Joey's Nephew from Brooklyn

Rambling on as he prepares a snack…

“It says… Bake for ten minutes in a conventional oven. A conventional oven? How am I supposed to tell if the oven is conventional? Is there a difference between conventional and unconventional that I am not aware of? Will this adversely affect the chicken I am baking? It should say bake ya’ chicken in tha’ oven fuh’ ten minutes. What’s all this noise about picking out an oven? Can I be looked down upon fuh’ baking mine wit’ unconventional cooking methods? Lord help us all….!! St. Peter…??? Hey Joey… What IS an unconventional oven? Does that mean they don’t want to put my picture in the pape’ if I decide ta’ bake my chicken there? I wish it wasn’t so confusin’!” (smiles with bravado after the obvious sarcasm)

New Years Eve

This is the last holiday episode that I am writing for the first season and I am writing it after I wrote the Valentine’s Day episode. Joey and Angelina Jolie are each others New Years kiss and this date will of course lead them into the Valentine’s Day holiday episode and ultimately to the end of the season when Joey will ask Angelina to marry him. Right now I have her saying no and the whole thing is to be continued until next season and in the first episode she leaves for good, thus opening the door for Joey to be single again and have a romantic interest in Christie Brinkley. This is rather gut-wrenching because the point of the Joey and Angelina relationship is it being the perfect courtship. She ends up getting cold feet and leaving New York. Chandler has his office crush along for the party, but they have to be on the down-low so that neither loses their job. It is definately more of the same gut-wrenching relationship stuff realizing Chandler’s relationship is clearly doomed as well! At least Rachel and Monica can be each others dates and we can see what it is like having a still single-and-looking Rachel Green going into the New Year. Wake up and smell the optimism!

Ross has a positive light to shine with his paleontology as he teaches a class for children at the museum. I want to tease the idea of Ross seeking a career change, yet have him be such a necessary component at his own job that changing careers never really makes complete and total sense to him. Phoebe's career and Phoebe as a career-person is as interesting as Ross is to me and when I go back to the start of the season to fill in sub-plots, both of their jobs will be subjects.

Leading Lady (Thanksgiving Episode)

Angelina reads Joey his latest reviews and Rachel begins to have mixed feelings in the good direction about Ross. Phoebe’s second cousins are in town for Thanksgiving and Rachel is waitressing at Central Perk, so she gets to know them and is touched by their charm. Before company arrives on the holiday, Rachel spends quality time with Judy and Jack, while Monica runs around with Ross preparing the food. Chandler’s secretary has a crush on him….

The Bachelorette

In a fantasy episode, Rachel is everybody’s most eligible bridal package as a contestant on the television show The Bachelorette. Monica and Phoebe are over-zealous entertainment reporters from the all-entertainment news network Extra, and they break down the action from the episodes that Rachel is starring in by way of gaudy E! News -ish reporting. Chandler is also a network reporter, playing the role of Ken Baker, and delivering opinions and also pitching in on an Exclusive interview by Monica. Filmed part in a grainy, black&white, 8mm setup and part in a lo-fi cablevision news-exec fantasy (Monica is very “Scagnetti On Scagnetti” with her entertainment reporting - re: 1994’s Natural Born Killers the corridor scene is set at a television studio instead of a jail with Monica getting a tough-talking yet highly laughable briefing about television from Sean Penn), and introducing Joey as a surprise contestant, however he is playing “himself” without prior context from the show. Barry Farber and Ross are also playing bachelors for Rachel to figure things out with.

Valentine's Day

Romance is in the air as Joey’s special night with Angelina Jolie goes absolutely perfect. He went with the most impressive gifts for his date and the stunning lady was treated to a candlelight dinner. Their night ends up at home with more mood lighting and wine before the romance leads to the bedroom. Chandler is out past closing time with Monica and Phoebe, but their night started at the Brian Setzer show, where they sat in a booth with Ross. Chandler and Ross have fun with the girls and after the show Ross goes home while the others go get waffles. The chemistry is correct for a mutual attraction between Chandler and Monica based on Chandler’s manners and humor, and also from earlier when he was hanging out with Ross at Brian Setzer because they were having fun and being charming, yet everything is still staying platonic between Bing and Monica. Rachel has a date with the on-again/off-again Bobby and also runs into Dave at the convenient mart.

By The Time We Got To Woodstock

Phoebe invites Gunther to come along to the music fest with Joey, Rachel, Chandler, and herself. Gunther fits right in with the electric music and steals the show with his hat and bright colored sunglasses. Joey and Rachel fit right in with their sunnies and Chandler is sporting a hip-hop tracksuit. Phoebs decides to leave for the next show with her look-alike gypsy friends at the end instead of leaving with the group, and the vibe is right for Gunther and his new friends (that he met at the show) to keep the party going elsewhere…. (remember he speaks Dutch) The other story is that Ross and Monica go camping with Jack and Judy. Jack calls Ross incompetent and thinks Monica can’t keep up because she is a female. Side jokes from the concert are people getting it on in the bathroom while Joey waits in line, Rachel getting offered drugs out in the crowd, Chandler doesn’t REALLY “dance like this” as he shows off some of his better moves, and Phoebe has some seriously Pagen friends. At the cabin with the Geller’s it ends up going pretty even-steven with Ross and Monica as everybody pulls their own weight for the rest of the weekend trip.

Rachel Green's Latte

Rachel has a new boyfriend, Bob. Bob is a Mets fan and a firefighter who has family in Long Island. He works in Staten Island. In a twist, Bob is also “Bobby,” Chandler’s boyhood acquaintance who induces an old memory. Joey is getting more serious in a relationship and Ross considers a career change.

Rachel and Bobby are at a bar in Staten Island with loud blues music and the place is packed. It is hardly romantic. The cocktail waitress is impatient as they try to order over the noise. Bobby - TWO! No listen to me a beer for her an’ me both. I’ll tip you when you get back. The waitress leaves. Rachel - Are you sure this is alright? Bobby - Yeah we’re fine. The next camera shot is a quick beer order with no dialogue. The waitress comes by and Bobby gets the second round of drinks again with no dialogue. The third round of beers follows in the same fashion…. Somebody from the crowd stumbles by the table and through the camera shot. He is highly intoxicated and a beer bottle flys by at him after he passes out of view. Rachel jumps as she is startled. Joey and Ross are in Ross’s kitchen. Ross is at the table with his bi-focals and laptop and Joey is sitting on the counter. Joey - It’s serious. I started shopping for rings and I liked it. In fact I’m totally into it. I have all the perfect ideas for how this all can work out. Ross - Whoa there slow them puppies down. Don’t you at least want to try and get through the holidays together first, and well, I don’t know… maybe then move in together and see if you two are really that compatable? Tieing the knot is a big step. Joey - Ross. Tieing the knot? C'mon. Ross - Well… Listen. (removes eyeglasses) They say that June weddings are sacred or something like that. If you get married in June things are likely to work out or things are more mystical or something. Get married in June not January is what it is. Joey - April showers do in fact bring May flowers. Ross - Yeah, okay just tell Angelina that I’m getting Knicks tickets. I don’t really count on the whole modern married thing anymore. Joey - Gee thanks.

Love Boat

Jack Geller finances a cruise to celebrate an anniversary.

Inside the Casino. Ross and Joey are at the Roulette game and begin talking after Joey places a bet on “21”, and the wheel begins to spin.

Joey - (inquisitively) Do you double down on an eleven? Ross - Yes Joey - You sure? Ross - Positive. You see the Vince Vaughn movie? Double down on an eleven. He had a six and five of hearts and doubled down. Joey - Didn’t he lose? Ross - (surprised laugh then delivers the line) Thats right. My bad.

The Roulette wheel stops on twenty one and the number is called out. Joey and Ross look excitedly at each other and Joey throws his hands up in the air as a winner.

Longshot

First Scene Inside Central Perk…

Rachel enters the coffee shop and passes by Joey on the couch with some headphones on and Chandler on a chair with a newspaper. The camera pans with Rachel until the couch is fully visable and then it stops to show Joey grooving to the music and Chandler becoming distracted by the excitement. Rachel re-enters and sits down. Joey - (pulls headphones down and very monotone) Hey Rach. Chandler - ( bursts animated with excitement ) Oh I’ll say it already… Joey thinks you think you are too good for us as neighbors. Joey - (nods in agreement) Rachel - (surprised emotions all the way) Let me guess… See.. I know you think I was just blowing you both off, but where should I start…

Flashback Scene Inside Rachels apartment. Loud knocking. 10:00am Dave, who Rachel met two years ago, saw last night at a wild Mexican bar, got really drunk with and invited over to sleep with…. is in her room still, and they were both still sleeping it off before the knocking. Monica is at the door with Ross on the phone and Chandler is at the door claiming Joey needs Rachel to come next door.

Dave - Who is Ross? Rachel - My ex. Monica - (through closed bedroom door) Rachel… Ross is on the phone! Rachel- We’re on a break! (screams at Monica and turns to Dave) We’re on a break.

Monica - (pokes head in after Rachel gets to door) Rachel… Ross needs to talk and Chandler says Joey is stressed about something.

Rachel - Oh Mon. Tell Ross we are still on a break and that I am NOT presently here, and tell Chandler to tell Joey it’s at least $50/hr for those kinda talks.

Back to the coffee shop. Ross passes through and says hey to the guys but passes by Rachel and she turns her head away. Ross re-enters the scene Chandler - Hey Ross. Ross - Hey Chandler. (looks at Rachel) Rachel. Rachel - Ross Joey has put his headphones back on and is getting animated with the song. He is startled as all three of the others are paused and looking at him. Joey - Oh whatever Ross… Rachel doesn’t have time for her real friends anymore. Rachel’s face looks surprised as she turns into Chandler’s direction and Chandler exaggeratingly shruggs his shoulders and flaps his arms around to indicate that he agrees with Joey. Camera pans out and Phoebe comes wildly rushing in and nudges between Rachel and Joey on the couch. Phoebe - (wildly and then calmer but dramatic) Hi everybody! Hi Rachel. Hi Joey. Hi Chandler. Hi Ross. (greeting all from the middle of the couch) Nobody says anything as they appear to be shocked from the wild entrance. Phoebe - Well don’t everybody talk at once… Ross first - Hi Phoebs Joey - Hi Phoebe Chandler looks at Phoebe with a sarcastic look implying he is puzzled and Rachel smiles and shys away. Phoebe - Oh. (clears her throat loudly and continues) I can only stay briefly because I just have an announcement. Party next weekend. You are all coming. Monica is coming. I am coming. Party next weekend. It is at Happy’s House in Hoboken. Chandler - (excitedly with Joey) Happy’s in Hoboken! Rachel - Yay! Happy’s! Phoebe - Uh Huh! Happy’s it is and it is on! Okay I gotta go. Everybody be ready and be there dressed to thrill! I am outta here! Rachel - Bye Phoebe! Joey - ( motions goodbye as the door closes behind her) Phoebs. Chandler - (grins at Rachel) Well. Rachel - What? Chandler - At least Phoebe knows who her real friends are. Next weekend point of view of Ross driving Joey in front with Monica on the left in back Rachel middle and Chandler on the left…. Ross - How far to Hoboken, Joey? Rachel- (to Monica) I hate it when men drive. He doesn’t even know where we are! Joey - Well well Rossie boy… (looking at the map) We are over half way there! Chandler - Did you hear that!?! Rachel- What? The car bounces up and down as a tire has gone flat and the drive ends on the side of the road. Chandler - That. Did you hear that? Outside of the car Joey and Ross are at an open trunk. Inside Rachel is talking with Monica and Chandler. Ross - (digging around in the trunk) You know… it’s gotta be in here. (pulls out a tire wrench and almost hits Joey as he loses balance coming up from the trunk) Joey - (dodges Ross’s clumbsy move) Whoa! Careful! Rachel - You know… maybe I should have just stayed home and called Dave. Chandler - Who is Dave? Rachel - Nevermind. Chandler - Nevermind? You can say nevermind! You can’t just bring somebody up out of nowhere that I don’t recognize and then just say….. Rachel - (interrupts) Nevermind? I can’t just say nevermind? Monica - (attempting to diffuse the tension) ENOUGH!