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hermemo-blog · 5 years

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S H I F T

Is this evolutionary for me?

It’s a question I have recently realised I have been asking myself for a long time. Where will this next shift take me? How am I meant to trust that I am making the right decision? Does it feel right? Do you trust that feeling in the pit of your stomach? If the answer is yes, just leap darling.

The past two years have been an absolute whirlwind. As a result this may be a long one, (it’s really just for me to get it all out). Let’s begin with a little background. December 2015, I was 20, and it was the first time I had felt an internal pull or what I now recognise as a direct message from my soul. Oh, and It wasn’t just a small message. I was screaming internally. I wasn’t happy, in fact I was miserable, my anxiety was winning and I was stuck in a repetitive pattern of self doubt and self hate. Growth wasn’t even an option, something had to change.

I now know that the universe was well aware of how i was feeling, I was asking for a sign, for change. Then one of my biggest dreams came true. Triggering a shift in me that I wouldn’t come to fully recognise until almost two years later. What I did see was a level of happiness and freedom that I hadn’t encountered before, and once I had tasted it, I knew that’s the feeling I needed to live in everyday. So, subconsciously, I set out to create it.

I found the courage to end my, (toxic) five year high school relationship and within a few months, I had landed a new job. In a new city, whilst still completing my degree, with a brand new relationship. I was very suddenly watching the town I grew up in disappear in the rear view window of my also newly purchased car. To say I was leaping was an understatement, it scared the life out of me.

My new job, I thought it was my dream job. Which, looking back now, for that period in my life, it was. I stepped into a BIG company, that I knew would set me up for success in my career. Being the stubborn person I am, I couldn’t wait until I had a degree, I had to work straight away. Boy, I was thrown into the deep end. This little creative Libra was suddenly running marketing campaigns with targets that had a few too many zeros on the end. I discovered what it was like to drink three coffee’s a day, with minimal to no food, (because you don’t have time to eat). I became a yes woman, and as a result ended up doing two roles instead of one, (go figure!..). I had to drop out of multiple uni subjects (hello extra debt), and i was gaining weight quickly due to stress. Everyone close to me didn’t quite get it, and it’s impossible to explain. The pace, expectations and level that you have to operate in, is not sustainable. I slowly began to watch people I had grown to love at work move on to other opportunities. Something in me knew that it wasn’t really making sense, BUT I had to make the most of my opportunity and get as much experience as I could. I had made the big move, I couldn’t just quit. I constantly told myself that this crazy culture was benefiting me somehow...

LESSON ONE

The right people will come into your life exactly when you need them to, trust the universe.

Just over a year in, I was still working two roles, our team was dwindling and I was in the midst of deciding if I should stick it out to two years, or quit right then and there. I was fighting to be paid fairly and i was wearing thin. When hired a new team member. Things didn’t stop, if anything they got more intense and more stressful, but I had a partner in crime. A #WORKWIFE and she taught me so much about trusting yourself, your gut and your intuition. To stand your ground, and to stick up for yourself. She’s a no bull shit kind of girl that’s not afraid to speak her mind, and little did she know, it was all this Libra needed. (Not to mention she is also a Swiftie and we struggle to find an interest we don’t have in common). Honestly, I would not have gotten through that second year without her by my side.

LESSON TWO

It’s okay to step away, to find yourself.

You will be happy to know that I am writing this from my house surrounded by boxes, yep I’m moving back home. I have a new shift, a new role and it couldn’t feel more right. When I first moved I was running away from a toxic relationship which haunted every place i visited. I knew i needed to re-group, focus on me, build a life for me, so that I could come back stronger than before. It’s okay to say no, for you. It’s okay to decline an invitation, for you. It’s okay to disappear for a while, for you.

LESSON THREE

Never give your entire self over to a business/brand that isn’t yours

As said by the incredible Alison Rice, no matter how beautiful, how much love or how much respect you have for a brand/business. You cannot in any circumstance give your entire self to them. What would happen if you placed your wellbeing at the same level as your career? Balance is key.

LESSON FOUR

#BIGREPUTATION

I was always the lovely, ever smiling, bubbly, humble, yes woman. Darling, some people are just not.good.people. They will manipulate, they will use and they will take advantage of you, over and over again. It’s hard to recognise these kinds of people at first, (It’s okay, I didn't). They hide behind a facade of compliments and lies that they use to build you up and trust them. They will act like they know everything about you and how you operate, and they aren’t scared to tell you this until you believe that they know you better than you know yourself. They will act as a guardian, a mother bird, who will always protect you. They won't. They spend their days playing their little game, perched upon their tilted stage. They will burn you at any chance they have, if it will benefit them. Do not trust these people.

But guess what? It’s okay to underline their name, you don’t have to play their game. Because you are smarter than they are. They can’t handle honesty, it’s a foreign concept to them. So darling, go around them. Strike them from behind, when they are least expecting it. You’re a snake darling, you only strike when you (or people you care about) get stepped on. It’s terrifying, but you will have the last say.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still that girl. Im still the romantic, humble and positive human that I was. I’ve just added back in my layer of self respect, self worth and trust in myself.

LESSON FIVE

Don’t regret it, every event is a lesson if you will let it be.

I have learnt so much about myself over the past two years. I trust myself and my intuition more than ever. My anxiety does not rule me or my decisions anymore. I’ve embarked upon the journey towards sitting in my true self and I can’t wait to see where this next shift takes me.

Love, Memo

#self reflection #inspiration #hermemo

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