Life

Sometimes I really can't stand life. Life has a way of changing everything. Life is something that happens from day to day and you can't change that. Those changes are slow and steady. You never really feel like life is changing you, the people you love or even your surroundings. Then, all of a sudden you are hit with a reality check. You look and say to yourself "what the hell?" When did everything get so complicated? When did everything get so hard? When did everything get "FUBARed"( fucked up beyond all recognition)? What happened to us? The beginning of a relationship is always so perfect. Well when I say perfect we disregard those little flaws and characteristics that drive us nuts. Then like a bat out of hell we get clothes lined like a wrestler in a cheesy fight on TV. I'm currently on punishment because I have been a bad girl. I'm a bad girl at least once a week. I get so frustrated with my situation, our situation and what I feel like I am not getting. I act out. I get out of control and go crazy. I get bratty and mean. My Domme side comes out and I just word vomit all over the place. Then I spend the next 6 days apologizing and being punished, all to repeat the same cycle. It's so fucking hard! It shouldn't be this hard. My submission should come easy. So why do I fight it so much? Why can't I just be a good girl? I'm jealous and crazy in love. I get so insane over the stupidest things. At the time they are major issues to me and I feel like it's the end of the world. At the end of all our fights and disagreements I'm left believing that I'm one that's causing all of the problems. It's my fault I'm jealous and insecure. But if I'm a good girl I get his love. Things don't add up. Things don't add up. Maybe it's all in my head but what if it's not? Maybe I do have something to be worried about. All I want is reassurance but according to him, I'm not a good girl and I don't deserve it. What kind of Dom does that do his sub? I just want to go back to those early days when he called me His. Those days he told me he had been waiting for me all his life. Those days before life got complicated. Were those just lies or did I just get blindsided and fall in love with someone that just told me pretty words I wanted to hear?

This is not how I feel sometimes. And you wonder why I act out

I either dress like im going to a red carpet event or like im a homeless drug addict there is no in between

This is my curse...

Sometimes I seriously think I’m too nice for my own good. You could hurt me, betray me, use me, throw me away..but I will still forgive you if I love you.

I know exactly how you feel

Weh I can’t sleep. There’s too much going on in my mind and it’s hurting so much. I feel sick with worry and guilt and jealousy and ughh.. So many stupid feelings that I can’t help but feel.

I wish I didn’t feel. I wish I was heartless. I wish I wasn’t so god damn weak and vulnerable. I wish I...

Color My Inbox

Red ~ I'm in love with you.

Orange ~ I think I love you.

Yellow ~ I think you're amazing.

Green ~ I find you mildly attractive.

Blue ~ You're beautiful.

Purple ~ You're hot.

Plum ~ I would date you.

Violet ~ I would fuck you.

Rose ~ I would build a fort with you.

Aqua ~ I would share my cookies with you.

Amber ~ I want to know more about you.

Cream ~ Let's get coffee.

Brown ~ I want to hug you.

Olive ~ I don't find you attractive in the slightest.

Grey ~ I wish I had never followed you.

Black ~ Delete your Tumblr.

White ~ FB, Yahoo, or some other means of contacting you please.

Pros vs Cons

Daddy, your Cons are totally outweighing your Pros. :(

One step forward and then two steps back. This time it's not my fault

Little one: *moans* Daddy can I cum?

Daddy: yes, cum for me. Cum for me little one.

Reblog if your inbox is empty and it needs anons

The Talk

So Daddy and i had a turning point in a relationship this weekend. We got into a massive fight on Saturday morning. When people tell you nothing good happens after 2am, listen. So we went out with a couple of friends and played darts, drank and went back to my friends apartment. Daddy was ignoring me and was on his phone, which droves me nuts. So I caused a scene. I know, I should have handled it differently. My problem is that I keep everything bottled in and then I explode. Not good. So a massive fight ensues he and his friend leave and I wound up taking a cab home at 3:30am. Insert massive 3 hours cry feat in here. I finally fall asleep and he wakes me up by punishing me. He had a belt around my throat and fucked me good and then came all over me. I didn't want anything to do with him even though I really enjoyed it. I get weird sometimes when I am in sub space. He forced me to cuddle and talk and he is great at aftercare. We fell asleep and woke up a couple hours later. We all had breakfast and then he tells me that he has to dog sit for his friend and won't be home that night. That was heartbreaking. We did talk about why I was acting out and that I felt my emotional needs were not being met. We have a vicious cycle going. When I am out of control and demanding and crazy he shuts down emotionally. It turns him off and he stays off because he wants to violate a good girl. I understand that now. We talked and had a great time last night. We laughed and had amazing kinky sex. I feel that something has finally changed in our relationship. We are hopefully moving forward and not backwards like I felt we were. So my goals are this: •be a good girl, no matter what •talk about things when I feel bothered and not bottle them up •love Daddy with all my heart and soul •win Daddy's heart and keep it safe •be a better submissive ( I'm a switch so it's very hard to do sometimes) •stop drinking so much and getting out of control and being bratty (the bad kind) We just have so much stress going on right now. We are both in a situation financial that is not normal for us. We have so much going on and it really puts a strain on us. Even though its tough right now I know everything will be fine with my Daddy by my side.