hmmmn-thoughts
Hybrid Thoughts
Just someone's thoughts.
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Sometimes....
Sometimes... Id rather be alone that be with a crowd who i barely know....
But sometimes, when i am alone, I can’t understand how I feel.
It’s not that I am sad nor am I in a happy state of mind. it’s just that I cant really understand how I feel.
Was there something missing???
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Drift Away
I don't know how we can survive like this, almost no time for each other... I'll keep on holding on... until you decided to let me go...
But in my heart, I wish you will never ever let everything on us end....
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The Struggles...
I admit I am being paranoid... What can I do? I feel like I am loving someone who dont love me back... I know you might just be busy... but it hurts knowing that he has been reading my messages and not replying to them... Silly right? But I feel like I am unimportant...
I might even cry now that I am typing this... but I hold onto 11:11...
Im holding on to the belief that I am on the right path to happiness with you... I want to think that you were just testing me or you were just having troubles again but it hurts when these thoughts roam around my head... It kept spinning in my head...
Now... I am doubting if I can make you happy... That's all I want... I know you deserve it so if I cant make you happy... What would be my purpose in your life? I would just be another trash...
I want to be a part of your life where in you and I will feel loneliness without each other. 😭😭😭
I don't want to be selfish... But I dont want to let you go... I wanna try to do everything to make you happy 😭😭😭 I know I already told you this... Even if it'll kill me slowly, I will never have a second thought on something that will surely make you happy.... I will definitely try everything and if it is still not enough... I will be ready to let you go then...
💔💔💔💔💔
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Taurus Inlove
So I've been watching and reading about Taurus and Virgo... Most says we are compatible... Makes me happy whenever I watch or read something about you and me being in the list of full compatibility...
I've already been inlove before... but i was 16 that time... same with you... it all started online..
The big difference is... my virgo... I am not a 16 anymore... I am 25... I know when I say I love you... I really do.. I believe in all honesty so therefor I give out all the honesty I have...
My Virgo... Lately... It feels cold... I know you might have been dealing with issues about your past... I wanna help,, I really do... But how??
I do believe in you... I believe you will close the distance we have in more han one year...
But please forgive me for feeling negative... not that I dont believe in you... I am just too negative that i dont seem to be strong and understanding enough...
My virgo... Im beginning to lose hope... I've been thinking if you just thought you love me but then it was just for killing the time... Its breaking my fragile heart... thinking that you might start to drift away from me...
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Mi Amor?
Dark as black is what i thought of me... To the point that I dont even care whatever happened to me, I'll be in miserable job? Its okay! I'll die here. Ghad. No problem. It is like if I am miserable I will just think its a punishment for the things I have done. I am far from being a criminal but I think as though I more than just a criminal but like someone living in hell...
But here you go mi amor... cornering the dark side into the deepest part of me and keeping it locked. It is like you were the sunshine after the dark...
I haven't met you in person. But falling inlove with you online is out of my control... this is me... silly... easy to fool... I am the type of person who just let it all go, be happy for now without thinking of other possibility nor probability. I might think I'll get hurt but the most of my thoughts are being happy with you...
All I want now is to be with you on your darkest days, to care for you when you need a break... or help you with everything that you'll need a helping hand. I know you are perfectionist, and even if you wont agree... I believe we are just human with flaws existing within this world...
I didn't like the way you praise me too much as I am residing on earth with flaws as much as the praise that I am getting from you... but as you said, you have your own eyes... and I am thankful of how you view me as a person...
Now what I can really wish for is for everything to be true... No... even not everything. But maybe,, meeting you in several months will be more than okay...
I don't know but I've just fallen inlove with you.... I love you Mi amor... I am willing to hear every dark secrets you got... I accept the whole you... every part of you... I'll hug you tight when you need one... As I've told you, you've been strong enough to face everything that happened to you, but being strong doesn't mean that you'll be okay to face things alone nor feel nothing when you were actually hurt, sad or angry... I am here now, I want you to confide on me whatever it is that you feel...
I usually imagine how it feels to be married with you . To be with you... to have our own family...
I think its too fast... But I am willing...
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Forgive me
I may have said things
That aren't exactly
The way that I feel
I told you I'd be strong
I said that I'd moved on
But it doesn't take long
To realize
That I'm not over you
But if there is somebody that makes you feel happy
Tends to your heart in the ways I'd been lacking
Then who am I who am I to stand in your way
To stand in your way
To stand in your way
I won't stand in your way
I know it sounds crazy
But I need you to trust me
If it's how it must be
Then I'll fade away
When it finally feels true
Then do what you have to
Cause I'll never blame you
For not choosing me
But I'm not over you
If there is somebody that makes you feel happy
Tends to your heart in the ways I'd been lacking
Then who am I who am I to stand in your way
That I feel is no longer your burden
If there is someone that can make you feel perfect
Then who am I who am I to stand in your way
To stand in your way
To stand in your way
I won't stand in your way
Down the road someone will ask me if I know you
I'll pause for a moment I'll smile and say that I used to
If there is somebody that makes you feel happy
Tends to your heart in the ways I'd been lacking
Then who am I who am I to stand in your way
That I feel is no longer your burden
If there is someone that can make you feel perfect
Then who am I who am I to stand in your way
To stand in your way
To stand in your way
I won't stand in your way
I won't stand in your way
I won't stand in your way
LYRICS of WHO AM I TO STAND IN YOUR WAY by CHESTER SEE
My thoughts:
Hmmmnn. I suddenly bumped into this song, I've never heard of this guys and this song. But when I heard it, It's piercing right through me.
9 years ago... This song is exactly what the way I thought and felt when I got my first love broken.
Like, if you'd be happier with someone else, it is enough for me that you stayed until you felt that you were happier with other person. I'd be thankful that I was given to chance to be loved though not until the end.
To sum it all up. This song is a real deal.
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August 17th, 2019
Homesick?
Time Check, 1:30 AM yeah. I started feeling heavy in my chest.
Currently have tears in my eyes.
Funny thing is, I just talked to mu bestfriend in messenger, she's asking me if I am not having a hard time working as an OFW.
I told her" I am not easily being sad person. Im stronggg"
Then we continued chatting, I chat with her joyfully.
Upon seeing my sister online who was working in taiwan and will fly back to Philippines today I chat her and said. "SIS!! You're going home!!"
Then I told her tell her daughter that I miss her so much and then and there I know. "HOMESICK" pierced me right through the heart as I started crying silently wishing I was with them to celebrate my niece's 7th birthday.
Just sharing my feeling through here cause I dont wanna cause them trouble worrying about me when they all must be happy.
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Growing old...
Growing old with someone you love is the best part of a person's life.
Im still at may mid 20's but somehow, I feel that I am destined to be alone.
I know the happiness is immeasurable when with someone you love. But maybe I am just unconfident of everything and too brave to fight alone?
I would be hyprocrite if I say I dont like to have my own family, but the problem is I think I am nit bound for it....
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Homeless for a month.
Yeps homeless. Not literally though.
For me, home is way too different from living in a house. If you are in a home, you have house, living with family and enjoying even the hardships that life gives us. And living in a house without your family, working and working, thats just being in a house.
I leaved my home town almost a month from now, and tomorrow it'll be a month since I left the country, Philippines.
It's been almost a month since I started working here as a domestic helper in saudi arabia. As gas as im concerned, I am not in the worst situation but not also in the luckiest situation. Maybe just the right amount of things I have and should have learned.
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Time Check
Its 1:40 am while I am typing this one. Time check for the start of tomorrow but just the ending of my today. Its april 8 but counted as the end of my work at april 7.
Its been tiring
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My 29th of March 2019
I had been here in saudi arabia to work as a domestic worker.
Id say the first week I had, was the hardest for me but i know its not the worst that come to a domestic worker.
Homesick? Not a problem to me. But all I can say is I worry too much for my parents.
Ill allways pray to GOD that my parenta and family would be in great health.
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Leaving all that I used to.
So yeah, I gathered all of the positivity that I have. I entrusted everything to Lord.
All of Overseas Filipino Workers are well informed that working as Domestic Helper in Middle East is not that easy.
You might encounter a cruel boss, you might encounter the good one but all you will have to hold onto, were the prayers you sent to God.
Those prayers that you've been praying for a long time....
I just have Faith onto HIM...
I know he wont let me down.
I just want a better life for my mother and father, no bad intentions....
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Thoughts and Prayers.
Dear God,
You are the owner of our lives. I know that, that's why I entrusted you my life before taking this path.
I believe that you won't let me do this if it wasn't for my good. I claim that you have been and will always be guiding me.
I am a filipina, going to Saudi Arabia as a domestic worker. I am 24 and single yet I am risking the fun and happiness in Philippines for a harder one but for the better. I might or might not have the easiest life in the world but I am claiming that you will never let me go there if I cant handle things.
I must be strong and I must keep on holding on.
I want to help my family, that's why I asked for your signs.
Thank you and please continue on blessing and guiding me and my family.
---------
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Grave of the Fireflies here.
The Signs as Studio Ghibli Movies
Aries: Spirited Away
Taurus: Grave of the Fireflies
Gemini: My Neighbour Totoro
Cancer: Castle in the Sky
Leo: Howl’s Moving Castle
Virgo: Porco Rosso
Libra: Kiki’s Delivery Service
Scorpio: Princess Mononoke
Sagittarius: Whisper of the Heart
Capricorn: Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind
Aquarius: Ponyo
Pisces: The Cat Returns
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Someone to hate
I had a friend. All I can say is, I never treated him the way he treated me, or anybody else in our work. We only have 5 to 6 co-workers in our job. Too small number of people for you to not be friends with everyone right?
I've known everyone on that work place. No one have ever treated me as bad as he does nor do I treated anyone as bad as he did. Let's call him Baddy.
Baddy, at first, he seemed to be a good guy. But when money was involve, he was like a monster.
Out of sympathy, we all helped him whenever he is in need.
But worst thing happened, he helped the new guy in our workplace to framed up the most honest person in our group.
They framed him up to steal an effin 50 pesos. To think that he never had a single incident or report of being caught red handed at stealing money.
Karma did a good job. They were caught red handed for framing up, yes we had issues about what they did but nothing came out from our mouth its all in our head, even the guy they framed up, he was just eating all the patience in the world.
That guy they framed up, he sure is talking so much and boast about things but never did any harm to anubody else. He is honest and a good guy.
Baddy ended up resigning, but he never said sorry. He even call me names that i wasn't like I am just a plastic, smiling im front him but talking shit behind his back, thats what he thought I was, but it was him talking shit about everybody behind our back.
He will smile and ask for favor and will call me an enemy if taloing with another person. I was also informed that he said these words about me.
"That girl, she was a trash, she dont even know how to apply for any other works, she will be in a trashcan if everybody will be kicked out of work." He kept on saying that he will make our lives miserable on that job. But he never succeeded.
He was the one whose struggling now. Borrowing money and never giving it back on time was what he was known for.
A friend of mine in Saudi, he asked for help on that friend, they were never close enough so my friend didn't helped him knowing that baddy never pays on time and might never even the money.
Baddy did the worst thing. Recently, he planned on making a fool out of somebody who have shown him all the good sides of her. If there is anyone on our work that will be called an angel for him, she was that angel. She'll just let him eat her packed lunch or packed snacks evwn without her knowing, she will just let it slip and will end up buyjng her own food.
He planned on pawning ATM card to that girl. Good thing is, someone informed the girl that the ATM card was already invalid. The girl was suppose to help him through asking a friend.
Honestly speaking. I treated him as good as I can, I hoped he will change, but now I know, it might take a lifetime foe him to change.
We were close, really close, we drink together and I would even treat him drinks sometimes. I thought I was a good friend. But why did he think of me like that, why dod he treat everyone else so bad?
Do you think he will wver change and realize that all the bad things he doea will always get back to him. It might evem struck him so hard that he will fall down so hard...
Now I know, he was someone to hate.
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