laezey
Surviving, barely.
and it’s almost time to jingle your bells 🔔
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This scene is gonna go down in history as poetic cinema.
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Maybe it’s not too late to leave and stop being a burden for everyone. I need everything to stop.
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The final words.
That’s the thing, I never forgot one thing about you. I know your favorite color is blue, I know you hate being alone, I know you and your best friend favorite tv-show is the "inbetweeners", that your favorite Disney movie is the "Fox and the Hound", I know your favorite avengers is Captain America, I know you would like a tattoo of a Polish Eagle somedays. You snore. You like bubbly water, you like Italian food. See? I know you. Everything about you I remember.
But I cannot say it anymore. I can’t call you babe since October 10th 2023. Not that you want to hear it. You blocked me everywhere for a reason right? You promised to never abandon me, but you did. Without a warning. Why, Patryk? I gave you everything I had. In a way it sucks I’ll always remember you with love and you, in brief moments with hatred. I’m the one who loved you the most. With my flaws and mistakes, I never gave up. Even today, I will always believe in the goodness in you. Tomorrow too. I guess this is my goodbye to you, as I wasn’t able to do it.
I’ll always remember and love you and believe the best in you. And I hope the next person makes you happy in ways I couldn’t. But I hope you don’t forget my silly laugh and my jokes. What we had was rare and beautiful. I’ll always cherish it. And you’ll always be a part of me. While I will stay a simple chapter in your life. You meant everything to me. I guess that’s life.
We were so beautiful under all those lights at that illumini place. You looked so goofy feeding and bonding with squirrels. It’s so hard to type, but, goodbye Patryk. Please, don’t hate me forever.
Goodbye and I love you.
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Part II. Our story 2020-2024.
Oh Canada, what a beauty you were. But it was much more beautiful because you were next to me. It was summer so I didn’t get any snow. The first night, we were one.
I remember when we were in Niagara Falls and I nearly got lost because you didn’t hold my hand. You were watching me tho. Your sister took pictures, I’m sure you deleted them now. But I remember. I also remember Port Dover, a small little place that looks like a beach. They have the best ice cream you told me. I ordered too much food and your mom laughed when she was my reaction to the amount they had for me. On the way home, I was holding your hand and you fell asleep. I stared a little. I always stared at you.
I played WoW, I wanted to try it. I would copy whatever the character said and you’d laugh. You also laughed when I nearly got killed by a fish. I know my character is long gone now. I was supposed to come back one day to finish my trial. But I never will. We also got into some fights.
I think the first one was because I wanted a ring and you were reluctant. After 3 years, it got on my nerves that we’re not moving. I was being petty, you tried to hold my hand and I kept rejecting it. We went home and I don’t know how it started but you said you had more money than me. That cut me deep because you knew I used my savings to save Lola and to come see you. Apparently you cried. In my anger I tried to show I wanted to go back to France and book a ticket. But the site was unavailable. We ended up hugging it out. And I cried and apologized for saying you had a black heart. Even today, it hurts I said that. But you went and told your mom about the plane ticket thing, that angered me. I’m trying to make a good impression and you’re trying to ruin it.
Then, the other one… I think I pushed my joke of wanting to go back to France too far and you tried to send me back to France. I cried and had a panic attack. I had to beg to stay. I even said if you do this it’s over. You replied "Then it’s over". I guess it was a clue.
And the serious last one, Toronto. I was looking out the window, holding your hand and your mom asked if I was okay. I said yes, you said I was upset. She asked if I took my pills. Again, I’m already under so much pressure and you make me look bad. I refused to hold your hand, and then you and your sister wanted to visit a museum. I had no interest in that but I said I’d wait. You didn’t go.
Some less serious once, me leaving with your sister to go eat at Wendy’s because you started counting the money you spent on me, in front of me. Another when I got defeated by a Dollarama door and you didn’t really help. Those were silly.
But you mentioned the fact I once told you, you could bail out anytime because I have BPD. You later on told me you never said that, you just wanted to know how to help me. Those were the bad parts.
But I can’t forget lick wars, using your beard to fix my eyebrows, popping your pimples (no comment), GETTING FARTED ON, playing with your hair, scratching your back, tickling your belly to make you laugh, fake humping you, watching TV shows, hugging, kissing. The BBQ, when your parent’s friend told you to never let me go. Your dad jokes (especially the one about your feet), your sister, you and I bursting out laughing when we heard that poor man with the weird voice. The stories about your mom drinking your pee by accident. Sitting at the table laughing, all of us.
Then we had to say goodbye. That was horrible. You were wearing a grey top with jeans and took me to the Air France entry. I was already crying but knowing you had to go soon, I cried so hard on you. It was heartbreaking. I had to go, but I kept looking back at you. And you stood there, blew me kisses and followed me until you couldn’t see me anymore. I didn’t know it was the last time I’d see you. It was painful enough thinking it was temporary, and now it’s forever.
When we were on your bed you promised we’d stay together forever. And you were scared of never being in my life ever, not even as friends. I am completely ghosted now. Blocked everywhere as if I never mattered or existed. You said I could wish you happy birthday, I did, and a few days later I’m blocked everywhere. No warning, nothing.
You said I was special, you said I was the love of your life. You fought so hard for all the other girls but never for me. I guess I am special that way. Maybe I was just a 3 year bandaid for what the other girl put you through. Maybe. I’ll never know anyways.
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Part I.
Our story 2020-2024.
It started out so innocently. I was with your mutual friend and we decided to mess with a bunch of guys - you were in it. I made up a story about how I got kidnapped by some man named George. Then we spent some other day playing mini-games and for some reason I’d always pick your card.
Then I had a failing out with said friend, I didn’t want any drama so I thought I’d remove you too (which kinda bummed me out because I really liked your voice), but you sent me a message last minute. From now on, we would spend nearly 4 hours on the phone getting to know each other. It was so fun and little did I know, I was failing in love. It didn’t hit me until I panicked at the thought of losing you.
And you told me I wouldn’t. But I spent a year battling another woman, you’d drop me when she showed interest in you, and you’d leave me when showed interest in you. How could I compete with her? She was in Canada, near you. I was in France.
Then we got together officially in October 2020. But you were cheating on me with her behind my back. You broke up with me because you weren’t feeling well. You didn’t even tell me. Our friend did. Then we blocked each other. And I lost my grandpa. December 30th. In a weird way, you managed to send me a friend request the day before his funerals. I declined, I couldn’t deal with it. Even if I still loved you and missed you. Later on that month, you sent another. I accepted it and we talked again.
But you were still hang up on her. So I let it go. Until she ditched you for good and you came back to me. I forgave you for the cheating because I believed in your goodness. I still do today. Even if you broke me again. We started dating in May 2021. I think it will remain the best year of my life. You introduced me to FF14 and League of Legends.
My lack of skills in games always made you laugh and I loved that laugh. I don’t think you remember but I once said I needed to "recharge" and you misunderstood me saying I had "trouble in my household" for "asshole". My Jhin’s ult’s were also pretty funny. I made you laugh, didn’t I? Watching movies with you was so relaxing, watching TikToks was fun because I’d make comments and you’d laugh so hard. I shared my favorite tv-shows. I can’t look at them now. You said we were those couples, only to abandon me.
Then 2023 came around. I was losing my house, I lost my grandpa’s garden and you were pretty insensitive to all of it so when some idiot decided to listen to me and shower me with gifts, I fell for it and I cheated. It ate me alive, what I did. But I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t have male friends, I felt controlled. I always chose you. I put you above everyone else. My friends, my family. You were the only thing that mattered. You said I was special to you, that I was your soulmate and your twinflame, that we will be together forever.
So, August 2023, I finally come to visit you in Canada. 🍁
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Redeemed Star Guardian Xayah & Rakan - Wild Rift Cinematic ✨
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sharks every time theres a cataclysmic extinction event: damn thats crazy. anyway
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I have a lot of pet peeves but I think the biggest one is when people say things like “oh it’s such a small town, only 35,000 people” like bitch my town has 200 people, you need to pick a new adjective
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