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keikikait · 16 days

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ᴄᴀꜱᴜᴀʟ (ɢᴏᴊᴏ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

pairing: satoru gojo x f!reader (not au, reader is early to mid 20's)

word count: 2.3k

summary: you're gojo's safe space after long, hard battles.

warnings: angsty (ish), gojo plays with the reader's emotions, reader is naïve, suggestive but no outright smut, not proofread

a note: will i ever write gojo normally?

please reblog and like, it means a lot! let me know what you think!

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Everything is a routine with him.

From how he gets ready, to how he goes to work, he has a strict and set routine. He needs order, he needs to be in control because if he isn’t in control he fails. He becomes weak. Vulnerable.

You’re no exception to his need for control. He comes to you after every fight, unscathed but angry, stressed, and exhausted. And he expects you to be right where he left you, waiting for him. You never know when he’ll show up, expecting your open arms and a warm bed. You sometimes stay up all night, waiting by the door, getting up to check out the peephole over and over again, because maybe in the last 5 seconds, he appeared outside your front door. You would sometimes sleep in the genkan, curled up in a ball leaning against your shoe closet, just in case.

Satoru would knock three times before barging into your apartment if you didn’t open the door fast enough. He didn’t have a key, he didn’t want one, and you had replaced your front door too many times now. He wouldn’t speak, just push himself into your apartment, and pin you to the wall. He would kiss you sometimes if you were good and if you begged enough. He didn’t like kissing, to him it was a form of attachment. He would never get attached to you, and you knew this. You weren’t Geto. You never had a chance to be with him. It was just casual, with no attachments.

You always held him after a fight. He would bury his face in your neck, clinging to you, his legs trapping your body against his chest as he relaxed in your embrace. You were his safe space after dealing with work, fighting curses, anything. You were his in these gentle moments, sitting in silence, rubbing his back while a TV show played in the background, hoping that this time he would say something to you, anything. He never did. It drove you crazy, your thoughts of self-doubt eating you alive, wondering if you were good enough at all. You felt like a piece of meat he would cut chunks off of before shoving you back into the depths of the freezer. Gojo was using you; holding you close and breathing in the scent of the perfume he bought you before escalating the situation, melting you with soft kisses and little whispers, and before you knew it he was buried inside of you to the hilt. You would make love in your bedroom all night. It was euphoric in some strange way. He would cum inside before standing up and redressing, not even bothering to throw you a towel. He was so casual, smirking down at you before giving you a pat on the cheek and leaving your apartment, and then your routine would start all over again.

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You had spent your evening preparing for his arrival. You knew he was fighting something, someone, but you didn’t know who. You decided to call him, phone pressed between your ear and your shoulder as you tidied up your bedroom, putting all of your clothes into your hamper. He didn’t answer. He never does. You started to wonder why you even had his number in the first place. You forget about it, setting your phone aside as you continue to clean. You almost went to bed this time. You wipe your hands on a dishtowel, walking past the genkan when you hear three, hard knocks on your front door. You quickly spin on your heel, unlocking the door and pulling it open right before Gojo decides to start kicking it in.

Your eyes land on him. You can tell he’s already furious the moment he crosses the threshold, his gaze sharp and intent. Gojo walks farther into your apartment while you slam the door shut, your eyes meeting for the briefest of moments. You can see him swallow hard, a tic appearing on his neck as the tension in his body is almost palpable. The two of you stand a safe distance away from each other, both unsure of what to say. “Why did you call,” he finally asks, his voice cold and formal.

“I wanted to know if you were coming over,” You say softly, almost a whisper.

Gojo looks away, his eyes traveling over the room and then back to you. When he speaks again, there’s a new edge to his tone. “Did you think it was a good idea to interrupt a fight with a hundred-year-old curse?” he asks, sounding amused. Your eyes widen as you realize the implications of that statement. “You distracted me. I lost focus. I almost got the kids killed. Do you know what you’ve done?”

You flinch, your eyes retreating downward. “I didn’t know--”

“You didn’t know?” Gojo says, a hint of irritation now creeping in. “Do you understand what would’ve happened if I lost focus for even a second?” You shake your head, trying to explain that you didn’t mean to call him but he cuts you off before you can get a word in. “You’re a distraction,” he says, the anger clear in his voice. “You’ve always been a distraction.”

“Gojo, I’m sorry,” You say softly, stepping closer to him. “I didn’t mean to.”

He steps away immediately, not letting you get any closer to him. “I know you didn’t mean to,” he says, but there’s no sympathy in his voice. “I never think you mean to when you do things like this, but the fact of the matter is, you always do.” His voice is cold, and you can feel the anger radiating off of him.

After a beat, you speak, “I’m sorry.”

Gojo doesn’t reply immediately. He just stares at you, the anger still burning inside of him. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he speaks again. “I don��t want your apologies,” he says, his tone even colder now. “I don’t need your apologies.”

Your eyebrows furrow and you step closer, “Gojo-”

"Don't." The way Gojo says this one word is like a slap to the face, the way it stops you in your tracks. You freeze, your feet frozen in place as you look at him. A flicker of hurt flashes across his face, but it's gone just as soon as it came, replaced by the coldness and anger again. “Don’t come closer.” He takes a breath, trying to calm down and collect his thoughts. “I want you to understand something,” he says, his voice more even now. “Don’t call me. Ever again. Okay?”

You nod, stepping back.

"And don’t come to my place, either,” he continues, "unless I ask you to. Because every time you show up uninvited...I end up losing focus...and I can't let that happen. Not anymore." His voice is cold and formal like he's giving you instructions rather than making a request. But there's also something else behind that coldness, something that hurts just as much. Does he not want you around anymore? Is he sick of you?

He stares at you for a second before gathering you in his arms and holding you close to his chest. You freeze up. You can feel the beat of his heart against your body as he holds you to him, his arms wrapped tightly around you. You try to breathe normally, but the air feels strained and shaky, your heart pounding wildly in your chest. Gojo doesn't say anything else, just holds you in silence for a moment before placing his head against your neck. He relaxes his grip, but his arms are still around you as if he's afraid to let you go.

You hesitantly reach out and rub his back. Gojo exhales slowly, and you can feel his muscles slowly begin to loosen under your touch. When he speaks again, his voice is softer, more gentle, though there's still an edge to it. "I just need you to know," he says, sounding more vulnerable than you've ever heard him before, "that I care about you. I really do. But..." He trails off, seeming at a loss for words.

“But?” You urge him to finish his sentence.

Gojo sighs, running his fingers through your hair. "But I can't...I can't afford to care about you. Not in the way you want me to," he confesses, sounding pained as he says these words. "Not anymore. Not at the expense of my duty."

You gulp. “We’re just casual, Gojo. You know that.”

His arms tense around you for a moment, and he closes his eyes. "Yeah, I know," he says quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I know."

"Care about me in your own way," You say, lightly dragging your fingernails down his back.

His breath catches in his throat, and the muscles in his neck tense as you run your nails down his back. He sucks in a deep breath, keeping his eyes closed. "That isn't the issue," he says quietly, his voice unsteady.

“Then what is?” You ask.

Gojo pauses, as if he's trying to collect himself. "The thing is...I care about you too much," he confesses, the words coming out in a rush. "I care about you too much, and I can't allow myself to do that."

“What do you mean?” You ask, although you have an idea as to why he’s feeling this way.

Gojo is quiet for a moment, as if he's choosing his words carefully. "You know that...being in a relationship isn't in the cards for me, right?"

You nod. You’ve heard the tales of Suguru Geto, and you know that he’s truly only ever been the person for Gojo. As hard as you try, and as perfect as you are, you’ll never be Geto. You’ll never mean as much to him as Geto did.

"So, then you know that I can't let myself care too much about you," he continues, his voice steady now. "I can't let myself feel too much. Because if I do, that's when I start to lose focus...when I start to lose myself...and I can't risk that."

You bite your tongue to keep the tears at bay. You always knew this was coming, the day when he started to doubt your relationship, doubt you. He was chewing you up and spitting you out like you were a piece of dried octopus. You had never considered yourself tough. Were you enough for him? Or were you just a stupid, naïve girl for expecting the strongest sorcerer of all to fall for you?

You finally find your voice. "Then don't. It's casual. We're just...friends with benefits. No attachments."

Gojo gives a small laugh, even though there's no humor in it. "Is that right?" he says softly, his voice laced with a hint of amusement. "Then why do you keep calling me? Why did you call me in the middle of a fight, hmm?"

There’s the Gojo you know; condescending. “You know that was an accident.” You whisper.

"Was it?" Gojo asks, his voice still soft but there's an underlying edge to it now. His grip tightens on you. "Or were you trying to get my attention? To distract me?"

“No, I wasn’t trying to distract you.” You say, desperation lacing your voice. “I swear.”

Gojo's eyes narrow, and you can feel his body tense around you as he stares at you. "Prove it," he says simply. "Prove to me that you don't want my attention."

You hesitate, knowing you can’t prove him wrong. You want his attention, you want him to come home to you every night. You try to speak, but nothing comes out.

“Exactly,” Gojo says, the quiet satisfaction in his voice making your blood run cold. “It's in your nature to want to distract me. To want to take my attention away from my duties.” You can feel his grip tighten around you. “You said we were just friends,” he says quietly, his tone almost taunting. “But you don’t act like a friend. You act like you want something more.”

“I just want you,” You admit. “In any way. I just want you, Gojo.”

Gojo stops breathing as you say this, and the silence around the two of you is almost unbearable. His grip on you tightens, and you can feel the heat of his breath on your neck. "Do you mean that?" he finally asks, his voice hoarse and low.

You nod. “You’re all I want.”

Gojo slowly lets out a breath, and you can feel him relax his grip around you. His voice is softer now, the edge gone from it. "Then you need to promise me something," he says, his hand moving up to your chin and forcing you to look at him.

You nod again. “Anything.”

"You'll stop trying to distract me," he says, his voice cold again but with the barest hint of tenderness to it. "You'll stop calling me unless it's an actual emergency. And you'll stop trying to visit me at the school or my apartment. Because I can't afford to let myself care about you." A hint of a smile plays on his lips. "Can you do that for me?"

“Yes,” You say.

His smile widens, and he runs his fingers through your hair, gently pushing back a few strands that had fallen in front of your face. "Good," he says quietly, his tone softer now. "Good girl. Now…” He picks you up, causing you to squeak as he wraps your legs around his waist. “I’ve been waiting all week to taste you. Do you want me to eat you out? Do you want me to lick your little clit? Hmm?”

You nod desperately, letting him take control of you again as he carries you into your room. As he tosses you onto the bed and pulls your pyjama shorts down, you have to remind yourself; it’s just casual.

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lemme know what you think! xx

my other gojo fic is here

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#keikiwrites #f!reader #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo angst #jjk angst #gojo satoru x reader #jjk satoru #✿: gojo!

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