thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

i need to fold him in ways not even ikea could come up with

Alice Brasser (Netherlands, b.1965)

Swim, 2022

no morning colder than the first frost / no friends closer than the ones we've lost

Rain in Soho by The Mountain Goats + birds on a telephone wire

sometimes danny schmidt lyrics just make you lose it. "she's a mystic in the sense that she's still mystified by things" "and so we kill it like a buffalo, with awe and with respect" "so I pray to hands" "and so i never prayed myself except for those who prayed to me" yes i listened to welcome to night vale in my formative years.

this too shall pass

it really is insane how waking up early will grant you access to some of the most beautiful sights and sensations in the world that will make you want to live forever, but only if you overcome the gauntlet of a thousand razors that is getting out of bed early. truly one of life's little saw traps.

It's a femininopticon

Why do people find silence awkward? Just chill.

malevolent s5 starting with dialogue that's roughly just "man that kayne guy sure is fucked up, huh?" "john i want another divorce"

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)