if you’re still here it means hey my felix is unaffiliated with the ferpc for the most part but i still want to write with you guys :)

@blaimed​ hey there :)

IS  IT  OVER  NOW ?  DON’T  DEAD  men  tell  tales  of  victory  bells ,  the  drumming  in  the  streets ?  enbarr  feels  like  the  opposite.  there  is  a  blanket  of  silence ,  hushing  even  the  rowdiest  of  soldiers  into  murmuring  corners. 

the  palace  is  no  better.  felix  picks  at  the  stone  with  his  sword  to  scrounge  up --  a  vulnerary ,  another  sword ,  something ,  anything ,  for  the  final  chapter  in  the  war  /  this  is  the  world’s  end ,  shall  we  do  the  ‘ one - two ’ ?  /  &  comes  up  empty.  it’s  a useless  habit  meant  to  keep  them  waiting ,  waiting --

“  that  took  you  long  enough ,  ”  they  say  sharply ,  at  the  familiar ,  hulking  gait  of  dimitri.  (  he  was  nervous ,  he’ll  say ,  to  follow  after  him  in  the  aftermath  of  the  monstrous  form  edelgard  had  taken ,  when  really ,  they  think  they  would  have  demanded  dimitri  settle  down  for  a  well  earned  nap  as  soon  as  possible.  )  “  what  was  the  holdup ?  ”

           @blaimed​  sent.  (  LITERALLY  FUCK  YOU  TOO  )       ' the day breaks night's fall ... isn't that right, felix? '

HOW  DARE  HE.  HOW  DARE  HE ,  dimitri  alexandre  blaiddyd ,  spill  such  poetics  onto  him  with  no  fear ?  he  thinks  that  he  might  faint ,  when  dimitri  speaks  to  them  like  this.  with  such  reverence ,  kindness ;  maybe  this  is  all  they’ve  longed  for.  maybe  all  that  bitterness  was  for  such  affection  he  couldn’t  have ,  could  not  grasp  until  now.  (  you  are  a  weapon ;  &  weapons  do  not  weep.  you  died  at  thirteen  alongside  your  brother ;  a  new  you  remains.  ) 

“  stop  looking  at  me  like  that ,  ”  they  answer  instead ,  but  instead  of  a  scowl ,  they  turn  away  to  hide  the  faintest  traces  of  a  smile.  yes ,  yes ,  how  dare  he  turn  him  into  such  a  sentimental  fool.  words  are  meaningless --  he’s  convinced   himself  so  for  so  long ,  but now ,  the  words  are  a  promise  kept  close  to  their  heart.  surely  dimitri  knows  what  he’s  saying ,  what  it’ll  do --  flush  their  cheeks  crimson ,  make  him  turn  his  gaze  away.  (  felix  finds  himself  already  doing  so  right  now.  truly ,  what  a  disagreeable  man.  )

why ,  then ?  “  you  already  know  my  answer ,  ”  he  says ,  voice  low  instead  of  soft.  he  doesn’t  think  himself  capable  of  gentleness --  has  never ,  truly ,  thought  themself  capable  of  anything  close  to  it.  still  felix  tries --  oh ,  he  tries ,  he  tries ,  if  only  for  dimitri’s  sake.  “  i  shouldn’t  have  to  spell  it  out  for  you ,  ”  they  continue ,  looking  back  up  to  him.  ah --  this  is  too  complex ,  maybe ,  for  them  to  sift  through.  still ,  they  are  capable  of  such  simplicities  like  this :  stepping  a  foot  closer ,  bringing  up  their  hands  to  straighten  dimitri’s  fur  cloak.

“  but ,  ”  he  continues ,  &  now  he’s  soft ,  pressing  his  head  to  dimitri’s  shoulder  as  if  to  hide  their  admission  from  the  rest  of  the  world.  only  for  dimitri ,  only  between  them :  “  you  wouldn’t  be  wrong ,  i  suppose.  ”  that  is  only  the  first  half ;  mentally ,  felix  braces  himself  for  his  next  truth ,  the  next  part  of  the  fairytale.  “  morning  does  follow  night ,  after  all.  ”

no  matter  where  it  takes  him.  that  is  yet  something  he  is  capable  of  confessing ,  something  that  they  will  try  to  convey  another  day.  perhaps  they’ve  already  shown  him --  it’s  been  a  long  &  dreary  war ,  of  hunting  dimitri  &  fighting  for  him ,  fighting  by  his  side.  they’ve  long  grown  tired  of  holding  a  blade ,  of  being  one ,  but  for  dimitri’s  sake ,  they  did.  (  unable  to  convey  my  feelings  to  you ,

i  imagine  all  sorts  of  lives ,  )  he  thinks  he’s  more  than  ready  to  let  it  drop  now ,  in  favor  of  a  warm  &  calloused  hand.  ‘ i’m  not  incapable  of emotion , ’  he  once  said ,  &  no  words  could  ever  be  truer  in  their  mind.  especially  here ,  right  here ,  where  he  closes  his  eyes  &  lets  his  hand  drop  to  grasp  dimitri’s.  gentle ,  gentle ,  they  must  be  capable  of  it ,  they  are.  (  &  act  them  all  out  to  draw  your  attention ,

                                                                                          oh ,  fly  me  to  the  star. )

@lastfraldarius said:  i thought i’d never see you again, once the stars were scattered in pieces, all over the galaxy.

unprompted / always accepting .

had i truly become the myth he deigned to divulge? had i formed entirely to those fears he tried to pull me away from? time was just as they said, an endless abyss that garnered untold desires and aberrations, and its claws had torn me to pieces. kindness was a rare form, and having not been graced with so much as a smile in all those years had done little but shown me what a cruel reality awaited beyond the walls of my assumed naivety. how had i not realized that what i was searching for all that time, was the splendorous daylight of felix’s gaze?

now there was nothing else besides that light, besides the warmth that had finally melted the icy tones he had grated me with in the far off past. suddenly my chest tightened painfully, but nothing had ever felt so satisfying. for once, i found myself at a complete loss for words, stunned into silence by the mere image of felix. perhaps it was the genuine desperation that clouded his eyes that he had never allowed me to witness before, or the startling lack of animosity in his voice that gave way to such a serene air, but i was truly lost in its beauty.

i simply could not restrain myself as i reached out to brush rogue locks from felix’s eyes, letting my thumb trace the crest of his sharp cheek. touch-starved and longing to share a moment of truth with none but him as my audience, my hand lingered possibly longer than it should have. but i felt no regret in this small act of affection, even hoped that it may lead to more. my heart bled and bled every lost drop from my body until i was barren of that which caused me pain.

but wasn’t pain what made us human?

like a deluge of memories, emotion, it all flooded back to me so quickly, as if a simple touch ignited a dormant flame. regret seeped from my very bones, drenched my skin with a permanent roughness that i could not bear to subject felix to. as impulsively as i had extended it, i lowered my hand if only to encircle him in a charged embrace: my offering to ensure him that i would not soon leave again.

“ i … could go on for weeks with words to express how deeply i regret my actions, but it would still not be enough. hah… besides, you have never been one to tolerate my long-winded speeches. therefore… remaining by your side is what i must do to show you. ”

GIVE ME A MOMENT.

i cannot see

i cannot see

felix

a commission for @ronsenburg

you want more asks, fucker?

this isn’t a friendship, this a warzone @lastfraldarius @knghtfell .

      @knghtfell​ sent. ( unprompted , fuck you. ) *ruffles his hair* *ruffles his hair* *ruffles his hair* *ruffles his h

THIS  IS  AN  ACHE  LONG  GONE ;  the  affection  curdles  in  your  chest  as  your  brother  does  so ,  as  if  nothing  had  happened.  as  if  nothing  had  changed.  &  maybe ,  in  a  way ,  things  haven’t :  that  is  still  your  older  brother ,  the  very  same  lines  &  hair  &  eyes. 

&  in  a  way ,  that  is  not  your  brother.  your  brother  died  nine  years  ago  &  nothing  can  go  back  to  the  way  it  was ,  before  his  sword  &  his  shield  ended  up  in  your  arms.  it  was  a  burden  &  a  curse ,  all  wrapped  in  one.  (  it  still  is ,  with  the  sword  at  your  hip  &  the  shield  strapped  to  your  back.  you  were  never  made  for  dukedom ,  &  you  doubt  you  ever  will  be.  )  you  let  him  continue  for  a  moment  more ,  if  nothing  because  you  are  still  stunned  into  place.

“  stop  it ,  ”  you  say  first ,  &  then  again ,  louder ,  with  more  force :  “  i  said  stop  it.  we  have  no  time   to  be  indulging  in  such  childish  things  like  that.  ”  childish :  you  were  a  child  once ,  &  now  you  are  a  weapon ,  out  of  bitterness  &  tragedies  &  heartbreak  &  more.  “  don’t  you  understand ?  we  have  a  war  to  fight  out  there.   ”

glenn :  his  name  is  glenn.  it  doesn’t  feel  right.  nothing does ,  anymore ,  except  the  weight  of  the  sword  in  your  palm  as  you  draw  it  towards  his  neck.  “  if  you’ve  got  time  for  such  antics ,  ”   you  say ,  &  cannot  meet  his  eyes ,  you  look  down ,  down ,  away ,  before  your  voice  can  betray  you ,  “  then  draw  your  sword  &  fight.  ”

oh – i’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but i’m going to be alternating between he / him & they / them pronouns for felix. i’d appreciate it if partners could too! 

i forgot i changed my fucking url anyways my rules are at @sunraise

As light and shadow    The sun and the moon       Torn between love and hate          I’ve gotta get it somehow             Gaining by losing always haunt us                To our dying day, stuck in the haze                   How did it ever come to this?

You think it might have been better for him to have killed you when he could.

god has cursed me for my hubris & my work is never finished

“How does it feel Got no one on your side It isn’t how it is really meant to be

How did it ever come to this I thought I’ll never see you again Once the stars were scattered in pieces all over the galaxy”

𝚄𝙽𝙲𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚃𝚂.  /  ugh ,  fine.

          “ it’s nice to see you relaxing for a change, felix !! i was just on my way to the greenhouse to collect the vegetables, would you like to help me ?? ” @lastfraldarius .

THERE’S  ALREADY  A  REFUSAL  BLOOMING  ON  his  tongue ,  ready  to  snap  at  mercedes  with  all  he’s  worth.  in  truth --  nothing  sounds  better  than  another  evening  spent  in  the  training  grounds ,  &  they’re  ready  to  tell  her  so --

&  bites  on  their  tongue  not  to.  somehow ,  the  thought  of  disappointing  her  makes  their  stomach  turn.  (  he’s  already  been  fairly  rude  to  her ,  hasn’t  he ?  )  “  ...  you  could  ask  anyone  else ,  ”  he  says  curtly ,  but  still  moves  to  walk  in  step  with  her.  “  but  ugh ,  fine.  if  you  say  so.  ”