#havethecouragetotell

My name is Kristal McClodden, I was molested by my mothers step dad when I was around 8. I knew it was wrong so I had the courage to go straight to my mother. That's when I learned that I wasn't the first of his victims, yet she told me not to speak about it. She begged me not to tell my father because he was just being released from prison & she never went to the police because she worried about keeping the family together. I kept quiet, but it was always awkward because I felt on the outside looking in on all of the “make believe” interactions. Keeping quiet also led him to continue to come after me & when I became a teenager he started trying to bribe me into letting him do things. I promised myself for years that I’d speak about it, but I learned that timing was everything. I knew for a fact that confronting him as well as the steps I decided to take towards healing would endure more negative than positive. I knew I’d lose some phony family & I had to grow to become completely fine with it, knowing I’d make room for healthier relationships. My family has enabled & protected this monster for far too long & many still don’t want the truth exposed in effort to protect the “perfect family” image. This secret is too dark & has affected too many young lives. I don’t care how anybody feels about the hidden truth or if they choose not to speak to me because of it.  But for my family to HATE me, SLANDER my name, MISTREAT my mother & take It on my children is dead wrong. This is not only an ongoing issue worldwide, but it’s neglected in the black community. So for any victim that comes across my story, I want you to know that it’s not about being accepted by those who care nothing about your best interest. I now understand the strength it takes to break the cycle of generational curses & secrecy, so I’ll continue doing my part by bringing awareness to child molestation. #HAVETHECOURAGETOTELL https://www.facebook.com/HAVETHECOURAGETOTELL

Letter to my molester

Writing a letter to the person who has hurt me so much has proven to be a difficult task. I don’t know what to say, though I do know I would hurt you if I would try to speak to you instead. I know violence doesn’t solve anything, but how can I forgive something you did to me that has apparently scarred me for life when in my mind I thought I had moved on? My therapist has a theory, that because of you I have had this depression, because of you I have had suicidal thoughts, because of you I have tried to kill myself, because of you I still self harm, and because of you… I can’t move on with my life. When he told me to do this I was really upset, the first things I wanted to write were “I hate you, I wish you were dead” … but… what’s it worth when it won’t take away what happened to me? I can’t wish for ur daughter to go through the same thing because its not her fault, and she has been a good friend to my sister and my family. If anything I wish it would happen to you, so you could know my pain… so you could know how traumatizing it has been…. for almost 20 years I have bottled up this anger and now its finally coming out in the worst way… I was too afraid to say anything cuz I thought noone would believe me, and I’m too kind that I couldn’t tell them thinking ud be thrown in the streets by my parents if they WOULD believe me, or that u would be thrown in jail n wouldn’t see ur first born child after so many miscarriages from your wife.. I want to move on, but I can’t forgive you for what you did, and I won’t…. all I can say is that I pity you, ifeel so sorry for you because you don’t have the fucken balls to look at me in the eyes and say sorry. Somehow I know that everytime you see me, you remember the same things I do, but unlike you, I’m not going to be a hypocrite about it. I’m not going to ignore. I have accepted what happened despite how much it hurts… maybe one day you will too, maybe one day I’ll hear the apology that I probably need, in order to move on… until then.. I will continue dealing with my depression and hope that I won’t die by my self harm tendencies anytime soon…

I was molested by my mothers step dad when I was around 8. I knew it was wrong so I had the courage to go straight to my mother. That's when I learned that I wasn't the first of his victims, yet she told me not to speak about it. She begged me not to tell my father because he was just being released from prison & she never went to the police because she worried about keeping the family together. I kept quiet, but it was always awkward because I felt on the outside looking in on all of the “make believe” interactions. Keeping quiet also led him to continue to come after me & when I became a teenager he started trying to bribe me into letting him do things. I promised myself for years that I’d speak about it, but I learned that timing was everything. I knew for a fact that confronting him as well as the steps I decided to take towards healing would endure more negative than positive. I knew I’d lose some phony family & I had to grow to become completely fine with it, knowing I’d make room for healthier relationships. My family has enabled & protected this monster for far too long & many still don’t want the truth exposed in effort to protect the “perfect family” image. This secret is too dark & has affected too many young lives. I don’t care how anybody feels about the hidden truth or if they choose not to speak to me because of it.  But for my family to HATE me, SLANDER my name, MISTREAT my mother & take It on my children is dead wrong. So for anyone that comes across my story, I want them to know that it’s not about being accepted by those who care nothing about your best interest. I now understand the strength it takes to break the cycle of generational curses & secrecy, so I will do my part by bringing awareness to child molestation. #HAVETHECOURAGETOTELL https://www.facebook.com/HAVETHECOURAGETOTELL

Found this in my drafts from over a year ago..

So I talked to his mother today for the first time in months & she still has that awkward affect.. but I don’t hate the lady I just can’t stand her as a person. She doesn’t play the mother role that she should & seems to envy another woman being close to her son. But little does she know I was the best thing to cross her sons path in a very long time

BLACK IS SO BEAUTIFUL

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