Learn ur dog breeds

The people who write for recipe websites live in a whole different world from me. I’m sorry I’m but a mere peasant who doesn’t have a food processor, a bread maker, a taffy puller, a sous vid, an apple sharpener, a serrated rolling pin, a pasta folder, a mobius funnel, or a milk shaker. Oh how foolish of me, with my simple pedestrian life that I didn’t anticipate how your recipes in the top search results would require buttermilk, baker’s flour, executioner’s chocolate, truffle blubber, or, fermented saffron. Tallow? Oh how foolish of me for not thinking to prepare tallow, you’re right, I should simply go procure some from my lard cellar

They really should teach people how to cook in school.

Weatherman discovers his monitor has a touch screen

Hi I have a question about Pacific Rim. Given that the sparring is just A way to test for drift compatibility and any activity that requires people to collaborate and anticipate each others moves works, including stuff like multi player video games

Can you test for drift compatibility via improv comedy

Fairy: Hey I didn’t get your name.

Me: Yeah that was on purpose.

Fairy: Oh my god stealing people’s names has been categorized as a war crime for like a hundred years. Do I seem like the kind of fairy that would do war crimes?

Me: Well yes, but that’s just my impression of you personally. Not fairies in general.

Fairy: You’re smarter than I thought.

yr locked in a room alone with three adult men but you feel perfectly safe. who are they

No vanilla extract because my recipe doesn't call for it.

“If it sucks hit da bricks” isn’t just a useful litany it’s also a skill you have to train. You gotta start with small stuff like leaving boring parties and refusing minor obligations to get the guts for the big stuff like quitting garbage jobs, cutting off a shitty relationship and getting out of a bad situation. Know what your time is worth

tired: mermaids are all women

wired: much like elves, merfolk are mistaken by sailors for being all women because they have long hair and are very pretty

did i ever tell you guy about the time i got stuck in a room with the kpop band BTS in the santiago airport in 2017

do not separate them…..

It’s thirty… foursixer and Slværtcast I guess

the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire

icarian task: when you have a task you know you’re going to fail at anyways, so why not have some fun with it before it all comes crashing down

cassandrean task: when you have to deal with people you KNOW won’t listen to you, despite having accurate information, and having to watch them fumble about when you told them the solution from the start (most often witnessed in customer service)

feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated

OKAY TUMBLR. IT'S TIME TO SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

Reblog this if you pronounce “.gif” as “GIF.”

NOT JIF,

GIF.

And here is the link for the opposite.

WE SHALL SEE WHICH ONE PREVAILS.