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lovingly-g · 1 year

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january 19 2023 | 8:37 pm

HAHAHHA hello. literally 2 years after. I FUKEN suck at writing.

this would be the part in a sitcom where they show a recap of whatever happened in the past few seasons.. so u know.. youre caught up and whatnot.

A LOT HAS HAPPENED *sister screams* i don’t even know where to start honestly, but i was basically unemployed for a year and i don’t know how i survived being a penniless bitch cause HELLO i am such a big spender and im not even rich and i can’t afford to spend every cent that i get..but i still do anyway so .... that’s that. BUT yea -- i was a couch potato for a whole damn year. I LOST LOST A LOT of WEIGHT cause u best believe, girlie wanted to be *FITNESS GOALS* and I was, for a while.... (kind of) i was starting to form my abs but then i guess i just missed being fat so HEH. i gained it all back (yes, current me typing this down is a fat ass - and not the good kind....) im starting to drift off but ADHD tingz? jk let’s not self-diagnose now shall we @ self ? pls ?? so yea going back - i was jobless but then i grew tired of being free and being a bum, that i went and looked for a job because i wanted to earn $$$$$. i applied for a position that i had no experience in and i got accepted (mediocre pay.. should’ve asked for more but not surprised because i love under selling myself) it was cool because it was a much bigger company than i was previously used to and met a bunch of cool peeps and *drum roll pls* i also met my boyfriend who is NOT yet my boyfriend but will be my boyfriend :) SUCH AN ADVENTURE. stayed there for like 5 months and left HAHAHA cause i found a better paying job and work setting is currently WFH so DUH... >>>>>>>>

i want to add so much more but my brain is not braining. but i will be back. this time..i will be back. i want to document this year and the experiences/adventures that i go through as a woman who is now nearing her mid 20s. plus, i have a person who i truly truly love so much k whatever im so excited la na ko maisip.

@ future self: if you dont fucking write, mag b break kayo ni joem sige ka *batok AF*

see u feb xoxo

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lovingly-g · 3 years

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january 4, 2020 | 10:51 am

happy new year bitch !! ofc my entry is 3 days late <3

god, 2020 was such a crappy year. i mean, i had happy moments but it WAS a crappy year. the amount of breakdowns i had last year is astronomical. guinness world record me thinks ^.^

but whatever, 2020 is finally fucking over.

i know the the concept of time is purely bull like.....hello? it’s not like everyone’s lives will magically get better once the new year ushers in.

BUT...BUT (hear me out) what i like about “new year” is that it gives us a clean, new slate. it gives us mundanes (wow,,, mundanes amp) the motivation we lost the previous year. it gives us the opportunity to gather our thoughts and clean up the “mess” (and by mess, i mean our lives that we oh so beautifully fucked up - whether intentional or not :) ) ~~~ 2018 me would’ve laughed @ u for making a “new year’s resolution” but 2021 renewed gray won’t ;) IN FACT..... here is my 2021 new year’s resolution

future me, pls do not judge 😇 i know all of my “resolutions” are mostly physical but this is what my bigass leo energy is telling me. my insecure ass is alive and kicking more than ever this year so just.....let......me.......be.

OKAY b4 i forget. i decided to extend my “break” ;) and i’m so elated that i have come to this decision bcos i badly need to work on myself. i fucking rlly did let myself go last year. tangina boooOooiiiIiiiiiiiii.

so #1 resolution is 🥳🥳🥳

- lose extra pounds; gw is 100 or 110 lbs. !!! cw: 128 lbs.

i gained so much weight during lockdown. like i obvs did not gained all the extra pounds during lockdown (duh) i spent the last 2 years eating my emotions. LIKE FR. feeling stressed? EAT. i’m fucking bored and tired of life? EAT. mad? EAT. i was so “pabaya” and neglected myself of a healthier life. if i ever do find a job this year (manifesting lols) can someone remind me that i shan’t spend 90% of my earnings on food alone?

anywaaaayz, i started my fitness journey september of 2019 and i have lost 37 pounds !! (YAY ME HAHAHA can’t always beat myself up aye,,,,have to pat myself in the back from time 2 time 🥰). what i did was a combination of IF and workout? (if u can call it a workout LOLS). i did the chloe ting challenge for a month but i grew tired from it (commitmment issues <3) i still need to lose 20 more pounds but the fact that i was able to lose almost 40 pounds in a span of 4 months ??? MAN. i’m so proud of myself.

this 2021 i’m trying to tone and slim down my legs bcos they r 2 fucking fat (HAHAHHA kill me pls) i have the biggest thighs and calves and it is fucking annoying. i’m all 4 body positivity until it’s my own body ;) yikes but tru story. i hope to see results in 3 months. once i reach my gw, i’ll stop working out BUT will stick with the IF lifestyle and walking (5km everyday maybe even more in the future and once i have a job?)

#2 resolution

- whiten teeth

pretty self explanatory ;) i’ve had too much tea and coffee my teeth wanna be a wiz khalifa song so baaaaaad 😩 *alexa, play black and yellow* will do this with lexa bcos saME HAHAHAHAHAA. i actually found about @smilebeamph thru a filo youtuber and she saw results on the second session so 😙

#3 resolution

- regrow my hair

i don’t think i have alopecia....that was just me exaggerating:/ i believe my hair is falling out bcos i keep applying hair dye T.T i absolutely do not take care of my hair like....i wash it everyday with shampoo and i don’t take hair care tips seriously :-) so i now have a (almost) bald spot on the back of my fucking bigass head and my insecure ass cannot handle it. i bought a dermaroller to stimulate collagen on my fucking scalp to speeden up the process + castor & rosemary oil to strengthen my hair follicle and promote hair growth kkkKkkkkk hope it works. decided to cut my hair even shorter bcos of this #noragrets :( tangina mo self HAHAHAHAHAA i hope i look at least decent with a fucking boycut or else i won’t look in the mirror until my hair grows pass my fucking chin !! :)

#4 resolution

- clear skin agenda

ahhhh. my weakness. my biggest insecurity (LOLS not rlly but deffo is on my never ending list of insecurities). i use to have fucking clear & smooth skin back in hs and college but NO fucking hormonal imbalance or wuteva (ACNE BREAKOUT) had to shatter any ounce of confidence i had left back in 2017. man putangina the amount of fucking acne that popped out. i’m having war flashbacks. it badly damaged my fucking face like pls the moon is shaking with the amount of fucking craters (ice pick + rolling scars lols) i have on my fucking face rn. BUT fear not my non-existent readers. i have a plan :) i’m currently using a dermaroller (yes what a lifesaver u can use it on practically anything ahaH). so far, my acne scars have lighten up so 😙 i still have a long way to go to get rid of the fucking craters and all so pls pray 4 my lazy ass to stick to my fucking plan (which is to dermaroll every saturday ok?)

#5 resolution

- braces 😬

my teeth be fucking crooked aF. that’s it. i regret not wearing my retainers back in high school 🥲 tangina having braces in this time (pandemic) is prolly expensive af so i need a job 🙂 i’ll cross this bridge when i get there.

and the last resolution #6 😏

- SOCMED BREAK

need i explain more? being on social media 24/7 gives me anxiety and mid life crisis bcos i can’t stop comparing my life to influencers/schoolmates/random ppl i found on the internet. it’s very ✨stressful✨ and ion wanna be in that state no mooooore. my initial plan is to take a 3 month break but who knows?? might extend it so 🌚

my 2021 resolutions (actually goals talaga HAHAHA OBOB) are simple lang and attainable if i fucking do it and make the effort teehee.

wanna add another lang and it is to “WRITE AN ENTRY” it doesn’t have to be everyday. just write ✍🏼 if you feel like it. when u feel sad, happy, mad, or whenever u want to preserve a memory. write. OH AND TAKE PICTURES SO U WON’T FORGET. create ur own time capsule except u don’t bury it in the ground. ;)

BYE. my head is running out of english

2021 jan gray to 2021 feb-dec gray: “sana magsulat kang bruha ka”

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lovingly-g · 4 years

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october 5, 2020 | 12:09 am

2019 me knows 2020 me all tooooo well. see....i never did “commit” to writing down all the shit that went down in the 24 hours we are given each day. i really do have commitment issues *yikes*

a lot of shit happened in the past few months you were m.i.a. i actually think shit is an understatement and i’m just noticing how i love saying shit. (writing??) here’s what you missed 2017-2019 gray:

salary increase :)

experiencing and enjoying life without a single care in the world

stress

anxiety

more stress

more stress and anxiety

bigass bonus that you burned in less than a month

trip to bicol with the squad

getting back together with an ex

SALARY INCREASE

being in love 🥰 and 24/7 wanting to get the d

feeling free and invincible

trips to local towns with friends

pandemic....covid 19 our fucking kryptonite

working from home

stress and anxiety off the roof

wanting to die

shutting yourself from basically everyone

losing energy

losing the will to live

ghosted your boyfriend because you are honestly fucking tired of living and you don’t want more problems in the future

uintentionally making your friend feel like shit,,,,now you don’t know how to make it up to them and ur currently ignoring the fact that time is literally ticking and each wasted time is another hack to the already falling tree that is your friendship if you still have that anyway

living in the office for three months

suprise !!! u r unemployed

u realized you hate the image ur seeing in the mirror and decided to lose fucking weight because if u don’t you’ll soon be a 200 fucking pound beast

i’m pretty sure i didn’t cover everything but who cares :) this year is pure fucking shit. if harry potter had dolores umbridge as its most hated villain..2020 is the most hated year. this year has been AND IS an absolute shit experience i never want to fucking go through again. i hate it. i’d much rather choose to stay in a butterfly enclosure for 24 hours than to relive the year that is 2020 and this is saying a lot because i absolutely despise butterflies.

2020 clowned everyone because we all thought we’d have a bombass year but ofc we just had to jinx it.

i honestly thought i’ll be having the time of my life this year because i’m finally in a relationship again. instead of gettting pounded by a dick, i wanted to off myself.

i can’t even write properly. my thoughts are fucking dumb. please future me, fucking write. you don’t have the money to afford a shrink. you gotta keep urself sane somehow. bye.

see you tomorrow?

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lovingly-g · 5 years

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march 5, 2019 | 9:17 pm

aaaaaye,,,,

so the tempered glass i ordered from globe came today!!!! 2 late tho ‘cos my phone’s screen has tiny scratches already 😕

also, this tempered glass better do its thaaaang or else i would’ve spent 1,090 pesos ($21) for nothing 🙂🤘🏼

also pt. 2

i never knew applying(?) the actual tempered glass on a phone was that hard 😕 i have never felt stupid in the entirety of my existence (exaggerating but 💯)

moving oooooon

work was ok. i actually got a call earlier this day from one of my workmates whose name is anna but i call her ate anna ‘cos y’all best believe i be repping that filo respect shit. she was inviting me to strumm’s this friday. strumm’s is a local bar in makati where oldies go to hang and listen to live bands. i kind of hesitated ‘cos moooolah’s a bit low this month (sad considering i just got paid last march 28 🙂) but then i realized something,,,,,, money will always be there (if u have a stable job, which i do have as of the moment thx veri much) i mean if i drop this and they all go (everyone at work were invited to join) i’d be missing out and i am self diagnosed with the fear of missing out and i will not go through all that bullshit thank you very much. so i caved and withdrew the remaining cash i had left,,,,,, talk about being “marupok”

in other news, i was assigned to orient 2 new employees on HMO bullshit. i, ofc, panicked 💩 who in their right minds won’t panic when the CEO of the company i work for told me that i should do it. like plsssssss,,,, i really did wet myself. my throat fucking hurt ‘cos i can’t speak for 2 long. i just feel sorry for the recipients of my “attempt” of an orientation.

aaaaand now i’m home,,,, writing/typing this entry down... currently patting my self on the back ‘cos i actually wrote something for 2 consecutive days now.......

that’s all, gbye future grazielle.

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lovingly-g · 5 years

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thank god for this !!!!! this is what i latch on to if i’m 2 broke 4 real coffee 🤠

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lovingly-g · 5 years

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currently at work rn,,,,,, lord help me

so just a quick update on lil obese me, i’ve somehow managed to last the whole day without dozing off despite not getting any sleep last night 🤠 g o a l s

*pats self on back* ‘cos why not??? gotta practice self-love and appreciation from time to time 💩

i’ve somehow also managed to be calm and collected which i found unnatural seeing as the ‘ol regular me on a normal day would be a cranky, dissociative fatso always on the verge of breaking down. so yes. its a good day today. the world is not conspiring against me today. and i should stop saying “today”.

anywhooooooooo

^^^ exact representation of how i’m feeling today

whOoohhhhhahHhhhhhhh.

it really feels good just writing down stupid nonsense and being carefree ‘cos you know no one’s gonna look/read through all the entries you’ve posted on your online secret diary.

^ 11/10 chance of it (writing everyday) being pure BULL ‘cos i don’t know how to commit. i said this a million times already but please for the love of beyonce,,,,, i hope i continue doing this shit. would love to go back and read all of the silly things i wrote either ‘cos i had a bad day, or i was giddy in love, or i was feeling hopeless and just want to vent. there are so many feelings out there and just the thought of me taking the opportunity to imprint the memory and experience on this platform is blooOooOowinG my mind. pls never delete tumblr. i promise i’ll post everyday.

p.s. this post went downhill,,,,,,

just goes to show how fucking weird and unpredictable humans are.

#weird #thisissupposedtobeasecret #nanithefuckBITCH #whyamilikethis #🤘🏼

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