benji watched from the sidelines. he smiled, like a proud dad, at his goofy friends’ attempts at comedy. he covered his mouth at her reference, or joke? it was so weird and so sori that benji was stunned into silence. his neck and ears flushed a deep red, part from embarrassment and part from trying not to loudly laugh at her.      he hesitated to his cue, not even sure of where it was anymore, but let himself onto her set anyway! he jogged to her, his dimples ever glowing, and stood right next to her. he held his chin and shoulders high. he took a deep breath and read the cards the director held.      “yes, it’s me, lee benji from future dreams! i will be today’s special guest on this episode of,” he leaned in with his index finger over his lips. he whispers, “silent legacy.”      he stood back up straight and cheered! “woo!” he clapped to himself and sori, doing his best to light up the room. when he calmed, his hands fell behind him and clasped.      “so, sori, can you please tell me, and the lovely, lovely viewers,” he gestured to himself and the cameras, “what our silent legacy challenge is going to be today?”

     benji’s brows furrowed. his eyes narrowed. he closely followed the instructor. every inch of his skin crawled with desire for victory. he wanted to win so badly that even between segments and shots being filmed, he looked onward at the staff with deep focus. he was not even looking for anything, he had no plan, yet his eyes were locked in, until, a bump to his shoulder snapped him out of it.      his head jolted to haneul, one of his partners, and benji’s face lit up. the cute boy, complimenting him like this, it made benji’s neck and ears blush red.      “ah, thank you, you look rather handsome yourself- should we go to cookie-prom dressed like this?” he looked down at his stylish, puffy wardrobe, “it already looks a little bit like a tux, right?”      benji looked up at haneul, still smiling. he tilted his head and hummed, “hmm. . . i don’t know. it looks like that is gonna be important.” he pointed to giant bathtub-like containers across the yard. “do you. . . yeah, i dunno. . . maybe we have to wrestle and try not to be dunked cookies?” benji shrugged. he dearly held his new-found, squishy belly.

✧ .・゜゜future dreams, new song; different

     with his permanent smile, benji walked into the booth. it was time! after hours of waiting even his toes were wiggling with excitement! he bowed to the producer and bounced.      “waaah.” he breathed, “it’s so fascinating being in here- i’ve never been in this booth before.”      instinctually, he put on the headphones and stood close to the mic. the producer on the other side of the glass laughed. through the headphones, though, benji could hear what people said outside the room.      “it’s really nothing special.”      benji partly giggled and partly sang, “maybe that’s why i like it so much~”      the producer just laughed at benji’s sudden cuteness.      “alright- you practiced, right?”      benji squeezed his hands together in front of himself. he nodded.      “good. let’s start with raise the roof- let’s start with the ‘wake you up’, okay?”

     “-we get stronger when we raise the roof!”      with his hands over his headphones, pressing the music into his ears, he looked to the producer. his eyes had grown and his head tilted. the producer smiled and nodded.      “okay, i think we got that one, that was good.” he told benji.      benji took a quick breath and looked around the room.      “do you need some water?”      benji nodded gently. someone outside found a bottle and passed it. once he had a break, the smallest of them all, his brain dragged.      why doesn’t this feel right. doesn’t it feel like something is missing? i-      he swallowed. he had to stop his thoughts before he began speaking out loud in front of everyone.      “are you ready for the next one? i want to move on to victory song.” the producer asked. benji looked to him, eyes still wide, and forced a happy smile. he gave a thumbs up and put the bottle down.      he stepped back out of the booth. his shoulders slugged. despite it, he smiled, happily, at the producer who helped him. they shook hands, exchanged their compliments, and benji got his bag to begin his next lessons.      the door to the recording room closed behind him with a pound. it hit benji’s backpack and knocked him forward. he looked back at it, then forward, and sighed. he shook his head at himself. he rubbed the back of his neck.      that felt. . . weird, right? it felt weird. i thought it would feel different. . .”isn’t recording like that supposed to be exciting?”      his tennis shoes gently padded the ground as he walked the vacant halls. he stared at his slowly loosening laces.      “maybe it’s because i’m just a trainee. . .” then, a spark! he beamed. “that’s it! i’m just a trainee and that- i should be more confident! when i debut, everything is going to be different.”      his shoulders were tall, proud, and he held his head high.      “when i can finally debut, that’s when i’ll be able to record songs well!”

word count: 482

     benji took a deep breath, puffing out his cheeks as he sighed. he looked around at the set. somehow he felt like he was in a foreign country. everything was new. he had even been a part of commercials before, but those were all natural, outside commercials. this was completely indoors and strict. there was a real, massive company behind it, and benji’s big-nosed face was supposed to represent the brand.      he could feel his ribs vibrate with the beat of his heart. it was all over, they had filmed so much, but he still could feel tingles in his wrists and palms.      before him, sat most of the members of type zero and some of the staff. he felt like they were still strangers. they were supposed to be close, best friends, just like all the idols in all the movies and commercials and variety shows. this, though, it felt wrong. they were no where close to family at all.      “how can i debut like this? we don’t look like an idol group. . .”      a wild presence snapped him from his daze. he threw his brows up and took a breath to respond before he even knew what he was saying.      “uh, yeah! i mean- wait, what?” he looked to where the other’s eyes were and saw a big bucket of chicken. there was chicken all over the place, but this particular platter looked awfully innocent and untouched. benji licked his lips.      “uh. . . heh, i don’t think anyone is paying attention, right?” he joked back. he was met with a thunderous roar from his stomach.      “honestly, i don’t think i’ve eaten since this morning.”

✧ .・゜゜memory: a hundred years

     the practice room could have stretched forever. the only thing keeping it from stretching right off the edge of the earth was the black of night. within it, also on watch, was a great moon. she just rose. she shone into the room but made little difference. the big, bright, white lights above the wood floor rudely outshined her.      under it all, benji sat. he bent one knee and tucked it in to his chest. he rested there. he took a deep breath. he remembered how happy everyone had been as they passed him in the hall.      for himself, and many other trainees, it was their first year since joining the legacy company. everyone would smile, punch his shoulders, pat his head, and congratulate him. when they did, of course, he smiled back, and thanked them proudly. now, only the moon saw the true way he felt.      he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.      from there, he watched the door behind him swing open. a great, big smile walked in to greet him.

     “benji!”      it was one of his coaches. benji beamed. he scrambled to stand up and laughed, “ah! ha, uh, sorry, i was just taking a break, uh, for a little while. but i was about to get back to it i-”      “benji, benji lee?”      he had never head such vocal tenderness before. why was a coach of all people being so endearing? he tilted his head.      “yeah?”      “not a lot of trainees make it to debut, or even, some don’t get to train for a whole year!” a hand fell upon benji’s shoulder. a squeeze. he swallowed. his smile faded.      “uh, thanks. it’s a honor. i-i’m excited!” he choked out.      “i just wanted to let you know i’m proud of you! you dance so well- even better than you sing, i think, but hey, ever dance teacher thinks like that, eh?” the hand fell and already the door was opening again, “i hope i get to debut well and keep working for a hundred- a thousand years!”      there was genuine laughter. there was fake laughter. benji could not tell which was his own. then, the door shut, and again, only the moon could see underneath. when the door closed, his skin fell, unthreading itself from him. on his face, he frowned. his dimples showed. everything in him drooped. he spoke to himself.      “even my own coach. . . is this all there is to work for?”      he scratched the back of his neck. he left his hand there. he could not look away from the door. his brows furrowed and suck that way. he shook his head slowly.      “did. . . no, no that can’t be right.” he sighed and turned around. in the mirror was his reflection, equally disturbed and confused.      "i thought this whole time. . . why don’t i feel different? this isn’t all there is to debut. . .” his hand dropped. he shook his head again.      the outside air was cold and windy. he could hear it howl past, frosting every window as it went.      “is it?”      benji went to the mirror. the moon watched from afar. benji took a deep look at himself. he scanned his nose, looking at it’s creases. he noticed every pore in his cheekbone. he wanted to melt into the mirror. maybe his excitement, how he should feel about it all, was somewhere in there.      he turned around to the door. he slid down the mirror.      “i’ve stared at this mirror for so long. . . how long have i even known my coach? it’s been years. . . i practiced for so long. . . and this is it? this is really all there is. i’m stuck here with the same coach for as long as i live- as long as i work hard like he wants.” he tucked in both his legs to his chest and hugged them. he let his skin bathe in the night. “huh. . .”

word count: 646

     are you doing it?! “it’s ringing -” just ask him already! “i said, it’s ringing, will you -” i swear, if you’re pretending again i’m going to take your phone and do it myself!” sooah barked, practically climbing onto yunho’s shoulders to catch a glimpse of his phone screen. “get off - hey benji.”       he answered?! hi opp - ! “be quiet!” yunho hisses back at her quietly, covering the receiver. “do you want me to do this or not?!” his sister frowns and sits back down on her cushion, arms crossed over her chest with a big pout. “sorry, uh, i know you’re busy with recording right now but… could you please tell sooah that under no circumstances are you allowed to record video messages for fans without permission fr -”      hey! that’s not what i asked! it’s not for a fan! it’s for his sister- “will you stop! i’m telling you he can’t. benji, please talk some sense into her, this is really starting to get ridiculous.”

     benji’s brows furrowed. his phone buzzed in his hand. he swallowed and looked around. he hit the silence button, then looked at the caller. yunho? this had to be something necessary, right? he never calls out of the blue.      “i’m so sorry, but. could you please excuse me, i’ll be right back.” he whispered to the producer. half annoyed, he nodded, and benji rushed out of the room to answer.      he held the phone up, selfie style, and answered with a smile. he waved immediately at the phone despite the chaos ensuing on the other line. he giggled at the siblings’ interactions.      benji chuckled at the two, “what? you guys- i can’t even heard you,” he held his free hand beside his ear, shaking it as if shaking a drink beside his head, “when you talk over each other.” he was still smiling. “but, uh, record messages for fans? i don’t know- i think that would be a good idea for a live stream, right? but, uh, no-” he tilted his head, “oh! is that all?” he leaned in and his forehead massively grew in the camera, “does my cutie little sister just want a future dreams video? i can’t tell you much about what’s going on, but. . .”

     benji watched her. he did not want to let the awkward air hand, he did not want to stand there and watch her get flustered while he was trying his best to just be kind. he wanted her to take it, say thank you, and just go away, but instead she stood there, blankly.      are you seriously trying to do this to me? are you trying to make me look like an asshole?      he stood there, holding the basket, obviously feeling rejected. she literally started looking anywhere into the room but at him. his chest rose in a deep breath, yet, never seemed to fall back down again. he stared harder. was she serious? when did she become so rude? it was just a tiny present.      he held it out, still, even shaking it once, until she verbally noticed it. then, just from that, he had realized she once again was rejecting any kindness he tried to show her.      he took a deep breath and put the basket under his arm, far less gracefully than how he gently brought it to her. for a long pause, he could not speak. his throat clogged.      what’s your problem?      “i was just trying to be nice, yeseo, i don’t want you-” a fire burned in his chest. he felt his shoulders tense. still, he kept himself cool. he kept his voice gentle. “i don’t want you to hate me, is that so bad? i just- it’s your birthday and if i didn’t bring you something you would have gotten on my case and now i do bring you something and, look at that, you don’t even want it. sorry for trying, i guess.”      he looked down to the basket as if it was his own, personal wilson on the deserted yeseo island.      “all i ever get for trying to be nice is rejection, huh.”

     benji happily nodded, humming as he looked around the house. it was a cute, nice little place. it was shockingly homey. he thought someone like nari was more of a pink, cutesy girl, with plush animals and giant teddy bears anywhere she could fit them. but, instead, he walked into a rather mature abode.      despite his scratchy sweater, he found the room so comforting that his own shoulders relaxed. the scratch became soft. the heat became warm.      benji watched nari lean over to get an apron, just for him, and could not help his line of eyesight. he was once looking at her eyes, but when she turned, it was her hair, and that hair flowed perfectly down her back and her back so scrumptiously curved to her-      she snapped up. benji blinked. he swallowed and held out his hand.      look at her eyes, benji, don’t be such a creep.      what if louise sees me doing that? i’ll be dead when i get home. . .      “thanks!” he took it and found it’s front. he put the top over his head. a part of him wondered if he should ask her for help, to make sure he was treating her property correctly, but she was already off and busy. he inhaled. they had no time to work, but plenty to make friends with one another later. he took to tying it himself and hoped he had done it right. he knew that he tied it too loosely, for sure, but let it wiggle about regardless.      he followed her to the sink with an obnoxious smile. he knew he was picking on her and her little laugh only made it feel better. he just nodded at her announcement of his help.      his eyes followed her movement again. when she put on her shirt, of course, he looked at it. his eyes cupped all of her torso, watching intensely as she tried it on and put the apron over it. before he realized what his eyes were doing, before he could snap his head away, she was done!      the smallest of blush rose to his cheeks, but really, his neck and ears had turned a hot pepper red. he nodded at her. he wanted to cough, clear his throat, but that would be too obvious.      man, nari, why you gotta let a weirdo american like me in your place?      “yeah! just- show me what to do! i’m a great follower.” he nodded. he tried to follow close behind her, but not so close that he was up and against her.

     benji stared with a gentle smile. he tilted his head, just so, watching her brain malfunction. it was easy to tell she was, of something, an unmotivated student, probably learning. . . chinese? either way, her tired frame and flappy lips told him that her brain was, as she put it indeed, hijacked from studying.      he set his bag down in the room. he forgot what he came, for already, but was having a good time with the stranger. his heart leapt back and forth, in and out of the pastures ‘she’s so cute’ and ‘i wonder if i can help’.      he moved to sit across from her lying, dead body, but she sat up. so, instead, he smiled and sat across from her. he held out his hand, like a baby, asking for the paper that she was clearly using.      “i’m benji,” he laughed, “lee benji, an idol trainee. you’re jaehwa from lgc girls, right?”      his hand was still outstretched to try and read whatever he could to help her.      “can i see it? maybe i can help. you look like you’re working too hard- and you should never study alone! let me help. maybe my phone can be a good translator.”      despite the rules, benji pulled out his phone. using app and online translations was his saving grace when he first came to korea. so, of course, he had endless apps and websites he knew of that were perfect translators, even better than that of the infamous google translate.

     they took countless ‘shirtless mirror selfies’ together during their years in and out of legacy. usually when working out, benji would goofily pull seojin over, hoping to convince him to take one of those ‘two douches at the gym’ pictures to send to seojin’s mother.      he knew well, perhaps even better than seojin’s own mother, what seojin’s body was like. likewise, seojin had seen more of benji than benji’s own room mates. they were close, close enough to be considered a couple, which benji loved the idea of. the laughter it brought alone made his abs clench and throb.      despite the two boy’s physique, which was similar in size, benji knew the secret difference between them. seojin was far stronger.      seojin was the type to have, what benji’s friends back home called, ‘hidden muscles.’ he was the type of kid that was made fun of for being scrawny one minute and power slamming bullies the next. when relax, at least to benji, he thought seojin looked rather like a noodle. when angry, working out, or even excited, though, suddenly came ungodly strength.      benji was quite the opposite. he was well aware of the difference. while seojin’s muscles could pack more punch per square inch of muscle than anticipated, benji’s muscles did exactly not that. his muscles were big, big enough he assured himself, but his strength was shockingly low. to have the strength of seojin, benji would need twice the muscle mass he already had.      despite their identical body mass and opposite fits of strength, when asked, of course, benij agreed to wrestle one of his best friends. it would be fun, after all! he was completely sure he would lose but that had nothing to do with the thrill of the game!      like a sumo wrestler, he squatted far down and swayed side to side. he put his fists up, staring up at seojin.      “yeah i am! you think you’re stronger than me, little man?” he taunted with a great, wide smile, “well, then, bring it on, tough sucker!”      he heard the ref tell them to prepare, so, he brought himself higher and outstretched his arms to seojin.      “you wanna do a bro-hug before i kill you, babe?”

     hey, all! i got some great advice from our dearest lgcseojin mun and i wanted to make a post specifying what kinds of things my muses’ fans would know about! so! read this to have a better understanding of my characters’ public personas and what questions i would love asked about them!

     HUNJI: questions can be about future dreams and why he’s on it if he’s not a full year yet, his pets and if he has any, his family and if he has any (the public doesn’t know his family dynamics), other interests, what his childhood was like, and what made him join lgc.

     EUNJI: questions about gym and the olympics, her favorite things/general interests, her home life and where she grew up, her free time interests, if she has any pets, tmi’s, her dancing, her sudden switch from singer to rapper, or her music career/career in general!

     BENJI: questions about america/his home life, his lack of popularity/notoriety, his always good mood despite not debuting, the rumors that he did murals for famous rich people around the world, his free time interests, and his clothes/why he always wears the same thing.      also, if you read this far, give this a little like so i can send you some questions too! (i rlly love coming up with them actually! i’d be happy to send one or more~)

     benji stood with his arms crossed. his shoulders were slumped. his feet felt sore. his thighs felt even worse. his thighs always hurt after dancing too hard.      he took in a deep breath. he could smell the new paint and fresh air that came with any new apartment. it smelt of anything other than home.      he scoffed, smiling, but scoffed still. those words were not at all what he wanted to hear from akira. he wanted comfort, some sort of stop or distraction from the way he was thinking. it would not stop, though. he knew his dad would have the perfect words to say.      he faced perpendicular to akira, but turned his head to look at him. his arms stayed crossed. he cocked a brow.      “have i ever called my dad in front of you? do you think the managers will let me call him now?”      a sudden wave of sleepiness hit him. instead of standing all alone, he headed to akira’s bed. he stood between the beds and then plopped down onto the floor, criss cross. it felt like sitting between two beds in a hotel room.      “i guess. . . it’s only promotion, right? . . . i think i should- how often do you call your parents? you’re japanese, right?” the sporastic mind of a nervous man.

     benji bit his lip as he stared at their ceiling. he sighed through his nose. how could akira be so relaxed? benji looked over. he was bundled up in bed, ready to sleep any second. benji shook his head. how could anyone sleep?      as soon as he had lied down, he stood up again. he crossed his arms. he paced the room.      “really?” he asked. he had no clue what he was looking for by asking that, but, he could not help it. for three whole years, or four, or two, he had performed over and over. not once had it ever been good enough for legacy. worst, other kids surpassed him. benji was only as good as that popular hunji guy- a one year trainee of all people. he shook his head.      “but. . . did we do- did we do anything different than usual? was it all the same? what if the performance was subpar? i know we worked hard but. . . what if our team isn’t special enough? will people pay attention to us?”      he ended his pacing back at the side of his bed. he stood beside it. his legs would not let him rest.      “i think we were good enough, too, but. . . is that all it was?”

     benji’s head snapped to her- probably? he furrowed his brows. he pouted. he wanted so badly to swim in the pond, but, was it worth a snake traveling. . . oh god.      “uu-uh,” his voice cracked. he cleared it with a laugh, “m-maybe we don’t swim if there’s. . .” the sudden thought of a snake being anywhere near that part of him sent shivers down his spine. his shoulder shook at the thought. he could feel the snake- nope!      nope! no way am i getting in that water.      benji turned to nari with a smile. she liked his joke, huh? even as she went for her shirt he smiled at her.      his smile dropped. his face went pale. stunned. absolutely stunned. he looked at her like she was insane. maybe she was. he loved it. his face, just as quickly, flushed. he smiled. he would have given everything to take a look.      excitedly, he laughed, and spun around. he tossed her jacket- far. then, he took his own, heavier, and balled it up. he threw it as hard as he could. it may have landed on a tree. it may have hit the floor. he spun around with a boyish laugh.      he glanced, but only once!      “oh, are you serious?” he laughed. he threw his shirt off and raced forward. he threw his shirt behind nari, into the dirt of the forest, and beamed.      he bit his lip, part nervously, and part excitedly. was she really cool with this? he did not care. he unbuttoned his pants and yanked his zipper down. he yanked off his shoes, stood, and threw them down the path home. clumsily, hoping on one foot, he took off one leg of his pants. he threw them into somewhere and spun to nari.      “ah, seriously, take everything off!” he laughed, “it’s so refreshing!”      he looked where nari was pointing. somehow, he had missed it, yet there sat a blue lagoon. mostly bare, he turned to it and stared. his face lit up. it was what he always dreamed of.      “woah. . .” he was breathless. then, in a shout, “can we swim in it? oh, nari, we have to! i always wanted to swim in a pond like this, b-but we don’t have any in arizona!”      he ran to the edge of the water. it looked plenty deep to jump in. he inhaled sharply and grasped the hem of his boxers.      oh, i have to swim in here.

✧ .・゜゜masterchef interview; it was fun

     sweat dripped from benji’s head. his person was guided to a quieter section of the still chaotic masterchef set for a solo interview. he was still out of breath from the competition, of which the judging was most tiring of all.      he shook his head, smiling, but tired, when a solo camera filmed him.      “how was that?”      benji put his hands on his hips. he spoke, “that-” but instantly gasped for air. his sudden exhaust caught up to him. he laughed at how he was acting, bending over once.      when he collected himself, he stood straight, and crossed his arms. he could feel a drop of sweat drip from his hair to his shoulder. he smiled as he spoke.      “i’ve never done anything like that before!” he laughed, eyes wide, “it was stressful! ah, but, even then, i really really had a good time. i think soyoun is an amazing, uh, cook? a chef? she’s really a good leader, too, i think she did well.”      he uncrossed his arms and held two thumbs up to the camera, “do you hear me, soyoun? you seriously, seriously, did well!”      “did you learn anything?”      benji tilted his head. he cocked a brow with a smile. looking up, he hummed, thinking.

     “i learned to, uh, buy heavily at gas stations and fast food so i never have to do any of this-” he threw his hand backwards, gesturing to the mess of a cooking scene behind him.      he laughed and crossed his arms again. for an instant, he felt his knee wobble. he swallowed and stood up straight. at last, he had caught his breath.      “so,” the interviewer now smiled, “did you like the show?”      benji’s jaw dropped. his eyes bulged, “of course i did!” he gasped. he smiled brightly, “it was really really fun! i seriously enjoyed it, even if it, uh,” he turned around. there were still crew and legacy members cleaning up after the show, “even if it was. . . challenging.” he laughed and leaned forward again.      he stood up straight, “but seriously! i really had a good time, and soyoun was the perfect person to be cooking with! even if what we made was, uh. . .” he smiled. he tilted his head once at the camera, “interesting, i really think she made the best out of what we had and we all worked together well so,” his hands went behind his back, “i seriously seriously had a good time on this show. thank you so much for having me!”      “do you want to come back again?”      benji took a deep breath. his smile vanished.      “ah,” benji’s laugh was no where near hearty or joyful. it was a silence filler at best. still, not wanting to deny that the show may be a bit too much for him, he tried to think of a quick answer. if only it had happened quickly.      “i will- i will see what my schedule looks like next season.” he nodded thoroughly, his wide grin returning home.      there was a pause of silence from the team before him. benji waited politely until the interviewer held out her hand, “okay! thank you so much for coming, benji.”      benji graciously held both of his hands over her one hand, “ah, seriously, it was so fun! thank you for inviting me.” he smiled.      “it was a pleasure to have you.”      their hands dropped and soon the camera fell with it. benji, smiling, too a deep breath. his hands propped back up on his hips. he watched as the little team cleaned up and moved away.      yeah. . . it was fun. . . but no way am i doing that again.

word count: 614 (currently lol) points: +1 vocal, +4 acting, +2 notoriety

     with instructions to finally follow, benji firmly nodded, and got right to work. everything they needed was layed out before them. so, quickly, he had everything he needed and was cutting away at whatever meat she had collected from the on stage fridge.      benji turned his head back to her when she screamed. he laughed, “okay! you can trust me, older sister!” still smiling, he looked down, and sliced away.      while working, he looked around at the other contestants’ dishes and tables. one group had already started boiling water while someone else was quickly taking something off the stove.      no way. there was an impossible likelihood that anyone was done with any dishes, much less plating them. there were no plates going around, luckily, but the sudden rush of other people being done with tasks had him sloppily slicing away.      by the time she called to him, he was done, but it was less than stellar slices. it looked wobbly and silly, but there was no time to worry. it was abstract, benji thought, and would impress any abstract artist!      confused, but submissive to instructions, benji stared at the meat. not too much, but just enough, of this sauce you have never tried before in your life.      benji scrambled for a spoon and slammed the sauce up on it. he spit out just a little and put it right on his lips.      “oh GOD-” he sharply inhaled. he looked at the bottle. his mouth stung.      “oh! oh, soyoun,” he begged, suddenly in a panic from the heat. he brought, then almost dropped, the bottle to her. he showed her what it looked like, “is this supposed to be this spicy?” benji spoke with his tongue extended from his mouth. he looked back at the meat, offended.      maybe it was best to have no sauce at all.

     @lgcakira is performing!

     benji wobbled into their shared bedroom. he was one of the last boys to shower after their long day. his towel hung loosely. he held it on his hips. when he got to their room, he did not even bother closing the door at first.      “oh- sorry.” he sighed. he had no space in his head for korean.      he went to his side of the room and dropped his towel then and there. he found his pajama pants, and with nothing else, slid them on. he looked to his dorm mate, akira, with a sort of dullness in his eyes. he could tell he and akira were feeling equally tired and unsatisfied.      “it. . . huh.” he sighed. he rolled onto his plain white bed. he did not even bother to tuck himself in. he just lied on top of it, letting the freezing air of winter dry his stomach and chest.      “it wasn’t that bad, right?” he could not even look at his friend. his eyes were glued to the ceiling. the effort to move his own head was too grand, so, like being held down with leather straps, he stayed put.      “i-i don’t think i messed up, and you didn’t- but- do you think. . . i don’t. . .” he took a deep breath. he laid his hand on his face and cringed. he squeezed his cheeks in. he put his hand behind his head. “do you think we were good enough, akira?”