happy anniversary to jedi fallen order! i owe this game so fucking much even just for the friends i’ve made through writing cal :)

also update i’m officially remaking cal so this blog is now an archive. i wont be publically posting the promo here when i remake but just message me and i’ll give you the url when its ready (i’m using the same alias so it’ll be pretty easy to tell its me)

thinking about cal’s saber; how it looks like a fractured mess from a distance, the snapped off end sparking every once in a while as he twirls it. trilla comments once that it’s the blade of a scrapper, a symbol of a past he desperately clings to. for most of the game, yes it is a token of his failure, but it becomes more than that when he goes to ilum and accepts his path. he crafts a new saber by combining jaro tapal’s and cere’s together, creating something new in the process. their legacies essentially live on in him and his saber now, a permanent piece of them in the weapon as well as in his soul. he is the man he is because he has known both tapal and cere, and been loved by them too.

actually think im just gonna stay away from here until i have the time to properly revamp it and focus more on actual work projects rather than tumblr. if we’re mutuals you can ask for my discord!

bye for now :)

hi uhh. can i just very politely ask that people don’t reblog specifically mlm musings and tag m/f ships because i’ve seen it happen twice now. as a nblm it makes me just a bit uncomfy!

@aniimvs​ said:    he smells like a hard day's work and fatigue. there's sweat and grease, a bit of blood where he cut himself on some stray edge he didn't see. but there's a clean rush of wind that's stuck in his hair, a small reminder of his freedom when he gets his adrenaline rushes as he balances on sheer drops and slips into unseen spaces. his native skin musk is on the warmer side, but there's a sleepiness to it. comforting but a little sad, like a memory of sunlit faded after years in the dark.   /   what does my muse smell like, always accepting?

oh this is. ah. incredibly accurate

What do you think my muse smells like?

anonymous said:    In places where a great deal of violence happened are you ever overwhelmed with those malevolent memories?   /   development questions, always accepting!

          soil soaked with saccharine ichor,  twisting and melding as bodies rot in the streets.   the air sings with lingering static,  aftermath of stray blaster bolts carved into the mud huts.   not a soul is left standing.   the imperial soldiers who wandered into town and wreaked havoc in the name of order have moved onto more compelling missions on zeffo. 

          amongst the mist of the early morning,  a single voice wails her swan song for her people and her slowly diminishing life...

          he did not realise he had drifted off until the small zap from the droid clinging to his leg.   the padawan shakes his head,  palm which was pressed against crumbling wall drifting back down to his side.   he needs to stop doing that.   he needs to just trust in the force,  trust and not get swept away from the emotions of every little echo in the force because he will eventually slip back to the day where he snapped--

          “   bee bee?   ”  bd-1 queries,  startling cal yet again.   he glances down at his buddy,  forcing the best approximation of a sincere smile.

          “   i’m okay. let’s keep moving.   ”

JEDI: FALLEN ORDER

@secondsister​ said:   Are there any specific Jedi aphorisms or mantras Cal finds special comfort in?   /   development questions, always accepting!

not particularly!! usually if he’s in need of comfort he’ll require a physical distraction. his meditation is more about the act of calming himself down and tuning into the force. the only mantra he really lives by is the one we all know from tapal.

             𝘪  𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴   𝘪𝘵'𝘴   𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦   𝘪   𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥   𝘰𝘶𝘵   𝘸𝘩𝘰   𝘪   𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺   𝘢𝘮.

anonymous said:   Cal did you have any romantic interests before you were a dummy revealed your Force training?   /   development questions, always accepting!

         “   back on bracca? well,   ”   he gives a half hearted shrug,  trying to hide the smile that still creeps onto his lips.   “   i guess you could say that? there was a boy that i liked for a while -- a fellow scrapper, paxton. nothing really came out of it though.   ”   there was little room for romantic interest amongst the dangerous work of the scrapper’s guild,  much less when he was trying to keep his head down as much as possible.

holds my hands out spare questions about cal

i don’t think anyone is awake rn but i need advice

smile  ,   the  worst  is  yet  to  come.    +     a  kanan  jarrus  writing  blog.  cared  for  by  eli.  slow  &  sporadic  activity.  very  selective.  please  only  follow  if  you  plan  on  interacting.

i don’t think anyone is awake rn but i need advice

hhhh i might just. go vibe on my multi @hauntheroine for a while until i can get around to doing my revamp here because vibes are consistently bad.