some incoherent thoughts on love, and hye-jin and du-sik

it’s there, isn’t it? or at least something like it, drifting beneath them like an undercurrent, a slipstream.

it’s how du-sik always notices when hye-jin enters or leaves a room. it’s how hye-jin knows he’s about to cry from a look. it’s how they sit at dinner, close, sleeves brushing, but not quite touching. it’s how hye-jin is half-turned to him in every scene, how du-sik is so aware of her anytime she’s near. it’s how she notices he’s hurt, how she notices he’s sick, how she turns to watch him walk away. it’s how he sees mi-seon at the set and then immediately looks around for hye-jin. oh, you’re going for drinks, for lunch? let me join you. never mind that i said i didn’t want to, that was before i knew you would be there.

it’s how their interactions must be casual, otherwise they have to give it weight, give it meaning. i’m going to call you a rhino when you bump into me, because otherwise i’ll have to think about how it felt to have you close. i’m going to bicker and laugh at you while our hands touch, otherwise i’ll have to look at you and i can’t do that. it’s the way the camera doesn’t linger every time they touch but only when it matters, only when they can no longer pretend that it doesn’t. your hands on my face; you leaning in to kiss me; you holding me while i cry, when i’m frightened.

it’s how they linger here, in this halfway place between love and indifference. when i nearly kiss you, i’m going to hit my head and call myself crazy. when i stare at you in the store, i’m going to shake my head and tell myself to get a grip. i’m going to call this anything other than what it is. this is not love; it’s just kindness or attention, and i don’t care that they all mean the same thing. just don’t make me call it love.

it’s how i can’t even fit it all in here, because otherwise i’d be talking about every second they look at each other. because isn’t that what love is? not something bright and blinding, but a constant, steady attention?

but mostly, i think it’s about how du-sik finishes the porridge when it’s hard to eat, how hye-jin finishes the tea when it’s hard to drink. i’m going to complain the entire time but i’m still going to do it, because you gave it to me. because it’s you.

Dushik-ie. Chief Hong, what are you doing here? Are you asleep? Oh! You opened your eyes. Why are you looking at me like that? Wait, I know that look. It means you want to cry.

I guess someone got the romance going

Chief Hong. Do you like me? Don’t be absurd.

This is how blankets are supposed to be washed

a romantic scene in the rain + an outsider’s reaction :

Are you sure nothing happened? Yes. Nothing happened.

They didn’t say it was going to rain today. Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha (2021) dir. Yoo Je Won

You’re bound to meet unexpected situations in life. Even if you use an umbrella, you’ll end up getting drenched. Just put your hands up and welcome the rain. Come on, just play around with me.

Since we ended falling in love despite death, let’s stay together for a long time.

My eyes literally rolled to the back of my head everytime Subway was on the screen

Subway let go of the kdramas I beg of you

My Roommate is a Gumiho

dramas watched in 2021: my roommate is a gumiho (tvn, 2021)