gumbofu
whales rule
hi i'm kristen and i like playing nancy drew pc games
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Hey guys! I made an aesthetic post for Midnight in Salem!
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First moodboard of hopefully many??? Feel free to suggest characters!
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i mean i thought katie would be a top but okay i’m down
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Proof that Nancy Drew is a Lesbian
A Case Study by Me
98% of her meaningful relationships are w women
Horse Girl™
literally only wears mom jeans
constantly running off to save beautiful young ladies
irresistible to men - loves turning them down
semi-related: she basically always forgets abt ned’s existence unless asserting her heterosexuality (or if she needs him to commit a crime for her lmao)
hates brady armstrong
loves antiques
makes BAD jokes
CAN’T DRIVE (someone pls take her license away!!!)
that saw pic that shows us that she wears headbands? obviously gay
can time travel
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Every Nancy Drew game puzzle-leaver ranked from worst to best.
I was thinking about the ranking of ND suspects by @aniceworld (if you haven’t seen it then go check it out because it’s the best) and felt inspired to do something similar.
Methodology: I included characters who left us puzzles to solve. I judged STFD, CRE, VEN, TOT, and ASH as not having characters who met those criteria. CAR was the only game with two. I lumped all the Penvellyns together because ain’t nobody got time for that. If I forgot anyone, let me know. All rankings are personal taste.
28. J.J. Thompson (FIN)
Does he count? Between fucking over Louisa Falcone and betting against Harry Houdini pulling off a trick, ol’ J.J. just can’t overcome his P.T.-Barnum-knockoff origin story.
27. ??? (CAP)
To be honest, I spent this whole game trying to figure out how I could break up with Ned and ask Frank out, so I don’t remember who put the puzzles here. They were stupid, though.
26. Ezra Wickford (TRT)
You can’t just adopt a kid and then disown him if he has behavioral problems. And I frankly don’t believe your claim that you invented chocolate milk. Enjoy your hidden sadness shrines, you sack of shit.
25. Lizzie Applegate (MHM)
I guess I’m just not sure why she left the treasure in the floor instead of using it at any point. Sorry your outlaw husband ditched you, though. Dirk Valentine would never do a thing like that.
24. Trapper Dan (ICE)
Apparently Lizzie Applegate is the one who told Dan to riddle the Lodge with puzzles: a pointless callback in an overwhelmingly frustrating game.
23. El Toro (RAN)
The hourglass puzzle makes me cry, but he deliberately died in a ridiculous position so his corpse could trigger a booby trap, which I respect.
22. King Pacal (SSH)
The scribe’s desiccated corpse has haunted my dreams for years, so while I appreciate Pacal’s level of loopholed pettiness, I hate him.
21. Ramses II (TMB)
I’m not particularly impressed by anything Ramses set up to guard Nefertari’s tomb, but at least his actions were justified in-character, and I minored in classical civilizations so he gets an automatic bonus for Ancient Egypt.
20. Rita Hallowell (WAC)
Her motivations are unclear at best, but she gains rank for clearly being an emo lesbian cat lady.
19. Kasumi Shimizu (SAW)
Maybe just tell your daughters that they can leave the family business instead of making them solve a nonogram to find out. No wonder your family fell apart.
18. Kate Drew (SPY)
Many parts of this game are beautifully, emotionally moving, but up until the new engine fuckery, Nancy’s mom being a spy was the dumbest idea HER has had since RAN.
17. Rolfe Kessler (CAR)
I’m sorry that neither your wife nor your era could handle your mental illness.
16. The Forgery Ring (LIE)
I love the culprit in this game, but everyone’s first clue that they weren’t a real theater troupe should’ve been their requirement to solve complex puzzles to do a goddamn set change. Hire a prop manager to keep all those dumb pieces in order.
15. Charlotte Thornton (GTH)
The audacity of entrusting a vital clue to finding her will to an approximately five-year-old child just proves that Charlotte was not fit to run the family business. It’s hard to like her when all she does is murder me while I am actively avenging her.
14. Jin Soo Seung (MED)
I don’t know how or why Sonny’s grandpa hid these artifact pieces all over this specific area of New Zealand. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who loves Sonny Joon enough to put up with a fair amount of bullshit.
13. Captain Lawrence (SEA)
Like the Penvellyns, it is amazing that his treasure-hiding gambit was even marginally successful. However, that skeleton hands post helps him skate all the way to spot #13 on my list.
12. Brendan Malloy (HAU)
His double-agent scientist backstory is the only redeeming thing about this absurd game.
11. Noisette Tornade (DAN)
Great name, cool job, noble deeds, but did you need to lock me in the basement after I went to all the trouble of solving your encrypted clues?
10. Jake Rogers (SCK)
Jake Rogers decided to be a blackmail kingpin at the age of 17. Minus points for being skeevy about Connie (her secret is that she can beat the shit out of you, dude, please have more foresight), props for sheer ballsiness. Is he the one who left all the weird rhyming clues everywhere in SCK1? Because if so he would shoot up at least five spots.
9. Penvellyn Family (CUR)
Props for dedicating their lives to continuing this convoluted, pointless gambit. It’s just impressive none of them fucked it up over the last few centuries. However: if the point was for your family members to solve an elaborate series of puzzles to find the treasure, why trap them in a box to suffocate at the end?
8. Darryl Trent (CAR)
He clearly made a lot of poor decisions in his life, but leaving his daughter a baffling robot to remember him by makes up for most of them.
7. Jake Hurley (TRN)
I need a private sadness train with a mystical gemstone contraption, like, yesterday.
6. Bruno Bolet (CRY)
What a fucking weirdo. If it weren’t for the crystal skull thing he might rank higher, because all of his other obsessions are positively delightful.
5. Josiah Crowley (CLK)
I have a bunch of nerdy internet friends who use nicknames for each other, so I appreciate his group of radio Mechanicals. Also disguising yourself in drag to mess with your friends and neighbors is hilarious. Truly a man ahead of his time.
4. Niko Jovic (DED)
Turns out that he was kind of an asshole, but I’ve got to love him for the steampunk lair he built under a privately-owned facility.
3. Dirk Valentine (SHA)
If I were Frances Humber, I would’ve left Shadow Ranch the day after I met Dirk and had like eleven outlaw babies with this king of romance.
2. Hilda Swenson (DDI)
When I’m a bored widow, I hope I become so disillusioned with the rest of the world that I fuck off and force anyone who wants to talk to me to solve a bunch of puzzles I scattered around my old town.
1. Mickey Malone (DOG)
All I aspire to be is a 1920s gangster who owns a private speakeasy under my cabin in the woods and hangs out with my four giant dogs whom I adore.
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knowing that this entire game is all just one big extended flashback before nancy dies makes the bit where i dressed up in a clown costume and then went to the bathroom 26 times in a row seem a lot weirder
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Conversation
psychic: i am now going to read your mind
my mind: Welcome to the automated directory for Sognitrico.
At any time you may press 0 to return to the previous menu.
For personnel, press 1. For store locations, press 2. For communications, press 3.
*1*
For Signore Dottore, president, Press 1.
For Signore Capitano, Communication, press 2.
For Signore Arlecchino, Shipping and Receiving, press 3.
For Signore Scaramuccia, Security, press 4.
For Signore Brighella, Acquisitions, press 5.
*0, 2*
For HQ, Press 1.
For our safe and secure store, press 2.
For our list of acquisition partners, Press 3.
For our presidential suites, Press 4.
For our propane storage, press 5.
For all other locations, press 6.
*0, 3*
For presidential communications, press 1.
For acquisitions, press 2.
For security communications, Press 3.
For shipping and receiving communications, press 4.
psychic: wtf
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popping open a cold one (grape grape orange cool) with the boys (hall monitor connie watson)
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hey, just so everyone knows, this is the worst thing ive ever done in my life
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You’ve heard of it’s locked, now get ready for...
It’s blocked
It’s chalked
It’s clocked
It’s crocked
It’s docked
It’s flocked
It’s gawked
It’s jocked
It’s knocked
It’s mocked
Ist nacht
It’s oct
It’s rocked
It’s shocked
It’s smocked
It’s socked
It’s squawked
It’s stalked
It’s stocked
It’s talked
It’s walked
It’s Xoc’ed
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Okay, So someone has probably done this already but I was curious and wanted to throw it together myself. This here is a list of all the Nancy Drew games and the crimes initially investigated in them. Italicized means Nancy discovered/was informed about this crime after she arrived at her destination, or the crime happened after the start of the game. No, I didn’t take this seriously.
Secrets Can Kill | Murder
Stay Tuned for Danger | Death Threats
Message in a Haunted Mansion | Various Accidents
Treasure in the Royal Tower | Vandalism
The Final Scene | Kidnapping
Secret of the Scarlet Hand | Theft
Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake | Malicious Dogs
The Haunted Carousel | Theft/Accident/Haunted Carousel (SHOCKING)
Danger on Deception Island | Vandalism
The Secret of Shadow Ranch | Ghost Horse/Accidents
Curse of Blackmoor Manor | Temper Tantrums
Secret of the Old Clock | Theft
Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon | Missing Person
Danger by Design | Tempter Tantrums
The Creature of Kapu Cave | Vandalism
The White Wolf of Icicle Creek | Various Accidents
Legend of the Crystal Skull | Skeleton Man Sighting
The Phantom of Venice | Thefts
The Haunting of Castle Malloy | Missing Person/Old Lady Sighting
Ransom of the Seven Ships | Kidnapping
Warnings at Waverly Academy | Various Accidents
Trail of the Twister | Various Accidents
Shadow at the Water’s Edge | Paranormal Activity
The Captive Curse | Monster Sightings
Alibi in Ashes | Arson
Tomb of the Lost Queen | Assault
The Deadly Device | Murder
Ghost of Thornton Hall | Missing Person
The Silent Spy | Mommy Issues
The Shattered Medallion | ??????????
Labyrinth of Lies | Thefts
Sea of Darkness | Missing Person
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Honestly if I could have Nancy’s life of just traveling and working internships for all of my 20s with no real job or direction but a lot of adventure I’d be so, so happy
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