all these wedding plannings are slowly draining me. and heyyy he's complaining about how I always need him. as if ako lang ikakasal.

sure pa ba ako? but ofc just me asking myself if im sure means i aint really certain about it anymore

he said: sa lahat ng bagay kailangan mo yung tao. nakakalunod.

how to not need you

we're drifting apart

i think deciding to love someone continually is like reading the same book again, but each time finding a different line that hits deep and makes you think about something you didn't realize before. and you decide to read it again and again, knowing you'll never get enough of it, knowing you'll always find something new about them to love.

“I hope you fall in love with someone who never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted.”

— Unknown

Life update

I said yes.

Fast life update

Bry gave me a full set mani pedi and he's taking me to santa cruz tmrw to catch the sunrise. What is this

i don't wanna assume but i will 💅

Please

ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.

If the time wherein I can't express my feelings anymore comes, please always remember that I lived to love you.

Last night, Bryan and I had an emotional conversation na siya ang nagstart.

He's watching Hi bye mama on Netflix. Then suddenly, he asked me what would be my stand if nasa situation kami na we have to choose between me or our unborn baby.

So I told him, I'd rather choose the baby than myself. And then he started making sad face na naluluha pa. I asked him why and whats his opinion ba

Sobra siyang lungkot and then sabi niya "you told me you'll spend the rest of your life with me" tapos i explained parin sa kaniya and then he said "i will always choose you no matter what"

Bryan: *mentions a video about a jealous boyfriend*

Me: I don't have one

Bryan: I am a jealous boyfriend. You just don't give me a reason to get jealous with.

sheeeeesssshhhh why am i such a good jowa

What happens once you kill yourself? Because I'm ready to go.

You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to  her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all  busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself

but you killed everyone else around you too. 

bakit ka pa mag toothbrush kung alak naman ininom mo bago matulog

sometimes we are not always fine with it. we just know how to get used to it