heaven-knows-im-misserable
Life Problems
Hey, I'm Kirk. He/They. Empath. Aceflux| Demiromantic| Polyamorus|OtherKin| 25. I have anxiety, PTSD, depression, and basically I have on and off days. This is a vent blog
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I miss you, but I know the state I'm in. I know I'd only let my pain get the better of me and most times the thought of bringing you more pain from my still fucked up brain is enough for me to not talk.
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wax sears my back
blisters my skin
as I am iccarus
and I have flown too close to the sun.
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No I don't have questions for you. I. Don't. Know. How. To. React. Or. What. To. Do. Because you are a line of firsts of good when all I felt was bad before.
I love you and unhealthily built a fantasy world around you and that hurts and even tho I want to be friends still and have you in my life. It is going to hurt. For a bit. It might not be like before and I hope you are okay with that.
It may never be like before.
#a letter to someone#mmmm#emotions and feelings#eyyyy guess who got broken up with#i must state that i do agree that we might be more stable as friends#things just hurt and i have a lot of feelings#and need to retrain my brain#give it a week#or two#oh look venting on the vent blog
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I want to lay here and suffer. I want to hurt. I am in the worst headspace I could possibly be in and I want PAIN.
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:screams into pillow: why am I like this why am I like this why am I like this
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Bad thoughts time. Bad thoughts time. Bad thoughts time.
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Love of my life
Light of my days
Salt in my wounds,
There are many people
We tell ‘I love you’
And I hope I get to
Say I love you for many days to come
Platonic or otherwise.
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I use to say I don't deserve
Happiness.
Love.
Love is still questionable
But I love you
And I want to stay with you forever
If I can.
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April first
April fools.
Fools and firsts.
How I wish I was not a fool
And you were not my first.
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Can someone pay me to.. idk ? Stay alive and breathe ???
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I don't. Give a shit about ships--I do give a shit let's be honest with myself. Pedophilia is wrong, incest is wrong. Morally wrong. Socially wrong. Truamitising and the mindset of "If it isn't portrayed as an abusive relationship it isn't." Is wrong.
Look. I'm king of "Explore it. Keep it true to its nature of an unhealthy abusive relationship." ... I'm also king of unhealthy coping mechenisims, but like.
An abusive relationship is an abusive relationship even if things are good on the outside. That is the entire. Thing. With abusive relationships.
#vent#vent blog in use#oh look venting on the vent blog#something#sorry about this post i guess#i am having some strong feelings at 9 AM#i havent even gotten out of bed yet to take my meds
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forgiving isn’t always the answer. you don’t need to forgive to be able to move on.
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Regardless of what anyone might tell you, your pain is valid and you deserve to heal.
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