my memory is getting worse day by day. i cannot remember faces, names, memories i've shared with my loved ones. it's been a bit taxing lately. i feel like the ones around me are also exasperated with my declining memory power. but if i do not routinely cleanse my memories, i'll be more miserable than i already am. i do not want to remember my past, my trauma, my wounds. it was to be expected, i suppose, that my good memories have started to recede to the forgotten corners of my mind as well. i have chosen that trade off, because i want to be happy someday. without my shackles binding me, i want to dream of a future filled with happiness.

ace, law, sanji, kuma, and worth

reading one piece has left me more miserable and somehow simultaneously more happier. i crave love so desperately. it feels intangible, like its far out of my reach. seeing one piece characters find their peace and their purpose is equal part cathartic and equal part devastating. i hope i am able to find a family, a community, where i do not have to doubt my being. where i can carry my heart in my hands, in my throat, and not fear it shattering.

us three

when things feel like they're slipping away between the webs of my fingers, there is a little place that serves delicious tea. they hold my hands for me and in that small moment, it's a little easier to breathe.