Great, I've been watching so much "Welcome to the Game" lately, that everytime I wake up at night, my mind's convinced that my brain was just hacked, because I hear the hacksound and also see the hack happening in my mind 😭⬇️

I FOUND A SOLUTION 😭😂

may 12th is mother's day - so I just need to order something for her so if she keeps asking what it was, I can be secretive about it and then be like "hahaaaa now u know why I couldn't tell"

Me: Hey mom, while I'm at work tomorrow, could you have an eye on the doorbell? I should get a delivery tomorrow.

Mom: Oh me too! What is it? Some merch?

Me: *sweats nervously* Uuuuh, honestly idk anymore (absolutely knows) *runs and sends the post office a notification, that they should deliver it on tuesday*

😭😭😭😭 I, nope, I rather receive the package myself, thank you very much (I imagined the scenario that she accidentally switches up our orders and unpacks the wrong package)

that turned out perfect <3 That's 100% me fhfjmdlxjdjfjcn

It's so obscure to me, how I myself once have been at a terrible place mentally, where I also considered suicide a possible solution. Was extremely sad, alone and exhausted by everything that happened around and with me.... And now, I don't get it anymore at all, how you can be this depressed in the first place. How can that happen? I mean... good? I guess? But like, whenever people talk about doing worse mentally and that they're constantly feeling terrible- I don't- and I mean that literally- I don't get it. I don't understand how that happens or how u get in that situation in the first place. Now I know, the reason of why I'm doing much better now, is not only that I worked on myself and my perception of life, but I have people, that help me to get through life in a way, that it's not asking me for more, than I am able to offer. I have a roof over my head, and in general things that make me happy (topic that I might wanna ramble about in the next post) So I know, I'm in a better position than people, that are currently struggling a lot more. I know that there are people who are in actual terrible life conditions right now, and if they feel bad, it makes sense to me. But like, I don't get the phenomenon where nothing much changes in your life and you just are suddenly doing worse.... Either I'm so used to my depression, that I'm not even aware of the symptoms anymore or that my avoidance behavior is that strong, that it literally won't let me get into a state like that anymore because I hate feeling sad. (I also know that there are people that find comfort in sadness or feeling bad. that's the next thing I can't wrap my head around)

My leftover struggles with depression, that I still need to work on, are my motivation, cuz either I'm too tired to do anything or it's this "whatever, nothing is worth doing" mindset, and the self esteem. I'm so happy with myself and proud of who I am and I know my self worth- until I'm out in public. Since all I knew was getting bullied, I just wanna turn invisible outside.

Yeah... that post is once again random af but I started thinking about it after watching a video of a yter who stated that he was gone for two months cuz he was mentally doing worse than ever before

My best friend sent me this 2 weeks ago while I was omw to work. I was almost crawling the rest of the way because this hit me like a train 😭😭 istg I need to print that out some day

🧍‍♂️

Me: "Hey, while I play some games on the switch, I could listen to some Oonagh songs I don't know yet ^^"

Hah... well, it started of with me dancing around again, but the longer I listened, the more I started to shift, which eventually led to just staring out the window & a dead silent brain.

and in the middle of all that, there was a song, that had actually a cute story but eventually had me crying and being confused of why this touched me so much Y-Y

Song is called "Weise den weg" (lead the way) and long stroy short, it's about the wind and how it found an orphan in a forest clearing and the girl asks the wind to lead the way and that she puts her fate in it's hands, and so all her life she followed the wind around and they build up a strong friendship over the years... But eventually the girl grows too old to keep following the wind, laid down to rest, and the wind gently took her soul with it. Eversince, you can hear the girls voice when the wind blows over the fields...

And yea... somehow the last part was enough to make me hella emotional lol

being horny is a disease and brother I am infected.

Hard one. mainly rodents and birds when we talk about hunting on all fours

EDIT: Hares and rabbits are lagomorphs and I mistakenly wrote rodent. Just consider them that in this quiz, along with beavers or muskrat.

Hell yeah 😂 I imagine having nonhuman roommates quite fun actually. On the other hand, if we're all territorial, this could backfire real quick lmao

I don't know why I've been having dreams about my mutuals so often lately but last night I had a dream where @lady-lycany and I were roommates lol

Sent in an anon message to a werewolf-smut writing blog and the post is doing quite well 💀✌ weee

(And then another anon sent a request, that I also wanted to ask for eventually. Great minds think alike chrchr)

It's kinda funny to me, how people never can know, what to expect from me and my content, because of my personality changes. I mean yeah, I'm funny and joking 90% of the time. That's my main "me"... But sometimes, I'm on the morally good side, then something snaps and I lose all my progress of being good. Idek if I'm lying to myself or no (if I ever was good/bad whatever), or which part is stronger. Since I always have 2 different opinions to certain topics and agree with both at the same time to 100% lol

That's why I'm also thinking about changing my username here, even though I have this one, eversince I joined. I just don't know, if people might think it's an aesthetic & goodhearted & clean blog because of "lady"...

I love horror, I talk and behave rather masculine most of the time (even though I'm a cis woman), am to a certain level for sure into gruesome or weird things... But then again, yeah the Faoladh part of me is definitely feminine to the core‐ just in a strong and proud way... More at peace, loving to nature, thankful for the chance to live a life on this planet, respectful to all animals and the environment, protective but not violent out of fun... It's the part that makes me a better me (when it comes to protecting others that part of me can definitely get violent though, or also being mad, I mean, adrenaline is still the main trigger for transformations... Whether it's from good or bad emotions)

And yet, it's like multiple people living in my head simultaneously and depending on who holds the mic, this side is more present to others... Even though all opinions coexist 24/7

A little addition to that

It's so funny to me like, I mean "welcome to the game" is literally a game and all sites there are fake, even though they're probably based on actual stuff you can find on the actual dark web. But the way Mark's always like "nope, don't like that. Don't wanna see that, I might gonna vomit"

and I'm sitting there, thinking "tf is so bad about it?" or audibly sighing, cuz I'd love to scroll through the actual dark web and find real pages like that (plus even more "disturbing" stuff to look at, where you click on a link and have the nsfw content smacked right into your face as soon as the page loads lol

Some too much information sht (tw violence?)

rewatching "Welcome to the game" made me realize, that I still find the thought positively exciting, to be part of a red room lifestream. Even multiple times, if it would be actually possible. Or instead of watching it online, chilling in the same room and watch it happen, right in front of me. I've always liked watching people do morally wrong stuff more, than doing it myself somehow.

U know the kink of people where they sit and watch a couple fck right in front of them without interacting? That's me with crimes basically lol

"According to an urban legend, a red room is, where people are tortured and murdered for an audience of viewers via the Dark Web, the viewers sometimes voting or bidding on the form of torture to be performed."

Some too much information sht (tw violence?)

rewatching "Welcome to the game" made me realize, that I still find the thought positively exciting, to be part of a red room lifestream. Even multiple times, if it would be actually possible. Or instead of watching it online, chilling in the same room and watch it happen, right in front of me. I've always liked watching people do morally wrong stuff more, than doing it myself somehow.

U know the kink of people where they sit and watch a couple fck right in front of them without interacting? That's me with crimes basically lol

"According to an urban legend, a red room is, where people are tortured and murdered for an audience of viewers via the Dark Web, the viewers sometimes voting or bidding on the form of torture to be performed."

I know I already said it more often already, but man... my brain's deepfried. and it has been for a looong time. I wish it wasn't. I truly do, and I try to distance myself from it, as best and long as I can, but eventually it'll lead me back to the same sht again 💀 It's an endless circle of fighting your own demons lol

Aah yes, woke up from one of these dreams, where you're in a store, your hands full with fantastic sht u can't wait to buy (was around Halloween so the store had so much werewolf related stuff like postcards, magnets, notebooks shirts n also a super cool pair of gloves) u go to the cashier to bring all that stuff home with you,....

and then u wake up... and all is gone 🥲😭 god dammit

I really thought, I was alone with this and that something was wrong with me :') (people told me that this was just childish behavior) That's why I tried to get rid of it. Obviously it never worked, because how tf do you wanna get rid of yourself? Telling a wolf to stop being a wolf? Telling a human to stop being human? Telling a cat to stop being a cat and so on... Yea... But I really tried to suppress it for a while... Little more than 5 years at least :') But I just felt more frustrated and not like myself anymore... And when I started to wonder, why I could never really get rid of this behavior and never felt like a human, I googled it, found the otherkin community and made this account here.

I'm 24 and my family and best friend know about it. Even though some of them don't understand it to 100%, they're chill with it and never mocked me. My cousin and aunt find it interesting, my grandparents only knew me as a kid pretending to be their dog so it ain't something new to them, and my mom might actually be a vampirekin so we're joking about ourselves all the time :] (not wearing tails but pawsocks n collars lol)

To all the younger therians/otherkins or older ones who wear tails what does your family think. My family personally make fun of me and call me weird let me know in the comments. In curios.