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empressxyzqueen
~EmpressXYZ~
twistednoisymind
TWISTED NOISY MIND
maryspear
Mary Spear
naqaalruh
استغفرالله الحي القيوم واتوب إليه
gilgameshxendkidu
Love can peirce the veil of death
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breathe
I can't begin to comprehend how to pull oxygen into my lungs. they fill with water and my tears. I'm dropping to the bottom of the ocean, surrounded by my own devotion and lack thereof. I want to see and feel but all my nerves are severed. my brain is unbalanced and I am nauseous, constantly surrounded by my own grief and vexed with the pain of others. I feel too much yet I can't feel anything at all.
my mother is the sea and my god is the moon. I pray to both yet I can never find salvation.
I keep praying.
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autumn
autumn is new beginnings and an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia.
she's a warm hug and a familiar glance, a welcoming embrace.
she brings fear too, she brings my 7 year old self, terrified, always nervous for everything.
she brings back my 12 year old self, who always doubted herself and yearned for change.
but she also brings my 19 year old self who started to see love in everything.
she brings my 20 year old self too, who started to believe in herself even when it was hard and cruel and life was unkind.
autumn brings me everything - everything I was, am, and ever will be.
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often I can feel myself drifting between my multiple consciousnesses and I can't recognize myself in the mirror, but I never did to being with.
I wish there was some solace in feeling this way but I can't tell if this is normal or if there is something wrong with me.
am I yearning? or healing? is being aware of this helping me overcome it or am I just trapping myself even further?
I can only hope for better days and better feelings.
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