lavenderoatmilklatte01
nothing gold can stay
21she/her“To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.”avid dark academia fangirl
265 posts
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Last Seen Blogs
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This Love Is Brave And Wild.
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danadoesit
Dana Does It
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nothing distresses me more than noticing the date and knowing that it used to be important to you but not being able to remember why like what do you mean I forgot the day my first boyfriend asked me out or my old high school classmates birthday
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in another universe, i stopped talking to you before you ever had the chance to hurt me
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in another universe, I got over you a long time ago.
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I’m angry because it’s November, and I’m still mourning May
A humid sunday in August keeps me awake at night
A windy September evening looms at the corner of my vision
I see the April weekends in the shower tile
And the early days of January flickering in the lamp light
I bathe the placid mornings of June in the kitchen sink
And watch the melancholy October weeks circle the drain
I grieve each one, and love them just the same
May is Jeff Buckley and an island off the coast
August is gentle touch and the end of a beginning
September is false hope and the smell of cigarettes
October is ink stained fingers and empty prayers
I find myself in winter and yet I have not left the spring
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“you can’t miss something you never had” fucking watch me
#In another lifetime you tried a bit harder and we were happy#And I will use this lifetime to mourn the one that could have been
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small talk? it was quite big to me. i love you
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there’s a weird sense of pain in loving someone who you aren’t supposed to love, and i don’t mean this in the star crossed romeo and juliet way, but in the way you love a poet you only knew for a few months, a cigarette burnt academic you went on one date with, a gentle tourist staying for the season. The ones you feel you don’t deserve to mourn for their fleeting presence.
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Charles Bukowski, "hurry slowly," from Come On In!
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i also think there’s something very painful about only getting to love someone for a season bc you only get to love one version of them. i’ll never know how he dresses in the winter, if he likes to watch the leaves change, if he hates it when it snows. The only version of him that will ever exist to me is the sandy, sunburnt one who’d stay up all night to watch the sunrise.
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when i was a kid i would always see quotes equating an old lover to a stranger and think that is so silly. no one you’ve met could ever be a stranger again. but then i think about how if he passed me on the street he wouldn’t be able to acknowledge me, but i would still know what his parents did to him, and even worse, what they did not do. and i think oh,,,it makes sense.
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my roman empire is whatever i did to deserve him treating me like that
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“everything people did seemed so silly, because they only died in the end”.
Sylvia Plath was right
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the hardest thing is when ur going through something terrible there is an awful middle phase of it when u don’t know if u can get through it or if you’ll ever be okay again and the truth is always you will get through it and you will absolutely be okay again but u just cant see it at the time
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my grief caught up with me tonight on the sidelines of a small town hockey game and it felt like a hug from an old friend you know you will never see again
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