Behind Closed Doors

Final copy of my film for FMP. 

My intention with this film was to try and create a realistic image of mental health and mental illness. It’s made up of different sections, all of which hold importance. In the case of the interviews, the meaning is quite explicit, my aim was to talk to as many people as I could about mental health. Unfortunately, lockdown meant that I couldn’t do as many as I’d originally hoped however it allowed me to explore other areas I otherwise wouldn’t have touched on some of the areas that I did. 

The clip of my grandparents is only brief but it represents how many families are unable to see their loved ones at the moment, which is undoubtedly having a negative impact on mental health. It initially looks like any home video and at any other time it would be but the context of life currently makes it much more powerful. 

The narrative of the film loosely follows that of the fire, which provides a powerful opening and closing scene. The cuts to the fire between sections were inspired by Jan Svankmajer and Laure Prouvoust’s work as a way to unsettle the viewer. The film that plays alongside Ray’s interview was also inspired by Prouvoust’s film wantee.  

Projection https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2A3M-__y7Q&t=1s After playing around in the garden with the projector I decided that this was where I wanted to display my finished film rather than inside. Nature plays a key role in my film and being immersed in it while watching adds to the overall impact. I initially projected the draft of my film as I thought it may have been the opportunity I got due to weather but I was able to project the full film the following night. I’ve since tweaked it slightly, I’ve evened out the sound and changing the capitalisation of the title. I also exported the version for youtube in much higher quality. For projection, I exported in 480p as the quality isn’t maintained on the projector I have anyway so it saved time and created a smaller file. For some reason, the film also exported in widescreen which isn’t particularly noticeable until the painting timelapse when the faces were all squished. For YouTube, I’ve exported the video in 1080p and have sorted out the widescreen issue. As lockdown means I can’t show my work my intention is for people to watch the video being projected in order to see my intentions for showing it and the effect it gives but not to actually watch the film like that as the quality of the video and audio are both bad as it was filmed outside. My dog also started barking halfway through and I didn’t have the opportunity to reshoot, unfortunately.

Final Backdrop 2

This is my second backdrop, intended to be hung slightly behind the first. Rather than statistics, this piece is embroidered with quotes from people I’ve interviewed alongside tread and paper portraits of these same people.

I wanted to contrast the statistics and link to the subject of the film. The meaning of the hard to read writing is the same here as on the first backdrop, it’s still very easy to ignore people even when they’re crying out for help. The portraits are also faded and hard to see, being made of paper they’re quite fragile and will further disintegrate over time, creating an ever-changing piece of work even if only subtly.

By placing this backdrop behind the first I am quite literally representing the faces and stories behind the numbers. My hope is that these quotes will stick with people a bit more and will help them realise what the statistics actually mean for the people they affect. 

I included a quote of my own on this piece, I didn’t want to do my own interview as without someone else to talk to I didn’t feel like I could just talk (I was quite involved in the conversation between Lottie and Emily though)

Final Backdrop 1

This is the first of two backdrops for my film to be projected onto. It’s made up of different offcuts of fabric stitched together and is embroidered with mental health statistics. 

I used statistics from mqmentalhealth.org and young minds as these are both well-regarded organisations, I also wanted them to be UK based and relating to children and young adults as this is who the majority of my project was focused on. 

At the moment we hear a lot of mental health statistics, in awareness campaigns, documentaries etc. but they’re easily ignored and often overlooked. It’s very easy to look the other way when something doesn’t affect you directly or when properly thinking about it will be uncomfortable. 

My choice to create hard to read words a similar colour to the fabrics was to reflect society’s inability to look properly at adolescent mental illness. You could very easily to not read the statistics and just view it as a pattern and move on, or you could read them and consider their full implications when also confronted with personal stories in the film.

I deliberately made this piece ‘messy’ nothing about mental illness is clear cut or ordered so if this was it would clash with the sentiment of the work, instead it’s made up of lots of different sections and there’s no clear pattern. Something that definitely does reflect a lot of peoples personal experiences.

Problems I faced

Obviously Corona and lockdown mean there’s been a lot of challenges that wouldn’t have happened/would have been easier to fix if I were at college. However, these are the main difficulties I’ve faced. 

The main one is my interviews. I originally wanted to do them face to face and film a few, potentially of the person in a place that had significance to themself and their mental health. I also wanted to do more than I was able to, I was considering sending a questionnaire or something similar out at college and interviewing people I don’t know. The lockdown meant I couldn’t do this, luckily I did a short interview with Holly when college was still open and met with Lottie and Emily outside just before lockdown came into place. My other interviews had to be conducted online. My first attempt was with Ray where we did a full 40 minute interview before realising no sound was recording. She thankfully agreed to do it again and this time I recorded the sound on the Tascam, this did result in quite bad quality sound but it’s better than no sound at all. I then did the same thing with Ione although knew what I was doing this time so thankfully got it first time. Lockdown meant I could no longer interview people I didn’t know, I could potentially have put a post up on my social media asking if anyone was interested but personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable interviewing someone without ever meeting them, particularly on a topic like mental illness as peoples stories are really personal. I also had a few people not do interviews due to their mental health currently, which is totally understandable. 

I also had quite a few issues with the sewing machine, it’s quite old and hasn’t worked properly for years. There are quite a few issues with the tension and things getting jammed which seems to happen randomly, doing the free machining also seemed to make these issues worse. It’s meant my embroidery isn’t as neat as what I can achieve at college but thankfully it isn’t too noticeable due to the style of the piece. The sewing machine did completely break at one point and just started screeching. My dad had a look at it and it was an issue with the motor which he was thankfully able to fix while it was out of action I expanded into a bit of hand embroidery in case the machine didn’t hold.

I’ve also had quite a few technical issues, my phone storage filled up and then I was unable to retrieve any of my photos off of it because everything I was trying wouldn’t work. Eventually, I was able to get off what I needed but I did lose a couple of film clips of the garden in the process. I haven’t been able to sort out the storage issue yet so I had to use my Dad’s phone to record the projection. 

What I learned from Workshops

In the second textiles rotation, I learnt how to do free machine embroidery and played around with ways I could use the technique. I did a bit of writing by tracing the words I’d created through screen printing and disperse dye. I also tried out tracing round pictures, I took a page out of a magazine (Cara Delevingne’s face) and sewed around the features. I really enjoyed doing this and was quite happy with the result but once I was done it was really hard to get the paper off because of the amount of sewing I’d done. I ended up leaving quite a bit on which looked quite cool in its own way. 

I tried this technique again in my FMP but this time with my own and some people I’d interviewed faces. My original intention was to get all the paper off so I tried washing it off this time but ended up stopping because I was creating some really cool effects by only washing some of the paper and inks away. 

I also learnt a lot in the film workshop, I had never previously used premier pro and the last time I created a stopmotion was at primary school. It was really useful to get my bearings round premier and it’s really helped me in this project (even though I’m having to use an older version due to corona). My workshop animation was made from tracing photos I took- I didn’t use this technique again partly because I didn’t really feel like it let me be particularly creative, and partly because lockdown meant I wasn’t able to photograph anyone featured in the film.  

Artist Research- Jan Svankmajer

http://www.goodshortfilms.it/en/articles/jan-svankmajer

Svankmajer’s films are very distinctive. His use of stop motion animation, defined and sometimes chilling sound, and really weird themes set him apart from other filmmakers.

His 1983 film ‘Down to the Celler’ is the perfect embodiment of this, it’s a mix of live-action and stopmotion although the way its filmed makes the people seem slightly not real. By using a child point of view the viewer is forced to confront what’s hidden in the dark. By amplifying what would usually be sounds you’d hardly notice (the woman cooking, cat running) Svankmajer unsettles the viewer by falsely creating the heightened senses you experience when scared. The relative lack of fear of the girl (I’d never have gone down there at all) means the majority of the film is actually quite calm. It’s quite dreamlike, rules don’t seem to apply and in the final scene when the girl walks back down you realise she may never escape the loop shes got stuck in. 

In stark contrast, is ‘Meat Love’. A funny film about two bits of meat falling in love. I think the fact you can tell the implied gender of a cut of meat sums up what a good filmmaker he is, I would love to be able to create this level of subtlety and Anthropomorphism.

FMP Artist reseach

https://www.remodelista.com/posts/patchwork-linens-by-line-sander-johansen-from-copenhagen/

Johansen creates really beautiful patchwork pieces from scraps of fabric. The work is made up of very neutral cream tones with some tea-stained scraps. Some of what I’ve been doing is quite similar to her work by using creamy coloured patchwork but my work is definitely much less neat than hers. I’ve deliberately left the finish on mine messy because the overall narrative doesn’t really fit with neat work.

https://www.aliceblackart.com/ap-soojin-kang

Soojin Kang is another similar artist working with textiles. Her work focuses on the beauty of the raw materials and how she can highlight this. She exploits negative space and plays into the powerful effects it can create. ‘Kang’s workplaces as much importance on that which exists as that which does not.’

https://www.axisweb.org/p/rosiejames/#info

Rosie James creates drawings using a sewing machine, screen printing and layers of fabric. Her work is quite illustrative which I really like and my layering fabrics and drawings she’s able to create a real sense of depth. I’ve found myself being much more controlled with machine embroidery, and while I do like the work I’ve been creating being looser with it definitely gives her work a really lovely quality.

FMP Research

http://en.jmgo.com/enblog/blog/the-history-of-the-projectors

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmjESb1xC08&t=35s

This article (particularly the first half) and youtube video provides a really cool insight into the history of projectors and their evolution from magic lanterns. I would've loved to have looked more into traditional projection techniques and the effects they can create but I don’t have access to anything other than a basic digital projector at home. I really like the less-than-perfect quality that projection gives to a film and I think playing around with more basic projection would have given me some cool results.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/christmas-charity-appeal-2014-blog/2015/jan/13/-sp-a-short-history-of-mental-illness-in-art

This article displays a lot of the ways mental illness has previously been displayed and communicated through art. Exploring how its depiction has evolved from the 15th to 20th century. ‘Art has led the way in seeing mental illness not as alien or contemptible but part of the human condition,’.

http://ruthmillington.co.uk/art-history-mental-illness-pictured-by-5-modern-artists/

Similarly, this article outlines 5 artists who were mentally ill. One thing I struggle with when talking about artists with mental illnesses is how often it’s romanticised. Vincent Van Gough’s life, in particular, is often misrepresented and facts are skewed to fit the narrative of the pained artist. This project has shown me that there is definitely a link between the two and some of the best work I’ve seen has been as a result of or about mental illness but romanticising this can have various negative implications. It can lead non-creative mentally ill people or creative mentally ill people who simply lack the motivation to feel guilty for not producing amazing artwork, it can also prevent people from attempting to recover due to the fear that their work won’t be as good anymore.

https://lekadre.com/embroidery-modern-art-form/

The second part of this article outlines the history of embroidery which has long been an important player in social movements, the suffragettes famously embroidered political messages onto hankies. This duality is still relevant in my project. While my focus is on mental health rather than feminism there’s still a stark difference between the initial appearance and content of the work.

http://www.folk-ark.com/blog/2015/5/5/hands-on-pojagi

Pojagi/bojagi is a traditional Korean fabric created by stitching together scraps of silk, cotton, and ramie (in single or multiple layers depending on the time of year). There’s quite a bit of similarity between pojagi and Japanese boro fabric which I looked at during my textiles workshop. Both are made from scraps stitched together into larger pieces of fabric but pojagi has more distinct seams that become a feature rather than the interweaving seen in boro. Pojagi was also not just created by the working class, although there were strong differences between the upper class and working-class styles. Patchwork is an important part of my work, although I’m creating it to be purely decorative rather than functional so using techniques such as reinforcing the seams isn’t really necessary for me.

Running Photos

I had intended to have a bit in my film that showed all the photos I’d taken while running during lockdown. I edited them into a slideshow but it just didn’t really work with the pacing of the film and reminded me of a PowerPoint presentation so I cut it from the final film and I’ve uploaded it to youtube separately.

https://youtu.be/oh7CxUobV6Q

I originally experimented with using a photo as a guide with machine embroidery in my textiles workshop and wanted to try it again.

My original intention was to create just a thread outline and as I remembered having issues with removing all the paper I reversed the image so that I could use the reverse of the embroidery. Once I’d sewn round the image I started trying to remove the paper, I decided if I got it wet it would be easier which it was! but I stopped before it’d all gone because I really loved the effect I’d gotten. The resulting image is slightly haunting and I think makes much more of an impact than thread alone. I repeated the process with Ray who I’d done an interview with although this time left more of the paper on. Interestingly the pink and yellow inks seem to wash away much quicker leaving a blue/green result (which gets stronger as it dries) the pink and yellow inks also dyed the fabric I was sewing into which creates a nice contrast.

My intention is to use these protraits in my second backdrop which is intended to be much more human and in contrast to the statistics which will hang in front of it.

I chose a photo of myself in a mask at work as I think the current pandemic is obviously having a huge effect on mental health globally. There is likely to be a national/international mental health crisis off the back of this, our mental health system is already severely underfunded and under a lot of pressure which will only get worse without the government properly funding services.

Backdrop number 1.

This is the first of 2 backdrops I’ll be projecting my film onto. It’s embroidered with mental health statistics mostly relating to children and young people (as this is the demographic I was mostly focused on). The text is deliberately a similar colour to the background and hard to read, my intention was to physically represent how easily people ignore these statistics and brush them off as normal, I also wanted you to have to look a bit harder to see the actual message. This is something I saw a lot of at the Disabled Arts Movement exhibition I visited in Birmingham and I think having that extra layer makes the work more powerful.

I used free machine embroidery to create the text which proved to be a bit of a challenge as I was unable to access the college sewing machines due to lockdown and my own one is quite temperamental so I couldn’t necessarily achieve the same finish I could of at college. I also experimented with dissolvable fabric and haveing words hanging off the edge of the piece which I think was quite successful.

My first pathway project involved me hand embroidering the chemical symbols of certain medications and using the sewing machine to attach these onto a hospital gown. I hadn’t previously done much sewing so this project taught me a lot of the basics and provided the foundation for the techniques I’m using in my FMP. A lot of my research for my pathway, including Lorina Bulwer and Agnes Richter’s work was also very relevant to this project and influenced a lot of the choices I made with textiles, in particular the building of layers and not sticking to the ‘rules’ of sewing. I have also continued with a medical theme although now I’m focusing on the more abstract concept of mental health. I am really interested in the medical field so I like to try and use science in my work which I did in my first project quite explicitly but also in my FMP with my use of statistics and first hand accounts of mental illness.

Two painting I did for as part of my FMP the one of Zee on the left was done to develop ideas and practice. The one of Emily and Lottie on the right was done to create a timelapse to go with their interviews.

This is the interview I did with Holly and the stopmotion animation I made to go with it. This was one of my first times doing stopmotion after I tried it in the workshop during pathway, I’m not 100% happy with the result and there are definitely things that need inproving (the lighting, number of frames per second etc) but I do think it works quite well with the audio of Holly describing a panic attack.

I’ve started working on the background I intend to project my film onto, I’m currently just using statistics but would also like to incorporate some quotes from some of my interviews. Inspired by Maria Wigley’s work I’m experimenting with dissolvable fabric and how it can be used with normal fabric.

Due to the lockdown I’m unable to source large pieces of fabric easily so I’m making use of the smaller bits I’ve got and intend to make some kind of messy patchwork. I actually think this will be more effective and interesting than a single piece.

After college shut due to corona I was feeling a bit stuck in what to do with my art so began a painting of Zee to get me back into it as it’s the medium I’m most comfortable with. He’s one of the people who’s agreed to do an interview so I thought it would be good to but faces to some of the statistics and story’s I’m focusing on. While doing it I thought it could be an idea to create a timelapse if a painting coming together, something I see a lot of on Instagram, I’m currently working on another painting and creating a timelapse of it which I plan to play over another interview