jasonhackwith
They Were Good Nails
"They hailed him, trembling, to the judgement seat. / 'Oh Lord, behold the man who made the nails that pierced thy feet.' / The Master laid a thin, scarred hand upon the shame-bowed head. / 'They were good nails,' He said." - Author Unknown
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New print available in the river Beautiful store: Lion of Judah, Lamb of God
I’ve always loved lions. And lambs. From the very first time I read the Chronicles of Narnia, I’ve dreamed of burying my hands into the friendly mane of Aslan. And I have held little lambs with their milky breath and softness. When I began this work, I wanted to capture the same expression in the lion and in the lamb. If you look closely, you will see that there are tears in the eyes of both. This is the God I have come to know, who weeps and cries and carries us when our little legs get tired; who embodies both the strong lion of Judah and the meek lamb of God.
This print is currently available in both a museum-quality poster and in a stretched canvas print, in multiple sizes to fit your décor and budget. It is my prayer that it always reminds you of Jesus.
"And I saw in the right hand of Him who sat on the throne a scroll written inside and on the back, sealed with seven seals. Then I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, “Who is worthy to open the scroll and to loose its seals?” And no one in heaven or on the earth or under the earth was able to open the scroll, or to look at it. So I wept much, because no one was found worthy to open and read the scroll, or to look at it. But one of the elders said to me, “Do not weep. Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has prevailed to open the scroll and to loose its seven seals.” And I looked, and behold, in the midst of the throne and of the four living creatures, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as though it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God sent out into all the earth. 7Then He came and took the scroll out of the right hand of Him who sat on the throne. Now when He had taken the scroll, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb, each having a harp, and golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. And they sang a new song, saying: “You are worthy to take the scroll, And to open its seals; For You were slain, And have redeemed us to God by Your blood Out of every tribe and tongue and people and nation, And have made us kings and priests to our God; And we shall reign on the earth.” Then I looked, and I heard the voice of many angels around the throne, the living creatures, and the elders; and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice: “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain To receive power and riches and wisdom, And strength and honor and glory and blessing!” And every creature which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, I heard saying: “Blessing and honor and glory and power Be to Him who sits on the throne, And to the Lamb, forever and ever!” Then the four living creatures said, “Amen!” And the twenty-four elders fell down and worshiped Him who lives forever and ever." -- Revelation 5 (NKJV)
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INTO THE FLAME I have gone, and I am not the same
The year was 1997.
The time was pretty bright for me. I was playing with a remarkable little band with fantastic guitarist (and guitar collector) Jasen Hecker and an amazing songwriter by the name of Ryan Mainard. We had big dreams. I was greatly inspired by Ryan’s excellent songwriting, and I wanted to write an epic song about an epic idea.
At that point, I had just begun working on a book that would eventually become Seven Dangerous Prayers. I was haunted by a single idea day and night: would I dare to ask God to do whatever He needed to do to refine me into the person He wanted me to be? Would I be so bold as to dare to ask Him to place my heart into the flame of his forge so that the dross could be burned away? Did I have the audacity to ask Him to be purify me and sanctify me, no matter what it took, no matter what I had to go through? Did I dare not to dare?
The idea enthralled me. I just couldn’t get it out of my head. In 1998 I wrote a song about it with that fledgling band called INTO THE FLAME (listen/download above), launched a website called intotheflame.com, and began my first tentative steps in working these prayers out in my life and the lives of those around me.
As I dove deeper into the Word, I found six other distinct concepts behind major periods of refreshing and renewal in my life. These seven concepts led me to seven Greek and seven Hebrew words that embodied each concept, and as I studied out each concept behind the prayers, I was amazed how these phenomenonally dangerous ideas were found everywhere, in every book of the Bible.
I became convinced that God longs for a profound intimacy with us. I also learned the hard way not to take these prayers lightly. These are not the “now I lay me down to sleep” kind of prayers. Nor are these prayers—or any other kind of prayer for that matter—some kind of magic spell or ritual that can get God to do what you want. No prayer ever has any power apart from God. That being said, let me be clear. These prayers, and the life-changing concepts behind them, are indeed dangerous for one reason: God is dangerous. God is so loving, He is so very good; yet God is dangerous because any real encounter with Him will leave us forever changed.
"Therefore I tell you, the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people producing its fruits. And the one who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; and when it falls on anyone, it will crush him." -- Matthew 21:43–44
We have two choices, Christ is saying here: fall on Him and be broken, or remain apart from God and ultimately be crushed at the end of the age by the inexorable fact of that Presence. Jesus is speaking here of “the stone that the builders rejected” (Psalm 118:22, Matthew 21:42), the very kingdom of God, the stone that breaks or crushes. Here is a mystery to ponder: if God is truly unchanging (Malachi 3:6), simply being in His presence will change us, just as a diamond scratches all softer stones. As one of my favorite authors, Richard J. Foster, has said, ”To pray is to change.”
When I first started on this journey, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. When I first dared to pray the Prayer of Tears, for example, I was utterly naive about just how terribly different God’s compassion was from my own. I was a complete mess for weeks. I couldn’t even look at anyone without tears welling up in my eyes. My heart was so broken for everyone I met. But that bottomless well of tears was glorious because layers of callous indifference were shattered right along with my heart.
In time God brought balance to my emotions, but the overwhelming surge of compassion and empathy He poured into me had done its work. Before I dared to pray dangerously, I knew vaguely that He loves us, that He has compassion on us. When I dared to pray the Prayer of Tears, however, for the first time I really knew what it was like to have God’s heart for others. I didn’t just know how much He loved me and the people around me, I actually had some of that profound love for others. He immediately manifested himself in this: forgiveness which had before seemed utterly impossible that suddenly was easy and freeing. My love is terribly imperfect and I am daily learning more about His perfect love, but I would never go back to the way I was before.
When I moved to the Lewis-Clark Valley after college, I also began compiling some of my poetry in an anthological work that would eventually become the river Beautiful. I worked on both books off and on for years, but for far too many tedious reasons to list here, getting either one finished seemed utterly impossible. Despite the thousands of hours I had put into Seven Dangerous Prayers, I began feeling more and more strongly that I needed to finish this work of poetry and song lyrics first. At first I rejected the idea, thinking that perhaps I was just being egotistical. Surely the countless hours and all the Bible studies I had done were more important?
Then a counselor friend of mine, Rod Myklebust, made a comment to me one day that really shook me up. I prayed with Rod, and then he told me that he felt that maybe Seven Dangerous Prayers was just for me right now, not for anyone else yet, that I should pray through it to see where God was leading.
To be honest I was pretty devastated, especially with that coming from Rod, whose opinion means the world to me. I know Rod never meant it, but I got stuck on the thought that I had wasted most of my life, working on a book that was just for my own edification, not for anyone else’s. The black depression which followed was utterly crushing.
Lindsay and I had moved out of the Lewis-Clark Valley chasing teaching jobs in the North Cascades and the Oregon coast. I ended up getting injured pretty severely with a torn left bicep and torn rotator cuff. We eventually ran out of money and moved back to the Lewis-Clark Valley to regroup, but my depression and anxiety were worse than ever. I finally reached out and got medical help and counseling and have been slowly climbing out my present darkness, day by day.
I never thought myself a man of prayer, yet somehow I find that I have become one. It didn’t happen overnight, and it certainly hasn’t been easy. Between health problems, depression and anxiety these past seven years especially have been the hardest of my entire life. It is only through the faithful prayers of so many that I am alive today.
Brennan Manning, the beloved vagabond evangelist who transformed my life, said it best: “The Word we study must be the Word we pray” (The Ragamuffin Gospel, pg. 45). True, effective prayer is always founded and grounded in God’s Word. I dug into the Word again and kept on praying. I slowly began to see a little more clearly, and then one day God brought me completely up short with several sudden realizations:
Both books I had been working on for decades had seven chapters;
Each chapter in the river Beautiful corresponded perfectly with one of the seven dangerous prayers; and
It turns out that all the time I had been writing two books, I was really only writing one. I will release the Seven Dangerous Prayers Bible study in a year or so when it feels right, but for now, I finally know that this is what I’m supposed to do.
As soon as I came to that realization, I finally found peace with finishing the work. It makes sense for me not to just tell you how dangerous prayers have transformed my life, but to show you exactly how I have changed through my poetry and prose and illustrations. Since I finally figured out what I was supposed to do, this work has progressed smoothly and peacefully. It’s so very nice to have such a wise Editor.
I’m releasing a new signature design today entitled “NIL NISI CRUCE: “Firestorm” in the INTO THE FLAME store. All proceeds go towards supporting publication costs for the book.
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When Midnight Fell
"A man’s spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?" -- Proverbs 18:14
When midnight fell, I was broken, bleeding, and weeping; lost in a drunken haze of memories and sorrow and regret. My last impaired thought before I passed out was that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t wake up this time. I was okay with that. In fact, to my pain-wracked mind, it sounded just fine.
When the sheriff’s deputy showed up on my doorstep with the divorce papers, I was utterly beside myself with grief. I broke down completely.
Unable to sleep for days, I would walk through our quiet apartment all night as if in a dream, touching little things from our life together. Her face haunted me. Memories swirled all around and tormented me. I tried to pray, but had no words. I had absolutely no appetite and getting myself to take my medications was an utter act of will. Then there were the dark times that I just stood there, staring at them—and thought about taking all of them.
"Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, Where there is no standing; I have come into deep waters, Where the floods overflow me. I am weary with my crying; My throat is dry; My eyes fail while I wait for my God." -- Psalm 69:1-3, NKJV
Ultimately, it was the sight of the curio cabinet in the living room at about three in the morning that shook me out of my stupor. I came out of the bedroom after another failed attempt at sleep, turned the light on, and there it was. Set up like a little shrine with our marriage license, cake topper, and her preserved bouquet; the sight suddenly made my knees buckle. I literally fell on my face in the living room and cried out to God with all my heart.
I couldn’t pray, at first. I just lay there on my face, on the floor, and sobbed until I fell asleep. When I woke, it was a long while before I could find words. When I finally did, it was an explosion.
“What the hell are you doing?!” I screamed at God. “How dare you take her away from me after all I’ve been through? Heart attacks, migraines, unemployment, and now this? How dare you? I’m finally doing what You commanded me to do. I’m trying to obey You, and what good is it doing me? I’m finally trying to love her well, and she just throws it back in my face. What good am I doing? I wish I was dead. Why don’t you just kill me?!”
“Would you give up your life for her?” God asked me quietly.
The question came suddenly and I wasn’t at all prepared for it. Then, the husband’s high calling from Ephesians 5:25 thundered through my head, and I sobbed bitterly. If I was supposed to love my wife as Christ loves the church, and give myself up for her, did that mean that I was somehow supposed to die for her? Could I love her that much? What more could He ask?
Again, the answer came quickly and unexpectedly. “I didn’t ask you to die for her. I’ve already done that. I asked you to give yourself up.”
Weeping, but still furious at God in my grief, I did the spiritual equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and going, “La la la laaa, I don’t hear you.” I closed my heart against God’s voice and wallowed in my pain. It was His fault I was suffering so much, and nobody was going to tell me otherwise. Not even Him.
You would think that after a lifetime of dealing with pain, I would know better. The truth is that I simply didn’t want to believe this might not have a quick solution. I really didn’t want to believe that as much as she needed to change, I did too. But God has a way of speaking to you. When He really wants you to hear something, you’re going to hear it whether you want to or not.
Unfortunately, my way of coping with the destruction of my marriage was to drink. On one terrible night, I decided I would drink enough so that maybe I wouldn’t wake up. Most of that night is a haze, but part of it is indelibly clear. Just before I passed out, I thought that whether I ended up in heaven or hell it would be better than this. If it was heaven, I would be home with Jesus. If it was hell? Well, from where I was at that point, I couldn’t see how hell could be worse.
"So midnight falls, and I? I live; My ears ring with the silent cry, A scream with soft and trembling lips; A wordless cry against the Fall; I live! And I have failed to fail, The gasp with which I came awake, The tears that spill into my hands, The song with which the world was made. I do not know why I still breathe, Or why this heart is beating still; I only know that I still live, I do not know why I am here." -- A Midnight Falls, by Jason Christopher Hackwith
Hours later, I woke up… precisely at midnight. It was not only 12:00 a.m., when my eyes opened and I looked at the clock, the second hand had literally just started ticking around. I felt… strangely sober. I blinked, confused, and then I remembered everything. I wept for a long time, and then the poem A Midnight Falls started to form itself.
Brad Bramlet, a friend and pastor of the church I was attending, showed up at my door one day. He just looked at me for what seemed to be a long time, and then quietly told me in his inimitable humorous way that I looked terrible. He then set me up with his own medical provider so that I could get help with my depression and the other medical problems I was suffering from. I was so touched and grateful for his help. It took a few weeks but I eventually called Brad and told him about the divorce filing. We met again for coffee, talked, and prayed.
“Jason,” he said to me quietly, “in the story of the prodigal son, the father didn’t immediately go chasing off after his son. He let him go, so that he could get to the utter end of himself. He had to get to the place where he began to think that even the servants in his father’s house had better things to eat than the pig slop that now looked good to him. The son had to make the decision to come back on his own.
“She’s running, Jason,” he concluded gently. “You have to let her go where she’s going to go. You can’t save her from what she has to go through before she gets to the end of herself.”
I thought hard about what Brad said and bitterly conceded that he was right. But a phrase from the parable of the prodigal son resounded in my soul:
"And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him." -- Luke 15:20
“While he was still a long way off.” The prodigal son didn’t come all the way back to the father. He made the decision to come back, repented, and began to make his way back home. But the father saw him while he was still a long way off, had compassion on him, and welcomed him with a kiss, a great feast and forgiveness.
Ephesians 5:25, my high calling as a husband, commanded me to love my wife as Christ loves the church. We have grieved Christ so many times, and yet He remains faithful. We have cheated on Him again and again with other gods, and yet He is just waiting for us to come to the end of ourselves and start for home.
Through faith, I saw two roads that could lead from where we now stood. Down one road, we would “in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15). She would find repentance and forgiveness, even as I have had to find repentance and forgiveness, and God would lead us back together—not to pick up where we left off, but to a completely new relationship founded in truth and a right relationship with Jesus Christ.
I knew that road wouldn’t be easy, even as I determined to stand for my marriage. I knew we would have a lot of terribly hard work to do in counseling and prayer, and that trust that has been betrayed and lost would have to be restored the only way trust can ever be restored: through time, complete honesty, and true mutuality.
The other road, the one in which she would never return, seemed so dark to me that at that time I refused to really consider it. But friends and family gently reminded me that it was a possibility I must prepare for.
I’m so blessed to be surrounded by friends and family whose marriages have survived their own dark times. Their testimony has real power, because they’ve been through the fire and came out the other side. My own parents are the biggest inspiration for me in this area. They’ve been together over fifty years. Through their inspiration and hours of difficult prayer, God gave me the strength to forgive my former wife, even as I continued to pray that she would choose the road that led to our reconciliation.
I continued in prayer and counseling without her, and learned to accept that I had to let her go, regardless of the road she chose and how heartbreaking those decisions were for our families and me. I had to learn to give myself up, to accept that my identity was not found in marriage but in Christ alone. I had to learn to give her to God, and give up the false identity I had clung to. She was going to do what she was going to do. I couldn’t protect her from the consequences of those decisions, and I couldn’t go riding off to save her like a knight in shining armor.
The only thing I could really do for her was pray—but that is no small thing. I made a commitment to pray for her every day. For a long time, I prayed that God would take her to the end of herself, just as he did with the prodigal son. I prayed that God would do whatever he had to do to change her heart, no matter how hard, and lead her to repentance.
Now, there is nothing really wrong with that prayer, but there was something very wrong in me. Something would happen that would change my heart from one wallowing in righteous indignation and anger to one of forgiveness and release.
Seven months after the judge granted my former wife the divorce, I attended a men’s conference in Spokane held by Iron Sharpens Iron. At a marriage workshop, I briefly told my story while asking the speaker for ways that I could love her well, even in our situation. He had kind and encouraging words for me, along with some very practical suggestions.
I was greatly encouraged by the speaker, but it is what happened next that truly changed my life. After the workshop ended, a man came up to me and kindly asked me if he could pray with me. We did so, and he told me he would continue to pray for my former wife and I. He then told me to pray for God to bless her.
I thanked him and walked away, but I wasn’t at all prepared for the surge of emotions that suggestion roiled up within me. Bless her? She betrayed me! I wanted God to take her to the end of herself so she would repent, not bless her! Why should God bless her?
I walked a few more steps in an incredulous funk, then I repeated that question to myself. Why should God bless her? No, that’s the wrong question. Why couldn’t I pray for God to bless her?
That thought literally brought me up short. I felt the Holy Spirit’s conviction upon me so gently, yet so clearly. Hadn’t I forgiven her? It was obvious that on at least some level, I hadn’t.
I slowly walked around the church where the conference was held, weaving in and out of the crowds of men, not really seeing any of them. Silently, I asked God to forgive me for my own hardness of heart, and prayed that He would help me to walk real forgiveness out in faith by praying for Him to bless her.
And then, though it was a little like tearing off my own skin, faith found me there and I prayed the prayer. God, please bless her—despite her betrayal and all she has said and done, bless her. May Your kindness lead her to repentance.
My prayers for first wife changed from that day forward, and my heart began to change as well. God taught me what forgiveness truly is: to release those who hurt us not only to the consequences of their sin, but to the blessing of a dangerous God who forgives and restores.
Ultimately, my former wife chose the other road and remarried. Even if I wanted to renew a relationship with her at that point, I knew that she was forever gone to me. God had another plan, and that plan was my beautiful Lindsay. But at that end of things, I thought I was going to die. In one way of looking at things, I did.
To find life, I had to pass through death. To give myself up, I had to give up my wife. I had to take my leave of everything I thought I was in order to find out who I truly am. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, to give up my life for the one God had for me. I had to learn the hard way that I have to put God first in my life. Putting anything or anyone in His place will only bring grief.
"The cross is laid on every Christian. The first Christ-suffering which every man must experience is the call to abandon the attachments of this world. It is that dying of the old man which is the result of his encounter with Christ. As we embark upon discipleship we surrender ourselves to Christ in union with his death—we give over our lives to death. Thus it begins; the cross is not the terrible end to an otherwise god-fearing and happy life, but it meets us at the beginning of our communion with Christ. When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die. It may be a death like that of the first disciples who had to leave home and work to follow him, or it may be a death like Luther’s, who had to leave the monastery and go out into the world. But it is the same death every time—death in Jesus Christ, the death of the old man at his call." -- from The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, pg 99
What I have been through is only one form of the death to which Christ calls us. But He does not leave us abandoned. He calls us to give everything to Him, but He will put back into our hands what we need, when we need it.
When my first helper betrayed me, God led me to give up my life and give her to Him. Through her abandonment and betrayal, Jesus taught me that He alone is my perfect Helper, that no woman on earth could ever fill the place that He alone holds. But just like Job, God would later bring restoration of all the enemy had stolen. And in His gracious and perfect timing, God brought me a new helper: a true Proverbs 31 woman. My beautiful Lindsay brings me so much joy, but my lesson has been learned the hard way: God will always be first in my heart.
Thirteen years almost to the day after my own midnight fell, I am releasing a print along with a number of other creations. NIL NISI CRUCE is Latin for “Nothing but by the Cross.” It means that nothing good comes easy. It means that Jesus called us to carry our cross and follow Him, even if that means walking straight into the fire or flood. In the remarkable photo by the amazing Stormseeker, we see a hand reaching up to the sky out of deep waters. “Out of the depths I cry to Thee,” (Psalm 130). Feach out and cry out to God in the midst of a flood, when you are under water and struggling for breath. What will you do when wading the waters leads you out into the deep?
What about you? I really want to hear from you. When did your midnight fall? What was the worst moment of your life? What got you through it? How did it change you?
Post a comment below, or if you prefer, message me privately and I will keep it in the family. And, thank you!
P.S. If this message touched you, could you do me a favor? Hit one of the buttons below to share it to your social media and keep the conversation going.
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Closed for Spring Retreat
Firewind will be closed from Monday the 25th thru Thursday the 28th for our Spring Retreat. We’ll be back Friday, hopefully refreshed and definitely excited about all the amazing new things we have coming up for you! Stay tuned right here for the details.
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LCBO Annual Meeting, Potluck, and Jam Session
The Lewis Clark Bluegrass Organization (of which I’m proud to be a member) will have our annual Meeting/Potluck/Jam for the coming year on Saturday, March 2nd, 2024 at the Congregational Presbyterian Church located at 709 6th Street in Lewiston, Idaho. It will begin at 1:00 pm with a potluck first, followed by a short annual meeting, and then a jam session until about 5:00 pm. Bring your instruments and voices!
Please park in the lot located in the back of the facility and enter through the back door which leads to their fellowship hall on the lower level. You’ll want to RSVP to Chet Morris and/or Barbara Nedrow by email, text or phone of your planned attendance. Please indicate whether you will provide a main dish, salad or dessert. You can contact Chet & Barbara at:
CHET MORRIS: [email protected] OR 509.769.7651
BARBARA NEDROW: [email protected] OR 541.241.4368
The LCBO annual meeting is for the purpose of electing our Board of Directors for the coming year of April 1st, 2024 thru March 31st, 2025. Also, the present Board will report on important happenings of the last year.
Remember, you can also conveniently begin or renew your membership at this time. It is important that we have enough members attend the meetings in order to form a quorum for voting purposes. If you have any doubts about your current membership status, please feel free to contact Chet Morris or Dena Pollock at [email protected] for an update.
Thanks again for all your support!
P.S. BUCKLE UP, it’s gonna be an awesome year!
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Don't miss Wanigan at the Nez Perce County Fair!
Wanigan will be playing tomorrow, Sunday, September 24th at noon at the Nez Perce County Fair! The band is bringing some new songs and old favorites in a special three hour set you will not want to miss. We'll be taking you on a vibrant journey around the country, celebrating the rich stories of our ancestors and the places that made them. Mark your calendars and we will see you there!
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BOOK SIGNING: Magpie and the Spellcaster, by Kelly (Opie) Benscoter
Meet local author Kelly (Opie) Benscoter and I at a very special book signing event, September 29th from 4-7pm at …And Books Too!, 918 6th Street, Clarkston, WA! Stay tuned for more details!
When the strange young woman first came to live in the forest, she promised to live in peace with all the animals, but Magpie was sure she was hiding something. With a stinky monster for a pet and an evil old hag for a mentor, the spellcaster had odd ideas and certainly kept very strange company. Still, she seemed mostly harmless, if a little unwise and unable to care for herself when winter came. But when the very forest itself and all who dwell there are threatened by the spellcaster’s strange and sinister influence, will Magpie and Old Coyote be able to convince the animals to fight back?
Full of original poetry, quirky illustrations, thoughtful dialogue, and slightly twisted humor; this heartwarming story brings together a cast of rich characters that your child will love.
follow our feathered friend at FlightsoftheMagpie.com
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I relate to this so much. Chronic pain is so lonely. Sitting up at three in the morning with another awful migraine, watching my wife sleep, wishing someone would be with me but caring about her too much to let my pain rob her of needed rest. My wife is amazing but I can tell sometimes my pain is fatiguing to her. Some nights fall harder than others.
One of the worst parts of living with chronic pain for years is that after a while it can feel like no one cares that you're in pain.
Sometimes when my pain is at it's highest levels I find myself screaming out into the universe "Some one care about me! Can't anyone see I'm suffering? Doesn't anyone care at all that I'm in so much pain I can hardly bare existence?"
But there is often no one there. Maintaining friendships is hard with chronic illness and most people get fed up with you or your illness or just plain drift apart when its difficult to keep contact.
Even family members can get sick of hearing about your sickness, or too busy living their own lives or dealing with their own issues to give support.
Sometimes people just plain don't know how to help you even if they wanted to. They then have the luxury of putting your pain on the back shelf of their mind while you do not.
Everyone around you can become numb to your pain but you.
But when I'm at an 8 or higher and entering a pain crisis, I just wish someone could care: sit with me, watch a movie, treat me to one of favorite things, show me cute animal pictures, and commiserate.
Instead I mostly suffer in silence because I would rather that than to tell someone and get the same old non-reaction.
No one ever bothers to ask how I'm feeling anyway so why should I go to them and say, "I'm in pain! Care about me!"
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My review of Magpie and the Spellcaster, by Kelly (Opie) Benscoter
MY REVIEW: ●●●●●●ʘ | (7/7)
FULL DISCLOSURE: I am the designer and publisher of this book (through my business, Firewind Productions). I'm also a good friend of the author. Yes, I'm quite biased, but speaking as a lifelong lover of fantasy (especially fantasy involving animals), I really think you will enjoy this one.
Magpie and the Spellcaster is an action-packed foray into the world of talking animals in the tradition of Brian Jacques' Redwall and Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia. Opie grew up on the Nez Perce Reservation near Lapwai, Idaho and was inspired by Nez Perce creation stories and the animals that frequently occupied them. In this first book of the Flights of the Magpie series, for example, Coyote plays an advisory role to the central protagonist Magpie, who is a guardian of his forest and the animals who live there.
Opie's dialogue is very thoughtful and contains all kinds of gems that will have you grinning and laughing out loud at times, while dealing honestly with very real pathos and tragedy as it comes. Without spoiling anything, I'll tell you that the animals of the forest come together in a way that reminds me very much of some of the best battle scenes from Brian Jacques' books, punctuated with a wholesome resolution that feels just a little bit like Aesop's Fables and sets up the characters for further adventures in the series.
Filled with Jon Dawley's quirky and engaging illustrations, Magpie and the Spellcaster is also peppered with really great original poems about some of the animals of the forest as well as wry glimpses into Opie's sometimes slightly twisted sense of humor. The end result is enormously entertaining and I highly recommend it!
View all my reviews on GoodReads.com
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"Angela," by Jason Christopher Hackwith (2023 Remaster) / DRM-Free MP3 256
For all those who struggle daily with pain, for those who bravely fight that dragon cancer, for anyone who has ever screamed at a God who seems at times uncaring and distant: I understand and I don’t have all the answers, either. But I know Someone who does.
For the upcoming release of the river Beautiful, we have remastered the 2004 recording of Angela, by Jason Christopher Hackwith. As with all of our music downloads, this is DRM-FREE in high quality MP3 256 format.
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN/DOWNLOAD
I was overwhelmed with a story that filled my mind so completely I couldn’t think about anything else. It was the story of a young woman dying of cancer and struggling with her faith. How she condemned God for all of the pain and nausea and sleepless nights. How He met her where she was, and changed everything; not by taking the cancer away, but by giving her His unyielding, perfect strength even in her weakness. How indescribable Peace transformed her life. How that Peace changed the life of everyone who had the privilege of knowing her, and at the end of her life she saw the Father waiting for her with open arms.
I didn’t know her. Until then, I had never met anyone named Angela who was dying of cancer. But I knew it was a true story. And I wrote as fast as I could to get it down. Fifteen minutes later, I was left with something I can’t explain and can’t really take credit for.
If you are an Angela, or if you know someone who is, it is my prayer that this finds you where you are. We’d love to pray for you.
Photo by the amazing Artem Kovalev, courtesy of Unsplash.
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It's been too long, strangers
I feel ya, Nickel Creek. Yes, “even hard times fly and leave us speechless in the darkness before the dawn.” These past three years feel like a decade; these past twenty-three feel like a hundred years. The collective trauma that we have all suffered these past three years will take a long time to heal. This pilgrim has been huddled by the wayside, afraid to move, afraid to breathe. Time to get back up and start walking.
Here’s to family and friends and loved ones we can hold tight as we walk through the darkness into the light.
"Go check out Nickel Creek’s newest album, Celebrants. Might just be their best yet. Feels like a really good conversation with old friends you haven't seen in awhile. Highly recommended." -- Jason Hackwith
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I have seen the Darkness. Fingers frame a face well worn with pain. Prisons of stabbing coldness ever seeking warmth. Loneliness and sorrow and fear.
I have seen the Light. Moments with loved ones, treasured and kept. Understanding and compassion and grace. Love that sees past prisons and holds on ever tight.
I see you. I see you struggling bravely against a condition that robs you of so much. I see your anguish, anxiety, depression, terrible sadness. I see your frustration against an enemy that keeps you imprisoned. For many it is a life sentence. Sometimes you get out on parole for a while, but it feels like just when you start to get things together, another migraine slams the cell door shut. I see the prayers you’ve desperately whispered to a God who seems distant and uncaring at times. I see you wondering if He even hears. I see you wrestling with pain despite all of the times you’ve prayed for healing. I see your anger. I see your sorrow. And I understand.
READ MORE: https://firewindproductions.com/prisons
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Keep track of the moments of Darkness and Light in our hardbound migraine diary featuring the PRISONS poetry, typography, and illustration by Jason Christopher Hackwith. A comfortable 5.75" x 8" to give you plenty of room, with 150 lined pages to order your thoughts. Matte finish; flexible casewrap binding lays flat when opened.
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Wrote this back in 2012. I was just thinking about this weird little guy and thought I’d share.
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On the subject of feline bathing, bacon products, and salons
Sometimes I wake up from an otherwise perfectly sound sleep with the oddest ideas. Take this morning, for example. I lay there in the dark at just before 3 a.m. wondering just why I had awoken. I was just about to drift off back into blissful slumber, when I heard it.
SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLUP...
My orange tabby, Marari, was rather noisily taking an early morning bath right next to my head. I don't know what trouble he got himself into in the middle of the night that he felt required some extreme cleaning, but he was really going at it.
SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLEP SCHLUP lick lick lick SCHLUP...
At first, still halfway asleep, I thought the noise presaged the wet, hairy, unwelcome arrival of a hairball upon the clean sheets I had just put on the bed the night before. My two cats are quite healthy, but they seem to have a terrible allergic reaction when it comes to two things: 1. clean bedding, and 2. clean laundry. I don't know what it is about clean laundry that seems to necessitate an immediate purge of the feline stomach of unwanted hair they have ingested while bathing, but it has happened enough times to make me suspicious.
Yes, I'm afraid that more than once, I have been awakened from a sound sleep by the awful HURRRRP HURRRRRP that signals another hairy, steaming present is about to be bestowed upon the world.
That isn't the kind of thought one can have and stay half asleep, so of course I instantly sat up in bed and turned the light on.
Marari stopped schlupping just long enough to look at me with a questioning, irritated glance, as if to say, "Do you MIND? I'm taking a bath." A second later he went right back to it with a fervor that raised my eyebrows.
SCHLEP SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLURPPP... *twitch* SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLUP SCHLUPP...
"What have you been up to?" I said suspiciously. (Why yes, I talk to my cats. Do you have a problem with that?)
Marari shrugged (And yes, cats can shrug! At least, mine do. I don't know about yours) and murmured a noncommittal reply as he continued to soak his already dripping paw and rub it frantically over his ears.
MERRRP SCHLUP SCHLUP PRREPPSCHLUP SCHLIPP SCHLUP SCHLUPPP! lick lick SCHLUP...
I stared at him for a few more seconds and then irritatingly turned the light off to go back to sleep. But sleep wouldn't come. The schlupping was winning. It was like the dreadful sloppy, wet toll of a persistent bell.
SCHLUPPP!! SCHLUPP!! SCHLUPPP! SCHLEPPER SCHLEPPERR SCHLUPP!! SCHLUPP! SCHLUPP!!! NEVERMORE!!! SCHLUPP!!
I sighed and turned over, trying to get away from the noise, and stuffed a pillow over my head.
Gratefully, sleep beckoned. Just before I drifted off, however, this crazy mind of mine twitched with another idea that escaped from my sleep-fogged brain. I'm sure glad, I thought, that I don't have to do it that way. Most of the time I'm not consciously grateful for opposable thumbs, but that's one activity that elicits from me a grateful prayer of thanks.
On the other hand, I thought, it has of course been said that necessity is the mother of invention. If we had to lick ourselves clean, shampoo and soap would have flavors. Mothers could never be able to threaten washing one's mouth out with soap for slips of the tongue. Ladies' shampoo would of course be all kinds of fruity flavors like fluffy tangerine or toasted coconut.
Guy's shampoo, though. Guy's shampoo would have to be manly flavors. Like beer. Chocolate stout. Primeval porter. Or meat products. Greasy cheeseburger. Porterhouse steak. Or... and the thought caused me to sit up in bed, wide eyed... BACON!
YES! BACON SHAMPOO! I turned the light back on, jumped out of bed—which got me another dirty look from the cat—and ran into my office to write this brilliant idea down. Surely I would make millions. But no. A quick Google search led me to PorkKleen Bacon Scented Hand Sanitizer, presented by a cute little blog by the name of "A Little Bacon: Making Life Delicious."
So sad. Someone else beat me to it. If there's bacon hand sanitizer, surely bacon shampoo has already been invented. There go my dreams of being the next multi-millionaire bacon shampoo magnate. ThinkGeek has a huge collection of bacon-related items for sale, everything from the aforementioned bacon hand sanitizer to Bacon Jellybeans, Bacon Popcorn, and even Bacon Frosting (shudder).
Another glance at the Google search turned up a song called "Savoury Bacon Shampoo" by a band called Idiots of Idiocy (I.O.I.). It sounds just about as you'd expect a song about savoury bacon shampoo to sound.
Doing one's hair in the morning would be an interesting process if we had to lick it into place. Can you imagine a couple of ladies going to get their hair styled? They'd never be able to get any talking done.
"So I said, I said Margaret (SCHLUPPP SCHLLUP SHLEPP SCHLUP) that you'd never find me (SCHLUP SCHLUPP SCHLUP) talking behind someone's back like that (SCHLUPP SCHLUP SCHLUP lick lick SCHLUP). I mean, the nerve of that (SCHLURRP) woman. Hold still, let me get your bangs (SCHLUURRRP)"
On the other hand, you'd never have to use any product to keep your hair in place. Cowlicks would be a source of pride. That bit of hair that always sticks up in the back? A sign of due dilligence in one's bathing habits.
Ah, well. Sighing over my quickly dissolving dreams of releasing the next great bacon single that would get tons of radio play, I trudged back to bed. Marari, now finished with his emergency 3 am bath, was snoring. It was an improvement.
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Brand Identity/Logo Design
I love all aspects and stages of design but my favorite thing to do is consult with you to design an engaging identity for your business or organization. If you’re ready to stand out from your competition, let's go start a fire!
Value Logo Package
Only $299! Includes one (1) vectored logo in seven formats with up to 3 hours research and design time. Logos requiring highly detailed or complex illustrative work may not qualify for this package rate. Eligibility to be determined by Firewind Productions.* Not sure if your logo will qualify? Request a free quote!
Business Identity Package
A great value worth well over $1000, for only $799. Includes one (1) vectored logo in seven formats with up to 7 hours of research and design time, one (1) two-sided business card design with up to 7 versions for staff members, one (1) envelope design, and your choice of one (1) letterhead -OR- one (1) rack card design.*
Enterprise Identity Package
A huge value worth well over $5000, for only $3499. Includes one (1) main vectored logo and one (1) variant vectored logo with up to 24 hours of research and design time, one (1) two-sided business card design with versions for up to 24 staff members, one (1) letterhead design, one (1) envelope design, your choice of one (1) letter size tri-fold brochure design -OR- legal size parallel fold brochure design, and your choice of one (1) post card design -OR- one (1) rack card design.*
Quality Design Guarantee
Firewind Productions strives for complete customer satisfaction. If you aren't completely satisfied with your custom designed product, we will refund 100% of your purchase price if the project is canceled before printing, or 50% of your purchase price if project is canceled after any printing or manufacturing has begun. SEE Terms for complete details.
I make it a priority to be constantly growing as an artist. I pride myself on my attention to detail and my uncompromising attitude toward quality. Years of real world experience in almost every design industry (web, mobile, apparel, fine arts, digital printing, offset press, web press, screen printing, etc.) have enabled me to design across a wide variety of media knowing the strengths and limitations of the end product throughout the process. Your logo will be the highest-quality vectored art that will work wherever you take it.
All logo and identity packages include a detailed analysis of your business or organization with thorough research of your competitors and industry. You’ll get a report with my research along with your final files. My goal is to design something that exceeds the quality and influence of your competitors.
A detailed project scope will be agreed-upon at commencement of services. All logos will be provided in one-color, greyscale, and full-color versions in seven commonly-used file formats (AI, EPS, SVG, PDF, PNG, JPG, and TIF)—you get 21 total files per logo. *Please note that Brand Identity/Logo Design packages include design only and do not include printing costs, but we have special packages available for printing that can be added on to your identity package at a discount.
How It Works
All package prices include a specified amount of design time (standard) and up to three rough comps and three proofs from each comp, unless otherwise indicated. Choose the package that works best for you, and I promise to efficiently use your time to design an identity package that will knock your socks off.
If you need additional proofs or if the project scope changes during the Design & Development Period and additional design time is required to conform to the specs of your project, you can purchase additional design time at any time a-la-carte.
When we receive your order, I'll contact you with an estimated design schedule and scope and to discuss any questions I have about your project. At that time we'll talk about materials necessary to proceed with the project (for example, if you have materials to send me, stock images or fonts to acquire, etc.).
Please detail your project as specifically as possible in the Special Instructions or Comments About Your Order field that you'll see during the checkout process.
*See Printing Terms of Service for all the deets! As always, contact me with any questions.
Printing
Printing is also available for your identity package items. We use a variety of high quality printing techniques to produce our products. With over 25 years of design experience, I'm extremely choosy about the printing and other manufacturing companies that I work with. With the industry connections I’ve established over the years, I’m able to bring you the highest-quality printing at very low prices. All printing and manufacturing is done in the United States.
Printing methods can vary depending on the product and scope of the project, but here is a little more information about the kinds of processes available:
Full Color Offset Printing
DETAILS: 2400 dots per inch, 200 line screen, full color offset printing on a variety of high quality, bright white coated and uncoated stocks in all kinds of thicknesses and finishes. Certain minimum quantities may apply.
Digital Full Color Printing
DETAILS: For shorter runs. Up to 600 dots per inch, full color digital printing on quality stocks in a variety of colors, thicknesses, and textures.
Digital Black & White Printing
DETAILS: For shorter runs. Up to 1200 dots per inch, high quality greyscale digital printing on quality stocks in a variety of colors, thicknesses, and textures.
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