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Kit's Vineyard
Kit | He/It | Stardew Valley Brainrot | Sebastian lives in my head rent free
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Imagine how fucking weird it would be to marry the Stardew Valley Farmer
Like, you've lived a happy life in a small town, with friends and family but then BOOM. A smoking hot new farmer hits the town, flirted with you twice and gave you a shiny rock and a plate of food before smacking you in the face with a bouquet and yeeting a pendant around your neck. Congratulations, you just achieved the family life without ever knowing how the fuck you got there. And the person you married is insane.
You're outside feeding the animals and they materialise into existence right in front of you, a sword in one hand, dripping with blood, and their backpack bulging full.
"Oh, hey honey." they say before sprinting off like this is the most regular thing in the world.
Things got weirder once they got an incubator. It was alright at first, Kluck may have a shade darker than pitch black and have eyes that burned bright with fire, but you only caught them casting ritualistic spells once. Then when a FUCKING DINOSAUR HATCHED you realised a conversation would be required with the farmer about the eggs they find and whether it was morally acceptable to see what was inside.
Apparently they have a deed to land on a deserted island???
"Nah, it's not deserted! There's an old lady, a crazy scientist and a tarzan living there!" They reply. Apparently they couldn't understand why you were so nervous when you realised they were farming tracts of land in an ancient rainforest, shadowed by a volcano from which you definitely heard ominous shrieks and wailing.
The resort they built was quite nice, but when the flippety fuck did they have time to build it?
Occasionally, a man dressed like the night sky appears, but refuses to speak unless the Farmer is alone with them. You caught a glimpse of his skin once, and it was bright blue. The farmer leaves those conversations dazed and distracted. They never talk about them, but in the days after, you often notice them sit and stare into the distance.
You tell yourself that they do not explore the caves in the desert. You tell yourself that because you're already insanely worried by all the other shit the farmer does.
You notice that they enter the sewer a lot, and one day you follow. It's difficult to come to terms with the fact that your partner is friends with a shadow creature, but it did look rather friendly. It heard your footsteps once and ran away, so you decided not to come back.
Some days, new stuff will just... appear. First it giant pillars, that the Farmer swore were important. And then it was little huts, and while you never saw anyone go in or out, all the crops were harvested and neatly organised in piles on the inside. You decide to leave offerings to appease whatever spirits must the huts belong to. One day you get a letter saying thankyou, with 500g attatched. And then there was that day... why the fuck do you need a giant solid gold clock?
After the day the clock appeared, everything changed. Production stopped, they said we now have enough money to live off of for the rest of your lives. The farm got redecorated. Life is beautiful.
Occasionally you have dreams, dreams of crying children turning into doves. They reach out for you, and you reach back, sobbing, trying anything to protect them, to ease their pain. Their small, frail hands scrape over yours, but you can never grab hold. You always wake up screaming and can never remember why.
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I've reached a point where I just open a new tab instead of trying to find the tab I need
The depth of one's current Stardew Valley obsession is measured directly in the number of SDV wiki tabs open in the background during the rest of your day.
#don't ask why I dont' delete any of them#I've grown attached#tihi#stardew valley#stardew#stardew brainrot
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"Transsexuals 🇵🇸 for a 🏳️⚧️ Free Palestine!"
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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STARDEW VALLEY MONSTER AU!!!
Idk why but all I've been able to think about the past few days have been an idea for an AU where all the bachelors and bachelorettes are monsters so here's my thoughts!
I'm going to rank my ideas for what monsters they are going to be from a scale of "you can literally not change my mind" to "I barely know anything about them please help"
Abigail is obviously going to be a witch. With the theory of her being the wizards daughter as well as her spirituality, making her a witch would be the obvious choice.
Sam is a werewolf and you can't change my mind on this one. He is THE golden retriever bachelor so making him a dog is just a given. I could see him go full dog mode when he's around Abigail and Sebastian. I don't think he'll cause too many problems during the full moon, as long as he's fed well.
Sebastian being a vampire is also another obvious one. I could see him desperately trying to find an alternative way to quench his bloodthirst (literally) because he doesn't want to hurt anyone. He would probably try to feed on animals at first or something like that.
Shane is a zombie. I think it would be an ironic turn of events if he ended up dying and then came back to life. The rest of the village would probably not even notice anything because he already looked kinda dead, Jaz would probably be a little suspicious, but if a toddler told you that her alcoholic godfather was a zombie you would probably just think she's got a wild imagination.
Emily and Haley are definitely sirens to me, specifically the mermaid type of siren. I don't really have much to back this one up other than Haley being the typical "beautiful but mean girl" and idk it gives siren to me, also the thought of Emily and Haley swimming around with beautiful mermaid tails just makes me happy.
I literally have no idea what the rest of the bachelors and bachelorettes could be, if anyone has any ideas please send me an ask or something like that.
#stardew#stardew valley#sdv#stardew Abigail#stardew Sam#stardew Sebastian#stardew Shane#stardew haley#stardew Emily#stardew valley monster!au#monster!au#witch!Abigail#werewolf!Sam#vampire!Sebastian#zombie!Shane#siren!Emily#siren!Haley
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Rasmodius: Eating Stardrop makes us stronger. Our magic becomes stronger, our bodies more resilient, our minds, our health, all thanks to this gift from Yoba. Even within the circle of mages and adventurers, only a few people have been able to eat this fruit, and only one in a lifetime. The search for the Stardrop can be dangerous, this fruits is so rare. Sometimes some do not even return from the quest. But it's worth it. Have you heard the legend of the Stardrop, my young friend?
Farmer: Hm? Ah, yeah. And I've even tasted the fruit. Have already eaten six for sure, very tasty!
Rasmodius:
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Hot take (or well its probably more of a luke warm take) but people that install those god forsaken no mustache mod for Harvey are fucking cowards and don't deserve him
grow up and accept that he's absolutely fucking rocking that mustache and looking at him without it just feels almost uncanny
Like how does this look better to you? I also realized that a lot of the "no mustache harvey" mods also get rid of his chubby cheecks, all of his charming physical traits just gone in an instant to make him more conventially attractive.
Ya'll are cowards.
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Do you ever think the Wizard get annoyed/jealous by how much magical stuff happens to the Farmer?
Wizard: Yes, the Junimo's are a reclusive species. I have failed on many occasions to commune with them.
Farmer: Oh the weird aliens? Yeah, a bunch live on my farm and help me out with stuff.
Wizard: I'm sorry?
Farmer: Oh, by the way, can you tell me what all those purple star fruits are?
Wizard: The Stardrop!?!?! The rarest, most magical fruit in existence!?!?
Farmer: So that's what their called! I bought one at the fair last fall.
Wizard: What.
Farmer: My spouse also gave me one too!
Wizard: ...
Farmer: So by the way, my Grandpa's ghost came to visit. Do you thinks that's normal or-
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gonna start posting my messy doodles so here's some sebs
pretty boy i love uuuuuuuuu
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The Brainrot shall begin
This is just an alt account for purely Stardew Valley Brainrot
Expect a lot of headcanons, Stradew gaming and maybe some fanart? I dont know I need to find out about that one later
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