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Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 9
Amy with her finger to her mouth humming and going to point at one and pulls back "I choose..."
Eggman's radars are ringing louder with a big red dot blinking
"It's too late you fricking zoomer slut! It's here!" Sonic crosses his arms
"What's here Egg crazy?" "That one wasn't even a pun..."
"You don't get a pun until you take your meds." "FOOL don't you hear the boss music?!"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gdU5WkuHywY
From the sky a purple beam of light shoots down and from it's blinding waves walks out a seemingly innocent goat with a bell clanking around that says 666.
Sonic cocks an eyebrow "really?" Tails tugs at Sonic's arm
"It's got really big horns Sonic. They could like...pierce you."
Eggman turns his hover around
"Welp, I would say it's been nice knowing you guys... But it hasn't. Seeya. I'm gonna go hide in my bunker for the next several thousand years or so." Eggman goes to fly away and the goat screams "WAAAAAH" causing Eggman to flinch and press the wrong lever, making him run right into a hill.
Scourge mutters "based..." Coldsteel argues with him
"That's not based. He just screamed and made Eggman..." The goat pops his head out between them "WAAAH!!!" causing them both to back up.
Sonic mutters under his breath "wow that's super annoying... But not really a..." "WAAAH!!!!"
"You could hear that?!" The goat licks his face
"Great, now I probably have goat Covid or something"
Amy giggles "Can I just choose the real Sonic?" "WAAAHHH!!!!"
Sonic says "well you heard the man Amy. Seeya..." Sonic goes to run but the goat sticks out his hoof and trips Sonic and stares him down for a few seconds intimidating and screams in his face.
"What do you want from me?!"
The goat sneezes on Sonic a suit and a wedding dress on Amy. Scourge suddenly has concern and Coldsteel says
"Oh no no no. We got too cocky Hedgehog bros..."
Eggman walks over "I'm still alive not that anybody cares..." The goat sneezes a priest outfit on Eggman. Eggman looks down rubbing his hands together
"Well that's why you're the prince of darkness! You know better than anyone how to make a hedgehog suffer..." "WAAAHHH!!!!"
Everyone is set up for this big elaborate wedding. Tails playing indagda davida on the church organ and Scourge sitting on the bench next to Coldsteel says
"Is that a Simpsons reference?" The goat yells in his ear and Amy turns her head 180 degrees like the Exorcist.
"There will be no talking from anyone besides the bride, groom, and witness!"
"...Why do I have a boner?" The goat screams at Scourge again.
As Shadow is forced to throw flowers with the goat's sharp horn right behind him, Sonic and Amy walk up to Eggman and Sonic whispers "I will never forgive you for this..." And Amy whispers back "Don't care. Gonna get breeded tonight."
Eggman coughs "ahem, deadly beloved..."
Sonic interrupts "don't you mean dearly beloved?"
"I'm a villain. Deal with it hedgehog... We are gathered here today too"
The goat screams again causing everyone to cringe a little and Sonic scolds the goat
"This was your idea. Why are you screaming now?!"
Amy says "Maybe he wants Eggface to get to the point!"
"Right right... If there's anyone in the audience who does not think these two should not be married. Speak now, or forever hold your peace."
The room goes silent with an undisclosed cough in the back.
Sonic says "really? No-one?"
"Well then I guess I pronounce you husband and..."
Scourge exhales some hookah smoke and says "fuck you, I object."
Everyone gasps. Sonic responds "how is that a shock?!"
Amy blushes "are you saying you want me Scourge?"
"No, I'm saying I object. I think you're annoying. Also if I can't be happy why should you get to be?"
Eggman mutters "based..." Amy does the 180 degree head turn at Eggman and scowls at him.
The goat screams again and suddenly Coldsteel bursts into flames.
"Wait what's going on?! Holy crap this really hurts you guys!!!"
Amy says "Oh I get it! The goat demon was waiting for the real canon character to assert themselves!"
Coldsteel rolling around trying to put out the flame "that's not fair, I wasn't even paying attention! It wasn't person-el!!!"
Eggman sighs in relief "Well, I guess that solves that..."
Suddenly they're all at a funeral as the casket is being casted down with Shadow being forced to pay the bagpipes with the goat pointing his horn behind him.
Sonic whispers to Scourge "Who is this funeral for again?"
"Don't know, but he died as he lived..."
"...A hero? A..." "Alone..." "Dark..."
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Disregard Christianity, return to Eden.
I was actually gonna make a big rant about this. Unsure if at anarcho primitivism or Rantiwork
It all started when my born again friend and some other friends were arguing about the vax. I've taken the Pfizer, the first one anyway. I feel sore where I was jabbied and more tired than usual mentally like if I didn't get enough sleep but that's it. I feel like shit all the time anyway so if the tradeoff is a +4 saving throw vs death than goody for me.
Well my friends are based on all sides or they would not be friends. The thing is, people confuse my desire for less work and technological oppression for ludditism. I'm not a luddite, but when's the last time technology has made my life more convenient? Sure the industrial era lessened the work load of the factory wagie, so what did they do? They just increased his hours. Now he's bored AND sweaty and hardly has any time to shit or fuck, yay. This was not technology's fault, but technology was used against him. Since we aren't the ones owning the tech, of course it is. It's like the internet. You can learn just about anything, entertain yourself vastly, did the internet create child grooming bastard mods? No, people did. And people were the ones who don't want to think about laws regarding them. Leftists are quick to say behead a land lord, but say "just hold a mod fully liable for someone else's bomb threats and child porn if they're gonna ban" and suddenly YOU'RE the fringe group. Janitors have more licensing and regulations than jannies. How?
And I was anti-vax for a long time. Not because I'm afraid of the elites poisoning me. They could've killed me any time. They don't want me to die. That's why suicide is discouraged. They just don't care. If they didn't care about me dying alone, being almost 40, unmarried, and miserable. Why would they care if I died? Well I still have 30+ years of wagie in me. THAT they care about.
They want you to work and stfu. That's it. It's not some grand scheme by our government, The Chinese, the Jews. Maybe Covid is a bio-weapon that got out of control and now the rich and powerful are just as confused as we are realizing no matter what they do, its gonna hurt. That's life anyway. They just don't have to do the bullshit we do like waste our time and be exhausted.
An example is another sub I like the concept of but of course mods ruin it: Is Rantiwork. They lean left, or course they do. But anti-work is not a political position, it's a philosophical one. Guess what? People busted their ass in Maoist China and the USSR, things sucked there. We come back to working and stfu. Was it as bad as now? Debatable. But not the point.
When I think technology I think of the fan I have on all the time. I'm hot, I don't like being hot, fan alleviates that. What I don't like is then growing disparity between consumer and product in a supposedly capitalist society. I don't want a fucking smart fan with voice command module that doesn't recognize my input, or stops working because the WiFi is fucked, or God forbid some "terms of service" and than what I have is a plastic brick to bludgeon someone with.
And this is not avoidable by simply leaning left. It just isn't. I don't want some power fantasy of controlling people for their own good. I don't want what's best for society. The biggest reason I was anti-vax wasn't even my distrust or state or corporations, rather just bitterness toward them. "No state or company has ever shot a mod or provided me a GF, fuck what they want."
And that's the thing...what are people doing for YOU? What's all this crap they want you to buy doing for YOU? When's the last time anything you have done felt physically or ethically rewarding?
And the Christian friend is so worried I'm gonna have impotence, or seizures, or kidney failure from a jab, but meanwhile every day is Vietnam. Luckily I just don't work anymore unless I absolutely have too. But when is God going to provide the girlfriend? The peace of mind? Why is there even evil and suffering in the world when one could design a universe on the basis of greater goods? Imagine if you will a situation where we know consciously that everyone right here in this group was "good". Different I'm sure. There'd be conflict. But no matter who "won" we were all better off for it. Because there is no wrong in the concepts of truth, in love, in knowledge, in fairness. We have to know our priorities and treat that as our God. And my priorities are seeing mods in prison and having a waifu. People can think that's schizo, I don't care. I think its schizo getting all upset over little things when the things most important to you go ignored.
And the real root of all this suffering stems from the lack of the pairing. Because contrary to popular belief, humans are selfless animals. They're always doing what's best for their "communities". The thing is the more people you get together, the more hatred that gathers. People exist to make you work and stfu. I hate interacting when I don't have too. It's my big catch 22 that in order to get the GF I have to be this polite, conversational cuck, and I don't want to be. I wanna sing about mods getting cancer and fuck that's what I wanna do. And I'm probably not gonna get a girl starting a conversation with " Chris-Chan did nothing wrong. Barbra got what she deserved." Unless she's just absolutely based. Which I have no way of knowing until I do it.
So as soon as there is other people, we have duties, and demands placed on us. Hell is other people.
But isolation is a trap. We live as ghosts merely observing the world. That's why the internet is so big, best place for us to stfu and watch other people live their lives. You know what happens to poltergeists who try and life? Banishment. Aka banned. We're only more free in the mental sense of we don't confide ourselves to responsibility. There's no saving a man whose sacrificing himself for family, race, nation, or church.
The only bearable existence is one with a lover. With a manageable amount of selflessness coupled with self interest being fulfilled. I'm a big simp when I like someone. But I'm a simp because what is the alternative? The spooky ghost life or just being a wagie with full balls? No thank you.
Disregard religion.
Disregard nation.
Disregard people, things, ideas.
Return to Eden.
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Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 8
Eggman in his lab noticing strange wave patterns and calls some of his bots over.
"Look at the graviton expenditure out in far space! This is insane!!!"
"It sure is HP Lovecraft..."
"Why didn't I build you useless paper weights to be as smart as me?"
"Cause you're A narcissist and would feel threatened by..." Eggman shoves one of their faces into the monitor
"Just look at the dot! It's green!"
"It says not to strongly interpret the dot..."
"Have you been shitposting on /X/ again sir?"
"Nevermind that! We need too find out what is causing these disturbances!"
Coldsteel and Amy are on a nice picnic smoking hookah, and Coldsteel is tormenting an ant keeping a pie crumb just out of it's grasp. "Heh! Nothing person-el kid..."
"Coldsteel can you stop being evil for like two seconds?"
"Fine!!!"
"SIMP!" "What? Who said that?!" "I did soy boy..."
Standing by a tree is Scourge smoking a hookah too.
"Who the fuck is this guy?!"
Amy blushes "he looks like Sonic...but...not?"
"Cause I am Sonic tater thot." "Tater thot?"
"Cause you're young, retarded, mind of a potato...tater thot."
Coldsteel looks at Amy "oooh that's good"
Amy pulls out her hammer. "I don't know who you think you are but..."
Scourge zips right pass her and grabs her hammer and smashes the whole pie.
"My pumpkin pie!!!" "You need to cut back on the carbs anyway chubs"
Coldsteel is rolling around the ground laughing while Amy growls and Coldsteel gets up pretending to be offended. "Now listen here pip squeak, I..."
"You what? You're the big gay?" "What?"
"What ain't no countty I ever hesrd of! Say what again, I dare you! I double dare you!"
Amy says "ahhh, pulp fiction reference..." Scourge splats her sandwiches too.
"Now you're just being RUDE!"
Sonic runs toward the commotion and sees the three of them.
"Coldsteel, Amy! And..."
"Scourge. You know me idiot. I'm like...you from a parallel universe or something."
"Oh right right. Yeah...Scourge!!! Tails do we know this guy?"
Tails shrugs.
"What sorta Mandela Effect shit is this? We've fought like a bajillion times. I basically turned your super Sonic form into ultra instinct."
"Ohhhh I remember" "don't patronize me"
Coldsteel now actually gets offended
"Back off poser! Sonic is MY arch nemesis who've gone toe to toe!"
"Actually we never fought..." "What?! That's so weird..."
"I know right? There was that time you made Tails fall in love with you and I called you a groomer, that time you kidnapped Amy, that time you tried to nuke the planet... But nope. Never fought."
"Huh...so weird..."
Scourge gets in front of Coldsteel
"Well unlike this nerd I don't back down from a fight. Why don't we throw down right now?"
Amy is getting hyped "yeah! Do it! All these hyper masculine hedgehogs throwing down, getting all sweaty and vicious, testosterone protruding from their pores..."
Coldsteel says "Amy you coomer!" Scourge mutters
"She's a weird one..." And winks at her "I likem a little weird..."
She squeals a high pitch girly shrill and Coldsteel says "Sonic, let's double team this guy!"
Amy says "double team me!" They all get grossed out and Coldsteel yells "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Eggman is zooming on his hovercraft "Stooooop!!!!"
Sonic looks up "oh great now Robuttnik is here..."
"And now I'm as dry as these crossaints Coldsteel made..."
"Hey I don't bake! I vape!" "Gay..." Mutters Scourge
"You vape too!" "Boys vape, men smoke."
Eggman gets off the hovercraft panting and flailing his arms
"None of you hedgehogs do anything!!!" Tails mutters "that's what they're best at..."
"I now see what the graviton leaks are about...Coldsteel, and umm..."
"Scourge. I'm not saying it again..."
"Yeah yeah sure. Scourge!!! You both are cold!"
"Heh...well I am cold hearted..." Says Coldsteel and Scourge says "I'm cool not cold"
"No no no! You're BOTH Coldsteel!"
Sonic crosses his arms... "Is this gonna turn into some sorta pseudo scientific babble?"
Eggman uses a remote to turn on a hologram billboard "oh God it is...later" Sonic dashes off and Tails runs after Sonic "Sonic don't leave me here to deal with this contrived plot point alone!!!"
Eggman explains
"Space and time are both neatly defined parameters... However, it is possible to distort space to go back in time, creating an alternate timeline. Scourge...have you ever gone back in time? To do so could have the you as in Coldsteel, turn into Coldsteel as we know him but you remember Scourge."
"Can't say that I have Eggman..." He blows hookah smoke in his face and Eggman smacks it away
"An alternative is that someone from a specific moment in time distorts space enough to basically leak variables through their synchronized flow into what we perceive to be the now. Coldsteel, have you attempted time travel or stolen one of my inventions to go at speeds bordering on Tau zero to rip space and have quantum likenesses emerge from..."
"That sounds way too much like work. I wouldn't even do that shit for Amy."
Scourge says "hell yeah, bros before hoes!" They high five and Amy grumbles "I need to keep an extra hammer with me..."
Eggman nods and fidgets his mustache "mmmhmm mmmhmm...well than it's worse than I thought. Coldsteel or...Scourge. One of you is what I like to call an ordained cannon. Or o.c. if you will."
Scourge says "which means?"
"Which means one of you is real...and the other is not. One of you is the byproduct of the distortion between both space AND time. Not from a parallel world, not from an alternate timeline, you are an anomaly that will eventually correct itself...hopefully."
Amy rants at Eggman "well than it has to be this green booger looking Sonic! I don't remember him, hell you don't Eggman!"
"Not necessarily Amy... Because we're messing with both space and time here, we might have no recollection of one or both of them. This whole thing will have never happened if the unrealing event transpires. We would be none the wiser to it. Imagine if you will we never had this conversation, and in no place or time did it ever take place...that is unrealing. It is the omni death. It's all really spooky and dates back to what Christian scholars believed the second death was."
Coldsteel walks up "heh...I'm down for some spooky villainy! I wanna unreal Sonic!"
"But than you would unreal ME dumb ass because I AM Sonic! I told you, I'm just evil Sonic!"
"Nothing person-el kid!" Scourge kicks Coldsteel in the nuts and he whimpers "my deviantarts!!!"
Amy is struggling to take off her boots jumping around and wiggling her skirt "don't go breaking the China just yet!"
Eggman has this disgusted expression on his face "Amy what are you doing?"
"You said eventually this'll correct itself. So I'm gonna take this opportunity to get gang banged by two countem TWO Sonics!"
"That is a terrible idea!"
"Oh look out guys, we've been given a citation by the fun police..." Sarcastically announces Scourge.
Amy pokes Eggman in the eye "Yeah Robutthead! Stop trying to be a discord mod!"
"Ow! It's not like that! I mean don't get me wrong I do not wanna start my day watching Animal Planet."
"Than leave" says Scourge but Amy shushes him putting her finger on his mouth.
"No...I WANT HIM TO WATCH" Coldsteel just mutters "ew..."
Eggman screams at Amy
"What part of o.c. don't you understand woman?! Have you even thought about the significant damages this could have on the space-time continuem?! No, you haven't. Cause you're a young, hormonal, stupid little hedgehog! You get pregnant, then we have another o.c. to deal with, which could further distort the canon...and..."
Amy blushes "kids?!" Scourge raises an eyebrow "do you want kids?"
"I don't know...do you?" Coldsteel gets between them
"UHHH NOTHING PESON-EL KIDS, BUT I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THIS WHOLE SITUATION"
They suddenly turn into the embie, Chud, and bunkercuck meme "I consent", " I consent", "I don't..." and Eggman in a small corner "is there somebody you forgot to ask?"
Amy gently explains it to Coldsteel
"Coldsteeeel, it's literally just you. Like... This is literally monogamy as you're both the same person. How many times does a girl get a chance like this to buck break her own man? With himself?"
They then turn into the meme where Coldsteel has a gun to the back of Coldsteel's head (trust no-one...not even yourself)
Eggman looks around "the distortion is worsening..."
Coldsteel sighs "FINE!!! Eggman, just...go over there in the bushes or something."
Amy puts her finger on Coldsteel's lips shushing him and evily smirks "No...I WANT HIM TO WATCH!"
Everyone goes kind of quiet. Scourge breaks the tension
"You literally just said that..." "I did?"
Eggman is pulling at his mustache at this point.
"This can't go on! The disruption is too severe!!!! This is like Sega as a company shuts down levels of breaking canon here!"
"Heh, nothing person-el kid..." "Shut up!" Eggman blasts Coldsteel with a ray gun and Scourge says "wait did I say that, or...did I say that?"
Sonic and Tails come back.
"Ok, me and Tails talked it out and I think we have a way to settle this..."
Eggman sarcastically says "It better not be another movie reference. It's such low hanging fruit..."
All of a sudden Coldsteel and Scourge are on a stage with guitars like Marty from Back To The Future singing to Amy while they both look very ill and sweaty and become incorporal
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k5VxvFOxB-U
Eggman just yells "God...DAMN IT!!!"
Sonic with his arms cross mutters to Tails "huh...doesn't look like it's working."
"I told you we should've watched all three again."
Coldsteel throws down his guitar and says "enough of this! Eggman... Can one of us choose to be unrealed?"
Eggman puts his hand to his chin and contemplates "I mean...I suppose it's worth a try. I don't know how..."
"Cause frankly I find this whole thing stupid!"
Sonic says "well yeah!" Tails punches Sonic in the shoulder.
"I offer myself as tribute..." Amy runs up to Coldsteel crying "Coldsteel no!"
"Its ok Amy. You won't remember any of this right? You'll still be with me...I guess... And that's enough for me. Even if they're not these memories, as long as they're my and your memories than no-one in time or space can take that from us."
Scourge walks up to him and shoves Coldsteel "oh no you don't! I'm not allowing myself to have a redemption arc! I nominate myself as unrealed to get rid of all the mods in the multiverse!"
Everyone just kind of looks confused and Eggman speaks raising his eyebrow "how would that work?"
"I don't know but I ain't dying in no time or place for a girl! If I go it's for something worth while!"
"Amy is worthwhile!" Yells Coldsteel at Scourge who shoves him again
"Yeah yeah, she's cute... But is that how we define ourselves? Through some hoity toity love affair? Or are we more than that?"
"So we define ourselves by just our hatred and resentments?"
Shadow is on top of the curtain rod and crassly says "interesting...justice versus vengeance."
Everyone gasps and says Shadow and Scourge looks around raises his hand up
"Who the fuck is THAT?! Was he from the Archie comics?!"
Shadow lands down kneeling rising up. Scourge mutters
"Oh I see...he's the cool dark brooding guy... Fuck you blackface Sonic."
Shadow walks right pass Coldsteel and Scourge up to Amy.
"You have to be the one to decide Amy."
"W...why me?"
Eggman takes out a calculator and mumbles to himself
"You know, that actually makes sense!"
"Both of these clowns have lived their whole lives trying to make metaphysics applicable through dialectical materialism."
Amy nods "those are definitely words..."
"It's like Sartre said; freedom is what you do with what's been done to you. From what I've gathered...both these guys have been defining themselves by just being bitter jackasses who happen to hate mods."
"And hookah" says Scourge and Coldsteel high fives him and they look perplexed
"I feel like we just did that not too long ago..." "Maybe we should sing what's new pussycat" "let's not and say we did"
Shadow looks at them annoyed and turns back "ANYWAY...now they've had a third thing to define their existence. You. Someone who appreciates them despite their..."
Coldsteel and Scourge are setting up hookah and arguing over cinnamon roll or double apple flavor.
"FLAWS... Your man needs you Amy. Whoever that might be."
Amy looks at both of them tearing up as they smoke and wave at her.
Sonic rolls his eyes and groans
"What's the big deal?! They're the same person!"
Tails scolds Sonic "Its an existential thought experiment Sonic! Shadow is saying that Coldsteel and Scourge are defined by a series of Axioms. An axiom is an irreducible primary. It does not rely on anything to be valid."
Sonic nods "those are definitely words..." Tails smacks his own face.
"If we know these truths to be self evident that we as living persons are defined by our desires, our likes, our dislikes, our memories... What are we without them? We're nothing."
Eggman interjects "hence unrealed..."
"And what is one of those Axioms? Loving Amy."
"But isn't he just me anyway?"
Eggman interjects again "yeah but the blue you is just really stupid..."
"Thanks Robotdick..."
Tails finishes "therefore the most villainous thing they could think of to do, was to place the burden onto Amy. In the ultimate testament of radical freedom, they're leaving her to decide what is the dominant axiom. What is at the top of a man's soul? Before anything else...you get amnesia and don't remember your name, your parents, your favorite food, what axiom so vividly is yours, that it can transcend being erased by circumstances? If Scourge got rid of all the mods would he still be Scourge and I don't know, just be a simp?"
Scourge smokes and points at Coldsteel "like this guy" Coldsteel grabs the hose "quit being a smoke hog nig!" Coldsteel starts smoking...
Tails continues "If they didn't have their passion for smoking what would be their passion? Would they just be like SUPER EVIL and hate everything?"
Scourge mutters "I mean...I kinda do...this cinnamon roll AND double apple mint tastes like ass together."
Amy yells at both of them "you all were supposed to be eating MY ass!" Coldsteel and Scourge say at the same time "not it!"
Tails points to Amy "or are they defined by her?"
Sonic inhales deeply "WOW this is way too fucking deep for Sonic the hedgehog..."
Amy yells again "and yet no-one is going that deep into me! CURIOUS!!!"
Eggman has a portable radar ringing and says "Well Amy if you're going to make a decision you better do it quickly. Something is coming this way that is also distorting space and time."
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WE3a68G5afo
Amy panicking looking back and fourth "its like one of those game shows with two doors to choose..." Eggman says "but only one bares your name"
Coldsteel and Scourge start laughing like Beavis and Butthead.
Sonic says "how is that even in relation?!" Shadow tells Sonic "Beavis and Butthead used to play rock and metal song videos when regular MTV wouldn't..."
"How would anyone younger than fossil KNOW THAT?!"
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Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 7
Coldsteel is just sitting on a couch scratching himself watching videos while Amy keeps testing her strength on one of those carnival games with a scale and gets results like "poopoo peepee baby" "you hit like a girl" and she gets frustrated and hits the scale itself destroying it.
"How can you just be lazying about?! The super villain's contest ball is tomorrow!"
"With people of limited ability, modesty is just honesty. But with those of great talent, it is a hypocrisy."
"Oh I KNOW you DID NOT just quote Schopenhauer at ME after what we did last night. Get over here!" She starts chasing Coldsteel with her hammer. Sonic and Knuckles are browsing 4chan and see a thread about the super villains ball.
Knuckles looks at Sonic "couldn't that end up being real bad all the sociopaths and schizos in one place?"
"Don't worry about it Knucks! It's just gonna be some flexing between goons like Eggman who are going to be like oooooh, look at my freeze ray!"
Eggman in his lair is impressing his robots "ooooooh, look at my freeze ray!" They all clap as he zaps one of them turning them into an ice cube. Grounder raises his drill of a hand. "Excuse me sir, but a freeze ray? You think a freeze ray is gonna win the super villain ball?" He gets zapped too.
"Of course it will! You see all the wild fires and Greta Thunbergs about climate change. It's ironic! OH THE EARTH IS GETTING WARMER, well here ya go skank, I just cooled it down for ya! Mwahahahaha!"
Eggman and many of other villains are at the super villain ball. Rouge is the host who announces Eggman's freeze ray as one of the participating inventions for the gold medal of evil, he gets up confidently thinking he's already won, when she says two other contestants have submitted their devices. "WHAT?!"
First comes out Coldsteel, pulling his robot out with a rope out of breath. Behind the curtain Amy yells "maybe if you worked out more that wouldn't be..." "shut up! Anyway, this is my..." Eggman interrupts "I build robots all the time! This isn't some grand act of villainy!"
"Well, if you would let me finish...I have built...a child molesting robot." Everyone gasps and someone in the back says "holy crap that's so evil!" And everyone starts clapping.
Eggman looks around at the crowd infuriated "What?! No! Don't clap! How would one even go about building a child molesting robot?!"
"Well it's quite simple actually. First you take a robot, you molest it, then presumably it'll grow up too..." Eggman freezes his robot. "Heh...nothing person-el kid. Than again, I guess it is..." The crowd claps again.
Rouge bored just says "charming... Anyway, our third contestant is Amy. With her... Hammer?"
"Not just any hammer." She walks out and it has B& inscribed on it. "A banhammer!"
"What does it too?" Says Rouge. Amy grips it and hits Rouge with it and she is teleported out of the building. When she goes to walk back in a force prevents her.
"Oh...oh that's really annoying."
The crowd claps again and Eggman rants "you people get impressed by anything! That isn't evil, that's just being a janny!"
Coldsteel looks at Amy in disgust "I don't think we can be together if you're gonna be a janny. I have my standards..." "You built a child molesting robot!"
Eggman scolds both of them "you BOTH are just every fat fuck who runs reddit! My invention wins by default!" They're arguing and through the ceiling Shadow crashes the party.
"I've come to put a stop to this madness before someone gets hurt!"
Amy looks at Coldsteel smugly "see? Now I can conveniently just tap Shadow with my ban hammer and he can't even physically be in the same facinity. Hell, I could ban him from the whole world. I hope he knows how to breathe in space."
Eggman shouts "NOONE CAN BREATHE IN SPACE, IT'S A VACUUM!"
"DON'T MAKE ME BAN YOU TOO EGGSHITS!!!"
Coldsteel yells at Amy "I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE!!!"
Shadow rolls into a ball and starts wrecking the whole place. Amy tries to hit him but keeps missing and teleporting random people in the crowd. Eggman keeps trying to shoot him with the freeze ray and keeps freezing random crowd members instead. Coldsteel looks at his robot still in a block of ice "do something!"
"You're very mature for your age...why don't we take this to DMs?"
"I gotta admit, I did a good job..."
Shadow heads over to the robot and kicks it over to Amy. Her hammer goes flying into the air and comes down bonking Eggman on the head just as he has Shadow in his line of sight and is teleported outside the building.
Amy growls "Fuck you Shadow! This was supposed to be MY night! You don't take away a girl's prom night!" The robot still in ice flickers lights "You're in high school? In Japan the age of consent is..." Amy picks up the entire robot in rage and throws it at Shadow who easily dodges it and the entire building explodes. The crowd starts coming out of the rubble, Eggman is looking for his freeze ray that got lost in the suspense, and Coldsteel pulls Amy up from the debris. Amy dusts herself off "I guess they're no longer banned if there's nothing to be banned from..."
Shadow inhales deeply and says in his crass voice "justice prevails..." Than turns into a ball and dashes off. Amy running that way "come back here!!!" The crowd starts to encircle her
"Look at this mess!"
"YOU ruined our ball before Shadow even got here!"
"You owe me a new freeze ray!"
Amy nervous looking around "uhhhh Coldsteel! Now be a good time to simp for your one and only..."
Coldsteel dashes off too with vape trail behind him "clean it up janny!" As Rouge hands her the gold medal and a broom with an aggravated glare.
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Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 6
Team Chaotix is in Mobius prison playing dominoes when an explosion triggers through the wall and in the debris and rubble is Rouge the bat.
Vector says "hey, isn't that... Rogue?"
"It's Rouge. You know the ONE TIME someone needs to get that word right..."
"But like you're not red. You are a rogue."
Charmer the bee makes hand gestures at his chest "with big ole ti'ddies!"
Rouge annoyingly glares and walks away. Vector waves to his pals
"Come on guys! Looks like Team Chaotix isn't done yet!"
Back at "the based base" Amy is having to explain the plan to them another time.
Big The Cat is like "why do we need those guys again? Like I could literally just walk up to Eggman's lair and lift the doomsday device with my bare hands..."
"BECAUSE BIG...if we establish an elaborate deus ex machina where Rogue is releasing Team Chaotix from Mobius Prison, they'll think it goes deeper than just us. The distraction is what gives us the chance to steal Eggman's device."
Coldsteel begrudgingly mutters "you know I was the one that had to pay for that jailbreak. That bitch don't work cheap you know..."
"OH CREAM KNOWS HUUR HUUR..." "No you don't..." "PURPLE SONIC RIGHT..." Cream hangs her head in shame.
Amy goes up to Coldsteel acting all flirty.
"And I really appreciate your contribution Coldsteel. You, are my number one guy!"
Coldsteel gets weak in the knees and says "So does this mean..."
"There's no time for that... Big! Clap those fat cheeks of yours to Eggman's lair NOW!!!"
Big does a Roman salute and waddles out the door.
"Well, now that the help is gone me and you can..."
"Not in front of Cream Coldsteel! Besides, I'm swamped with evil paperwork I gotta do. Why don't you go make yourself useful and move over there?"
Coldsteel moves a little to the left. "A little further..." He moves a bit more.
"A LITTLE more..." He moves more where a house plant is in front of him so you don't even see him. "Perfect! In fact you know what? I'll just go over..." Amy runs away.
Coldsteel just waits there behind the house plant. "Well at least I still have you Cream...Cream?"
"CREAM NOT READY FOR COMMITMENT" Cream runs off too. Coldsteel sighs annoyed and smokes behind the house plant.
Sonic and his friends are watching the news about the escape of Team Chaotix. Sonic says to Knuckles "looks like your old ambres are back on the street Knuckles. Guess we oughtta..." Eggman barges in with two robots and a chalk board frantic
"Sonic! You heard the news right?!" "Yeah?" "This thing goes DEEP man!"
"I mean...maybe not that deep..." Eggman slaps Sonic and says to look at the chalkboard.
"Rouge released Team Chaotix, at the scene mint Mobius dollars probably on her person were on the ground, where would she get new Mobius bills? The bank! But how would she collect money from the bank when she doesn't have a job?! Somebody hired her. But who would have brand new Mobius dollars to hire her? Coldsteel! And who is Coldsteel subservient too? AMY!!!"
Sonic rolls his eye "Yeah Eggsperg, we figured that part out on our own..."
Tails actually looking at the chalk board points and says "what's this part about Jews and neutering your pets for anti-aging cream?" Eggman covers that part up with his body.
"You aren't old enough Tails for those red pills. The saddest words of tongue and pen, none are as sad as these.../pol/ was right again."
Sonic walks away "I'm gonna go make a sandwich"
Knuckles upset "How can you eat at a time like this?! Your crush..." "Stalker..."
"Fine, STALKER is out there planning who knows what. And she's using my former gang as a distraction too..."
"Oh please Knuckles, it's AMY...what's the worst she could do?!"
Tails tugs at Eggman's shirt "By the way Eggman, if you're here...whose at your lair to you know...make sure noone is stealing your inventions?" A look of dread overcomes Eggman's face "Oh my ME!!! Robots! We've been compromised! The swamp isn't drained, I repeat. The swamp isn't drained! Get in the hovercraft!"
Big The Cat comes back with the doomsday device and plops it down that shakes their whole base. Amy does an excited girly clap.
"Good, good Big! You're my number one guy!"
Coldsteel's whole body shakes in anger.
"Oh Coldsteel, why don't you be a dear and go make lemonade for everyone?"
"Nothing person-el Amy...but what exactly are we supposed to do with Eggman's doomsday device anyway?"
"Awww" she squeezes his cheek "don't worry your pretty little head with complex villainous details about creating a second cold war and holding the entire world hostage to establish a new totalitarian regime! You just go make that lemonade..."
Eggman blasts right through the door with his hovercraft and Coldsteel mutters "thank God..."
"Amy! Give me back my doomsday device! Do you have any idea what that thing can do?!"
"Reign down a firey hellscape from which there is no escape unless you all do exactly as I tell you?"
"Well...yeah..."
"Put your lives completely at the mercy of mwah whom is a petty and brutal dictator?"
"Yeah that too..."
"Great! So now you all get to live as I do being second fiddle to Sonic and his testosterone rattled band of hoodlums!"
"Is that what this is about?! Some sorta critical gender theory?! Look Amy, we'll paint a unicorn or something on the road and pay lip service to two weeks vacation for expectant mothers...just gimme back my doomsday device!"
"No! The doomsday device is mine, and the fourth reich is here!" Amy waits for a moment and says "Coldsteel honey..." Coldsteel sighs and pulls a flag behind her.
"Wave it a little for God's sake..." He starts waving it mumbling something and she shouts "WHAT WAS THAT?!"
Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails also show up. "Amy! Give the doc back his doomsday device!"
"I don't think you all seem to understand the severity of this situation! With the press of a button, I could end the whole world! Everyone you know and love will be dead or at least some sorta mutated Fallout freak! Now you all are gonna pine over ME, follow ME on adventures! Make crappy, glitched out video games about ME that don't even break even in sales!"
Coldsteel peeks out from behind her "nothing person-el kids!"
Sonic crosses his arms "it sounds pretty personal..."
Knuckles punches the ground shaking up everything.
"Enough of this! Amy...you're not actually going to use the doomsday device as than there wouldn't be anybody left to validate you."
Sonic looks at Eggman "why DID you make a doomsday device?"
"Tis not a matter of why Sonic, but how...a man with a how can endure almost a why."
"You never read Nietzsche did you?"
Coldsteel climbs up on the doomsday device and says "Amy might not be willing to actually activate the doomsday device but I am!"
Amy stomps her foot "Coldsteel! You get down from there this instant!" "Fuck off..."
Eggman chuckles "Oh ho! Two syllables! Ah, I remember my first villain dispute..."
Amy throws her hammer at Eggman's face
"Coldsteel isn't even a villain! He's more like... Chaotic neutral. I want me a REAL bad boy!"
"Oh you want bad?! I'll show ya bad!" "Coldsteeeel!!!"
"And I'll press it while I say the N word!" "Coldsteel, stop being cringe RIGHT NOW"
Coldsteel slaps down on the doomsday device button and says "NI..."'but than Cream holds up her hands and says nigger to roundabout
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7uBqNgxAuBA
Everyone just kinda looks around. Tails mutters "are we dead yet?" Sonic says "I sure hope so..."
Coldsteel presses it again and again and nothing happens and falls off.
"The stupid thing doesn't even work!"
Eggman walks up to him "well of course it doesn't! You didn't actually think I would build a doomsday device did you?! How do you think I maintain my omnipotent control over your little rodent planet?!"
Sonic mutters "you do about as good of a job as Biden..." "I heard that hedgehog!"
Amy confused "so...so it was all a ruse?" Eggman says "yep. You think you're the first person to think of holding the whole world hostage?"
"But I setup this whole thing... I dyed my hair and everything... I worked with these jackoffs!!!" Coldsteel smacks his lips and mutters sarcastically "love you too honey..."
Amy begins to cry and everyone gets super uncomfortable. Eggman scolds "there is to be no crying in here, this is a war room! ...Really? No-one here has seen Dr. Strangelove?"
"CREAM GETS IT"
Coldsteel goes up to Amy and helps her up
"That's the catch22 doll face. What is an antagonist besides being unappreciated for being proactive? Providing a concrete threat to the social dynamic and using your will to power to force some sorta real change? The protagonist isn't so because he is some beacon of moral righteousness, he represents the status quo of our cultural normalcy. Maintaining it's structure so we can go about our daily lives. That's why the villain is always portrayed as some radicalized ideology like fascism or anarchist. Something that seeks to disassemble our sense of complacency. But at best, he just reestablishes the old ways and replacing it with a faux copy. The cycle repeats. God is dead, and we praise the corpse and hold shrines to it praising it's death to bring back conformity."
Sonic points at Coldsteel looking at Eggman "see, HE read Nietzsche..."
Eggman rolls his eyes "oooooh big surprise!"
Amy sniffles and rubs her eye "so none of it really matters... No matter what we call ourselves or what we do, life is a constant agony of going against the tide or subjecting ourselves to the whims of others preconceived notions of morality. We either die a buck, or live long enough to see ourselves breaking..."
"Nothing person-el kid..." He kisses her forehead. Everyone says awww while Cream yells "JUST FUCK ALREADY"
Eggman gets on his hovercraft and says "well this has been fun and all...but now that you dipshits KNOW the doomsday device isn't real, I need to go and invent a REAL ONE. Smell ya later furfags!" He blasts off. Amy still having an existential crisis.
"So what even am I? Like am I just some annoying bitch who follows behind Sonic like a lost puppy? Am I a cut throat bitch trying to rule the world with an iron fist to overcome my own mortality and self detriment?"
Sonic mutters "you could try just...NOT being a bitch..."
Amy spits in Sonic's eye "WHAT IS MY REASON?!"
Coldsteel holds her hand "what is mine?" Amy blushes and Cream yells again "JUST FUCK ALREADY"
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Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 5
Sonic is sleeping with a big snot bubble inflating and deflating as he snores when Tails wakes him up and it pops.
"Sonic, Sonic! There's a big problem in Mobius! This has gotta be the work of Eggslime!'
Sonic groans "What is it this time Tails?"
"Someone is tampering with everybody's mail! Packages and letters going to the wrong houses everywhere! Displaced goods, missed evictions and court notices, useless junk mail going to the wrong person!"
"What a tragedy... So has anyone seen some giant robot screwing with the mail?"
"Well...no..." "Then it isn't Eggman" Sonic turns over and goes back to sleep and Tails shakes him. "It's still a big problem Sonic!"
"UGHHHHH get Knuckles or Amy to worry about it!"
"Have you not been paying attention? Amy said she never wants to see you again. Also I think she's been hanging out with Coldsteel" Sonic cracks one eye open, it's bloodshot and The Pillarmen music plays.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM
Sonic is already out the door going house to house asking questions to get to the bottom of this mystery, but no-one seems to know anything. He stops mid drift when Knuckles stands in front of him.
"So I see you got the news... At least someone in this town did."
"Who reads newspapers anymore boomer?"
"Well you oughtta start! This is clearly the work of..."
"Eggcheeks. Yeah Tails told me." "No, not Eggman!"
Eggman is in his hovercraft zapping townsfolk with plasma beams turning them into Roatiserie chickens and turns to his left.
"What? They were blaming me for this! Why does everyone just assume everything is my fault?! I just want to help you stupid, low IQ, anthromorphic, furries!" He zaps another one.
Knuckles just looks back at Sonic. "This is some edgy 90s anarchism right here. Which can only mean..."
Sonic punches his right first into his left hand "Coldsteel!"
"I mean maybe, but like...a COMPETENT 90s edge... We're talking low resolution Linkin Park amvs edge."
"Still sounds like Coldsteel." "Do you forget how we met?"
Sonic thinks back of him running to Green Hill Genesis theme music and gets punched in the face by Ugandan Knuckles.
"You do not know dee we'y! We must protect the chaos emeralds! (click click) you cannot escape the devil..."
Knuckles punches Sonic again in the face in the present.
A voice says "awww what's wrong Knuckles? Not getting respect from your ma'ssa?"
Knuckles turns sharply and it's Team Chaotix.
"I figured it was you guys!"
In an annoying high pitch voice Charmy Bee is saying some garble like "YEAH MAN YOU BEST BE TRIPPING IF YOU THINK YO WHITE BOY ASS IS GONNA STEP TOO CHAOTIX" but Espio steps on him. "You a sell out man! An Oreo! We got us a new leader who understands the importance of throwing away the shackles of our neoliberal oppression!"
Knuckles gets this disgusted look on his face and just mutters "cringe..."
Espio moves a step forward "cringe?! You think we're cringe?!"
Vector pulls out a glock "yo yo homie, le'mme just pop a cap in this cracker's ass ya'dig? Sheeeeiiiittt."
Knuckles clenches a fist and scolds them "you guys have completely forgotten what Chaotix was supposed to be about! It was never about just being a buncha rando punks! We were a militia! We did the job others wouldn't do to protect the desperate and impoverished!"
Espio inhales deeply through his noise with his hands folded to his face "that may be... But you know what? At least we ain't no house nigger."
Knuckles gasps, Sonic fans himself "oh my stars and garders he said the hard R!" Tails is like "Sonic what's a house ni..." Eggman blasts a plasma shot between them
"I am NOT getting cancel cultured over the tensions between you and some former friends! You're going to put all the mail back where it belongs or so help me, me..."
Knuckles says "don't you mean God?" Eggman turns to Knuckles "I know what I said!"
Espio disregards them with his hand slapping the air "man forget this noise! You all are a JOKE. The boss needs us anyway..."
Knuckles punches the ground making a tremor line that distorts the soil and creates a sink hole that Team Chaotix falls into and Knuckles walks up to the hole
"You brats aren't going anywhere. In fact you're gonna tell me where Coldsteel is."
They all snicker to themselves "What's so funny?"
Espio shakes his head "Maaan you've really lost your touch hanging out with these jive turkeys Knuckles! You think Coldsteel is our leader?"
"...Shadow?" Vector sarcastic just says "Sure..."
Meanwhile back at their lair. Shadow is tied to a chair Clockwork Orange style forced to watch sissy hypno Sonic hentai while Coldsteel, Big the cat, and Cream are doing the torture dance.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AQx_KMoCgJU
But a sitting figure in the shadows smoking hookah says "that's enough fooling around guys... We still have a lot of work to do if we're gonna turn Mobius upside down." Getting up from her chair it's Amy with a purple streak running down her hair.
Cream says in a downs syndrome voice "SHE'S A BAD GUY NOW"
Big the cat pats her shoulder "Yes Cream, yes she is... Would you like a Gogurt or something?"
"CREAM LOVE GOGURT! STRAWBERRY MY FAVORITE HA-DUUUUUR"
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Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 4
Eggman is rubbing his hands together chuckling "oh this plan is delicious! Why didn't I think of this before?!" Out of one of his robot's head Iike a toaster pops a sandwich toasted and Eggman grabs it scarfing on a pre grilled cheese.
"Excellent! Clearly a feat only my genius could implement! By the way, have you sent the texts to the hedgehogs?" "Yes your most evil..." "You better have!"
Each hedgehog received a text catered to them that happens at roughly the same time. Shadow receives one from supposedly Sonic.
"I have all the chaos emeralds and you do not. You suck as a character, Imma just stay in super mode and you'll be relegated to the tsundere useless character that... OH it is on in a matter similar to Donkey Kong you blue fucboi!"
Sonic reads his from Coldsteel
"I have captured Amy again and I demand a one on one battle for her love and affection. Come alone unless you're too scared."
Sonic just turns off his phone and goes back to sleep.
Amy reads hers from Sonic
"I take full responsibility for not showing you the appreciation and affection you deserve. Come meet me at..." Amy looks up "This is a trap. Like so obvious I'd have to be a real idiot to fall for." She reads the last line "also Shadow says your ass is huge."
"Shadow said what now?!" Amy grabs her hammer and heads out the door.
Coldsteel reads his from Amy
"I can no longer deny my feelings for you Coldsteel and was only pretending to be a femcel! I did not want the other girls to notice I was more attracted to your smart, charming, sigma male qualities over the blue Chad."
Coldsteel slaps his phone "bout damn time woman! I'll bring TWO vapes so we can make heart shapes together!"
The three show up at this empty looking factory and see each other. Amy squints angrily
"Coldsteel!" Coldsteel waves "hey bootylicious!" Shadow looks around "where's Sonic?" Amy takes out her hammer "that's what I would like to know" Coldsteel capes "who cares about that guy?! I..." A hologram appears of Eggman and the doors lock behind them.
"Hahaha I can't believe all of you showed...wait where's Sonic?"
Coldsteel vapes harder "I'm starting to take this person-el you all's obsession with that blue goon."
"No matter! You three and I are gonna play a little game..."
Shadow raises an eyebrow "So...like magic the gathering or..." The floor opens up beneath them and they fall into a pit on their asses.
"Ok so magic." "NO IT'S NOT MAGIC! Sigh... You are now trapped in my underground labyrinth. If you want to have any hope of escaping, you'll need to be intelligent, but also cooperative. Which I know none of you are! Behind every door could be a trap, or the way out. Though I assume your wills will break long before any of my devilish devices do you in mwahahahaha!"
Coldsteel goes to open the far left door. This little robot with a lightbulb on it's head glows when it talks and just says "PAIN"
Coldsteel says "is this one of the traps? Heh..." He kicks it and giant claws, scalpels, drills, and a flames shoot out of it from its sides "PAIN..."
Coldsteel screams as Shadow and Amy groan and with their combined might take down the pain bot. The light bulb begins to flicker
"ALL I KNOW IS PAIN..."
Coldsteel bends on one knee "it do be like that little guy...nothing person-el" shatters the light bulb with his vape.
Amy goes to hit Coldsteel with her hammer and just misses.
"You idiot! Egghead just said there were traps behind most doors! You didn't think to ask first before you just go opening doors and..." Shadow gets between them
"This is what Eggman wants. He wants us to lose our cool. If we're to get out of this mess alive we'll need to work together."
Coldsteel gets this goofy grin on his face and Amy has this annoyed look and just says "No..." "What?! I didn't even say anything!"
"You don't have too. I know what you're thinking and no. This is NOT going to bring us closer together as a couple." "So you're saying we're A couple..."
Amy chases Coldsteel with her hammer into the room he opened up and Shadow patiently walks behind them muttering "this is gonna be a long one..."
When they actually enter the room Amy is still trying to bludgeon Coldsteel and Shadow actually examines it and says "shut up you two... Look at this." He points to a pillar with a red button that says do not press and there's also a door in the far corner.
Amy says "ok so it says don't press the red button, so we don't press it..."
Coldsteel sneers "do you do everything mommy and daddy tell you to do? Why aren't you that compliant with me?" "I WILL END YOU"
Shadow puts his hand to his face "this is the mind game idiots! We have to think like Eggman! It is a totally obvious trap to press the red button, but the fact that we know it's obvious means he might make it an immediate way out, but he knows we'd know it's obvious and think that, so might make it a trap anyway. Also knowing the impulsive sort LIKE YOU COLDSTEEL he'd lay this obvious trap here, ignoring the inconspicuous door in the corner."
Coldsteel pauses for a moment... "So does Eggbutt want me to press the button or not? Cause I don't do what anybody tells me." Shadow sternly says "We're not pressing the button"
Shadow goes up to the door and notices the knob is glossy and covered in spikes.
"oh great..." Coldsteel says "what? You afraid of a little prick Shadow? Just turn it slowly..." Shadow says don't but Coldsteel grabs the knob and opens it without a problem "what?" Amy and Shadow just look at him and Shadow says "that knob was clearly covered in some sorta poison..."
"Do you guys have any idea how much I smoke? My immune system is impenetrable! You guys should smoke more. Everyone should smoke more...even kids. Especially kids."
Shadow groans "I'm glad Sonic wasn't here to hear that one..."
As they walk in there is three more pathways. Amy says "ok before you do something stupid Coldsteel, lets think about this..." Coldsteel makes a nasally high pitch voice to imitate Amy and she hits him with the hammer which he dodges, but the impact causes the unstable ceiling to start coming down. Shadow glares at Amy who just laughs nervously and Shadow runs to the closest door to his right. Shadow and Amy follow suit and see a giant spacious room with marvelous tile flooring of all the letters in the alphabet, pretty Eggman fountains, etc. Shadow mutters "we must be getting close..."
Suddenly a rope floats down and wraps around Amy's neck raising her up and choking her. As she tries to pry it and is dangling Coldsteel seems concerned and Amy says she can feel the rope tightening.
Shadow tells Coldsteel to wait "this is clearly a puzzle Coldsteel! Why would these tiles have letters for no reason? Why would the trap only apply to one of us when Eggman could've just hanged all of us? It's like the old children's game hangman! I think Robotcuck wants us to spell out Amy's name."
Amy screams "that simp doesn't even know my name! I'm as good as dead just go on without me..." Shadow steps back on the letter A and the rope loosens a little. "Coldsteel go to the M and only the M. Don't step on any other letters" he does so and it loosens a little more. "Can you pull yourself out now Amy?" "You think if I could I'd be relying on you two jabronis?! And there's no-one left to step on Y. How ironic as Y did I agree to do this? Y does this shit always happen to me? Y..."
Coldsteel pulls his second vape out of his pocket and kisses it. Sliding it toward the letter Y and hoping it lands there. It does and the rope completely unravels. Amy falls on her tushy again and Shadow says "good thing your ass is as big as your mouth"
"YOU KNOW Eggman never said all of us had to survive this Shadow..."
Coldsteel goes to pick up that vape which is a hot pink clearly meant for Amy. It has written on it in stained blood "Sonic Sux" and before he can pick it up she snatches it.
"Whatcha doing there Rabbi? Isn't this MY vape?" Coldsteel smiles "yeah...yeah it is"
Shadow walks right pass them and says "ok...we got two doors left. Which do we choose?"
Amy scratches her head "is Eggman a left or right handed guy?" Shadow strokes his chin "maybe there's some sorta pun that we missed..."
Coldsteel snaps his fingers "I got an idea. Me and Amy will go to the one on the left, Shadow you go to the right." Amy blushes "he finally remembered!" Shadow gets this disgusted look on his face but answers Coldsteel "you never split the party Coldsteel..."
"I don't give a damn about the party. The way I see it, if I'm wrong, me and Amy die together. If I'm right, you die and nobody cares. Fuck you."
Shadow thinks back to when Eggman said they'd have to be intelligent and cooperate to get out of here. And he says "fine... But how about I go left and you two go right?" "WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?!" Amy holds Coldsteel's hand.
"Comeon Coldsteel, just let Shadow have this small victory..."
"...Fine!" They each go to their respective doors and nod. They open them at the same time and find they enter the same dimly lit room with a floor that ascends back up to the factory.
The hologram from Eggman comes back on "I can't believe you three actually were able to get through my horrific dungeon! If that damn blue hedgehog would've shown this might've gone completely differently! ROBOT! MAKE ME ANOTHER GRILLED CHEESE! AND PRESLICE SOME TOMATOES ON IT THIS TIME. WHAT WERW YOU BUILT IN A BARN?!" "Yes lord Eggman..."
Shadow grunts "my whole day wasted..." While Coldsteel and Amy walk out together holding each other and Coldsteel turns his head to the hologram kicking around his toaster robot scarfing two grilled cheeses at the same time and winks at it and the Eggman hologram winks back.
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Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 3
Sonic, Tails, Amy, and Knuckles are playing Mario Party as Amy gets salty saying everyone is targeting her because she's a girl. Sonic is winning and mutters "it's not cause you're A girl, it's cause you're low hanging fruit."
"What are you calling me ugly? Like I'm some rotted apple?"
A familiar crass voice says behind her "he's saying your weak"
Everyone looks and it's Shadow with his arms crossed exacerbated at their activities. Sonic jumps "What are YOU doing here Shadow? You come to fight?!"
"Unlike you, I don't waste my time with low skilled welps. You wouldn't be ready for a REAL danger with all this leisure activity."
Knuckles tells him to chill out and that he should play. Maybe pick Boo the ghost since he's all dark and brooding.
"I just came here to warn you about Coldsteel. He's up to something, I just don't know what." Sonic sits back down and grabs his controller.
"Oh is that all? That guy is even less of a threat than Eggmud..."
Tails interjects while playing still that Coldsteel is a cunning and ruthless guy, and his heart of gold only makes him more of a threat because he has passion and a motive behind his actions making him a superior villain. Sonic just mutters "are you still on that fanboy crap?"
Knuckles coughs and waves his hand. "Shadow put out that minty cigar or whatever you're smoking! It reaks! Shadow?"
Shadow isn't there and the smoke gets thicker where no-one can see what's in front of them. A hedgehog like figure emerges and grabs Amy who screams as the others realize they can't move or speak.
Unbeknownst to the others, her captor is Coldsteel. Who in her paralyzed state he ties to a chair.
"Nothing person-el kiddo. The paralysis should wear off soon... I just didn't want those losers getting in my way."
"What's this all about Coldsteel? Sonic is gonna destroy you when he finds me! Even a DNA test wouldn't be able to recognize you!"
"Oh wow it's already wearing off, that was fast..."
"That's right. I'm A strong, independent woman with an even stronger immune system!"
"Well, this ain't A controlled substance girly... I'll keep ya paralyzed as long as I have too to get what I want."
Amy blushes but pretends to oppose
"Wha...what?! Are you going to have your way with me?! But I'm Sonic's girl! I will scream until your ears bleed as you...ravage me like some sorta primitive Neanderthal!"
"...what?"
"I know a petite, sophisticated, WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE girl like me must be irresistible to your savage instincts but when Sonic finds out you won't be going to normal bad guy jail. You'll be going to hardcore bad guy jail where like, subreddit mods go!"
"Nothing person-el kid, but no. I'm just gonna keep you here until the Stockholm syndrome kicks in."
"Oh...so I'm not good enough for you is that it?! You think I'm ugly too?! Well look at you, Barney the dinosaur looking ass mother fucker!"
Coldsteel has an annoyed bored look on his face and inhales his vape, breathing it over Amy's face to paralyze her again.
Meanwhile when the others come too Sonic goes running around looking for Amy before Knuckles and Tails can even say anything. Knuckles and Tails get in Tail's airplane to scout the skies for Sonic and see the blue blur heading toward Dr. Eggman's lair who is bossing around his robots to adjust this giant golden statue of him while he drinks lemonade and says "no no, over there! Stupid robots..." Sonic tackles Eggman and starts wailing on Eggman.
"Where is she?!" "What are you blathering about hedgehog?!" Sonic continues to pummel Eggman as Tails and Knuckles yell at Sonic to stop from afar. As Tails lands, Knuckles jumps out and pulls Sonic off of a crying and battered Eggman.
"Stop going Christian Bale on him Sonic, we know this had to be Coldsteel's doing!"
"Don't you think I know that?! But Eggturd here is the one pulling the strings!"
A tear of pain rolls down Eggman's swollen black eye as he turns to his side whimpering and pees himself.
"I somehow doubt that..."
As this goes on. Coldsteel is just sitting there glaring at Amy. Amy can talk again and snide remarks "you know... Kidnapping is a pretty serious crime! Those real super villains are just gonna love your Lilac color tone!"
"Well good thing you're not a kid huh?"
"I...you call everyone a...SONIIIIICCCCC"
He gets up furiously "What do you see in that dumb ass anyway?! I'm way cooler than he is!"
"Is that what this is about? Jealously?" "Kinda"
"People like Sonic because he's a kind, caring hedgehog who shows mercy even to those who don't deserve it."
Sonic is punching Eggman again "I know you did it! I know you did it!" Tails crying like the Simpson's meme "stop STOP! HE'S ALREADY DEAD!!!"
"He's also smart. He's like a Sherlock Holmes who can get to the bottom of an unsolvable mystery and have the answers to everything!"
Sonic puts down Eggman and says "Shadow!" Knuckles just mutters "Why would Shadow have warned us about Coldsteel if it was him?"
"And most of all he is selfless! He puts others before his own well being, especially his friends!"
Sonic shrugs and says "Enh, I never liked Amy much anyway..."
Amy glares into Coldsteel's eyes
"YOU are a petty little man who bullies everyone to get your way! You have no friends, and you suck as a villain! You're like..."
"What? Like Eggman?"
"Like Kevin..."
Dramatic music plays and lightning strikes. And Amy whispers
"Nothing person-el kid..." Coldsteel slaps her hard enough where she falls over still tied to the chair.
"Harder daddy!"
"What the fuck is wrong with this girl?"
The heroes are back home playing Mario Party without Amy and Tails sighs.
"It's not the same without Amy..." Sonic bored too responds
"You're right Tails. We need that fourth player... Your thumbs still work right Egghead?"
Sonic poking Eggman's nose with the controller while Eggman is in a full body cast muffling "I hate that hedgehog..."
Coldsteel sets Amy back up and she's still sassing
"Why do you even like me?!"
"I'm asking myself the same question..."
"You don't even know my name!"
"Yeah I do! It's, uhh..."
"You don't even know my name..."
"Sure I do! It's... Daisy?"
"No."
"Annie. Little Annie!" Coldsteel starts singing it's a hard knock life.
"I hate you."
The protagonists still playing and they just lay Eggman's controller on his chest, Knuckles says "maybe we should try harder to find Amy..."
Sonic tapping ferociously "She's fine..."
Coldsteel is in a scary clown mask revving up a chainsaw to her face "LOVE ME YA STUPID CUNT!"
"Learn my name ya stupid garbage person!"
Tails eating some chips "Amy could be in real danger..."
They're boxing and Amy knocks Coldsteel down in one blow reinacting Mohammad Ali's fight "WHAT'S MY NAME?!"
Knuckles goes to take a sip of soda, but stops before it reaches his lips when Shadow says "are you guys just gonna sit around and let this happen?"
Amy is singing Karaoke of Eminem "HI my name is, huh? My name is, who? My name is dikki dikki..." She puts the Mic up to Coldsteel's mouth
"Uhh... Tammy?" She pokes him in the eye with the Mic.
Shadow scolding these bunch of lollygaggers "Coldsteel is doing God knows what to your friend and you guys are just sitting around playing video games!"
Eggman is screaming under his bandages struggling and Shadow strips the mouth part so he can talk. "You fools do not have the faintest idea how serious this whole situation is! What those two are doing together is worse than any evil scheme I could come up with!"
Knuckles snorts "What? Some kind of fetish fanfic?"
"Worse echidna. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT..."
"Arby. Omg your parents named you Arby's?! I love Arby's! We should get Arby's!"
Amy hits him in the face with her hammer.
"Oh my GOD how can you obsess over me when you won't even learn my name?! You're insufferable! How could anyone stand someone who is an obsessed little worm in a completely one-sided infatuation and tics all the cringe tropes of a gendered stereotype?! I...oh...oh no. I'm everything I hate..."
"Arby's? But the twisty fries..."
"NO NOT ARBY'S YOU MOUTH BREATHER."
Coldsteel's hiding place rumbles as Eggman's grounder robot drills from the bottom and Eggman, Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles jump out.
"Oh cool. Grindr! I remember you from the old animated..."
Eggman yells "Its grounder!"
The grounder robot says "naw naw, he's right... My date is just a block from here. Seeya boss." Grounder digs back down.
Sonic goes up to Amy "it's ok now Amy...you're safe."
"Don't touch me!" "What's gotten into you?!"
Eggman mutters "Coldsteel probably..." Tails, Knuckle, and Coldsteel do the black guys rap battle meme
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TFdvfrWS7XQ
"What's gotten into me?! I have wasted too many nights pining over an ungrateful, selfish, egotistical toxic masculine man whom barely even notices I exist!"
"Why are we here again? Oh hey Amy..."
Coldsteel walks up and puts his arm around Amy sneering at Sonic
"Heh...nothing person-el kid!"
"And YOU... You are a reminder of why self care and confidence are so important! Did you honestly think if you just kept me here long enough I'd fall in love with you? You still don't know my name! You're like those dudes who send money to egirls but tell your friends you have a girlfriend!"
Eggman yells BETAAAA in the back like Jesse Lee
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VRq4I1a1iVw
"I'm done with all hedgehogs. I don't wanna see any of you ever again. ESPECIALLY you Sonic!"
Amy just walks out. And Sonic says "geez what a bitch"
Coldsteel remarks "I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave..." Knuckles and and Eggman fist bump Coldsteel.
Everyone just decides to go home and Tails walking by Sonic
"So wait...does this mean Coldsteel never had any feelings for me?"
Eggman walks pass Tails "BETAAAA"
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Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 2
Coldsteel the most iconic and original character in the Sonic franchise is just sitting on a rock sighing as a scorpion crawls next to him. He looks at it bored, then goes to touch it when he's interrupted by a familiar craspy voice.
"Whatchu doing over there weaker me?"
"Huh? Oh Shadow it's just you... Also suck my left nut I'm way cooler than you."
"Impossible."
"Well ya see, Dr. Eggman screwed up my plan because he insisted on being the one to shoot the love potion and..." "Love potion?"
"Look man I'm not a newscaster. Now I'm out a love potion AND I..."
"Why don't you just go back to Eggman's lair?"
"Why would I do that?"
"Oh I don't know... Maybe because Eggman couldn't possibly remember all the details of how he constructs the things he constructs and has plans lying around? Then you could take the plans, maybe supplies, and..."
"Well hells bells who is this actually useful guy?!"
"I'm you but stronger." "I would smack the black right off your face but I need you to help distract Egg face's robots."
"Woho there sport. Who said I was going to help you?"
"Well you gotta. I'm sure there's some sorta villain bylaw that..."
"Ok fist off: I'm not a villain, I'm an anti-hero. Secondly: That's racist."
"You ARE black!" "Yeah but you can't just say that! Especially not in conjunction with face, it implies..." Tails flies down "SHADOW, COLDSTEEL"
Coldsteel puts his hands in his face "Oh God not this right now... I need a smoke"
Tails hovers down and tries to act cool and hip.
"Hey...bros! What's the down low in this shiggy diggy Scooby Doo?"
Shadow looks at Tails, quickly turns to Coldsteel smoking ferociously, an echo of love potion rings in his head. All of a sudden Shadow let's out a small chuckle and runs away.
Tails goes up to Coldsteel "wow, that's the first time I've ever heard Shadow laugh. You really are a cool dude."
"Yeah yeah I'm amazing...Tails why are you here?"
"What?! I can't come see a good friend?! I..." "Does Sonic know you're here?"
"He's not my dad! I'm my own fox! I'm practically an adult!"
Coldsteel groans at the thought of all the other villains pointing and laughing at him in super villain jail.
"Tails, go home..."
"No way! I know you're planning something and I want in! Is it another bank heist? Or maybe you're gonna..."
"Ok first off, wait..." He inhales his vape deeply.
"Y'know you really shouldn't smoke Coldsteel. It's bad for your lungs, your teeth, I think it gives you wrinkles too and you're A very handsome guy and..."
"Hush for a moment. Taaaails. How would you like to do a heist...on Dr. Eggman?"
"On Eggfat?! I knew you were one of the good guys! Oh, I probably shouldn't call him Eggfat though. That's body shaming."
"Make a pun. Like Eggfart. Like I know it sounds really lame but you ever had one of those really sulfer like farts?"
"...What is in that vape?" "Just come on!"
They go to Eggman's fortress and the spiked robot is still guarding it.
"Assessment: Not a hedgehog. State your name and business."
"Tails and uh...lets see, i'm an anti-hero now... Lemme in, or else!" Tails winks and gives Coldsteel a thumbs up who is hiding behind a tree. Who is just vaping still thinking "I wonder if a fruit basket will work when I apologize to Sonic for a dead shotacon sidekick?"
The robot pulls back
"These parameters are acceptable: Enter."
Coldsteel yelling from that tree "oh that's BULLSHIT!"
Tails is looking around Eggman's lab and sees all sorts of parts and doodads. Amazed by it but knows he's here for a reason.
"Coldsteel said to just grab all the chemistry stuff and plans but I don't see why..."
Tails sees the plans and starts reading them next to the lab kit and as he goes through the pages his eyes widen open. Then he begins to tear up.
Meanwhile as Coldsteel is waiting for him Sonic runs at his high speeds, debris piling up in back of him and stops when he sees Coldsteel.
"Coldsteel! I should've known you had something to do with this!"
"I've literally just been standing here smoking. Fuck off."
"Where's Tails Coldsteel?! He won't stop talking about how cool you are, so I know he'd go looking for you when my back was turned!"
"I have no idea where he is."
Tails walks up to them and says "here's the plans Coldsteel..." But drops them when he sees Sonic. "Oh...hey Sonic. Heheh..."
Sonic squints and slowly turns his head over to Coldsteel still vaping and says "welp, guess it's time for that secret weapon..."
He pulls out from a pocket that scorpion that was on the rock and goes to throw it at Sonic but before he can Sonic already has his hand and is crushing it while he drops the scorpion and it skitters away.
Tails pulls on Sonic to stop bullying Coldsteel and Sonic is scolding him to stop interfering and their arguing attracts the spikebot.
"Hedgehog: Defensive measures engage..."
He starts shooting spikes, Sonic grabs Tails and runs through all of them drops him mid air knowing he can fly and turns into his ball form to trip the robot at it's feet where there are no spikes so it collapses and is stuck in the dirt struggling to move.
"Alert. Alert. Defenses have been breached. Request for backup message sent."
"Tails we gotta get out of here..." "But Coldsteel!"
"Screw Coldsteel LET'S GO" he grabs Tails by the arm and runs for it at top speed. Coldsteel is hiding somewhere among the woodlands not too far from Eggman's base. Looking over the papers.
"Where's the love potion one? None of these are the love potion one..." A note slips out between the sheets and Coldsteel picks it up to read. Sonic is busy running back to his home and closes the door behind him panting.
"That was SO DANGEROUS. Tails I don't know what the hell you were thinking but whatever it was, if I catch you trying to contact that creep again I swear I will..."
"You just don't understand anything Sonic! You think everything is so cut and dry, but it's a complicated..."
"There's nothing complicated about it. That guy needs to be on a sex offender registry, Eggman needs to be in an asylum, and apparently so do you!" Tails runs to his room crying and Sonic sighs.
Coldsteel reads the note:
"I did find the love potion equations Mr. Coldsteel. You are such a selfless person that you would purposely inject yourself with one of Eggman's contrived creations to validate my feelings. I'm going to try harder to be an adult and accept some people just don't like other people that way. I mean what sorta pitiful dork would I be to use something like that just to make you like me back? But you'll always be my hero."
Shadow is behind Coldsteel chuckling again and Coldsteel bites him on the nose
"Ow! You son of a..."
Coldsteel crumples the note.
"Things just got...person-el!"
Shadow punches Coldsteel.
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Coldsteel: Hot and Cold part 1
The howling sirens of the Mobius City bank can be heard from across the village, out running with a big sack of money is none other than the nefarious naydoer Coldsteel.
He pulls down his bandito mask just long enough to tell the chasing guards behind him "nothing person-el wagie cucks!" The guards stop and gasp
"He took off his mask! We've been exposed!" "He really is the most vile!"
He sneers but in his path is Amy Rose.
"What do you think you're doing Coldsteel?" He looks around confused
"You're not Sonic. What was he busy or something? Sending his poor little..." He looks up and down her body. "Sister? To umm...buh"
"SISTER?! I'll have you know little man I'm Sonic's future wife!"
"I doubt that..." She grumbles and pulls her hammer back and he mutters "oh shit" and runs towards his left. She yells for him to come back here and in the far distance "nothing person-el kiddo!"
She grumbles and says "what trash..." The guards have these smirks on their face.
"What are you two smirking about?!"
"Nothing kiddo. Nothing at all." "He calls everyone kid."
"It's about context Amy. You know if you plan to win Sonic's heart you gotta pick up on these things."
Meanwhile as Coldsteel is still running he starts getting short on breath.
"Wow this running stuff is hard work how does Sonic do it?! Imma take a smoke break. That'll reinvigorate me. Smoking is way better than cholesterol riddled chili dogs." As he starts vaping he realizes where he is.
"Wait...isn't this one of Eggman's territories? Oh that schizo could be of great use to me!" He puts his vape away, grabs his money sack and heads toward the entrance where this giant spike robot looks down at him assessing.
"Hedgehog... Not Sonic, not Shadow, state your name and business."
"Coldsteel. Business is let me in or else."
"Threat assessment confirmed. Hate that hedgehog." Spikes come out of it's body that Coldsteel easily avoids, but realizes he can't make physical contact with the robot without those spikes prodding into him.
"I probably should've thought this through... How does friggin Shadow do it?! Oh wait he has a gun. I should probably get me one of those. I mean now that I have MONEY I can... But..."
Eggman's fortress doors slide open and Dr. Eggman walks out aggravated.
"What is all this commotion about? HEDGEHOG!"
"Wo wo there Eggy! I didn't come here to fight but make a deal!"
Eggman raises his hand to have the spike robot stand down "I'm listening..."
Coldsteel plops down the sack revealing the swathes of cash inside.
"I got all this money see? And I'm willing to pay you a large sum of it to make me something..."
"Pthfft. I am a SCIENTIST! What good is your money to me?! I'm basically a god! If I want something I can just create it. Perfect it. Your money is no good here, go home."
Coldsteel puts on a Joe Biden voice "comeon man!"
"What would you even have had me build you? Some sorta ray gun to nuke that insipid Shadow? Perhaps some sorta quantum accelerator boots so you could fight toe to toe with Sonic?"
"Man you are a one track mind Scrambled Eggs. No I don't want anything like that. Use that genius of yours to create something useful like a love potion."
Eggman squeels a bit but plays it off as a cough at being called a genius.
"A love potion you say? Such trivial engineering and morally incomprehensible! Why would I manipulate the thoughts and feelings of the neurological pathways of Sonic or one of his annoying friends just to rattle them with false dopamine and serotonin?!"
"Cause we're BAD GUYS you fucking..." Coldsteel rubs his nasal cavity.
"Look, if lets say as an example, you used a love potion on Sonic."
"ARE YOU INSANE PURPLE HEDGEHOG?!"
"Figuratively green eggs and ham! If you used a love potion on Sonic, he'd stop ruining your evil plans. Than you could do whatever you want!"
Eggman strokes his mustache and paces.
"I see your point...However, my relationship with that...hedgehog is complex enough as it is. I don't need to make the situation worse with..."
"Well it's not for YOU, IIII want the love potion to use on..."
"There is NO WAY I'm going to develop a love potion for you to defeat MY sworn enemy!"
"Holy crap I'm gonna kick you in those two little eggs of yours dangling. IT'S NOT FOR SONIC!!!"
"Hmmm..." Eggman paces around some more playing with his hands.
"The answer is still no. Your intention to bait out one of his little friends is commendable, but"
"Oh I see. You just can't do it."
"That's not it at all I just..." Coldsteel grabs his money sack
"You're not a genius at all. You're just some incel playing with his dangerous toys!"
"How dare you?! Fine hedgehog, I will devise you the weaponry you so desire...but it will be on my terms as you are incapable of realizing how volatile playing with emotions can be!"
"Yeah yeah yeah, great. Free will and all that fortune cookie goodness. Let's just do it!"
Later Eggman is mixing together compounds in his lab, puts it in a dart vial, and loads it into a gun. Pointing it around squinting one eye.
"So whom is the intended target hedgehog?"
"Well, I don't know her name, but she's pink, and has this hammer, and..."
Eggman fumbles almost dropping the gun but catches it. "AMY?! YOU'RE PLANNING TO SHOOT AMY OF ALL PEOPLE?!"
"Watch where you're aiming that thing hard boiled!"
Eggman smirks.
"I'll admit. I had my doubts at first...but that is a diabolical plan! Amy has obsessed over Sonic for such a long time, to suddenly lose those feelings for you would leave a subconscious impression Sonic was no good for her. Her infatuation for you will turn into a bitter resentment for Sonic and SHE will be my weapon!"
"...Yes. Yes that's totally what I was thinking. Now gimme the gun." Eggman pulls it away
"As if I would trust something of my creation in the hands of greasy grubby hedgehog hands! I'll be the one doing the shooting!"
"...please no." "Come hedgehog. We have a soldier to recruit into our villainous army!"
As they're hiding in some bushes with binoculars Any is talking with Sonic and Tails about something or another. Eggman whispers to Coldsteel. "Do you see them?"
Coldsteel is checking out up Amy's skirt while she playfully fidgets talking to Sonic.
"Oh I see'em..."
"Alright than I'm going to take the shot. In 3...2...1!"
He shoots the dart and in all her little movements and dancing smitten over Sonic it just misses her and Tails is shot right in the chest with the dart.
"Darn it I missed."
"Eggman I swear to God I'm gonna hang your webos as a trophy."
The heroes are freaking out. "Where did that dart come from?!" Amy screams and Sonic traces it from that angle to the bushes they're hiding it and sees figures in them and runs over drop kicking Eggman right in the face while Tails is having a panic attack saying "is it poison?! Am I gonna die Amy?!"
Sonic thrashes on Eggman "I knew you were a nasty ambre Eggshit but I didn't think you'd stoop so low as to do something like this!"
Coldsteel is hyping Sonic up like "yeah Sonic, kick him again! That Egg punk is getting everything that's coming to him!"
"Mutiny! Treason! All you hedgehogs are alike..."
"Heh, nothing person-el kid."
Tails sees them essentially bullying Eggman and just starts to laugh.
Amy puts her hand on Tails shoulder "are you ok Tails?"
"I feel fine... Actually I feel great. Who, whose that other hedgehog over there just making fun off Eggbutt while Sonic"
Amy squints her eyes and clenches her fist. "Coldsteel!"
Coldsteel notices Amy has spotted him and says
"Well I'd love to stay Doctor but I uhh...I think I left my vape on."
"Don't leave me here with this blue brute! We're a team!"
Sonic about to punch Eggman again says "team?" And looks Coldsteel's way. Coldsteel looks around and makes a run for it. "Gotta go fast!"
He runs for it and trips "ahhh fuck! Me knee!"
Tail gasps and flies over there as quickly as he can. As Any and Sonic notice Tails is acting strange.
"Are you ok Coldsteel?" "Yeah, that just friggin hurt... Sonic never stumbles. Fricking Mary Sue ass nigga."
Tails giggles and says "hold on..." Pulls out a first aid kit with anti bacterial, napkins, and bandaids, and puts it on Coldsteel. "All better!" With a big innocent smile and Coldsteel smiles back.
Sonic yells at Tails "Tails get away from him. That guy is bad news!"
Tails gets up and scolds Sonic "Sonic you know what sorta psychopath Egg garbage is! He probably used to some sorta mind control device, or or...held his family hostage! Or maybe he thought we were the bad guys! Or..."
"Tails bro, you're acting really strange... Whatever Eggman infected you with. It's messing with your head."
"My head is fine! You're just...being a jerk!" Tails turns back to Coldsteel and holds his hand.
"You wanna stay a while Coldsteel? I'd love to show you the plane I've been working on! Maybe Any could cook us up a...well I mean her cooking stinks but she tries."
"I heard that you little twerp!"
Coldsteel rubs the back of his neck really uncomfortable at the predicament he's found himself in and says "Ehhh, sorry. But your friends are kinda right about me little guy."
"My name is Tails." "Yeah yeah Tails. Uhh... Y'see EGGMAN HERE kinda screwed up the plan."
"He does that a lot." "I'm noticing..."
Eggman is crying on the ground "WHERE'S MY BANDAID?!"
"So I'm gonna go..." "Please Mr. Coldsteel?" He sees the sadness is Tail's eyes, the suspicion in Sonic's, the disdain in Amy's, he raises his hand and Tails flinches thinking he's gonna hit him but just places it on top of his head.
"Nothing person-el kid..." And runs away. Amy screams "yeah you better run coward!"
Eggman is still sobbing and looks up at Tails
"C...could you spare a little of that oxytocin hormone scoring through your blood stream for a genius?" Tails just raises his chin up like the Skinner meme
"Pathetic..."
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“Had I not created my whole world, I would certainly have died in other people’s.”
— Anaïs Nin
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“A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.”
— Oscar Wilde
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“Everything with me is either worship and passion or pity and understanding. I hate rarely, though when I hate, I hate murderously.”
— Anaïs Nin, Henry and June: From “A Journal of Love”: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1931-1932
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“Everything is science and everything is philosophy.”
— Maurice Merleau-Ponty, Nature
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