my special little giraffe

Do you think you can outstyle this guy. Do you

Land cryptids: We think it was probably a wolf with mange.

Sea cryptids: So it turns out there really is a creature of the abyss with glowing skin and fifty-foot barbed tentacles that somehow evaded reliable documentation for several thousand years, but we're going to act like these two cases are equivalent because anecdotal descriptions of its appearance have historically been somewhat inaccurate.

[sidles up to you in a dark parking lot]

Hey. Do you want elbow patches. Yeah I noticed the elbows of your sweater are worn through, I can fix that for you. I got tapestry yarn, loads of it, all different colours. Price? Depends on what you're offering. Homemade cookies? Yeah, I can work with that. Bring 'em tomorrow, same time, same place. Love you too, man. Love you too.

sorry for finding it hot when people's hair goes grey. as if im wrong

everyone keeps warning lancelot about the sword bridge. for 80 pages everyone he meets tells him hey lancelot look out, you’re going to have to cross the sword bridge. and it’s like oh, what’s this gonna be? what’s he going to have to face when he gets to the sword bridge? what’s the challenge? and he gets there and it’s just a really long sword. serving as a bridge.

Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting.

Why does basil smell so fucking amazing

Aaaaah no this is actually so exciting because! I'm in Two Gentlemen of Verona right now and one of the other characters uses this expression and I've been puzzling over it because what?? but did not expect to find the answer randomly on tumblr. This is the highlight of my day.

was just once again delighted by a Middle English man being described as "fish-hole" (= fish-whole; healthy as a fish), and I think we need to bring this turn of phrase back. "Look at that guy over there, flopping and wriggling around and gasping for air. Fit as a fish!!" Do you understand my vision

my favorite personal dragon headcanon is that like birds they also can't see glass, but it just isn't an issue for them

What always gets me about learning about settler colonialism is how once you learn about it you cannot unsee the violence to the land itself. My home state was previously nearly 100% wetlands, apart of the wider Ohio river valley whose biodiversity supported such large populations of hundreds of different species that many contemporary source from settlers describe it as like the garden of Eden.

The Indigenous people who farmed and hunted here (and still farm and hunt in what land they have been able to keep and reclaim) were able to grow miles of upon miles of crops with multiple harvests a year, encouraging this biodiversity by creating forest gardens with incredible amounts of food from staples like corn and squash to local fruits like pawpaws to European imports like apples alongside controlled burns which allowed fields and buffalo ranges to expand.

Nowadays my state is known almost exclusively for its fields of nothing but corn and soy beans. Driving through in between the comparatively small cities you'll see nothing but fields where the plethora of different trees and plants were chopped down mile by mile, the remaining wetlands drained and flattened, and the rich black soils robbed of their nutrients through decades upon decades of monocrop agriculture now preserved through the life blood of petrochemical fertilizers which destroy the surrounding environment.

This process was done mile by mile as the tens of thousands of Indigenous people were killed and displaced by settlers and the US army, the land measured and sold acre by acre to white settlers who raped the land as described, filling the pockets of wealthy land speculators (like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson) who bought the land directly from the government in schemes so corrupt historians have dedicated entire careers to mapping out their dramas.

It's like learning about commodity fetishism and suddenly seeing hundreds of strangers in the products that surround you. Once you learn how the land was destroyed for profit you'll never look at the miles of fields or the cracks in the concrete of buildings built on wetlands or the stench of now obsolete canals built solely for a once boat-dependent economy with no care for the environment the same.

your boyfriend looks easy as fuck to parry

Also I'm continually surprised at how often life does in fact happen that way?

People do act incredibly stupidly and dig themselves into plotholes, things do break down at the most hilarious moment possible, crucial miscommunication happens all the time, real injuries and illnesses often just straight-up ignore the textbook, weather and backdrops just happen to sync perfectly or ironically with events, and sometimes someone even breaks into song in the middle of a very real street (because I know this is partly about musicals).

The aesthetic thing is absolutely true. And real life is way less realistic than we often assume.

"why doesn't this thing in a movie/book/tv show happen exactly like it would in real life" is the most brain dead criticism the internet has to offer, and yet I see it EVERYWHERE.

My FB feed is pretty good tonight

one thing about me is that i'm an avid kay defender. my man did nothing wrong other than be written by a french guy who preferred his own ocs to an hrb original and i stand by that

I figured the Jolene loving site needed to see this

enough of pronouns. what are your adverbs