lynlee494
nothing but the winter...
Bucky Barnes obsessed and enjoying life as a multi-shipper
875 posts
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Spilling My Heart
Photo
Oh my gods this is beautiful.
painted some thoughts re: steve rogers and illness
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Reblog to give the person you reblogged from the ability to finish their WIPs
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im feeling so sad about the bartons tonight
i can imagine clint back when he was like nineteen, when he'd first joined the avengers. and being so jealous of the maximoff twins for having something he'd lost. they didn't see each other for like fifteen years, and when they finally did see each other again barney tried to kill him
i just think there's something so tragic about that. even if it wasn't barney's fault (because he'd been manipulated by baron zemo). everyone that clint has every considered family has hurt him in some way. his parents, jacques and buck, the maximoffs and steve... augh
its obvious to anyone who cares enough to look that clint never stopped loving barney. but when barney came back, he tried to kill clint. and then years later when he came to crash at clint's when clint was going through the worst depressive episode of his life, barney stole all his money
clint loves barney. but he'll never trust him
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Ao3 subscriptions are so fucking wild to me. Every time I write my silly fanfictions and post them 124 people get an email just to let them know that this idiot is posting their fanfictions again. I send 124 people an email every time I write smut. Imagine sending 124 physical letters out just to be like “hello everyone, I put some guys we made up in our heads through the horrors again.” Absolutely absurd. I am kissing all of you on the lips.
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When Bucky hugged Steve for the first time since he got the serum, they were alone in a tent. They had just got back to the base camp after their miles long walk back from the hydra base and they were both exhausted.
Steve is situating himself around the very nice, fancy tent that he insisted on sharing and Bucky hasn't taken his eyes off him since he saw him from the table he was strapped onto. Steve. Little Steve. Steve who got sick every winter and who's asthma played up every summer. Steve who had been 5'4 and had remained as such since he was 14. Steve who got into too many fights and never won but not once for lack of passion.
Bucky has to say something, because he hasn't been saying anything since escaping the base and now he feels like he's about to boil over. "Steve"
The same big blue eyes he's always known greeted him and were quick to lace with concern. "You okay, Buck?"
And generally speaking no, Bucky was not okay, he'd been experimented on, he'd been taken by the enemy and strapped down to a goddamn table and he couldn't even remember half of what they did to him there.
For all Bucky knows he could drop dead at any moment but he isn't thinking about that, because he's thinking about how Steve is here, in front of him, all 6'2 of him. He's thinking about how the breath exiting his mouth doesn't follow with wheezing, or how he can take the full rib expanding breaths when he needs it without coughing until there are tears forcing themselves out of his eyes.
Bucky steps forward, his hand gently presses against the expanse of Steve's chest. He stops himself from gawking considering the fact you could park an eighteen wheeler on this thing, he even opens his mouth to say just that but then he feels Steve's heart beat, steady and pumping under his palm.
It's only slight considering the amount of muscle and thick bone in the way but he can feel it all the same and it's not stuttering and irregular. It's pumping blood, lots of blood wherever Steve needs it, constantly and in all the right places instead of spending most of its time in the lowest point of the body.
If Steve were to get sick this heart would help him get better instead of having to fight to keep itself working, and his new lungs might get congested but they wouldn't spasm every time he needed a breath of fresh air. Steve won't be laying in bed all winter sick and out of his mind with any and every illness that has always loved making his life a living hell.
Steve is healthy.
And suddenly feeling overwhelmed, Bucky clears his throat and blinks away any escaped liquid from his eyes, which are very pointedly looking towards his hand. Because if he looks up at Steve and sees those blue eyes all concerned, seeing right through him like they always do, he really will loose it.
"You're okay.." He mumbles mostly to himself.
It comes off as a statement more than anything and a chocked out one at that but Steve knows, because he always knows what Bucky is trying to get at. He places his hand over Bucky's wrist and just holds him, his hand is steady and must be magical because Bucky grows calm at the touch.
"I'm okay."
Feeling himself falter at the affirmation, he leans in, arms wrapping around the waist he could once circle completely with one arm. But he almost backs out as quickly as he started it, the foreign body giving the wrong signals, like hugging a coworker or a distant relative you see once a decade.
But taking a deep breath to centre himself, Steve smelled like he always did, plus the scent of cheap soap hardly lingering, faded from the long day they both just had.
And when he ran his hands over his back he could feel the familiar humps of his spine and count them all the same. Even Steve's hands find the same spot on Bucky's back as they always used to, where his ribs end and his back start to dip in at the start of his waist.
Bucky can still reach the hair at the base of Steve's head and run his fingers through it like he used to see Steve's ma do when they were young.
Now Steve sighs into the hug and Bucky squeezes tighter since he knows he won't be doing any damage. They stay like that for a long time in their own personal world, the centre of their own solar system, everything else moving around them, floating within their orbit.
When they pull back, Bucky's hands linger on Steve's waist for longer then they should and when he looks up Steve's eyes are so full of admiration but his nose and eyebrows are scrunched up like he's got something to say.
Bucky takes his hands back to his sides. "what?"
"We aren't going to leave each other again, okay?" He says it so sure, like they aren't going to be in the heat of battle every other day but Bucky wants it just as bad as he does so he nods and smiles.
"You're stuck with me pal, I'm not going anywhere"
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girls r like "but he's my comfort character" and then it's literally the most emotionally traumatized man you have ever seen ever
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The Asset is not allowed to touch people, but sometimes he has permission to touch his Commander.
More on patreon 🖤
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I’ve been tinkering with this one for a while, and it’s rough, but I wanted to get it posted for Bucky’s birthday. 🎂 It’s probably too angsty for a birthday posting, but angst IS in my username. 😁
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