aren’t i so cute

i wish my art got more attention. i wish i got more attention.

something about jirai makes me feel very free. like it's a word to describe how I've always felt and I can be my authentic fucked up self in this little world. I don't have to fake being mentally well here <3

“Those are weird clothes” “It looks like a costume” I didn’t really ask you to state your opinion on my clothes.

^professional yapper

might feel silly and gen relapse hehe

god i’m so ugly

i should actually just KMS

impulsivity in bpd can be cutting and dyeing your hair, but it’s also frying and destroying your hair to a point where it’s completely ruined and you’re self conscious of it everyday.

impulsivity in bpd can be having an attitude and saying some petty things to people, but it’s also ruining every good friendship and relationship you’ve ever had and you can’t stop yourself from sabotaging everything, so you end up alone in a deep pit.

impulsivity in bpd can be having some drinks, doing dr*gs, or having a lot of meaningless sex. but it’s also relying on drinking and dr*gs so much that you’re completely off your face all time and it ruins your image and every aspect of your life. and it’s also no one wanting a relationship with you because you “sleep around” or “probably have an sti”.

impulsivity in bpd can be browsing an fps facebook. but it’s also stalking their every move online and their every step in the real world constantly because you need them so bad. you can’t live without knowing if they’re okay, knowing what they’re doing, knowing if they’re leaving you for someone else, etc.

the list goes on. us borderlines post a lot of shit about bpd, and in my personal case, laughing it off and sharing it to others makes me feel a bit better and i know that it makes others feel less alone knowing that other people are doing the same horrendous shit. but stop romanticising being obsessive, quirky, impulsive, and having an attitude. it’s fucking painful. the emotional aspect is PHYSICALLY painful. watching the world crumble around us because most of us can’t fucking stop ourselves is painful. the withdrawals from substances, s/h, etc because we are so prone to addiction is PAINFUL. i’m all for supporting our fellow borderlines and cluster b peoples, but STOP self diagnosing to be “trendy”. i’m not on about self diagnosing, etc if you’re certain and it means you’re getting the support that you absolutely need. everyone is deserving of help, whether healthcare wants to agree or not, EVERYONE deserves the help they need. but stop trying to make bpd sound fun. being euphoric is fun, the rest of it IS NOT. ITS FUCKING PAINFUL. thank u bye 💕

(ps. i hate making rant posts about this, but seeing people act like bpd is a “fun choice” in life pisses me the fuck off, every day is just pure fucking suffering. the people romanticising and hyping this shit up are the same people who will talk shit about any cluster b who is showing symptoms or having one hell of an episode. but this NEEDS to be out there x)

someone please dm me back i want someone to talk to!!

i feel stressed, i feel so stressed, just let me cut myself already

i hate this class, this stupid english class. why does it have to be a major grade for a senior memory book? it’s painful to think about the last. why did she decide i have to present my 10 year plan tomorrow? i have nothing, absolutely nothing. i cant do this

i actually just want to lay down and pretend like my existence is fading

i honestly understand the japanese jirai community for being upset with the western jirai community- pretending that the origins of what their subculture is doesn't exist and that jirai kei is just about cute clothes and makeup is very insensitive, especially those responding to criticism with "we just like cute clothes and meetups" you really don't know what you're talking about, do you? jirai came out of underage sex work, teenage runaways, and self harm in kabukichō. seeing affluent white women erase this origin in favor of just trivializing the fashion that the toyoko kids wore feels very disrespectful.

now to wait and see how long it takes me fire someone erases it off of the whiteboard

i’m a whore for attention