What your favourite Witcher ship says about you - non-Geralt edition
(Geralt ships here)
Triss/Yennefer: you think that the perfect solution to a love triangle is to ignore the axis.
Dandelion/Yennefer: you believe in the inherent eroticism of stealing someone's girl.
Dandelion/Priscilla: you think that there's nothing more romantic than belting out horribly off-key duets with your spouse at three in the morning.
Dandelion/Zoltan: your ideal date involves wacky hijinks after which hilarity ensues.
Triss/Eskel: you noticed that Geralt has Yennefer, Lambert has Keira, and didn't want these two to be left out.
Lambert/Keira: you want a girlfriend who's smarter than you.
Lambert/Aiden: you just want good things for Lambert. Press F to pay respects.
Shani/Vlodimir: your ideal relationship dynamic is "a woman and her dumbass himbo with respect women juice flowing through his veins."
Dettlaff/Syanna: you think that Syanna did nothing wrong.
Dettlaff/Regis: you think that Syanna did everything wrong.
Syanna/Orianna: you want a girlfriend who will step on you.
Orianna/Queen of the Night: you want a girlfriend who will first step on you and then drain you until you're looking like an empty Capri Sun pouch.
Duny/Pavetta: your favourite movie is "Beauty and the Beast." Also, press F to pay respects.
Iorveth/Roche: when you're scrolling through AO3 and see a 150k fic tagged "slow burn" and "enemies to lovers" your eyes go wide because you know what you're gonna be doing until 3am that night.
Iorveth/Ciaran: you just want good things for Ciaran. Like if you cry every time.
Iorveth/Saskia: you don't understand why only bards are allowed to be horny dragonfuckers. Don't rangers deserve a flamin' hot dragon gf too?
Emhyr/Radovid: you believe that a lot of problems could've been avoided if the two of them had some good, old-fashioned hate sex.
Emhyr/Mererid: your favourite relationship dynamic is "uptight boss and exasperated employee who's actually the only thread keeping the company together."
Emhyr/Yennefer: you headcanon Emhyr to be a sub.
Ciri/Mistle: you're still crying after finishing the books, aren't you?
Ciri/Cerys: you want a girlfriend who can not only kick your ass but will do so upon request.
Ciri/Skjall: you want a girlfriend who can kick your ass, but you're also heterosexual.
Ciri/Yoana: I can't tell for sure if you're a lesbian, but you definitely want a girlfriend who can bench press you.
Ciri/Shani: you hypothetically want a girlfriend who can kick your ass, but like realistically, you just want to be bridal carried.
Ciri/Cahir: you have a crippling addiction to boys who only look like they're evil and scary, but in reality are sweet and awkward and only a little traumatised.
Ciri/Avallac'h: you like the idea of a student/teacher crush, but you aren't like, weird about it.
Ciri/Eredin: you're horny for Eredin and also believe in the inherent eroticism of wanting to kill each other.
Djikstra/Philippa: your ideal relationship dynamic isn't as much as a "bickering married couple" but more of a waspy kind of couple where both parties kinda resent each other and no-one ever talks about their feelings.
Barnabas-Basil/Marlene: your ideal relationship dynamic is "team mom" and "team dad."
Anna Henrietta: I beg your pardon. Dettlaff, who sat at the table with me, who told me stories of Nazair is the Beast of Beauclair. A vampire right under Our nose. Is there something else you’ve neglected to tell me? A dragon sitting on top of Mount Gorgon?! Is anyone else here a vampire??