holy balls i just lost 4kg in 4 days i love how quickly the first bit of weight goes

Currently doing the walk of shame back to this hellsite

Well ofc I find myself back here again. I’ve gained huge amounts of weight in the past 6 or so months- lots happened in my personal life. I dabble in illicit substances these days too yay! I have just gotten minor surgery a few days ago and they’ve prescribed me loads of stuff that’s entirely killed my appetite + even if I wanted to eat I couldn’t because it’s so uncomfortable to eat it + my tongue is half numb so nothing really tastes that good anymore. Honestly, this is euphoric. I feel amazing about how much I’m eating- I eat a couple spoons of each ‘meal’ I have and take ages doing it, like I’m eating so little and it feels entirely natural and right. Unfortunately I’m mostly bedbound both because of mental illness and the meds so no exercise for me- I was never a big exercise guy in the first place though lmao. I’m going to my friend’s birthday motive this Saturday and hope to get royally messed up- but I’m not so sure how much drinking I’ll be able to do which is lowkey gnawing at me. I’ve decided not to smoke until Saturday too and while withdrawals aren’t fun, the nausea/lack of appetite from that is amazing though. 

-Aves 

the place where i am most excited to lose weight from is my arms. they are so fat and ugly. i feel like naturally i have an ok bone structure, i'm just really fat lmao.

i have reached a new high weight. i am so horribly disappointed in myself and i'm even more disappointed that i gave my mum my pills last month so i cant even 0verd0se my way out of this horrible body. i'm not talking 'oh i'm like 78k :((' im talking im 98. i am so sick of myself. i've really tried to exercise and eat healthily without relapsing into my ed, but here we are. i'm fatter than ever and at a new low. i am going to relapse into my ed now and i pray that it finally brings me under 80kg again. i am not like the people on this app who are starving themselves to very low weights, i'm just trying to starve myself to a normal one at least, so no one would even care to help me with my mental health because i'm so horribly obese anyways and i really need to lose this weight.

so join me in my journey to get to at least 70kg, preferably low 60s. i've given up trying to be as skinny as i truly want to be, i just want to be normal for once.

-avery.