[Text ID: Maybe what I’ve been trying to say all this time, as an explanation and apology, is that I sense a mass of white noise in front of my face wherever I go. It stands between me and the world, between me and other people. More and more I am finding myself lost in it, unable to make it through to the other side.]
“I hold on to grudges for dear life
Just as hard as I hold the clutch swerving down state street in a heat wave
Seeking the thrill between hatred and adrenaline
Which tends to boil over when my car gets too hot
I get stuck in this spot
Waiting for the light to trigger and throw me forward
To a place I may never come back from
Because I can switch gears faster than my foot can slam on the pedal
And I end up in a limitless stall once again
Because this mirage of you in the distance
Is unreasonably out of reach
And I cannot let go of this clutch
Just like I cannot let go of this grudge
This race against hating you and letting it go
Will cause me to crash eventually
“If you see my name in the obituary, don’t you dare show up... because my car was overheating, and you didn’t care to stop”