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imlosthalp

are you lost?

the fact that i finally smacked a theme on is the growth that i didn't expect to have.

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imlosthalp · 10 days

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Humans could have never guessed that, in the far future, they would need to cover their faces with fancy masks in order to not scare other species.

It’s so strange, isn’t it? To think that fragiles humans could give so much fear to others that they have to cover their most human features. There’s species that look so much scarier than you - things that float, things with sharp razor teeth -, but you are the only ones that need to cover yourselves.

Everyone, however, seems to be terrified of humans. Their small teeth, single pair of eyes, weird-shaped nose… Separated, those things don’t scare anyone. But together, and combined with the bipedal shape and weird claws humans refer to as “nails”?

No one can look at all of this combined without wanting to run away.

Humans have found this to be strange, but they quickly got used to it. They made fancy masks, experimented with cloths, made new fashion trends to they could adapt to their new alien friends.There were laws regarding what humans should hide from others, too. They all varied from planet to planet, but were always there.

The earthlings wanted an explanation. Why were they the only ones who had to do it? Why just them? Why not others? Why?

They researched for a long time. Libraries, databases, rumours all across the Universe. Some even tried to contact spirits via an Ouija board in order to get some answers! It obviously didn’t work, and that story should be left for another day, but, eventually, an answer was… Almost found.

It was apparent that every single alien culture had a myth about the death of the Galaxy. A war so big and outrageous that it killed almost everything - and what was left either died, or was locked away for someone to find. And you know what one of the things that was left looked like?

Descriptions always referred to it as “bipedal, furless and scaleless, with two things that could see, two to smell, and another to consume”. The world’s first universal boogeyman! A little thing to scare children off.

Humans, however, didn’t know what to do with that information. Sure, they matched the description, but so many species also matched each other’s descriptions of monsters! Why would they be any different?

…

But you don’t care, do you?

You are a human from the 21st century. You are almost ashamed of how soft you are. How your insides break so easily, how all it takes is a single conflict for you to go to the hospital. You go to your little friends and talk about how fragile you are. “Look at me!”, you say, and you just don’t care. “Look at this scar I got!”

Stupid human. You are one of the few that can survive so many scars. Stupid, foolish human, who forgot that your parameters of survival were made inside a death world.

But you don’t care, do you? You will finish reading this. You will think of this as fun. You will forget.

Stupid. Foolish. Naive. Little. Human.

Born inside a death world, raised to hate, made to protect.

Earth was the prison someone made to contain you. And you grew to love it. You grew to care for it. You grew to become a part of it. And then you tried to get away from it, to distance yourselves from the nature that you broke your bodies to become a part of, because suddenly you felt all too good for it. And then you killed it.

But you were scared, weren’t you? You were soooo scared of killing your own little prison. You were so terrified for it. You replaced your claws with nails and your canines with fragile teeth and your eyes with souls to become a part of it. The prison made trees and changed its shape so it could be a part of you. And you were so scared of that sudden acceptance, weren’t you? Earth loved you, but all you wanted was to be alone.

So. You killed it.

And then you felt even worse. Because your species was made to be social, and the planet became a part of your stupid little pack, and now that there wasn’t anyone else to worry for, you began to worry about yourselves, and realized that your destiny was to die on this miserable wasteland all alone because you were too afraid to lose something you loved.

There’s acid on your stomachs, electricity on your bodies and blood on your veins. Things that kill. You were made to kill. Not care. Kill.

And you just had to kill the only part of you that didn’t feel remorse. You just had to do it, didn’t you? You killed it and ate it raw because you were starving, and then your little minds crumbled down in shame because now you could think clearly.

You rebuilt Earth. Made it love you again. Centuries of trying to do better, that’s what you did. Centuries of going to other planets and making them love you just like your home does, but you were small and stupid and did not realize that your parameters of living were based on a deathworld that hated you first before realizing you were a monster that was thrown away to die.

Everyone knows what you did. Everyone knows what you were. A monster, a weapon that killed the galaxy before being found and thrown away to the most lonely deathworld this Universe has ever seen.

And you just had to kill the part of you that made you hate the world, didn’t you?

Just like you simply had to kill the part of Earth that despised you.

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imlosthalp · 14 days

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imlosthalp · 21 days

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Dating Kazui headcanons (Kazui x Fem! Reader)

he leaves you for a man

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imlosthalp · 1 month

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Reblog to open a rail line from your blog to the person you reblogged this from

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imlosthalp · 1 month

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Guardian is gone from YT!? What should I do?!

Hi! Remember us? We are Project Paranoia, right now more like Project We Told You So, still working on that database of Chinese BL shows and films in case they disappear from public sites.

In light of recent events, namely Guardian being removed from YouTube and Viki (or hidden behind a paywall), we would like to remind you that there are some websites where you still can watch these shows.

You probably wouldn’t want to prevent YouTube from making more money with Guardian, so you should under no circumstance follow these links:

not this one

or this one

Also, we really would love it if you followed us or reblogged our posts if you have the time. 🥰🥰

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imlosthalp · 3 months

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one thing that constantly plagues my mind is this single milgram timeline interaction between shidou and kazui on kazui's birthday

like not only is it extremely gay but i've recently realized the fact that kazui mentions it's his birthday has certain implications. milgram is pretty thoughtfully written, which would lead me to believe that they wouldn't disregard things that have been said in the past no matter how long ago.

meaning the things kazui said on his first birthday is still just as relevant even now.

this would imply that kazui bringing up the fact it was his birthday was just an excuse to get shidou to spend some time with him.

why would he go out of his way to mention something he claims he doesn’t care much about if not as an excuse to get shidou to actually spend time with him? either it's just his crippling loneliness or he actually does have a thing for shidou, especially with the way his development is going and how his feelings and desires are being affirmed. plus every milgram interaction has some form of significance to the characters' development.

i do still feel like it's kind of a reach to make this assumption and i'm probably reading into it way too much, cuz it really could just be kazui being nice, but, y'know, why place so much emphasis on it? and also a SHOULDER MASSAGE being offered by the guy who craves physical touch? the closet is not even glass atp it’s been disassembled and returned to ikea

anyways 0507 is real

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imlosthalp · 3 months

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who really cares

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imlosthalp · 4 months

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can't stop thinking about them

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imlosthalp · 5 months

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Petrichor on Twitter

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imlosthalp · 5 months

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IT'S RUN TO PARADISE BY POP_INCOGNITO I WANNA CRY I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR WEEKS JKLHSDJKLFHSD

okay I don't know if I've gone crazy or if they deleted it but wasn't there this stunning gorgeous makoharu-centric (ish) multi-ship fic whose whole premise was centered around them being trapped in this dictatorship abusive place where there was a seasonal "run" where they temporarily opened the gates to allow the citizens ONE chance at escape??????

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imlosthalp · 5 months

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#makoharu #screaming crying i've been looking for days #i think it was called “run to paradise”#this is living rent free in my mind AGAINST MY WILL

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imlosthalp · 5 months

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i'm begging you guys to start pirating shit from streaming platforms. there are so many websites where you can stream that shit for free, here's a quick HOW TO:

1) Search for: watch TITLE OF WORK free online

2) Scroll to the bottom of results. Click any of the "Complaint" links

3) You will be taken to a long list of links that were removed for copyright infringement. Use the 'find' function to search for the name of the show/movie you were originally searching for. You will get something like this (specifics removed because if you love an illegal streaming site you don't post its url on social media)

4) each of these links is to a website where you can stream shit for free. go to the individual websites and search for your show/movie. you might have to copy-paste a few before you find exactly what you're looking, but the whole process only takes a minute. the speed/quality is usually the same as on netflix/whatever, and they even have subtitles! (make sure to use an adblocker though, these sites are funded by annoying popups)

In conclusion, if you do this often enough you will start recognizing the most dependable websites, and you can just bookmark those instead. (note: this is completely separate from torrenting, which is also a beautiful thing but requires different software and a vpn)

you can also download the media in question (look for a "download" button built into the video window, or use a browser extension such as Video DownloadHelper.)

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imlosthalp · 5 months

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imlosthalp · 5 months

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LEGALISE CATBOYS

sweater available now: danandphilshop.com / us.danandphilshop.com

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imlosthalp · 5 months

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#free! iwatobi swim club #makoharu #reigisa #sourin #i swear i'm not crazy!!!!#last i remember nagisa dies and rei goes loco #it also had haru make a gorgeous pearl necklace and forced to sell it even though it was his proposal gift to makoto #also makoto with star tear disease #I DID NOT HALLUCINATE THE MOST GORGEOUS PIECE KNOWN TO FREE-KIND

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imlosthalp · 5 months

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10 High Quality & Cinematic BLs

Ones that are very well made with a tight narrative and no cringey dialogue. For example: Old Fashion Cupcake or His. Japan knows what tf it’s doing, okay? You don’t come from a tradition that gave us Kurosawa and fail at broad scope cinematography.

High Quality & Cinematic BLs + Comfort & Joy

These are the ones that I love even though they’re artsy, but they also end happily and didn’t hurt me too much.

1. Old Fashion Cupcake

(Japan 2022 Viki)

This show had me from the moment they broke the egg yolk with the chopsticks in the opening credits for episode one. It’s about a younger man with a long cherished crush on his boss (ten years older and going through a mid life crisis) who decides to save and seduce said man with pancakes. It’s wholesome, comforting, sexy, and a very necessary narrative about still having hope, interests, and openness to affection at any age. It’s coming of age/queerness packaged in a subtle critique of expectations around masculinity and love and loneliness… and it’s beautiful. Full review.

2. Restart After Come Back Home

AKA Risutato wa tadaima no ato de (Japan 2020 grey)

Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth your patience. Full review here.

3. Life: Love on the Line

AKA Life Senjou no Bokura (Japan 2020 Viki)

This is a beautiful movie and a good BL, if a bit adult and gut wrenching at times. Goes through young love, break up, and reunion - but it’s actually a saga of self acceptance. You want the director’s cut. Like His, LLOTL is an exploration of suppression and the limits we impose on ourselves when we’re dishonest about who we love. In high school, serious and self contained Ito fell in love with Nishi, the manic pixie dream boy of the dream he didn’t know he had. Nishi, emotionally and mentally fragile, struggled to fit into the world. Ito, however, found it all too easy, except for the whole - ya know - gay thing. This movie is about Ito’s willingness to sacrifice not just himself but his love (and even Nishi himself) to social and familial expectations and the misery that results. It has a hard fought happy ending that then follows them through the rest of their lives in a (slightly unnecessary but welcome) epilogue montage.

4. A Tale of Thousand Stars

(Thai 2021 GMMTV YouTube)

With great casting and cinematography this drama nods at BL tropes but manages to elevate them (and itself) with a strong mature story concept about a spoiled rich kid who gets a heart transplant and becomes a teacher it order to pay out survivor’s guilt. On the way he falls in love with a local park ranger and contends with his own classism and escapist tendencies. Everyone seemed to perfectly suit their roles and GMMTV made the most out of its stable. Combined with excellent production (and post production) values, 1000 Stars is without question GMMTV’s most mature, charming, and smart BL series. I think it should go down as one of the top BLs of all time. I feel safe recommending this one to friends and non BL watchers.

High Quality & Cinematic BLs + Work & Angst

These are ones that I watched but were really difficult for me for personal reasons. Some may not have happy endings. I tend to call these moody arthouse smackdoodle. They like to pretend that “ambiguous” is somehow unique and special rather than bog standard commonplace for narratives of this type. Hold onto your psyche, these dramas will test you. But they very well done.

5. His the movie

(Japan 2020 Viki)

His is about being a grown adult and still struggling with coming out as gay. It addresses the consequences of life choices disingenuous to identity. Nagisa turns up on Shun’s doorstep with his precocious daughter in tow. This is a touch confusing to Shun since they were each others first love. Shun has retreated from society, rejecting the world before it can reject him, already brokenhearted because without Nagisa he never had a reason to fight. Nagisa went the opposite way, tried to pretend to be something he was not and ended up with a daughter he adores and a wife who hates him. This movie is beautiful and the setting is unique and interesting but I’m not wild about the ending.

6. I Told Sunset About You

(Thai 2020 grey)

I don’t have a ton to say about ITSAY because I’ve never managed to finished it. This one was too close to my own queer journey and it seriously messed with my head about 2/3 of the way through, so I stopped watching to protect myself. However, I can tell you that the production values are unreal for Thailand, using a soft lens, diffuse lighting, and a nostalgic atmosphere, paying close attention to framing, and forgetting neither background nor close-focus expressive detail. It’s a remarkable piece of work. I caught no mistakes in makeup, wardrobe, body positioning, reflection, or boom mic placement - so they clearly had continuity eyeballs during filming and on final product (which most Thai BLs don’t spring for). So yeah, the filming, directing, and acting is insanly good, but what’s really stand out in ITSAY from a film perspective is their smooth as butter invisibly perfect editing. Post production on this series must have been a BEAST.

7. Your Name Engraved Herein

(Taiwan 2020 Netflix)

This movie is fantastic but it is also seriously depressing, it’s a self acceptance journey, but if you wanna wallow in high quality acting and serious gay drama, this’ll do it.

8. Goodbye Mother AKA Thua Me Con D

(Vietnam 2019 Netflix)

Like YNEH or Dew, this is a great movie but it deals openly with homophobia, bashing, family trauma, and social acceptance.

9. His the series

AKA His - Koisuru Tsumori Nante Nakatta AKA I Didn’t Think I Would Fall In Love

(Japan 2019)

Boy goes to visit his absent father, ends up kinda homeless on the beach, gets adopted by local family, falls in love with the boy working and living with them. Lots of long drawn out glances.

10. I Want to See Only You

AKA Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai (Japan 2022 grey)

This is a beautiful piece of cinema well acted, about two boys who are opposite personalities and grew up together. Gifted and serious Sakura (Kura Yuki from His the series) and outgoing eccentric manic pixie dream boy, Yuma. It is very pretty and this is the kind of atmospheric elegantly performed BL that only really comes from Japan (complete with dead fish kisses - what you though Korea invented them? oh no). For me it was lovely but slightly unmemorable. Full review here.