no one actually gives a fuck unless you’re skinny, pretty or dead

I'm so done with life, what's the point in living, you wake up every day just to work so u can survive and repeat every fucking day.... I'm tired of it all, feels like i don't make any progress, my life is just a string of bad decisions and failiures at this point, everything is out of my control, even the things that r in my control i can't fucking seem to control....

Everywhere I go someone has something to say about my weight. I’ll make sure they keep saying that, except this time around it’ll be about how thin I’ve gotten.

Hiii, idk how active I'll be bc I'm really busy but I'm back ig.

Anyway i need to rant and i need to get back to losing weight quickly bc i can't take this shit anymore so that's why I'm back.

Basically, my "friend" wants to take away a guy i have a crush on, I'm like really really pissed off and sad and i fucking hate that bitch.... She's so fucking toxic i literally don't want her in my life anymore, she drains my energy. And she's spoiled as fuck, she's used to getting everything she wants and i think a big reason for that is because she's pretty and has a great body. I fucking hate that everyone (including myself) is that superficial.... Anywayyyyy i can't take her dating him i just can't 😭😭😭😭 he's so interesting and smart and she's so dull of a person, only thing she has going for her is the fact she's gorgeous. And if she manages to get him to date her I'm gonna be crushed 😔 i literally can't let that happen I'm in love with the guy so yeah I'm stopping eating right now so i can at least be skinny....

Hey I'm sorry i haven't been active in the past few days I'm currently really busy so i haven't had time, I'll be back but idk when, myb in a week, that's also why i didn't check and respond to messages sorry guys

Day 9: Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

Yeah, my mom mostly, also some friends/aquatints but ik they were joking and didn't mean anything bad by that so idk if I'm mad about those comments or not

I got the stomach flu. I mean it sucks bc i feel really sick but I'm also happy about it bc i have an excuse to not eat for at least a day and since my diet hasn't been going that well the past few days this is great

Day 8: Your workout routine?

Lol i don't really have a routine, I'm kinda lazy, i guess i walk quite a bit and I try to do a 10 minute workout once a week, idk I should really try to move more but i don't think about it much, sometimes a thought goes through my head like "i should work out" but then i just don't :`)

Anyway this got me thinking i really should work out more so I'm gonna start doing at least 10 minutes of strength workouts every day

Right so, i came back home because college ended the other day and I've been eating too much because i hate my family and they are stressing me out and they won't leave me alone for 5 minutes and they keep entering my room and talk really loudly and I'm just trying to starve myself in peace but there's no peace😭 i just wanna be left alone am i asking for too much lmao

Day 7: Do your parents know you are trying to lose weight? Do they care?

I'm pretty sure they have no idea, if they did know I'm sure my mom would care (she did in the past) because she likes controlling me.

So yeah i won't be telling them anything ever and there's no way they'll figure it out 'cause I'm an excellent liar

Hey, I'm looking for new people to follow and I'd like to find blogs that are similar to me so reblog if you meet most of the following points:

Age 18+ (requirement)

Female

Starting BMI in the high end of the 'healthy' cathegory or in the 'overweight' category

Current BMI somewhere around the mid or high end of the 'healthy' category

UGW isn't extremely low

Supportive of LGBTQ, not racist, not sexist towards either gender, etc. (Basically not a piece of shit- requirement)

i want to be 90s/2000s skinny

My mom is dumb

Keep in mind I'm almost 20 yo and she's treating me like a kid

Mom: "OMG why are you eating so much"

I ate two vegan "steaks" they were 250 kcals each ... It's the only thing i ate the whole day

And then when i don't eat anything my mom says "i didn't see you eat today, are you anorexic"

And then when i eat chips she's like "eat some vegetables" and then when i eat only vegetables the whole day she says "what are you doing why don't you wanna eat any junk food, you're being too healthy" BITCH WHAT

And then she asks me how much i weigh and i tell her (IT'S A NORMAL WEIGHT FOR MY HEIGHT BTW) and she says "Omg you weigh so much! Don't tell that to anyone it's embarrassing" and she also tells me "no you can't wear a dress you legs are too "strong" "

And then when i tell her I'm on a diet she says "no you're too skinny don't lose weight"

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME JUST LET ME BE PLEASE🥺 I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE OUT I HATE HER

PARENTS PLEASE DON'T FUCKING COMMENT ON YOUR KIDS' EATING HABBITS AND BODY SIZE. It's literally no wonder so many people have Ed's if other parents are like this too.

Day 6: Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.

I'm actually not sure if what i do is a real binge but i think it is. Anyway yeah i got to my highest weight by binging like 50% of days, now it's more like starving with an occasional binge but with a lot less calories then i used to do it with.

I think the only reason i binge/eat at all is BOREDOM. Like i just get really bored a lot and have nothing to do and food just raises my dopamine levels and sorta gives me a temporary escape from reality and the feeling of boredom, that's why it's so hard to stop eating once i start, it's a lot easier to just not eat anything then to eat a small amount of something. But yeah I'm gonna try to keep myself busier so i wouldn't be tempted to eat, I'm hopefully gonna find a job soon so that's gonna be a huge distraction.

Someone literally just told me "your thighs are too thick" ...... Yeah thank you so much i never would of noticed if you hadn't pointed it out. Like bitch I'm already starving myself i can't do it any faster 😭

But yeah anyway i don't know why people think it's okay to comment on somebody's body especially when they are bigger than you!?

bitches be like “let me be as self destructive as possible so someone will notice im suffering but as soon as they point it out i insist im fine” im bitches

Day 5: why do you really want to lose weight? Are you doing it for you?

Many reasons and one of them is for me, aka i don't wanna be disgusted every time i look in the mirror and i wanna be able to wear whatever the hell i want, i do partly care what others think as well but i mostly don't wear what i want because I feel disgusting in it and i don't wanna look at it, so yeah i just wanna feel comfortable in my own skin.

Another kinda silly reason is that i don't wanna feel so hot during summer and don't wanna sweat so much. There's a huge heat wave here and we don't have air conditioning at home and I have a low tolerance for heat ugh.

Another reason is to be respected more i guess. Like it or not we live in a very appearance focused society and there is pretty privilege and thin privilege, i hate that people are so superficial but hey i can't change the way everyone thinks so I'm just gonna adapt to it and use it. People listen to you and respect your opinion more if you're skinny, also they have a better opinion of you the better you look so I'm not just gonna sit here being angry at the world for being superficial lol that's pointless, I'm gonna use it to my advantage.

There are more reasons but i don't wanna make the post too long so I'll just stop there since it covers the main points.