be verbalising such a thing he must be finding it extremely hard.

“I know you do Jason, I do too but we’ll get through this together.” After that Jason is determined to go back to work and finish his shift, Serena lets him do what he needs. She instead stays in the office; not sure she’s ever going to be able to face anything outside of the four walls of their office again.

Later, when she’s been left with her own thoughts for far too long and just before Raf and Fletch are about to take her and Jason home Morven slips into the office again. Serena looks up briefly before continuing to stare at the hands she’s ringing within her lap.

“Serena?” The tone is a question, so she looks up to see Morven sat in her chair.

Something ivory laid upon the desk in-front of her.

She sees Morven take a deep breath and knows she isn’t going to like what she says. “Serena, before Bernie went away, she gave me a variety of things for you and while I have loved giving you most of them this,” she says tapping the envelope “is one I hoped I’d never have to give you.”

Serena watch as the envelope is slid towards her, fingers reaching out to pick it up as soon as it’s close enough. She turns it over in her fingers and as her eyes take note of the words written on it her fists clench tighter, just loose enough not to cause damage to the envelope.

“Serena – Open if I go missing in action.” Her eyes stream with tears without her permission. These envelopes from Bernie have brought her so much joy over the months and now this.

She is quiet for a while then, Serena just letting the tears fall, what’s the point in hiding them. She’s not hiding her grief, not for anyone. “Bernie asked me to give you this if something like this ever happened,” Morven say softy. “But she also told me to tell you, to only open it when you feel ready.” Serena wants to remark it’s a stupid thing to say. Wants to argue that of course she’s ready because this is a letter written by her lover, but it’s exactly the reason she isn’t ready.

Raf and Fletch take her and Jason home after that, Raf driving Serena’s car and Fletch following along behind in his own so that Raf can get home once they’ve dropped them off. Once they’re back Raf and Fletch check they’re going to be okay, to which Serena assures them they are, even if the words sound false to her own ears. How can she ever be okay again?

She keeps her promise to Jason and watches the world’s strongest man with him, but she can’t help but notice he doesn’t delete it off the sky box like he normally would but instead leaves it there. His own little sign of hope that Bernie will one day return home despite the circumstances.

It’s only once Jason is fast asleep that Serena allows herself what she needs. She sits herself in bed, wine bottles on her nightstand, very full wine glass in hand, she pulls her legs up so that as she brings Bernie’s pillow to rest on top of her knees, she can feel the woman surround her with every breath. It’s only then that she removes the picture of Bernie from her nightstand, placing it on top of the pillow. Bringing her thumb to the glass to stroke at Bernie’s face. It’s then that the tears come for the first time since she stepped foot in the house. She doesn’t really make a sound per say, but the tears come and come and don’t seem to stop.

“Where are you Bernie,” she says, long swigs of wine between each word, tears dripping on to the glass of the frame. She doesn’t say anything for a while, drains 3 glasses of wine far too quickly before uncorking a new bottle and filling her wine glass to the rim again.

“If you could see me now,” she says looking at Bernie’s picture. “God knows what could be happening to you.” Her tears quicken again at the thought, and she feels like someone is literally squeezing her chest tight. “Yet here I am drinking myself into an oblivion for the night, so I don’t have to think. Don’t have to miss you.” She knocks back half of the glass then because she maybe several things, but she isn’t a lightweight and one bottle isn’t going to make her forget.

“I know you we never able to promise me you’d come home, that always went unsaid between us because we knew it wasn’t a promise you could be sure to keep. But I always wanted you to stay safe. My brave fearless soldier. I’m not sure if I can do this without you Bernie. I’d never been so sure about anything until I met you. You turned my life upside down, ran and then came back and since that moment I’ve never been so sure that I wanted to spend my entire life with you.” She does it again then, finishes the half a glass of wine, quickly pouring herself another full glass.

“Look at me, like this when you could be anywhere. You could be alive right?” She has to say that to keep the tiniest spark of hope alive. “You could be injured or captured, or god only knows what.” The thought is enough to make her down the entire wine glass and pick up the bottle, she needs to forget. I know you can’t hear me, you’re 3000 miles away after all, but if you have any say, any say at all please stay brave soldier. She moves herself to lie down, head now buzzing from the speed in which she just finished two bottles of wine. She hugs Bernie’s pillow close, laying the photo back on her nightstand to keep it safe, rubbing her fingers along Bernie’s face once more. “Please find a way to come home.”

When she wakes the next morning, the sunlight is streaming through the window and her head hurts. It takes her a second to remember why because she’s meant to be at work today, but then it hits her, and it feels like she’s been doused in icy water. Her Bernie, her brave, amazing courageous Bernie is missing in action, and she doesn’t know if she’ll ever get to see her again. She thinks for a second that maybe it’s a dream, but she looks over to her nightstand, and there it is the letter she isn’t yet ready to open. “Serena – Open if I go missing in action”.

When she’s managed to force herself out of bed and drank two strong cups of coffee she rings Alan, asks if he will have Jason stay so she can have a couple of days to herself. Explains briefly what’s happened, admits that she isn’t coping, and that Jason needs someone who he can lean on right now and that she can’t even be that person for herself let alone Jason. If anyone was to ask her what she does over the next few days she wouldn’t be able to answer she isn’t even sure. She walks around as if she’s a zombie. Emotions going from anger to sadness to fear as if she’s on some sort of out of control merry go round that she just can’t get off. The third morning after she received the news about Bernie, she runs to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She should probably regret drinking herself into oblivion every night but without it she just she can’t sleep.

She opens the medicine cabinet looking for some painkillers and her fingers fall upon the little survival kit Bernie had brought her after her suspension. She bursts into tears again then because how far they’ve come since that moment, her hating on Bernie for babysitting her, yet all Bernie had really been doing was looking out for her. Isn’t that always what Bernie does for her, both during the times she was here with Serena and for the past nine months while she been away. It’s now she thinks that maybe Bernie would still want that for her, even if she isn’t there to do it herself. She takes the painkillers, brushing her teeth before climbing into the shower for the first time in four days.

She gets dressed and actually eats breakfast. She cleans the kitchen and the living room, it’s slowly starting to smell like a brewery. Only once the house is back to her exacting standard does she return to her bedroom, taking Bernie’s letter gently in hand.

She decides to walk to the park, she isn’t exactly in a fit state to drive. Once she arrives, she sits on the bench, the one her and Bernie usually occupy when they come here, the trees are in full bloom, the pink blossom reminding her of Bernie’s stupid pink coat. She removes Bernie’s letter from her bag, and takes her time to trace over her name, the name that Bernie had written there nine months ago or more.

She turns the envelope over and allows herself to gently prise it open. She slips the letter out taking a deep breath before unfolding it.

My Dearest Serena,

I am so sorry you are having to read this letter. It is one of those letters I knew I had to write but never wanted you to read. I’m missing in action, something we always knew was a risk but didn’t ever voice. I don’t know how much you know, how much anyone knows about my situation and for that I’m sorry.

What I need you to know more than anything though is that I love you, undeniably and without waiver. You are the love of my life and the joy you’ve brought me the past three years is more than I ever thought I deserved.

I can’t sit here and write that I promise to come back to you I never have been able to. But what I can promise you is that if I have any say in it whatsoever, I will be doing everything in my power to get back to you. You always tell me how brave I am for having done what I have, but now it’s your turn. It’s your turn to be brave, for me, for Jason, for yourself!

I need you to keep going, I’m not saying that will be easy. But I need you to do it for me because I love you Serena so much, and all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy, healthy, and loved. I know you’ll be sad, that’s only natural but I need you to work towards a place where you are okay. Where you don’t blame yourself for any of this, like I know you will at least to start with. I also know Jason will need you now more than ever, and you can’t help him if you aren’t looking after yourself.

Keep my trauma unit going for me, working on AAU with you and having the trauma unit is the only thing outside being an army medic that ever felt right. I’ll never forgot how proud of me you were the day that trauma unit opened. Let it be a legacy, save those people who shouldn’t be able to be saved, be brave in ways other surgeons are too scared to be. Keep that little piece of me there with you always.

Most all Serena please never stop hoping, it’s one of the things I love about you, how hopeful you are. Don’t let anything stop that hope. I know I’ve written it already but please, please remember that I love you with every ounce of my being.

All My Love Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

It takes her longer to read than it normally would a letter of that length. She’s not sure how many times she stops. Tears never drying on her cheeks. But she did need it. Needed to know what Bernie wrote for her and wants for her. And she is going to be brave for Jason, for herself and most importantly for Bernie.

She’s doesn’t rush, sits on the bench for a few hours, lingers, just allows her mind to settle. It’s doesn’t stop her worry, but it gives her time to organise her thoughts. Work out what she needs to do now. What she needs to do to help Jason and herself get through this limbo, and that’s what she’s decided it is an unknown limbo. She doesn’t know how long it’s going to last or when it’s going to end but she knows she got to keep battling through. Be brave just like her Bernie is.

She takes her phone out of her pocket, smiling at the picture of her and Bernie on her phone screen that hasn’t filled her with joy in this way for the past four days. Hanssen pushes back at first when she tells him she wants to come back into work in two days time. But she asks him to trust her, explains that right now this is what she needs. Bernie left the trauma unit in her and Raf’s capable hands and she’ll be damned if she isn’t going to keep it running like a well-oiled machine for her.

Jason comes home the day in between her opening the letter and going back to work. He asks if she’s okay, and while she can’t say she is she does tell him that she needs to be strong for all of them. They spend the evening together eating fish and chips and watching Dr Who reruns. Not a single drop of Shiraz passes her lips, she’s sure she’s drank enough in the past few days to kill her liver off for a month or two. Sleep doesn’t come easily, and she has nightmares of Bernie suffering, nothing specific she can exactly recall in the morning just enough that she isn’t as well rested as she should be for having tried to get a full ten hours sleep.

She walks onto AAU at 7am precisely, a strong hot coffee in hand. She can instantly see and feel the pitying looks. They remind her of the ones she got when her mum was ill. But she doesn’t want them. What they have here is something her and Bernie built together and she’s going to cherish that whatever the outcome of this limbo. She calls Morven into the office a little later after the ward round, when she feels every single pair of staff eyes on her at least one.

“You, okay?” Morven questions, and Serena gets it, she was in a very different way sat in this office not even a week ago.

“Yes, however can you please get the word out that Ms Campbell does not need all the pitying eyes and whispers. She’s here to do her job, run the department and keep Bernie’s trauma unit running like clockwork”.

The message must get around quickly because next time she leaves the office her staff actually talk to her, ask for her opinion on their patients annoy her just a little by letting their own personal conversations at the nurses’ station go on just a little bit too long.

When the red phone rings Raf just looks at her, she nods confirming that she’ll take the lead, gets him to accompany her though. The surgery is easy enough thankfully, an emergency spleen removal that she could almost perform in her sleep. She knows she’s going to see Cameron at hand over but doesn’t expect him to turn up on the ward fifteen minutes early. She’d not sure which of them initiates the hug but it happens easily.

“Mum’s tough. She’ll be okay you know.” Cameron reassures her while they are still hugging.

“Yes, she will.” Doesn’t know if she gives her response to try and convince herself or Cameron but they both smile as they pull back from the hug.

She goes home that evening knowing she’d made a difference at work and that night she finds it just a little bit easier to fall asleep. It doesn’t stop her wondering where Bernie is and if she’s okay, but it does make it just that little bit easier. After all its thanks to Bernie that they have a trauma unit and she’s going to look after it for as long as it takes.

She keeps herself busy with the same routine, refusing to take a day off. She works long day shifts, it keeps her mind busy, means she doesn’t have the same amount of time to worry. Ric comes to see her a few days after her return. Questions whether she’s doing the right thing working, tells her maybe it would be healthier to take some time off. But she explains to him that right now this is right; she isn’t grieving because she doesn’t need to because Bernie isn’t as far as anyone knows dead. She isn’t going to act like she is. She explains to him that she’s doing exactly what Bernie would want her to do. Carry on with her days, saving patients, performing operations, all the things that come with ease. That the not having time to think isn’t a bad thing, it means she can keep her fears under control. It’s not that she doesn’t think about Bernie, doesn’t worry about her, but she tries to limit it to a healthy amount in the comfort of her own home when she wakes in the morning and when she goes to bed at night.

The first patient she loses, during this limbo is hard. She’s been back at work three days, a week and a half since Bernie went missing. She knows right now she can’t be the one to inform the family. That really is a little too close to home. She asks Raf to do it, knows in time she’ll come to be able to do it herself, but at this point, and this point in her limbo she needs to lean on those around her too and she’ll do that for as long as her limbo lasts.

#Open When #Madam Wakefield Writes #Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #Holby #Holby City #Buckle Fandom #Holby Fanfic #Holby City Fanfic

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madam-wakefield · 2 months

Text

Open When Chapter 22

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Summary:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open when the distance is too much…

From the moment Serena wakes up she feels like the distance between her, and Bernie is threatening to make her emotions spiral out of control. She’s done well overall she thinks, during the time that Bernie has been away. She hasn’t always found it easy, but she’s found ways of coping, ways to make things seem just that little bit easier. The calendar that she uses to count down the days until Bernie’s return, the way that she has watched shows with Jason that Bernie normally would, to help her nephew get through all of it. She has got into a routine of sending frequent e-blueys and blueys to allow herself to share as much as possible with Bernie, to make Bernie smile from over three thousand miles away.

It’s funny that now just over a month before Bernie’s return the distance between them is seeming to overwhelm her. Though maybe it’s not, maybe that’s the exact reason it feels too much, that she knows how close it is. Knows how soon Bernie should be coming home and that she wants to let her excitement at the thought of having Bernie back fill her with joy. She doesn’t dare though because there is still that giant voice in the back of her head that warns her that it’s still a month of threats Bernie must face. That until she is back in Serena’s arms no matter how little time is left things could still go wrong.

Maybe it’s also the fact that today is Bernie’s birthday and that she feels so fucking useless. Bernie has made each one of their special occasions while they’ve been apart so bloody amazing, and Serena feels useless. She’s sent Bernie the care package, full of sweets and chocolate and all her favourite savoury snacks but that’s all she’s been able to do. Send Bernie a 2kg shoebox as a birthday gift. And it’s infuriating.

Bernie has done so much for Serena, so much to make sure Serena is cared for, and looked after and so much to make sure she remembers she’s loved but she can’t repay the favour. She can’t buy Bernie a fancy birthday gift, or even just pick up the phone and wish Bernie a Happy Birthday the way Bernie had done on her birthday, just over two months after she’d deployed all that time ago. But Serena can’t do that all Serena can do is hope that Bernie got her tiny little care package on time and hope that Bernie knows how sincere she is about giving Bernie the best belated, birthday, Christmas and anniversary all rolled into one once she’s home.

She is so so grateful to Bernie for all the open when letters, and the special gifts she’d left her for those special occasions. They’d helped her get through both the best and the worst days of this separation and she’d never have had it any other way, but that doesn’t stop her feeling guilty for not being able to return the favour. She knows Bernie had said that all the blueys Serena has written her have really helped her get through, made her feel special, cared for, loved, and wanted but it’s still not the same. She still can’t give Bernie the same.

She can only hope that once Bernie is home, and she is able to carry out her plan of giving Bernie her special joint celebration gift that she’ll feel a little less guilty. She’s in the middle of the planning for it all. Knows that the two week holiday she plans to take Bernie on will need careful planning, knows they can’t leave too early after Bernie comes home because Bernie will want to get back to her trauma unit at least for a bit, and then to have the two of them out for two weeks not long after that will require the rotas to be carefully planned to ensure both AAU and the trauma unit within it are able to continue running smoothly. She also has a lot of paperwork to finish before she’s able to entrust anyone with it for too long, doesn’t fancy coming back to that in a state of disarray.

She wants to take Bernie away to France, where they can spend their time filled with a mixture of relaxing and a few more adventurous trips that Bernie will just love. She’s not planned the exact details yet, but she knows there will be a trip to the vineyards, a boat trip and even a trip to the mountains on a safari. There will be a few presents too before that, much sooner after Bernie comes home but she’s hoping the holiday will give them that special time to reconnect.

She brings her thoughts back to her lover and her birthday. Wonders if there is anything they can do on base to make her feel a little bit special, whether Bernie would let them even if there is she isn’t sure, she is definitely a lot more reserved than many. Thrives in the army because she earns their respect through her work and not her personality, though Serena wishes Bernie could see herself the way she’s sees her and thinks maybe then she wouldn’t be quite so reserved about who she is. And then she’s thinking about the stupid distance all over again because how much she wouldn’t give to remind Bernie of all those things right here and now with her lover in her arms.

She knows Bernie wouldn’t want her feeling like this no matter what the occasion, so she decides maybe ironically that it’s time for one of Bernie’s letters. That if anything is going to make her feel better right now it’s Bernie’s words, written just for her.

She knows exactly which one she needs, there aren’t exactly many left but somehow one of the ones that is is perfect. “Serena, open when the distance seems too much...” She decides to sit in the garden to open this one, it is one of Bernie’s favourite places in their house after all and it’s a rather warm late March day.

She sits on the bench, the one they enjoy sharing together on a warm summers evening, when Bernie has a whisky, and she has a shiraz, and they can just be totally themselves. She’s glad that it’ll be May when Bernie comes back, as it’s the perfect excuse to do just that.

My Dearest Serena,

I am so sorry the distance feels too much right now. So sorry that I needed to do this and that it meant I had to leave you for nine months. I’m sorry I can’t just be there at your side when you so clearly need it.

I want you to remember though that as long as we’ve got our love, we can get through anything. I’m not sure if we have 8 months or 1 month left apart, or any number in between but know however many it is our love is strong enough to get through this.

I didn’t know what truly loving someone meant until I met you. I am so grateful that the events in our lives led to us meeting, to becoming friends. I truly believe you were put into my life so that I could understand what it meant to truly give my whole self to someone else. You are my heart and soul, and I will never be able to thank you enough for all you have done for me.

Distance is one of the toughest things a relationship can go through, and I don’t know much about what the nine months will have held or will still hold but I do know that our love for each other is so much tougher than the distance between us. I want to take this opportunity to write down a few quotes that I hope will help you get through the rest of our time apart. That you can remind yourself of every time I feel just a little bit too far away.

Distance means so little when someone means so much.

And I know you really do mean so much to me, more than words could ever say and more than you yourself will probably ever know.

Love will travel as far as you let it. It doesn’t have limits.

I didn’t think it was possible to love without limits until I met you but then you changed my whole outlook on the world, and it was like the best breath of fresh air ever.

Can miles truly separate you from a lover… If you want to be with someone you love, aren’t you already there in their heart?

And I can assure you Serena that you are well and truly in my heart every day, as I know I am in yours, you wouldn’t be reading this if I wasn’t.

I exist in two places, here and where you are.

And I do know that while I’m out here doing what I need you are there looking after the trauma unit for me, keeping that very special place open just for me.

And the final one that I want to leave you with is this one. Years from now, our past will be a story – a story of long days and lonely nights, hard work and lack of sleep. We’ll live each day having intimately known the pain of being apart. We’ll appreciate our time together, knowing how lucky we are to have made it through and we’ll find solace in the promise of a future together. This is the one I really want you to remember that yes being apart does hurt, we’d be lying if we said it didn’t, it’s hurts because we care, because we love each other in a way we have never loved anyone else. But it also means that in a few short months when we are back together, we’ll know it’s forever that we can truly continue to build our lives together forever.

I miss you; the distance feels overwhelming to me sometimes too and that’s okay. Remember that I love you more than anything.

All My Love Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

And just as she thought she does feel better so much better. Can remind herself like Bernie had said that this is only temporary, and super temporary now with only just over a month left to go! That soon enough she will have Bernie back in her arms and will never have to let her go in the same way again. That while there maybe a week or two where they work opposite shifts and hardly see each other that they will never again be separated for nine months. Never again will she have to go so long without the touch of Bernie’s fingers or a kiss from her lips.

She also reminds herself that it’s okay to have moments where she feels sad, where she finds everything too much because that in itself is a sign of how much Bernie means to her, of how much she loves the other woman. That pain and sadness isn’t always only a bad thing even though it’s not a nice thing to feel it shows she cares, and she really does so deeply.

She decides to spend the rest of the day tending the garden, she isn’t anywhere near as green fingered as Bernie, but she can give it a good go. She can tidy up the flower beds and plant the bulbs now the days are getting warmer, and they don’t risk dying from the frosts that seem to have stopped. She can send Bernie a bluey to let her know what she’s done, tell her what she’s planted and confirm if she needs to do anything special to look after them, and at the end of her letter she can promise Bernie that when she gets home the garden will slowly be starting to bloom and they can spend many an evening together just being themselves and finding solace in the promise of their future together.

#Open When #Madam Wakefield Writes #Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #holby city #holby #buckle fandom #Holby City Fanfic #Holby City FF #Holby City Fanfiction #Holby Fanfic #Holby FF #Holby Fanfiction #Buckle Fandom

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madam-wakefield · 3 months

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OPEN WHEN… CHAPTER 21

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Summary:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open when you feel sad…

It’s been one of them days at work, one of them days that makes her question everything. From her own abilities as surgeon to the meaning of life. She’s lost so many patients today, and the youngest was only 18, much too young to be leaving the world, no parents should ever have to say goodbye to their child like that.

She hasn’t had a day like this in so long, she’s realistic, she knows that loosing patients is a sad but real part of the job. Days like today however they just hit too hard, even for someone who has been doing this job as long as she has. To try and save everyone with the knowledge that it’s truly impossible and that sometimes you will fail no matter how hard you work, or how sure you are of your own skills. Serena’s been doing this job long enough to have lost her fair share of patients, both those she was pretty sure she’d struggle to save and those she’d been almost sure she would save but that doesn’t ever make it any easier.

In a job like hers on AAU she comes across all sorts of people from of all different ages and from all different walks of life. Each one of them gets just as much care from her both on the ward and in surgery no matter what. It doesn’t matter to her whether they brought their injury upon themselves, caused by someone else or if it was a fluke accident. It isn’t her place to judge it’s her job to use her skills to the best of her ability only allowing the questions she needs to do just that.

The first patient she’d lost today day had been a forty-five-year-old dad of two. He’d fallen at work and impaled himself on some scaffolding and she’d known from the minute he’d been wheeled through the doors of AAU that she’d be lucky if her and Morven could save him. They’d tried but the fourth time he’d arrested in theatre, her and Morven had looked over at each other and she’d known it was time to call it. Always hates being the one to call time off death.

She’d wanted to check Morven was okay after that but just as they were scrubbing down Nurse Jackson had been there to tell her that the red trauma phone had rang again and that they were expecting a 27-year-old, motorbike crash victim. She’d cringed at the words, always knows that motorcyclists come off worse in a crash. Though when he’d arrived, he’d seemed fairly stable. She’d sent him off for scans and requested all the other regular tests to give her the best chance of helping him when they’d taken him into theatre. They’d didn’t get the results back in time though, his SATs had plummeted suddenly, and she’d had no choice but to shout for Dr Burrows as she literally ran with the patient towards the operating theatre.

It had been obvious almost instantly after they’d opened the patient up on the table that they were fighting a losing battle. The extent of the man’s injuries were so much worse than they’d appeared from the outside, would have shown on the scans but that wouldn’t have been enough to help save him. When he’d flatlined they still tried for ten minutes to resuscitate him, but both her and Dr Burrows had known it was futile.

She’d got out of that surgery to be met with a coffee curtsey of Nurse Jackson, and that’s when having the best work colleagues really does help, they know when things are tough and when you’ll just need a pick me up, and losing two patients in one morning is definitely that.

Whilst the coffee was nice things hadn’t really got much better from there. The emergencies had meant she’d got behind on the rest of the patients and that she hadn’t really had time for a proper rest or to decompress. It definitely isn’t unheard of but it’s that bit more difficult when she’d lost both of the patients that morning.

She’d just been wrapping up with the final patient on ward round when the red phone had rung again. She’d apologised to the patient she was meant to be with and had excused herself to the nurses’ station to gain all the relevant information from Morven, who’d by chance taken the trauma call. Her heart at naturally stuttered a bit when she’d been informed it was an eighteen-year-old female, who had tried to commit suicide by jumping from a bridge. She’d made the jump but trees on the way down had stopped her falling all the way instantly.

She asked Morven if she felt okay to assist, Jasmine having been on a shorter shift than the pair of them had gone home. She was also acutely aware that Morven had already assisted on one less than ideal surgery that morning. Morven has assured her that she was and that she could trust her, and Serena had no reason not to trust her.

The girl had reminded Serena so much of Elinor as she was wheeled into the AAU trauma bay, and her heart had ached for the family who weren’t even present but who she had been told were coming. They’d made it five minutes before Serena had needed to take her into surgery and Serena had had to move away while they’d sat and spoken to their unconscious little girl, unable to put herself through their emotions before surgery.

They’d taken the girl, Poppy, into theatre and having seen her scan and test results before they went into surgery, been hopeful they had a good chance of saving her. She’d been thankful to some unknow entity that while causing a ridiculous amount of cuts and scrapes that the trees had definitely lessen the blow. She had however still got serious pelvic injuries.

Serena had felt like they’d got everything under control and had just been stabilising the pelvis when she too had flatlined, they’d tried for almost forty minutes to restart her heart. But it didn’t work, not matter how much they willed Poppy’s heart to keep beating it hadn’t.

Serena had known she had to be the one to to break the news to the family, had sent Donna with Morven to pulses to get her a strong hot coffee, to let her decompressed. Serena had had many more days like this than Morven. It doesn’t make them any easier, but you get more adept at putting on a mask. The family had known before she’d even started to speak that the outcome wasn’t what they were hoping for. As much as Serena had been expecting them to be totally heartbroken, what she hadn’t been expecting was for them to start screaming and shouting at her that it was all her fault.

She stayed calm and professional while the parents had literally yelled at her in the middle of the busy ward. Telling her that she can’t have done her job properly, that she must have got something wrong. Something about Hanssen’s impeccable timing had meant that he’d come onto the ward to hear all of this and had himself taken the family somewhere private to reason with them on Serena’s behalf. Allowing Serena to walk into the office, firmly shutting the door followed by the blinds.

It's days like this when Serena would normally lean on Bernie for support. Days like this where were they on a joint shift Bernie would herself have taken her into their office and remind her that it’s okay. She’d tell Serena that she is good enough, that she isn’t to blame for what has happened to any of the patients, that she tried her hardest with all of them. And even now Serena knows that’s true, knows that she really did, but sometimes hearing it from Bernie just makes it seem more believable. She isn’t sure what it is, whether it’s the kind and calm way Bernie looks at her, or the way she just reassuringly holds her hand to ground her, but it’s so much easier to believe it when it comes from Bernie’s lips than her own mind.

If they’d have been on opposite shifts, she’d have sent Bernie a simple text with just two words ‘Bad day’ and Bernie would have come in early before her own shift to ensure Serena was okay. To take some of the pressure off her and once again remind her that none of what has happened is her fault.

If Bernie was at home, but not working today, Serena would have still messaged Bernie those same two words. ‘Bad day,’ but instead of coming to work early Bernie would have checked she was okay to get herself home before setting up everything up to truly pamper her. She’d run her a bath and cook Serena’s favourite comfort food before holding her tightly as she fell asleep whispering in her ear gently to constantly remind her that none of what had happened was her fault.

But Bernie isn’t here, and she can’t just send her a text, won’t go home to her favourite comfort food or a hug in bed, instead tonight all she is doing is going home to an empty house, knows so because Jason is on a late shift. She wants to cry because she feels so genuinely sad at the world. At the fact she couldn’t save the patients. At the fact those parents are going to have to bury their daughter and that two children are tonight going to bed without at dad. But she can’t because she’s clinical lead and she has to be stronger than that. Instead, she reaches for her box of letters from Bernie, so scarce now it’s scary, and grabs instantly for the one she needs, before sitting down in Bernie’s chair.

Serena - Open when you feel sad…

My Dearest Serena,

I am so sorry you are feeling sad, but I want you to remember that there is no shame in feeling that way. That the emotions you are feeling aren’t wrong and that they don’t make you weak, it makes you human. It means you are willing to accept that not everything in life works out perfectly.

I’m not sure why you are sad but what I do know is that you’ll want to do one of two things. Either cry or pull up your big girl pants and pretend that nothing has happened. Either way whatever you need, whatever you feel is totally valid.

If you need to cry then cry, it doesn’t make you weak, or useless or any of those other things you may think. It’s just a sign that you are able and willing to listen to what your body needs. To give yourself that temporary outlet before you start rebuilding. Find a space somewhere quiet and give yourself that time, get the emotions out, allow your mind and brain to reset and then when you are ready work upon rebuilding from where you feel you are.

If on the other hand you feel you need to pretend that nothing is wrong, then do just that. It doesn’t mean you are impassive or aloof or callous or any of those other things you will be thinking about yourself if you need to just stop feeling for a while. It just means that right now something is making you want to protect yourself and that is totally valid too. Find your own Great British Reserve and continue with your day and face what is making you sad head on without letting it show.

As I already wrote I’m not sure which of those you will need to do, but whichever it is please look after yourself for me, you matter Serena, more than my words will ever be able to express. I’m sorry once again that I can’t be there to help you, but I believe in you and know you will make it through this no matter what it is.

All My Love Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

She places the letter on Bernie’s desk and lets the tears come, she doesn’t always need to be strong, she does have her own Great British Reserve but today isn’t the day for it. The day has been shit, none of it is her fault and she just wants her girlfriend her to comfort her. None of the patients she lost day deserved to die, and on some other day maybe they wouldn’t have, but that isn’t her fault. Just like it’s not her fault or anyone’s fault really that Bernie isn’t here to wrap her in her arms and make this all feel just a little bit better. If she wasn’t feeling so sad, she’d probably laugh at the irony of Bernie telling her that it’s okay to show her feelings. When does Bernie ever show her feelings, bloody Great British Reserve alright it’s all her girlfriend knows how to show! Though she still wouldn’t change her for the world.

And later after she’s allowed herself time to cry, she washes her face and sorts her make up, before she strides back onto the ward as calm and collect as ever, using her own piece of her girlfriend’s Great British Reserve and the knowledge that in just over a month she’ll have her back for good.

#Open When #Madam Wakefield Writes #Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #holby city #holby #buckle fandom #Berena Fanfic #Berena Fanfiction #Berena FF

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madam-wakefield · 3 months

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Since the discussion of commenting on ao3 (or really any creative work) is going around, just a reminder that your comments don't have to be this pristine pinnacle of human joy. You can just say "i want to eat this art" "i want this carved into my ribcage" etc etc. The intense and strange genuineness carries through - we understand that it moved you so deeply that you are experiencing a visceral love for it

And you don't even have to say that!! You can literally just be like "<3" "i love this" "beautiful" etc etc. The fact you took a brief moment out of your day to comment at all means so much more than you can imagine

So yeah comment on shit that makes you happy or moves you in some way

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madam-wakefield · 3 months

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OPEN WHEN… CHAPTER 20

A03 Link

Summary:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open when you need a treat…

Serena feels so morose. She’s snappy and moody and God just not herself. The F1s always wind her up but she’s a professional and she’s their teacher and it’s her job to train and guide them into being the best medical versions of themselves that they can be. It is not her job to bite their heads off because they ask her for her opinion during a consult.

She also really respects Hanssen. There is no one else she’d rather have at the helm of the hospital, but if he asks her to attend one more budget meeting where he tells her that budgets are stretched and that she might end up having to defend the trauma unit then she might tell him to fuck off too.

She doesn’t want to be in a budget meeting that will certainly go on hours past when it’s meant to, where she’ll be asked her opinion on things that she quite frankly couldn’t care less about. She has a ward full of patients downstairs and a bunch of F1s and F2s who need her medical expertise to actually assure that AAU and the trauma unit continue with their statistically good figures, so that if she does end up defending the trauma unit, like Hanssen keeps threatening, though not through his own choice or doing, that she actually has a bloody leg to stand on.

She will not have Bernie’s trauma unit ripped apart, knows deep down that thanks to their joint skills and expertise and along with Raf recently stepping up to the plate that the trauma unit in AAU is one of the best in the country. That it is almost certainly one of the least threatened places in their hospital. She’s glad of that, but it makes her feel guilty too, guilty for her colleagues who maybe haven’t got so good statistics not through fault of their own but just due to the nature of the job, and the damn budget cuts themselves already making things harder. She can’t imagine the hospital without any of the colleagues sat around her, she doesn’t want to, and she won’t.

None of them should be here right now, listening to the drone about lack of funding and discrepancies and unfulfilled government promises. It’s why so many people are jumping ship and going to work for the dark side, or well at least the private hospitals, where overtime and lack of staff and equipment aren’t an issue. Where the most profound issue is probably whether the patient wants a side room or a same sex only ward.

When the meeting is finally finished, three hours after its scheduled end time, she thinks it might be a record. She goes back to the ward; she’s got surgery to perform and a mountain of paperwork to do. So, when she walks into see three of her F1s having a chat around the nurses’ station, her already frayed temper is gone, and the look in their eyes as she orders them all into her office tells her they know it.

She doesn’t mean to go on but once her rant has started, she can’t help herself. She tells them about their responsibilities to be professional and dependable and all those other things that they nearly always are. She tells them without risking the confidentiality of the meetings she’s just been sat in, what a knife edge they are all working on. How every second they spend on the ward is precious and needs treating a such. She reminds them that in these moments that the patients are literally putting their life into their hands and that they, with her guidance are literally responsible for that and that isn’t a responsibility to take lightly. It isn’t a responsibility she Serena takes lightly and if they don’t want to step up to the plate and take the responsibility seriously that they need to get off her ward.

They all apologise to her sheepishly, and it’s only once they’ve gone, and her office door is shut that she feels guilty. It’s not their fault she’s in a mood, everything that’s going on in this hospital today and major mood swings that she can only guess are linked to her age and the menopause. And if the mood swings weren’t enough the hot flushes are just about to do her in and why when they are in a funding crisis does the NHS insist that the heating around the hospital needs to be on!

She expects to be left alone, her door is shut and with the mood she is in she’s sure that is message enough to everyone to leave her be. She sits down, deciding that she’ll do a bit of her own paperwork before risking stepping foot on the actual ward again. But there is a knock at the door, and then Raf enters without waiting for her response, it is sort of his office too at the present, she thinks maybe he’s got some paperwork of his own to do so is instead shocked when he starts talking to her.

“That was harsh.” She misses what he says still too preoccupied with the fact he’s actually talking to her. Only Bernie normally risks talking to her when she’s in this mood.

“Pardon,” she says, willing herself to stay calm at the interruption because her paperwork won’t do itself.

“I said that was harsh, you made one of the F1s cry, and that’s not like you.”

Serena puts her head in her hands, rubbing roughly at her forehead and Raf continues to speak. “Don’t you remember what it was like? Being an F1 is tough, and they need each other and sometimes that five minutes to get together is the moral boost they need to get through the rest of the shift. They we’re all super useful while you were in your meeting, which I’m going to assume is at least part of the reason you are in such a mood.” Serena wants to interrupt, to tell Raf he is being damn well rude, but she can’t because she knows it’s true. “They stepped up to the plate when you weren’t here especially as you were gone so much longer than you were due to be, which before you say anything I know isn’t your fault. And maybe they just needed each other because for once, they didn’t have you to turn to for that reassurance, because I know that’s what they’ve come to expect from you, and they respect you for it.”

She lets Raf’s words sink in for a minute, the office is strangely quiet, only the sounds from the ward outside can be heard. She wants to argue or tell him to fuck off and mind his own business, but she can’t because what he’s said is true.

“I’m sorry,” she says shaking her head again. “I’d got so much planned for today so to end up in a five-hour finance meeting was not on the cards. And we all know that I don’t take well to being interrupted.”

“It’s not me you need to apologise to, it’s them. But saying that I get it, things suck sometimes. So, before you apologise and seeing as it’s my breaktime, and you deserve a break after a five-hour long meeting, we are going to pulses, for a strong hot coffee! And why don’t you see if your Major has a little message for you that might stop you from biting anyone else’s head off today.”

She feels like she should be scandalised that Raf knows about the envelopes, but she guesses not, they are sat on her work desk often enough just in case. She finds one “Serena – open when you need a treat…” Hope’s that she knows Bernie well enough to think that somehow something sweet might be involved and pockets it to open later, Raf might know about the envelopes, but she isn’t willing to share their content with anyone.

The coffee does her some good, she almost argues when he insists that she needs a double espresso rather than her usual, but after she’s drank it and they’ve had the time just sharing a bit of small talk, Raf filling her in on the latest misdemeanours of Fletcher’s children, she has to say she’s feeling a lot better.

Once their coffee is all gone Raf looks at his watch knows it’s time that at least one of them got back to the ward but looks at her knowingly. “Go on, go open your letter and I’ll hold fort down on the ward for you, I’m assuming you have your pager just in case?” Serena flashes him the pager, doesn’t go anywhere without it in this hospital since Bernie has been gone and she’s been responsible for the trauma unit before she decided to retreat to the roof to open Bernie’s letter.

She perches herself on the steps and turns quickly to the letter, it might be sunny, but the wind at the top of the roof is making it cold.

My Dearest Serena,

The time has come that you need a treat. I know how you love two things, a bottle of good shiraz and a decent sweet fix! Now I don’t know where you are opening this letter, but I know the former would not be a good idea for in the hospital, so I’ve left you a treat in each place.

If you are at work and in need of a treat, then go in my bottom drawer, it’s tidy for a change you’d be impressed, and I’ve left you a share bar of your favourite chocolate, only don’t tell anyone because you don’t have to share. If you are at home, or if you are at work right now and for when you get home later, after the chocolate is all gone, we both know it’ll only last you one sitting. There is a bottle of your favourite Shiraz hidden at the back of my closet where I keep my shoes, somewhere I knew you had no reason to go while I’m away so that I wouldn’t risk you finding it early.

I’m not sure why you need a treat if it's because you are having a bad day or just because you’re in the mood to treat yourself. Whatever the reason go and enjoy in the knowledge that I am missing you like crazy but that I also love you just as much.

All My Love Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

Serena stays for a few minutes after reading the letter, thankful that Bernie really does know her so well, that she can provide in some ways exactly what Serena needs from three thousand miles away. She can’t help but smile of course Bernie had hidden it to stop her finding it, and she guesses she chose the two best places, Serena always avoids Bernie’s drawers, knows if she goes in them, she’ll have to give her a lecture about her lack of house, or well office keeping. She also knew that Serena would go through her closet on more than one occasion both to put away the clothes that had been in the wash basket before she deployed and to just occasionally wear a few of those jumpers that had just smelt so much like Bernie when she’d missed her just a little too much.

She goes back to the ward after that, finds each of the F1s in turn and apologises to each of them, thoroughly and sincerely, setting an example to them so they know it’s okay to make mistakes but that owning up to them is important to. They tell her it’s okay and that they understand and within minutes it’s like it never happened.

She goes into her office after that, opening Bernie’s desk draw pleasantly surprised that true to her word it is clean and tidy and there sat on top of everything is her own favourite Cadbury chocolate bar. She opens it as she sits at her desk to work slowly through at least some of her paperwork mountain, knowing that someone on the ward will come and get her if they need her assistance.

She doesn’t need to share but when Raf walks in a little over an hour later, she extends the purple wrapper towards him, her own thank you and peace offering. The wine she finds when she gets home however, she definitely does not share.

#holby city #Open When #Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #Holby #Holby City #Holby Fanfic #Holby FF #Holby fanfiction #Madam Wakefield Writes

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madam-wakefield · 3 months

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How has it been 8 years since this character waltzed into Holby City and changed my life (2nd Feb 2016)

#holby city #holby #buckle fandom #bernie wolfe

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madam-wakefield · 3 months

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OPEN WHEN… CHAPTER 19

A03 Link

Summary:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open when it’s Valentine’s Day…

Serena has hated Valentine’s Day for as long as she can remember, she has to think it’s probably due to the fact that it was on Valentine’s Day many years ago that she first found out Edward was cheating on her, and what an idiot she’d been to ever trust him after that.

She’s sat at pulses, had needed to grab a quick coffee mid shift, Jason had had one of those wobbly days last yesterday, one where he’d struggled to cope with the fact Bernie isn’t around and had needed Serena to be his rock. She’d spent the evening until almost midnight sat with him watching telly, knowing she’d be tired at work today but not being able to bring herself to say no to what Jason had needed. She feels like she’s walked into a movie, the coffee shop is covered in pink and red hearts and love quotes, and she can’t help but roll her eyes, does everyone really need to go so over the top, don’t they love each other every day anyway?

She watches as a couple sit and exchange kisses over the table and shakes her own head at how cynical she is being. Everyone needs something to look forward to she supposes and if Valentine’s Day means there is a bit more love in the world, then maybe it’s not so bad after all. There is definitely far too much hate in the world. The fact that her morning has already consisted of a stab victim and a hit and run victim should tell her that.

She listens to the love song playing in the background, giving her an excuse to let her mind wander from work just a little, even she needs a break after all she’s only human. Her mind thinks of Bernie at the lyrics, sappy really but she can’t help but be reminded of her lover, and maybe she’s just a little jealous that she isn’t here with her like so many of the couples she’s currently surrounded by.

At the thought of Bernie, she also can’t help but laugh because she’d be lucky if Bernie even knows this song, let alone the title, lyrics or the artist. She’s tried and tried to educate Bernie musically but it’s always useless. Bernie always uses the excuse that she’s spent so much of her life on deployment that she just never had the space for the specific knowledge even if she can appreciate the music itself and Serena guesses she does have a point in some ways.

She sips her coffee, flinching slightly when she realises it’s still too hot to drink. Has to guess she really is being far too pessimistic, here she is surrounded by love, romance and joy and her partner is in a war zone, where apart from the valentines packages that arrives with the soldiers, Serena’s one for Bernie included, there won’t be much if any love and romance. It’s times like this where she feels like there is a chasm between them, like they’re in two different worlds rather than separated by just three thousand miles.

She reminds herself then that Bernie has told her so many times that her feelings are valid. That their situations are different, and they will have different feelings and emotions but the fact that in Serena’s opinion Bernie is in a much worse position than she herself is right now doesn’t invalidate her feelings. That she’s still able to feel like she misses Bernie so much she’s not sure how she’s going to get through the last few months, or that maybe she is jealous and even more cynical of Valentine’s Day this year because she doesn’t have her lover to enjoy it with. None of those feelings make her ungrateful or mean they just make her human.

She loves that about Bernie, the way she understands her and her needs in a way no one else does. The way she keeps looking out for her even when she’s three thousand miles away. Then she remembers what has been helping to keep her going from three thousand miles away and wonders if she’ll get an envelope today. Knows there isn’t one in her special box, but also knows that Bernie had entrusted Morven with at least a small selection of letters and gifts for her. And if she hasn’t, she’ll use today as an excuse to open a different envelope anyway.

She tries her coffee again then, realising it’s now the perfect temperature and that she should probably finish it on the way back to the ward, she’d have an F1s guts if they couldn’t get through a shift without coffee, maybe she’s a little harsh on them sometimes, or maybe it’s a perk of being clinical lead.

All thought of Valentine’s Day is driven from her mind as she arrives back to the ward just as the red phone rings, she answers it as she’s closest, she situates the phone under her ear, holding it with her shoulder. Grabbing the necessary paperwork to jot down all the relevant information, while ensuring she finishes her coffee, has a feeling she’s going to be in surgery a while when this case gets brought in. They are guessing at an angulated tib and fib fracture but with added vascular complications as the foot currently has a very limited pulse despite the best effort. It’s a trauma injury really, and Bernie would have been the most perfect person, but she guesses the fact she is a vascular specialist should do her well.

AAU becomes a hive of activity as the patient is brought in, tests and X-rays and all sorts of other things needed before they can get into theatre, but at the same time knowing that this is most certainly time sensitive. It’s times like this when she’s glad they have the trauma bay, that it allows her to demand priority over so many other areas of the hospital.

The surgery is complicated, she has to get Fletcher to ring Jason to tell him she’ll be late home. She wants to do it herself but even with her and Raf working on the patient it’s tough and they don’t have the time it’ll take her to scrub in an out. Can’t help but worry about him especially after yesterday, tells Fletch to tell Jason to ring the ward if he needs anything at all, even if strictly it’s against hospital policy. She’s working extra hours to ensure this patient survives and keep their leg and while she wouldn’t do anything less if that means she has to break policy to allow Jason to ring the ward then that’s what she’ll do.

It’s gone 11pm when they finally send the patient off to recovery, Serena rolls her shoulders and yawns, tries to work out if there is even any point going home, she’s due on shift at 6am in the morning, believes the on call room is free and wonders if she should save herself the that is drive home and back to the hospital in the morning.

“Thanks, Raf,” she says as they wash down in the sink, water just slightly on the hot side really.

He smiles at her, “No worries, not like either of us had anyone to spend Valentines with anyway, me perfectly single and you definitely not single but separated by thousands of miles! Maybe we’ll both have more luck next year.” It should make her a little sad that Bernie isn’t here, but it doesn’t, AAU always used to be a sex free zone after all!

She yawns again as she walks to her office, decides it’s definitely safer for her to sleep in the on-call room for the night but that she needs to ring Jason. He assures her that he’s okay, that he was just heading to bed and is due in work at 10am tomorrow anyway, that he’ll pop down and see if she’s free on his break, his break is at least a little more guaranteed than her own.

It’s only as she gets off the phone that Morven pokes her head round the door, envelope in front of her face and messily wrapped gift in hand. She chuckles and tells Morven to come in.

“I was hoping to give you these at hand over but failed seeing as you and Raf were stuck in theatre, and I’m not sure Bernie planned on you opening them in the on-call room, but I suppose to you you just appreciate something to feel close to her right now.” Serena smiles as that’s exactly it, the situation might not be perfect, but she knows the letter will be.

Not even ten minutes later she’s sat in her “work pyjamas” as she calls them, the ones she keeps in the cupboard in her office just in case a situation like this where she has to stay ever arises. Bernie’s letter and gift in hand. She opens the gift first, always wants to leave Bernie’s letter until last especially tonight so it can be the last thing she thinks of before bed.

Inside her gift is a beautiful wine stopper set, a stopper for when she does decide that just one glass is enough, she is a professional after all and knows her limits. The other is a stopper that still allows the wine to breathe, perfect for use when she’s cooking a meal and knows that the perfect bottle just needs to breathe a little beforehand, they are beautiful but there is definitely no need for them tonight, so she puts them in her handbag and turns to the letter as she settles down in the rather uncomfortable on call bed.

Serena – open on Valentine’s Day…

She smiles maybe Bernie isn’t quite so cynical about Valentine’s Day as she is.

My Dearest Serena,

Happy Valentine’s Day to the love of my life. I may not be with you today, but I am honoured to be able to say that you are my girlfriend. I’d say you have no idea how much I am missing you right now after over six months apart, but I guess you do because I can only assume you are missing me just as much. My thoughts so often revolve around you when I have any free moment to think. I can't wait to be able to be graced with your physical presence again but until then you have this letter to help get you through.

What I want to tell you in this letter is that I’ve never been so happy as I am with you. You’ve been the greatest blessing in my life since I laid my eyes on you. You never fail to excite me and always find new ways to surprise me. You are honestly the best girlfriend anyone could ask for and I’m lucky that it’s me you choose to spend your life with.

You are so exceptionally kind too; all of those moments are engraved permanently into my heart, and I’ll always be eternally grateful for them. I would say I’d never find another woman as caring, sweet and emotional as you but even if I could, I wouldn’t want to because you are perfect for me. I love the way you always accept my feelings and understand when I struggle to show them because that’s one of my biggest flaws. No matter the obstacle I throw at you you always stand there strong and give me what I need waiting for me to be ready and able to share with you, and only with you because you are the only one I trust.

No matter how low I’m feeling or stressed out I am the thought of you always lifts my spirits. You’ve improved my self-confidence no end with your compliments. All I can do right now is say thank you for your endless devotion to our relationship and to me. I love you endlessly.

All My Love Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

She only just registers the x on the end before her eyes close and the letter flutters gently to the floor.

#Open When #Madam Wakefield Writes #Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #Holby #Holby City #Buckle Fandom #Holby City Fanfic #Holby City FF #Holby City Fanfiction

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madam-wakefield · 3 months

Text

OPEN WHEN… CHAPTER 18

A03 Link

Summary:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open when you wish we could have a date night.

She’s having her monthly catch up with Fleur, it’s something that they used to do sporadically before Bernie went away but since then Fleur has made time for Serena at least once a month to ensure that Serena has someone to offload to if she needs to. Just a little piece of normality while Bernie is away.

They are waiting for their breakfast and are making small talk until she hears Fleur drop the bombshell “I may have got myself a girlfriend.”

Serena smiles, happy for the woman sat opposite her, knows that she’s been lonely just a little too long. “Well don’t leave me hanging, tell me about her.”

“She’s called Imogen,” Fleur begins, “we met through a mutual friend at their birthday party. You know me can’t help but gravitate to the lesbians!” Fleur says smirk on her face.

“I’d noticed,” Serena answers back giving her that knowing look, wonders exactly how Fleur has been single for so long when she has an insane ability to notice seemingly any member of the sapphic fan club from a mile away.

“I didn’t think anything of it at first, you know what my friendship group is like, we all go out together socially far too often in different variations, but each time we ended up at the same events we seemed to gravitate to each other.” There is a pause then as their breakfasts are brought to the table and they offer their thanks to the waiter, but soon enough the conversation is flowing again.

“It wasn’t until the fifth time, that when everyone else was getting ready to go home, Imogen asked me if I wanted to stay with her for a drink, I didn’t have work the next day and had nothing to lose so accepted easily, and well you know what it’s like one drink turned into five.

Serena gives Fleur a look, because she doesn’t need to know any more details, knows Fleur will happily share everything, definitely not shy. “Don’t give me that look Serena Campbell! Nothing happened, I was a good girl, we shared a kiss, arranged a date, and went our separate ways.”

“Going soft in your old age are you!” Serena smirks back, loves how easy she feels around Fleur, in a totally platonic way obviously.

“You wish! Just because I behaved that night doesn’t mean I have since, and honestly, if you could see her, I think you’d understand why. She’s so beautiful Serena, and so kind and caring and compassionate….”

Serena is so happy for Fleur and would love to say she keeps listening but with Fleur fawning over her new beau, Serena can’t help but let her thoughts wonder to her own and very absent lover. Today marks exactly six months since Bernie left, exactly three more until she’s due home, they’re two thirds of the way through this separation, and she can’t help but will every day to go just a little bit faster.

She’s gotten used to certain things as much as she can, the fact that she’s the one who is mostly responsible when the red phone rings to alert of a new patient coming into the trauma unit. She’s gotten used to only ordering a single glass of shiraz when she goes to the bar at Albies, doesn’t have to remind herself not to order a second glass or a whiskey. She’s grown used to watching a plethora of quiz shows, where the only questions she can guarantee to get right are the medical ones and old doctor who episodes, even though she has no idea what the heck is going on, and how come the doctor seems to have been four different people already. She still doesn’t get the regeneration thing even though Jason has exasperatedly explained it to her numerous times.

She remembers not to pick up the biscuits that Bernie loves so much but that her and Jason hate. Once a month she enjoys buying a selection of stuff to send to Bernie in the tiny shoebox size care package that never seem good enough no matter how much she tries. She’s even got used to being the one who is responsible for putting the bin out whatever the weather.

She hasn’t however got used to how empty the bed feels without Bernie or to waking up alone every morning. She hasn’t gotten used to the fact that when she looks up for reassurance in theatre that it’s Raf eyes who meet hers. She isn’t used to not being able to find Bernie for a hug, every time she feels cold or just needs to be held in that special way only Bernie can hold her. She hasn’t got used to being without the kiss of Bernie’s lips against hers at so many moments during the day, because Bernie wants to remind her that she loves her, because one of them has arrived home from work, or just because they can.

She knows without a doubt that Bernie deploying was the right thing, that they will get through the nine months, or well three months now. That in some ways it will make them stronger as a couple, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not also hard. It doesn’t stop her missing Bernie so much she feels like a piece of herself is literally missing.

“Are you actually listening to me anymore?” Serena looks up sheepishly at the comment, face portraying the fact that she most certainly had not been listening anymore. “Thinking of the one who isn’t here?” It’s a question, but it’s not at the same time. Serena knows that Fleur knows she’s thinking about Bernie.

“I miss her,” Serena says in way of response, knows that if there is anyone around that she can speak to about this that it’s Fleur. She’s not sure if it’s the fact even she believed she was straight for over fifty years, but there is something refreshing about being able to talk to Fleur about this, to someone who understands what it’s like to love another woman the way she loves Bernie.

“How long til she’s home?” And in that moment, she is so thankful for Fleur, who doesn’t tell her that it’s stupid to miss Bernie because it won’t make her come home any faster. Who doesn’t tell her to try and occupy her mind with anything else, but instead lets her talk about her feelings.

“All being well three months today, 6th May, already well and truly booked in the diary as a week off.” She watches Fleur raise her eyebrows at that and reaches across the table to gently bat her arm with her hand. “Get your head out of the bloody gutter and stop imagining me and my girlfriend naked!” Serena remarks only slightly exasperated; this is Fleur after all.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Fleur says drawing a cross over her heart, “Your girlfriend reminded me, before she went away, that I was to look after you and that she knows thirteen different ways to kill me with her bare hands.”

“Maybe I should be scared, if that’s just with her bare hands.” Serena jokes back, knows Fleur is trying to make her feel a little better.

“Excuse me, you love what her bare hands can do.” And this time Serena is scandalised, blushing furiously.

“You’re insufferable do you know that?” Serena says back when she’s finally able to formulate a sentence again.

“Yes, but you love me,” Fleur drawls at her then, all puppy dog eyes.

“Only in the platonic way, the true affection of my heart is still over three thousand miles away.” And just like that and without either of them trying the conversation is back on Bernie. “And I still miss her.”

She watches as Fleur smiles at her gently then, joking nature put aside for a few minutes. “I know you do, and I’m not going to tell you to stop, you’d be a fool if you stopped missing her, but it’ll all be worth it in the end.” And in that moment Serena is so thankful that she does know Fleur so well, that Fleur does know what she needs to hear. No, she isn’t Bernie but she considers Fleur a good friend and having her support is helpful.

After breakfast with Fleur she completes the rest of the chores she set herself to complete but even while trying to occupy herself and no matter what was said between her and Fleur she knows she’d give anything for a simple date night with Bernie now. Not because of what their date nights so often lead to, though she misses that too. But genuinely she misses small talk with Bernie, misses Bernie being able to tell her about her day, misses being able to tell Bernie about her day. She shares more via blueys than Bernie does, both because there are certain things Bernie can’t put in writing and also because there is only so much Bernie can actually do in the little down time she does get in camp. Knows that rightly or wrongly she ends up spending a lot of what should be her down time checking on her subordinates.

That evening she sits in the conservatory, heater blowing gently against her skin, she hadn’t felt up to watching quiz shows with Jason tonight but hadn’t wanted to disturb his routine, so she’d excused herself into here instead.

They had their first “date” in this conservatory, after Bernie had returned from Kiev and Jason, once he’d found the key to the office had told them he was going to spend the night with Fletch and Raf. They’d ordered take away, and talked, about all the things that had got them to that point both good and bad. There were times when Bernie had stumbled over her words not used to the communication but true to her word of having changed, she’d battled through, and it was so worth it because here they are over three years later.

She picks the “Serena – open when you need a date night” envelope off from the sofa cushion next to her, and opens its careful, can’t in many ways believe how few of the special envelopes she has left, though guesses that it’s a good thing as that means it’s getting closer for it to be time for Bernie to come home.

My Dearest Serena

I’m sorry you’re missing our date nights in my absence. I’m not sure at this point how long I’ve been gone but what I can be certain of is that I’m missing our date nights too. As much as I wish I could tell you that I could take you on a date tomorrow night I can’t, we both know that. So instead, I’m going to remind you of some of those special date nights we have had together instead.

I can still remember the first date night we had together. I’d come back from Kiev and spent the day thinking you hated me, not that I could blame you with what I’d done. Then all of a sudden, we were locked in our office, and I promised you I’d changed and you told me you wanted to have that meal we’d never been able to have three months before. Told me that this time it was going to be at your house so we could talk properly.

We ordered Chinese take away, laughed gently when we realised how similar our orders were. We spent the rest of the evening sitting and talking and working out ways to ensure we never made those kinds of mistakes in our relationship again.

Then there was our first proper date night at the Italian with the extensive wine list, the way Sammie looked at us both and told us she was glad we’d finally admitted what it had been obvious we’d both wanted all those months before. If only it had been so obvious to the pair of us what the other wanted, hey.

Then there’s the first missed date night, the one that when you came to my flat to pick me up you told me that I just looked too irresistible. You couldn’t help but attach your lips to mine, pushed me back inside my flat where we spent the evening making love and totally ignoring the fact we were meant to be going out to eat, and eating each other out instead we might both be well over fifty but doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy a good time.

There was that date when we went to London for the weekend, we went to the theatre, and I may have used sitting so close to you as an excuse to spend the whole time holding your hand or stroking your leg. At the interval the lady who had been sitting behind us had approached us and asked us how we dared to be so brave, and open, because she wanted what we had but hadn’t even told her family yet. We were honest with her and told her that it wasn’t always easy, but the benefits definitely outweighed the fear. I still wonder about her sometimes, wonder if she was ever able to be brave.

There was the date night that went so horribly wrong because as soon as we got to the restaurant, I realise that I’d caught the sickness bug going around AAU. Rather than complaining however, you took me home and looked after me in a way someone had never done for me before, and I fell even more in love with you than I already was. There have been innumerable numbers of other dates but as much as I wish I did, I don’t have forever to write this letter.

I hope that these memories have helped you feel at least a little bit better. I know they’re what I’ll think of every time I wish I could have a date night with you. And I can’t wait for what I know will be a very special first date night once I’m back. If you need to before than take Fleur on a platonic date somewhere and enjoy yourself, just make sure Fleur behaves herself because you’re mine!

I love you and miss you so much.

All My Love Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

Serena can’t help but laugh, if only Bernie knew it was Fleur’s fault that she’s feeling this way. Loves the fact that Bernie trusts her so much that she knows Fleur isn’t really a threat as much as they joke. So, she does what Bernie says and arranges a platonic date with Fleur and when she also meets Imogen during that platonic date three days later, well she can totally see why Fleur is so infatuated with her. She’s so happy for the other woman and reminds herself once more that her own lover will be back in less than three months.

#Open When #Madam Wakefield Writes #Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #Holby #Holby City #Buckle Fandom #Berena Fanfic #Berena Fanfiction #Berena FF

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madam-wakefield · 3 months

Text

OPEN WHEN… CHAPTER 17

A03 Link

Summary:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open when you fancy some love…

In the end it takes just over two weeks to sort out the leave, to ensure there is enough experienced surgeons to enable AAU and the trauma unit can keep running and to stop Serena missing any vital meetings.

She’s now on her third day in the New Forest and it’s one of the best things she’s done for herself since Bernie left, well apart from the fact Bernie paid for the whole thing. As much as Serena appreciates it, Bernie is still going to be in a little trouble when she gets home, because really it was far too much and definitely not something Serena ever expected.

She is feeling immeasurably better than she did a little over two weeks ago, and it’s amazing what getting a few days to herself has done. She hasn’t had to worry about cooking, housework, washing, looking after Jason or even the red phone ringing in AAU. She has however done a lot of relaxing and taken a lot of time for herself.

It had rained non-stop the day she had arrived, and Serena had been worried that it was a bad omen of her time away. She hadn’t let it stop her though, she had checked into her room, beautiful and elegantly decorated, the reds reminding her of the shiraz she is so fond of.

Serena had taken the time to sit on the sofa chair, positioned right near the window, and listen to the rain outside, then in the first time for as long as she can remember she had actually read a book. She’s always loved reading but with everything she has to do in her life it’s definitely one of the things that’s gone by the wayside. She’d been that engrossed in reading her book that she’d decided against going to dinner and instead had ordered room service, it’d only been a simple Wild Mushroom and Garlic flatbread pizza, but it was perfect for the day she’d had.

After dinner her book had been finished, slightly shocked at herself that she’d finished the whole thing in one day. Then Serena had put a bath on to run, adding liberal amounts of bubbles and while waiting for it to be ready had written a bluey to Bernie. Telling her about the day and telling Bernie just how amazing she is and how thankful Serena is that even from over three thousand miles apart Bernie is looking after her. That first night she’d say she slept like a baby, but her baby had been Elinor and Elinor had certainly not slept so she’ll say she slept like a log.

When Serena had woken the next morning, the sun was shining beautifully outside the window. There had been a relaxed breakfast with lots and lots of coffee before a leisurely swim in the pool, she couldn’t help but laugh to herself about the old comment she’d once made to Bernie, when she’d told her she’d been living in a four star. Post swim had been a frosty but dry walk through the New Forest National Park. She had spent the whole day exploring the woodlands and the moors, just allowing herself to enjoy the nature around her away from the rush and hustle and bustle of her normal life. No red phone ringing, no one relying on her or needing anything from her. There had been a little café for lunch to allow her to eat and also regain the feeling in her cold hands and feet. When she’d got back to the hotel there was a much-needed shower to warm up followed by an elegant dinner in the hotel’s main restaurant. She’d spoilt herself with three courses and of course a bottle or two of shiraz. Then when she’d returned to her room, feeling slightly drunk, she couldn’t help but use the INtouch mail service to send Bernie a bluey, knowing it would arrive faster than the handwritten one. Once again it had been filled with Serena’s love for the other woman, and how incredible she is and how Serena is so lucky to have her. Falling sleep that night had once again been easy.

This morning had been similar to yesterdays, starting with a relaxed breakfast, but now instead of outside in the freezing cold she’s laying in the spa halfway through her hot stone massage. If she hadn’t had the last two days to relax and unwind, she knows she’d be asleep right now, but as she has, she can just enjoy the feeling of being pampered and allow her mind to think about all the things that fill her heart with joy. She has to admit that really, she has a lot of reasons to feel joy especially recently. There is the improved relationship that she has with Elinor, something that she treasures so dearly, there is her ward at work and all of her AAU friends and colleagues who have looked out for her for as long as she can remember, but even more so than ever recently. There is Jason, and even though he can be hard work at times, Serena is so thankful she got the chance to meet him, that she made the decision to have him come and live with her. Then of course there is Bernie, her big macho army medic, who makes her so proud every day, who has gone above and beyond what anyone would have ever expected to make the distance a little bit easier on Serena, who is in the middle of a war zone right now, teaching and making lives better for anyone she can.

She allows herself the time to just think of Bernie and all of the special moments they’ve had together over the past three years, and well longer if she includes the time before their relationship properly started. Has life gone the way she expected, no, if she’s honest if you’d have asked her not long before she met Bernie, she’d have told you she thought her future lay in Robbie. Is she sad that it didn’t turn out that way, not at all, meeting Bernie Wolfe and being able to share what the two of them do is seriously one of the best things that has ever happened to her. People have questioned how she can be with Bernie, trust her when everyone knows she despises cheaters after what Edward did, but she knows that in many ways what Bernie did was different. She didn’t cheat on Marcus because she was bored of him or whatever else, she did it because she had spent years hiding who she was, and she just needed to be able to feel something. She knows without a second of hesitation that Bernie would never cheat on her.

She makes the most of her access to the spa facilities for the rest of the day, she uses the sauna and the steam room and even goes for another swim. She can feel the way her body is continuing to relax and unwind and knows that this was the best thing she has done for herself and is kind of gutted that she has to go home tomorrow.

She treats herself to another three-course meal that evening, might as well make the most of not having to be the one who’s cooking, but she’s a little more reserved on the wine. Wants to read one of Bernie’s special letters whilst she’s here and wants to be able to remember it’s content. She’d brought the box with her of course, it’s never far away from where she is just in case, never knowing what she may need. Even now she doesn’t know which letter she is going to read but knows she’ll find the right one when she does.

It's still fairly early when she sits down in the comfy chair by the window, ready to read Bernie’s letter. It’s dark outside, it is late January after all, but she can’t fail to notice the stars shining in the sky, enhanced by the lack of light around them. She smiles as she thinks that no matter how far away Bernie is they are still under the same starry sky. In the end she pulls her eyes away from the sky and looks down at the envelope in her lap.

“Serena – open when you fancy some love…”

This one had both felt right and intrigued her because unlike most of the others that have been sure she was going to need something specific this one feels much more like a choice feeling. She guesses that’s like their relationship really there is never any expectations everything is a choice. She takes a second before opening the envelope, has a feeling that while this letter is probably going to fill her heart with so much joy it's also going to have her heart aching at the fact Bernie isn’t in her arms.

My Dearest Serena,

I’m not sure if you are opening this because you need to remember why I love you or just because you want to read about all the reasons why I love you. Either way that’s what I’m going to write in bullet point form.

I love you because you are the only person in this entire world that takes the time to understand me fully even if you can’t fully relate to what I’m saying or going through.

I love you because you care about me so much and I know I can turn to you whenever I am going through a time of need.

I love you because you always know how to cheer me up when I’m sad. You also know when I’m sad even if I’m trying to hide it from the rest of the world, Great British reserve, and all that.

I love you because you are always willing to help me work through my problems, to make them feel a little bit less overwhelming.

I love you because you always forgive me when I’m wrong.

I love you because you always want me to be the best version of myself.

I love you because you are the sweetest most loving person in the whole universe and I’m so bloody lucky that I’m the one you choose to give that love to.

I love you because of the way your hugs and kisses always make me feel so safe and protected and loved.

I love you because you wear your heart on your sleeve and are not afraid to show me your true love and feelings.

I love you because there is no one else like you.

That’s only ten of the reasons why I love you. If I were to keep on going the list would be endless, because there are no reasons not to love you, Serena. You are completely perfect to me. I miss you so much, more than words on a piece of paper could ever express and somehow, I love you more each passing day.

All My Love Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

And Serena is right, her heart is so full of love it could burst, her beautiful, brilliant girlfriend who struggles to show her own emotions let alone anything else has poured her heart into this letter, just to help Serena remember how loved she is. That in itself fills her heart with even more love. Her girlfriend really is something else and now Serena’s heart feels so full that she just needs to put it in writing to Bernie, to remind Bernie that the feeling of love is so very mutual and of all the reasons she loves her. She moves herself to the desk, handwriting pen and a few bluey’s already sat there from her first night and starts to write, pouring her heart as best as possible into her words.

Dear Bernie,

You are so incredible, and I really hope you know that! You are so selfless, caring and understanding and I still cannot wrap my head around everything you have done to help me while you’re away. Don’t think I’ll ever be able to find the words to thank you enough that on top of everything else your priority was looking after me, caring for me.

I guess that’s just one of the many reasons I love you. If you haven’t guessed by now, I’ve just opened your letter of love, and my heart is so full of love and gratitude at your words, and I just need to let you know how very loved you are in return.

I know you struggle to believe it sometimes, that you are worthy of love, that you deserve love, life hasn’t always been kind to you, and you blame yourself for that. But Bernie you do, and I love you so much I cannot express it in words, I’m going to try anyway, because you deserve to remember it.

I am so very grateful that after everything you’ve been through, I am the one you trust to love you. The one you trust to take care of your heart, that you trust me not to hurt you. I love how you are willing to let me see the true Bernie Wolfe, the one you hide from the rest of the world but will let come out around me.

I love you because you are my best friend as well as my lover, I feel safe and loved and protected when I’m with you and know no matter what you always have my best interests at heart. I am so very thankful for the way you are always willing to share my burdens, even if you can’t make them better you always get me to share them so that I know I’m not alone.

You’re laugh is the cutest most unique thing I have ever heard and hearing it is like music to my ears and never fails to make me smile. I love the way you always believe in me, and it makes me believe in myself, when you believe in me, I feel like I can do anything.

You and I both know love isn’t just about passion but also about appreciation, I appreciate you in so many ways I cannot even begin to explain, and I promise I will cherish you every day for the rest of my life. I cannot wait to have you back in my arms so I can remind and show you just how loved you are.

I wish more than anything that you were here with me right now, and I will continue to look forward to that day as it grows ever closer.

Stay safe soldier.

All my love

Serena.

Serena falls asleep that night reminding herself that she’s one day closer to having Bernie back in her arms. One day closer to them being able to show their love for one another with much more than words.

#Open When #Madam Wakefield Writes #Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #Holby #Holby City #Buckle Fandom #Berena Fanfic #Berena FF #Berena Fanfiction

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madam-wakefield · 3 months

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When you get comments on FF that you’ve written and it makes you feel all fuzzy inside!

#Madam Wakefield Writes #Please remember leaving comments and kudos means lots to writers #they share their stuff for free so it takes seconds to like and comment

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madam-wakefield · 3 months

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Okay so I did a thing! Who even am I right now! I can’t usually complete fanfic for one couple let alone 2!

#Madam Wakefield Writes #Sukeve #suki panesar #eve unwin #eastenders #Sukeve Fanfic #OTP: is and always will be the love of my life

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madam-wakefield · 4 months

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EASTENDERS | 22.12.2023

#eastenders #sukeve #suki panesar #eve unwin #OTP: is and always will be the love of my life

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madam-wakefield · 4 months

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Just the way Suki holds Eve & comforts her melts my heart! 😭🫠♥️

#eastenders #eve unwin #suki panesar #Sukeve #OTP: Is and always will be the love of my life

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madam-wakefield · 4 months

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Suki Panesar + shouting it from the rooftops

STACEY: So yesterday you tell Eve that you've got feelings for her and now you're standing here with a suitcase. What, did you want her to go with you again?

SUKI: Just tell me where she is, Stacey.

STACEY: She has met someone who isn't ashamed of who she is. Someone she can hold hands with in public, kiss in a room full of people. She doesn't have to hide away. Something that you can't and never will be able to give her.

#eastenders #suki panesar #eve unwin #sukeve #OTP: Is and always will be the love of my life

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madam-wakefield · 4 months

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EastEnders | Suki Panesar + Eve Unwin [09.01.24]

#eastenders #Sukeve #suki panesar #eve unwin #OTP: Is and always will be the love of my life

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madam-wakefield · 4 months

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ONE HUNDRED WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU - PART 14

Title: “Can I Have This Dance?”

Summary: Number 14 of 100 ways to say I love you.

Rating: PG

Word Count: 1398

Part 1, Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Bernie can’t help but find the whole event a rather strange experience. To be at her work Christmas party not in full dress uniform is strange. Of course, she’s used to attending hospital Christmas parties. If she was in the country for the holidays, she had always attended Marcus’ work Christmas party, but for it to be her Christmas party and for it to be a normal civilian event is...strange. She doesn’t know how to act or what she’s expected to do. That was something she was always sure of in the Army, at least after the first year where she didn’t have a fucking clue how to act in the Officers’ Mess. It had soon become second nature, something that came easily: The formality, the titles, the dress code (dress uniform was required so no worrying about what to wear), the expectations. She’s used to the expectations, but right now she unfortunately doesn’t have any.

It’s the first Holby Christmas party she’s attended. In fact, it’s the first formal party she’s attended at Holby at all, since she has previously always offered to work so everyone else could attend. This time, however, Serena had insisted that Bernie request not to work and told her even if she did request to work, since Serena is in charge of scheduling, she would have made sure she was off anyway. Bernie had had no choice really.

She had gone out shopping with Dom to pick an outfit and while she had to wear a skirt in the army she had absolutely no plans of wearing a dress to the Christmas party. Bernie Wolfe does not do dresses. She’d gone with a simple pair of tailored black trousers, a form-fitting light blue tailored blouse and darker blue waistcoat. When she’d first arrived, she had also been wearing a black jacket, but it’s hot in the venue and she’s had more than a couple of glasses of wine.

She and Serena have migrated towards each other a couple of times during the evening, but Bernie has purposely kept everything on the friendly side. They’ve been dating for over a year, but she knows Serena isn’t a fan of hospital gossip. As she thinks of Serena, her eyes naturally search out her girlfriend, and she spots her talking to Henrik and decides to head over to the bar. She’s in need of a whiskey, since even though the food and the not-so-formal formalities are over, Bernie still doesn’t feel like she can relax. She doesn’t know her role or who she is meant to try and talk to, if she has to specifically talk to anyone. She doesn’t quite know what they are meant to talk about. Once again, she always knew the answer to this when she was in the Army, as there was always a specific etiquette to who she should try and speak to and when during the evening and the same such etiquette for what topics should and shouldn’t be discussed. Tonight, she’s had a conversation with Dom, Raf and Fletch, and just managed to make small talk with Ric and Jac.

She sits herself down on a bar stool and nods her head towards Sacha, who is seated a few stools down, deep in conversation with Essie. She then pays more attention to the bartender than she does the party, following him as he serves the people ahead of her. When he finally comes over to her, she decides a double whiskey is acceptable and even orders the expensive stuff, since she knows it tastes better.

She lifts the drink to her lips the second it’s passed to her before she’s even had time to pay the bartender. The burn is soothing, and reminds her of the Officers’ Mess, since they only ever served the best drinks there. She thumbs at the glass absentmindedly and can’t help but wonder how the ward is holding up without her. It’s a week before Christmas and she’s sure there will have been at least one trauma call tonight. In some ways, Bernie can’t help but wish she was working tonight rather than sitting here feeling very much lost in a room full of colleagues she normally feels totally at home around.

She is therefore shocked when she suddenly feels a gentle weight on her shoulder. She looks up to find Serena smiling sweetly down at her. She eyes the whiskey in Bernie’s hand but doesn’t comment, for which Bernie is thankful, since it is after all slightly earlier in the night than Bernie would normally drink a whiskey, especially a double.

There is a comfortable silence between the two of them and Bernie listens as the music turns from Mariah Carey’s version of “All I Want for Christmas,”— even with her crap song knowledge she knows that one—to something slower that she recognises but can’t place.

“Can I have this dance?” And if Serena’s touch on her shoulder had startled her earlier it is nothing compared to the shock she feels now.

She stares at Serena almost completely dumbstruck for a few seconds before she finds words...sort of. “But...everyone...I can’t...”

“Major Wolfe, were you or were you not an Army officer?” The title shocks her again. Serena is one of the people who scarcely uses it, especially not in anything more than a joking way.

“Yes, but...”

“Then you can’t for a second tell me you don’t know how to dance. I don’t know much but I do know dancing was a must at formal Army events, so...can I have this dance?”

This time Bernie finds her words and actually manages to convey what she’s been trying to say ever since Serena asked. “But everyone from work is here, they don’t all know about us, and the lyrics, well they are rather suggestive”— Bernie has heard the words ‘real love’ at least twice— “and I know better than anyone how much you hate rumours.” It’s the reason Bernie has kept her distance from Serena tonight, not wanting to put her in an awkward position. Tonight, she hasn’t been able to get that image of Serena pulling away from her just over a year ago as they both got out of the car when she’d tried to hold Serena’s hand out of her head. She’s kept it totally friendly not wanting to make Serena uncomfortable. It’s the reason she’s spent most of the night feeling uncomfortable and out of place, while her girlfriend has moved around from person to person like she owns the place, like she is perfectly at home.

By the time she’s finished speaking she finds the whiskey glass in her hand very intriguing, running her finger round the rim, a clear sign of nerves. She doesn’t get time to actually lift the glass to her lips though, because Serena places a gentle but firm hand under her chin and forces Bernie’s gaze upward.

“Berenice Griselda Wolfe, you have been my girlfriend for over a year, I don’t care who knows, and it’s not actually rumour if it’s true.” Bernie chuckles gently at this as she supposes Serena has a point. “Is that the reason you’ve seemed distant this evening?” Serena’s hand stops her from looking at the floor, but she knows the blush that has spread across her cheeks gives her away.

“Oh, Bernie,” Serena says in a gentle tone that settles Bernie a little for the first time that evening. “Come on. I believe I need a Major to lead me in a dance.” Bernie downs the rest of her whiskey before allowing Serena to lead her to the dance floor. There are a few couples scattered around, mainly ones she herself doesn’t recognise.

As they reach the dance floor, Bernie twirls Serena around. She takes hold of Serena’s right hand and waist. Bernie lets herself feel the beat before she starts to spin them around gently, taking the lead as Serena had requested. She lets the rhythm of the music lead her, as this is something she’s familiar with, and instead blocks out the rest of the world to focus on Serena. And when, three songs later, some much more upbeat song neither of them recognises starts to play and Serena pulls away from Bernie’s grasp slightly to place a kiss against her lips, Bernie feels fully at ease for the first time that night.

#Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #Holby #Holby City #Buckle Fandom #Berena Fanfic #Holby Fanfic #Holby City Fanfic #Madam Wakefield Writes #One Hundred Ways To Say I Love You

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madam-wakefield · 4 months

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OPEN WHEN… CHAPTER 16

A03 Link FF Link

Summary:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open when you need a break...

January has been tough on Serena; she’s never liked January after the joy of Christmas and New Year she just misses the excitement. She doesn’t think the dark cold mornings help or how early is gets dark at night. On days when she works a long day shift, she wakes when it’s dark, leaves the house when it’s dark and returns home when it’s dark. She just misses actually seeing the sunlight, she guesses that’s definitely a downside of working in a hospital she doesn’t exactly get much time to get outside during her working hours.

Think of work that has been relentless too recently. The flu has somehow made its way around the majority of the AAU staff, and while she’s thankful she at least avoids getting ill this time she ends up pulling extra shifts, working on days that she should have been off, or staying late because the ward had been short staffed in some way. She’d mentioned it to Hanssen but had known there was little he could do, NHS budget are so stretched and they are lucky to even have the trauma unit still, so many around the country have been closed, knows Hanssen wouldn’t ever let that happen at Holby but knows that there had been no extra staff to cover the shortfall caused by this current bout of illness.

On top of the illness causing her ward to be permanently short staffed. She does also think they’ve averaged more emergency surgeries and trauma cases than they have for as long as she can remember. Tough surgeries too, surgeries where the odds are stacked against her and that take every ounce of her concentration and something even that isn’t enough, and she loses patients, and it’s part of the job, not a nice part but a reality and at the moment something about it along with everything just makes it more difficult.

She loves her job, always has and she can only assume she always will, loves being able to help people and their families. Loves that she also gets to teach new doctors in the process, see the way they develop and thrive as they go through their careers. Sometimes she finds it hard to think she was ever there once, especially with where she is now. But then isn’t that one of the reasons she loves the teaching part of her job so much, she gets to help inspire the younger doctors too.

She guesses on top of work that she has Jason, and as much as she wouldn’t change him for the world be does still need a lot of her support and there is still so much that he can not do, and as much as she loves him, she does get tired. The responsibility of always having to be the one to make sure he’s got a proper dinner on the table. She has to make sure she buys the right food when she goes shopping because for Jason the same food from two different brands tastes different. And Serena tries to get it she really does, knows this is part of who Jason is but that doesn’t make it easy. Then on top of that theirs the extra time he seems to just need her presence with him, to make up for Bernie not being around. Usually, it’s just to sit with him and be there while he’s watching telly though sometimes, she can’t help but run through the list of other things she has to do, all in her head of course.

Then she has the house to keep in order. Stupidly she thought that might be easier with Bernie gone, but Bernie has become so much better in the time that they’ve lived together that it’s only now she’s not around that Serena realises how much she usually does, taking out the bins, hoovering the house, cleaning the bathrooms. All things Serena has had to take over doing again. There are also the odd jobs of DIY that Serena could mention to Bernie one day and would be fixed the next, she can’t do that herself but it does always add to her list, has to ring the handyman knows that Jason can’t cope with anything being out of order for too long.

On top off all of that there is Elinor to keep contact with. She loves her daughter dearly and now the relationship seems to be strengthening she doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. Since New Years Eve alone the texts and phone calls have come easier, Serena has found it easier to talk to Elinor to know that Elinor also cares about what she has to say too. She’s never not be grateful for that, knows Bernie would give anything to have what she does with Elinor with Charlotte, but it seems right now that with everything else that Serena just needs a break.

But then at the same time she feels guilty for needing a break because really what has she got to complain about? Compared to her girlfriend life is easy, Bernie is in a warzone where she most certainly isn’t getting a day off. Serena can’t even begin to imagine what she is seeing and what she is dealing with.

She shakes her head, has to stop that thought before it spiral. That’s one thing with Serena, when she is tired and so in need of a break, she struggles to control her emotions, her temper and things do quickly spiral out of control. She takes a breath, forces herself to think about what she needs, remember its okay to have her own needs. Then she decides, she needs to ‘hear’ from Bernie, needs to let herself get lost in her girlfriend’s words for a bit.

She goes to the kitchen and puts on the kettle then while its boiling she goes to the box, the envelopes have been such a source of comfort over the past five and a half months, she wonders if Bernie knew just how important they would be before she wrote them, she guesses she must have done with how much work she put into them.

Her eyes come across the envelope she wants “Serena - Open when you need a break”. And she has to say Bernie knows her so well, knows that this is just the sort of thing she would need her for even if she can’t be physically here. She goes back to the kitchen then, putting the envelope carefully out of the way just in case, and only picking it up again when she has a steaming mug of coffee in her hand.

She walks into the living room, and seats herself on the sofa, glad that she decided to light the fire when she woke this morning, she lets the heat of it warm her for a few minutes, beginning to sip her coffee, before turning her full attention to Bernie’s letter.

My Dearest Serena,

The first thing I have to say is that before you read the rest of the content of this letter, I want you to know that I do not want you feeling guilty for needing a break. I don’t want you to think that there is something wrong with needing to get away for a few days because I can’t. Right now, our situations are so very different and if you need a break that is totally okay, and I’m proud of you for letting yourself recognise what you need.

Serena, I know how you get when you are so in need of a break. You over analyse every decision you make; you worry that you aren’t good enough or you let your own emotions spiral so I want you to stop reading for a second and think of five positive things you have done in the past week. So you remember you are great and amazing, but to be that wonderful, amazing person you also need to look after yourself. You need to take some time to put yourself first.

I know you don’t find putting yourself first easy, you’ve been told too many times that you should be able to manage everything, that it should all just slot together perfectly. In reality that isn’t true Serena, not for anyone and that’s okay, it doesn’t make you weak, or unworthy or any of those other things that will be crossing your mind right now. The fact you can recognise what you need is a strength and one I never want you to lose.

Right now, as you’ve recognised what you need, I want to help you with it as much as I can from where I am in the desert three thousand miles away. On the back of this letter, I have written a voucher code, that voucher code is for you to use to book yourself a hotel somewhere for a few nights. Maybe a four star with a pool so you can have a nice swim in the morning.

I want you to book a few days off work, I know you have holiday left, and I know it’s got to be used up by April so you might as well enjoy it! Speak to Alan about supporting Jason for a few days and then choose where you want to go and enjoy having a much needed break. Spend some time doing something just for you. You deserve that my love. And maybe if you have time, you could write me a bluey while you are there. I love you and miss you so much!

All My Love Bernie,

You’re big Macho Army Medic x

Serena’s not sure if to think that Bernie is something else or just incredible. She turns the letter over, only then noticing the code and the website for the MacDonalds hotel chain, Bernie is in serious trouble once she gets home Serena knows how expensive them places are.

She knows Bernie is right though, that she does need to do this for herself so that she can keep being what she needs both for herself and everyone else who relies on her. She loads up her laptop then, decides to look at where she might like to go off to for a few days. In the end she settles on the New Forest, the hotel looks beautiful and serene. There are walks she can go on and a museum or two she can visit if it takes her fancy. There is also a spa which she can guarantee she will visit at least once on her stay.

She looks at the availability of rooms before composing and email to Hansen. She doesn’t go into detail just tells him she’s got holiday she needs to use up and that even with taking these few days off she’ll still have more to use. That she understands it’s short notice but that she can be flexible if he could please let her know which of the dates she sent him work best for the hospital.

For the rest of the day Serena decides to take a mini break of sorts until she can get away for a few days. She ignores the housework that she should really do, forgets about the work emails she had said she’d look over from home having not had the time during her last few shifts and instead makes the day about herself. She allows herself a long hot soak in the bath, with bubbles and candles and even a face mask. She uses a couple of the microwave meals for dinner, instead of cooking, one of the few Jason will eat but she knows it’s easy enough to add more to the shopping list. When Jason asks if she’ll watch mastermind with him, she politely declines, explains that she’s tired and that she wants to settle down for the night but reminding him he’s free to stay up as late as he likes and that he just needs to make sure he turns off the telly and all of the lights when he goes to bed. There must be something about giving her body what she needs because it doesn’t take her more than five minutes after crawling into bed to be sound asleep.

#Open When #Madam Wakefield Writes #Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #Holby #Holby City #Buckle Fandom #Berena Fanfic #Holby Fanfic #Holby City Fanfic

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