humbleanger
trying
he/him / 21+ / everything is okay to rb unless otherwise tagged / do not interact: n/s/f//w blogs, ma/ps, te/rfs, c/gl(re), d/d/lg, lilt/ot, kidh/earts, litt/lesp/ace, homophobes, transphobes, exclusionists, tru/scum, tra/nsm/ed, etc. / i can't follow ppl anymore bc this is a side blog, my main is dead and not connected to this blog and i want it to stay like that sry
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anybody else feel a yawning energy sucking emptiness where their motivation to do anything at all used to be?
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does anybody else feel intensely overwhelmed and like they are not cut out to be doing what they do?
#is it normal to feel incredibly incompetent and like what you're doing is wrong all the time#or is it the mdd#i need the world to pause and i need to find the ground again#i don't know how i'll do this all#journal eb
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uhhh yh sure u can go back but no one will be waiting for you there
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#things are happening and at some point i will be able to mention them without feeling like speaking it will cause it all to collapse#i am trying hard#idk if this is a general depression thing or a compulsion#journal eb
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i think when people say "things get better" it's a little misleading. most things haven't changed much in my life the past few years, but i did. it's not necessarily "things get better" but it's "you will become braver". i can now stomach those same situations that would've sent me into a spiral two years ago.
it's still obviously a step by step process. maybe one day you get the courage to change your routine and that change one day gives courage to do something about a bad living situation and then you'll be strong enough to change more, bigger things.
things get better because you will become braver
#journal eb#it has been a long three years but i feel the most well equipped now#the process also doesn't have to be linear! i wanted to get therapy but i got rejected so many times that i ended up changing my living#situation before that#and going to community meet ups#and then i got into therapy and that was a process in and of itself
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went well, didn't pass out 👍
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#getting blood tests for hrt done tomorrow#feeling mentally like i need to throw up but outside i am just pacing and flapping my hands#wish me luck that the dr is chill and everything goes well and also that i don't pass out on the train back home#cause the last time i had blood drawn i almost passed out on the street 👍#wooooff#i can do this#journal eb
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#i think the loneliness is kicking again#makes me want to isolate even more#cut off my family & ignore my friends messages#i don't want to do anything but lie in bed and i don't want to see anyone or hear anyone#journal eb
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Ama Codjoe, from Bluest Nude: Poems; “Bluest Nude”
[Text ID: “I crave. I want to be seen clearly or not at all.”]
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EMILY DICKINSON
from a letter to Austin Dickinson written circa August 1851;
original photo and edit
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