when ur devotion is a bottomless well and no one wants to sit in that space with u lol this is how the heart becomes a dead muscle.

woke up knee deep in grief again. do you ever catch a glimpse of what it was supposed to be like?

it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts

me: im fine

bpd: youre being abandoned

me: i sure am

writing a substack on grief and how it takes up my entire being and its killing me. to write about the most sacred thing you hold. my grief is my solitude. my home.

i guess there’s nothing left. i’m not upset

how are you feeling

are you healing

what’s it mean to be sealed to me

its so difficult to make connections w other ppl

I wish to be met with the same depth, instead of having to float to the shallow end to meet everyone. No one has met me with the same intensity and depth of soul. It hurts to know.

It is so incredibly lonely here.

sometimes it hurts like that, you know? the heartbreak of it all. the weight of grief sits heavy when the pockets of time are bottomless. where do we go from here? pain you can't quantify. where do you put it

the light has gone from my life

in rock bottoms basement tonight. I remember the sinking of it all. I was describing the anchor. I remember the save point. The pockets of grief are filled with sand and photos of you. How long until we get there? I’m still spiralling, but i’ll let you know. I’ll wait a millennium. i’ll wait that, tenfold.

How long until it all falls apart again?

you bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed

every page of This is How You Lose the Time War drives me Insane

the only question you’ve gotta be asking yourself right now: do you really care what these sicko fucks think about your leap of faith?

i love you so much that it hurts my head