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Nancy Wheeler needs a steadier set of hands.
It’s a vital thing, the steadiness, and one which she’s prided herself on for a long time now, but in this moment? On this endless night? Nancy needs a steadier set of hands.
She stands along the wall, close to the door because it’s crowded beyond measure in the double-wide trailer that’s used primarily as a med center and because it’s hard enough to breathe during this conversation without direct access to an exit.
The fingers of her right hand tap against the side of her thigh, a discordant rhythm which her ballet instructors of her youth would have disparaged on the spot. Stay in time, Nancy! Don’t be so hesitant, Nancy! Did you forget how to count, Nancy?!
Her fingers tap, but the beat of her heart is not much better at keeping consistent time, so what is she meant to count along with? Where is the pace being set? Where is the music to guide her through this moment as her unsteady hands reach into the bag slung across her body and pull out a bottle of lake water, black as pitch and viscous?
Where is her partner in this pas de deux as the glass clatters with the uncontrollable force she uses to set it down on the table at the center of the room?
“Jesus Christ.”
“That’s our drinking water?”
“It looks like— like fuckin’ Venom.”
“What the hell is Venom, Henderson?”
“From Spider-Man? Symbiote alien from another planet and—”
“That’s our drinking water?”
Nancy stands against the wall.
She watches and she listens as they pass the bottle around, the glass face boasting Coca-Cola loud enough that it almost really does just look like a bottle of flat soda, and she chooses to let them bicker.
There was a time, some many months ago now, when Nancy would have walked in and at the very least pretended at enough confidence and certainty to convince everyone she had a plan and they would all be okay and they wouldn’t all die of thirst because the Upside Down and the entity controlling it has finally decided that direct action against their resources might be more efficient that sending monsters through the gates has been so far.
There was a time, indeed, when Nancy might have even felt such confidence, such certainty, but she can't remember that sensation now.
Not a sensory memory within her reach, not a modicum of cautious optimism born from a girl who had not yet learned the undeniable yearning of loss.
Nancy is here, as Joyce forces them all into some semblance of focus, kids and adults and the meeting of the two alike, but Nancy is also there.
Nancy is sixteen again, making a choice which changed her life, a choice she weighs in her hands during every moment of quiet, during every moment of noise too. If she had gotten in the car with Barb, would they have been able to outrun the forces of the Upside Down together?
Would Nancy simply have been dragged to her death with her best friend instead?
Is she fucked in the head for thinking both of those options may have been better than the reality?
“We need Max,” El is saying, arguing back against the sudden surge of insistence to fight. “When I can get through to Max, then we will have the upper hand.”
She says it a little stilted, a turn of phrase she's heard more than she's used, one which she likely only knows in this specific context.
Jonathan is standing beside her, close enough to offer visible support.
Eddie has a finger looped through the belt at Steve's waist, doing the same.
Robin sits beside Erica, Lucas on the other side of his sister, and Dustin pacing in the small space behind the couch.
Nancy leans against the wall by the door.
“We can't just wait around,” Steve shakes his head, almost in apology. “Vecna or— or the other thing, whatever's in charge at this point— it's making a play, right? That's what's happening? It's going on offense and we can't just keep playing defense, we have to actually make a play back.”
Nancy feels a headache brewing behind her eyes, clenches and unclenches her right hand in a fist to try and find something like stability. Fails at it.
“We've been holding our ground long enough,” Robin agrees with him boldly, “we understand how to fight back. If we catch him by surprise...”
“But can we? Catch him by surprise?” Lucas now, deep bags of grief under his eyes which Nancy understands all too well.
She wishes for him to never understand it as well as she does.
She wishes for a lot of things.
“He's baiting us,” Dustin shakes his head. “We tried that game with— with Max,” a thick swallow, “and he's mocking us with it. We should wait. We aren't ready.”
“It doesn't matter whether or not we're ready,” Nancy hears herself speaking and the way all those eyes turn on her is the sort of being seen she's avoided all her life.
Ever since she was a child, she hasn't been able to stomach people pretending to know her. Ever since she was a child it's been a form of control, a form of expectation, another set of rules she's had to conform to and she's goddamn tired of it.
She's really just so tired.
“It doesn't matter,” she shrugs, crosses her arms and grips at her biceps so no one can see the way her hands shake. “We'll never be ready, but if we wait long enough we will get weaker because we won't have water and we won't have food and it will be winter. He'll freeze us out before we can even try. It doesn't fucking matter.”
Things are escalating where the people of Hawkins are still trapped in the wasteland. In the midst of it, Nancy Wheeler finds catharsis, and maybe even hope.
sequel to "that's just wasteland, baby!"
Ronance | 15.5k words | rated E
read on ao3
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lumax and sight
wanted to look at how Lucas and Max both have lots of sight references individually, but also their sight refs heavily tend to involve each other.
what I notice is that Lucas starts out with all these blindness refs, kind of gatekeeping sight especially in his s1 skeptic era, and over the years takes on more flavors of learning to actually see, opening his eyes, etc. as well as wanting to be seen
while Max trends from sight towards wanting to see, asking to see, not seeing (except for unwanted visions), and not wanting to be seen. and it's always either Lucas or El who she's asking for sight.
in conclusion. s5 Max is definitely blind and Lucas and El are her eyes
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they should let nancy wheeler stab someone in st5
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Marisa Tomei as Mona Lisa Vito
MY COUSIN VINNY (1992)
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why nancy dove in after steve
spoiler alert: it isn't bc of 'true love' for steve as eddie and st*ncys suggest.
the first reason is pretty obvious and one i've seen others say before: nancy has a major savior complex. this is the same person who literally stood in front of b*llys speeding car to protect everyone else with her own body. if robin or eddie had dove in first instead she probably would have done the exact same thing.
the second reason is less obvious. think back to how barb died. it was in a pool, right, in water? dragged down by an interdimentional monster? what happens to steve in this scene? he is in water, dragged down by an interdimentional monster.
everything for nancy comes back to barb imo. this whole situation mirrors what happened to barb and this is nancy's chance for a re-do, to do it right this time. its where nancy's savior complex comes from in the first place, that she couldn't save barb. so seeing steve (or really anyone) in that same/similar situation kicks off her urge to do what she didn't know to do that night barb died.
that love eddie saw? it wasn't nancy's love for steve, it was nancy's love for barb. it's nancy doing for steve what she wishes she could have done for barb, if she had only known to.
(also: note how little eddie knows nancy. he's surprised that she keeps guns in her room. why would he know anything about her thoughts/feelings at all? its a total guess on his part based more on stereotypes than nancy as a person.)
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gotta pay respects to the funniest thing i’ve ever seen on my rewatch
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UPDATE: Bigfoot 4 is done. It needs editing, but it is done, and yes I cried writing the ending but just for personal reasons lol I promised you a happy ending and I am nothing if not an honest man.
I will post it on my birthday which is thursday which is exactly one year since I posted part 1 of this series.
So if you wanted to do a reread (or a first read!) conveniently you could read part one today and part two tomorrow and part three wednesday and then part four when it posts on thursday. JUST A SUGGESTION.
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someday there will be ronance in the ao3 ronance tag again i just know it
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"Idiots to lovers" works best when the idiots in question are extremely intelligent
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i keep coming back to this topic but the whole "let her have female friends" thing re wlw ships just annoys me so much it's always kind of in my brain a little.
First of all i don't think it's in good faith a lot of the time even if the people saying it don't realize that. i think what it means is "im just not interested in this character/these characters outside of their relationships to the male character I am actually interested in."
But the other thing is, "let her have female friendships" has a root in just wanting women to have something to do other than being a love interest to a man. i don't want to get into bechdel test discourse but like literally we were begging to let women talk to each other on screen at all a lot of the time. it was never "don't let them kiss!" it was "please let them do anything at all i implore you."
Now it's being interpreted as "romantic relationships are inherently less meaningful than platonic relationships, dont cheapen this friendship by making it romantic" (except this only really seems to apply to wiw relationships, for which i refer back to these arguments not being made in good faith.)
Or like, "She needs somebody who isn't trying to sleep with her!" Which tbh is nonsense. The reasons characters (and people) should have friends outside of whatever primary romantic relationship they may or may not have is not because you need people who don't want to sleep with you, it's because it's just healthier to interact regularly with and to care about/be cared about by more than one person. It's fine if your friends want to sleep with you or if you want to sleep with your friends and in fact it is fine if you DO sleep with your friends and it is fine if you enter romantic relationships with your friends and it's also fine if none of that happens at all, and none of it alters the value of those friendships besides how the people involved actually treat each other.
call me when "he needs more male friendships!" is anything. (but i will be opposed to that too because gay is good)
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how was i supposed to just move on from this
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shana tova to every jewish person reading this may we have a wonderful new year filled with growth i love all of you
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im not usually one for time loop or fix-it-time-travel fics but like. an outsider pov where stobin are the only ones who went back to season one would be so good like imagine you go into school one day and the most popular dude in school has now surgically attached himself to this random fuckn band nerd sophomore and any time someone implies that's weird he's like why???? it's robin?????? and then one day you catch them in the parking lot going through his trunk and he pulls out a molotov cocktail and the weird band girl is like 'okay it's sweet that you remembered how much i like the molotovs but also i feel like you shouldn't have brought that to school' and he just goes like oh yeah fair and you're sitting there like IS IT???? IS IT FAIR??????
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