I literally just feel like sitting here and doing nothing. Nothing entertains me. I haven’t eaten all day. I just want to sleep and frankly I don’t want to wake up for a week or so

like I know sometimes it’s superficial but no matter how small it hurts when people forget plans or things involving just the two of you. then when u remind them they back out.

sometimes I just wanna die so that people can miss me

And I used to get annoyed bc I cared for her. But bc she won't let me say anything and she criticizes anyone who remotely tells her what she's doing is wrong. And she won't stop doing stupid shit I'm now just done. Like I cannot b bothered w her ruining her own life for cheap thrills. She has no future plans and does not think more than 10 minutes in advance

And I know I shouldnt internalize all this bc it just makes it worse. And like now everything she does bothers me. But also I have to internalize it bc she gets so defensive and sensitive whenever u say something remotely negative to her. Like she immediately goes "no I'm not like that. I do my shit" and I'm like no u don't! U never do! U have a warped sense of self and I can't fucking tell u bc you'll throw a hissy fit and give me the silent treatment and turn all my friends away from me. Like u wonder why people call u toxic?

I've just had so many problems with her but I can't drop her bc we still have some same friends and we got classes together and it would get weird but I am done with her. Like yeah expect some cheap shit for Christmas bc I'm done playing these games. I've tried to b the bigger person by still getting u nice shit but if ur really gonna b this fucking ungrateful then I'm done

god fucking dammit my "friend" is so cheap yet so fucking selfish. Like she literally tells me yeah I was planning on getting u and all my friends this phone case for Christmas. And I was like way to b genuine just to get us all the same cheap phone case bc u can't b bothered to take time out of ur life and money to spend more than fucking $3 on me. Not to mention this bitch literally didn't even get me a gift last year. Like I'm so done spending money on her to b so ungreatful. Like she's always posting on finsta about how she wants people to pamper her and I'm like of fucking course u do. U only care about urself. U want other people to buy u stuff bc u can't be bothered to work and woe is you. She always playing the victim. Like everytime she gets broken up with its "adding to her trauma" and I'm like no... everytime something minutely bad happens to u does not immediately further actual trauma. She just. She always playing victim. And yeah in the past she was a victim. But now it's like no ur not a victim ur just a shitty person and people r calllng u out and ur mad that they don't like u bc ur not a good friend. Like yeah go and ditch me for other people like u do. They won't fucking put up w this shit for more than I have. She wonders why she has essentially all different friends than she did from four years ago? It's bc she won't bother to change her shitty attitude

Shout out to anyone like me with literally no actual friends to hang out with and go places, people with no crazy stories about how their weekend went, people who can’t relate to “squad” / “gang” jokes cause they never had a squad or a gang to chill with…people who only have themselves, people who’ve been alone from the jump, people who’ve been outcasted by society, people who have more internet friends than real life friends… at the end of the day we all have each-other and I can relate!

I honestly feel like people expect so much from me. Like I'm supposed to be always happy and all right with everything and know what I'm doing and I can't. It's getting to be too much. I have too much going on and more stuff is placed on me like they forget I have a life. People r always like "hey get off my back u think I don't have other priorities" and I'm like I do too and no one is expecting and excuse out of me. I'm not giving people excuses about why I did my do something. I know why I didn't. I'm getting overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. I just want to feel alright again but everything is setting me off. I'm taking one word from texts and blowing it out of proportion and I can't stop myself. I'm just crying at any given moment at the littlest things. I used to never cry at anything.

anxiety: prepare for trouble

depression: and make it double

friend: are you ok?

me: No I'm not, but confronting hard truths and sharing my emotions is difficult for me and i don’t want to burden you with my problems when you have plenty of your own. However, I will be posting a jarring synopsis of my emotional state online for everyone to see, but feel free to ignore it if it makes you uncomfortable. how are you tho?

I now realize my last two posts look really bad next to each other but that friendship one was an incident that happened a couple of years ago but I needed to vocalize it

Me: I'm gonna post something super relatable and only tag it once and then I'll wake up tomorrow and be famous Also me: I'm gonna make a new tumblr just so people won't realize it's me

When u hurt ur friend and u kno the only way u guys can move past this and become better peop is to give them time and space so they can forgive u on their own terms in time that is comfortable for them

UPDATE: ive decided just to pour the rest of the soda down the drain bc inanimate objects do not rule my life. I am the poster child of taking ur life into ur own hands

what's the best way to finish off a failed attempt to masturbaye? Playing solitaire on ur phone

I'm literally sitting in my bathroom at 3:30 in the morning on my phone bc i refuse to brush my teeth until I finish this soda but me being on my phone distracts me from that current objective