fictional-men-ruin-lives
Eithna
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goodmorning to the face card that NEVER declines š£ļø
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Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation
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Echo appreciation (the one you want on your side when the odds are stacked against you)
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Weāre roughly 76 hrs away from the final episode of The Bad Batch - how we doin?
#this is it#our new logo you guys#wear it proudly#or with shame#who knows#the bad batch#tbb season 3#ready for the PAIN#jk i am not ready
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Spirits of the past (Crosshair)
A little drabble inspired by the Underworld from the Epic saga by Jorge Rivera-Herrans
Warning! : mention of torture and suicide, angst, PTSD
Word count: 969
Crosshair turned to the side, desperate to escape from the prison cells, even if it meant only escape of the mind; even if it meant just drifting off to sleep for the few short hours he was given. There was no other consolation left, just the shallow slumber. But no, whenever he closed his eyes, the images kept him wide awake; the pictures of the past, of the faces contorted it anguish. And the voices, by the maker, the voicesā¦ they were a thousandfold worse.Ā
The peaceful slumber would not come. The sniper sighed as he moved to lie on his back, staring at the ceiling just so that he wouldnāt have to see them all, all the people whose lives he claimed once he would close his eyes. And he knew they would come to haunt him, like they did every night, like they did every day.
āBecause Iām willing to do what needs to be doneāĀ His own voice, then the example of loyalty, now cutting deep into his mind, haunting him. The marksman could still hear the gunshot echoing in his ears after he had killed his own man. The faces of civilians flashed before his eyes, Twiālek womanās dark eyes full of fear etched into his mind, marking him with guilt, reminding of his inhumanity. He could recall every detail of that night and with the deafening silence surrounding him, his mind was betraying him, uncontrollable as the guilt of the past was consuming him entirely, unable to stop the spiral of images, spitting at him, reminding of everything heās done.
No, noā¦ Enough!
Crosshair tried his hardest to calm down, think of the times when he was happier, when the world didnāt seem so hopeless and devoid of any life.Ā
Only, he could not think of anything. The times with his brothers were forever marked, overshadowed by his own betrayal, by the Batchā own abandonment of him in the time he had had no control of his actions. Left to survive on his ownā¦ Until Mayday.Ā
āā¦He is expendable. As are you.āĀ That voice... No, everything butĀ him!
The memory, no, it was as loud as if spoken right in the same prison cell, it couldn't be just a memory. The spite, disgust in Nolan's tone was not something so easily replicable, it was... real, evoking the same emotions as it had done back on the ice base. Distress, fear, hatred, hopelessness...
āLeave me alone!ā Crosshair grunted heavily, struggling to sit down on the bed, and hiding his face in his hands, massaging the eyes and forehead with his fingers, trying to regain control. Nolan, Maydayās death, his own close to death experience were all meant to be pushed deep down into his subconscious, but it kept coming back, it all kept coming back, never letting itself be forgotten, not even for a second.
"So much for peace"
The voices kept coming now, faces stared at him from every corner of the cell; wherever he turned there were men he killed; not resting, not ever resting.
"If you want to stay here and die, that's your call."
His brothers' harsh words joining the others, as Crosshair now cowered before every reminder of his past, hiding his head in his arms.
"You're still their brother, Crosshair." His head started spinning, breath hitched in his throat as he was unable to breathe, panting, desperate for at least a bit of air.
Too much, it was all too much, his weak body could not handle it, his mind, his heart, whatever it was it had to stop!
The cell was so small, crashing him, closing him down into the trap, the faces getting closer and closer to him and he could do absolutely nothing about them, the voices getting louder, more malicious and full of hatred, full of blame; and above all, Hemlock's voice was booming, overtaking the space of every other voice with its coldness, its disrespect. A harsh reminder that he meant nothing.Ā
That he was nothing.
It was no longer clear what was real and what but a creation of his troubled mind, as the memories did not leave him alone even if he kept wide awake; all was too realistic as the experiments he had been subjected to twisted the reality into a horrid mixture of the nightmares, reminders of the past, his own pain, guilt, and sense of doom. It was never-ending, as Hemlock seemed set on completely shattering his sense of being, belonging, destroying the life itself. Walls of the cell, dull, too close to each other, unforgiving, didnāt leave much for Crosshair to remain of the sound mind. It seemed as if it's been years that he's been haunted by his every decision, every encounter, shifting the blame on him; the experimentations leaving him weakened in every sense, crushing down every last bit of will to live through painful new ways to torture him, torture every prisoner.Ā
There was no room for defiance. The closed-off station did not allow for anything but pure obedience, there was no way out. Not even death could make a prisoner escape this place.
He knew it for a fact.
He had tried.
Funny how the scientists would bring him to near-death pain level, passing out on the tables as the sniper was unable to handle any more of whatever substance was being administered to him, but the moment Crosshair had attempted to end all of it, the guards had come and handcuffed him, throwing him back to the bed brutally and taking the makeshift rope off the ceiling.
There was nothing left.
Just pain.
And the voices, oh god, the voices, never-ending, always there; the faces always watching, reminding, screaming, blaming, berating, making every day unbearable until there would be no life left in him.
#crosshair bad batch#the bad batch#tbb crosshair#tbb season 3#tbb spoilers#the bad batch fanfiction#crosshair is tortured#the bad batch crosshair#crosshair is hurting and i don't like it#he needed saving#I can't imagine what he must have gone through#mount tantiss#the bad batch spoilers#angst
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i need him in every way possible
#crosshair bad batch#I watched this gif on repeat so many times#I need him biblically#sitting on his lap would fix my problems#we're so fucking back#dorito waist#the bad batch season 3#tbb spoilers#star wars#the bad batch
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I love that we just all agreed that Blyla is canon.
#star wars#aayla secura#bly and aayla secura#blyla#commander bly#fanon#I mean it is kinda canon by now#just these two on my head#happy together#in their secret little romance
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crosshair drabble cause that man has taken over my thoughts
- crosshair is the type of guy to literally act like your bodyguard. you wanna go on a mission by yourself? funny.
āIāll be back in a few hours.ā
He picks up his helmet, āThatās nice. Iāll meet you on the ship.ā
- will absolutely pick you up and throw you over his shoulder whenever you give him attitude.
āroll your eyes again, pretty.ā
so you did. the two of you had gotten a little agitated with each other on this particular mission.
he sighs and flicks his toothpick to the ground.
you see his hands reach for your waist, āwhat are you-ā, you cut off with a yelp as he throws you over his shoulder.
āIāll put you down when youāre done with that attitude.ā
āIām gonna kill you.ā
he pats the area behind your knee, āhow touching.ā
- LOVES to pull you into a random alcove of the marauder and kiss you like the ship is going down. any minute he can get alone with you is a blessing. idc what anyone says, this man is a gentle kisser. the kind to put his hand on the back of your head to keep you in place UGH!!!
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TBB EPISODE 13 SPOILERS
Now that was stressful last 10 seconds.
God.
Also why do I get a feeling that Omega is too confident and some kids will die? Like, sheās too calm. Too much has gone like she wanted. Something will go wrong.
There are only 2 episodes left?! And there is still SO MUCH unresolved. Wtf will happen.
#the bad batch#star wars#the bad batch spoilers#tbb spoilers#tbb season 3#let them live#Iāve got a bad feeling about this#I donāt think it will end well#still donāt know who CX-2 is#wtf will happen now#weāll all cry#I can feel it#itās going too well
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Do you think the unethical research Hemlock was conducting could have been on the mind-controlling worms from the second season?
It would make sense as to how the special unit soldiers could be controlled, brainwashed. You have toxins from a warm instead of a chip, and a little army of mindless tools, following every order and ending their life without hesitation.
#the bad batch theories#the bad batch#tbb hemlock#dr hemlock#Star Wars theory#I mean the worms could work#mind control
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When the Bad Batch first shows up in The Clone Wars, Kix and Jesse are discussing their success rate, and one of them says āitās not that they win, itās how they win that concerns me.ā
At first I remember thinking he meant they did things that were morally questionable. Very shortly we find out that he actually means theyāre fucking crazy
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Brave little one (Emerie Karr fan fiction)
It was her third birthday.
The only reason she knew it was because she had managed to steal a glance at the medical data sheet when she had gone for a routine checkup to the other side of the Kaminoan facility, one of the rare occasions when she could have felt like she hadnāt been alone. She had had to be placed with the other clones her age, all little boys. Although she had been forbidden to speak to them, the presence alone had been comforting. She had noticed them calling each other by a name and she had wondered how they got one.
She didnāt have a name. Just a number.
Even though she was turning three, she didnāt feel like it; she felt older. And older she was, genetically modified to grow up twice as fast, built for her intelligence. Today was just like every other day, she was brought to the learning room by one of the Kaminoans, left to herself and the datapad, alone for hours. She didnāt mind though, the little girl actually enjoyed studying and the human body was so interesting for her. She got lost in the basic information about the brain and its complexity, studying the structure and what was connected to which human function. She passed the tests prepared for her, not saying a word, not feeling like she ever needed to speak or be heard unless answering questions.Ā
She started reading about the prefrontal cortex and suddenly started to wonder what the boys were doing. Were they together all the time or did they have to live by themselves just like her? She was told she was special- a potential breakthrough in the cloning process- so maybe the fact she was alone was a privilege. She had once sneaked out and had had a brief look at how the boyās quarters looked like, just a wall full of sleeping pods, tens of the children living there. She didnāt like it. She didnāt like tight spaces. So maybe her room, small but with a normal bed, a table and a private refresher was a privilege? But why was the special treatment soā¦ lonely? Shouldnāt she be socializing as well? She only had the researchers, and they werenāt exactly very talkative. Not towards her, anyway. She wanted to discover parts of the facility by herself, see how many other children were there, if any other girls were there.
It was forbidden.
And today should have been like every other day but still she had this unsettling feeling that it was missing something. What was a birthday anyway? Itās not like she was a nat-born, she was made. And yet there it was, that sense of longing to just be seen, to get a nice word or just something out of the ordinary schedule. She wished she could be allowed to go and talk with the boys, play with them even.
Nothing.
Just an empty room and her, cuddling herself on the bed and trying not to feel the emptiness growing in her chest. But the damage was done- there was this tiny gaping feeling in her heart. Like a piece of it was missing.
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It was her fifth birthday.
She was excellent at what she was studying. She had proven herself that even though she was still a child, she had amazing potential to join the researchers, so the past months were spent in the labs, helping the Kaminoans and observing their work. She was even allowed to go and see the other female clone today, just a three year old. Unlike the older girl, she was so full of energy and smiling the whole time but there was something even more peculiar about her. She was not aging like every other child here. When the older girl had been three, she had already learnt how to read and how to do basic calculations, she had even started to help with the research. This one right here was a lot smaller than she had been, just learning how to read just now. The birthday girl looked up at Nala Se, she could swear the Kaminoan was looking at the three-year-old differently than she ever did at her, there was more warmth to her expression. She even called her by a name.Ā
Omega.
The girl looked from Omega to the Kaminoans, feeling a sting in her chest. That little thing was just three but had a name. Why didnāt she have a name, only a number? Why was she not looked at the way Omega was, why was she left alone to herself most of the time and the little one was treated with such warmth? The newfound longing for the sense of closeness settled in her heart, as she now discovered that there is something beyond studying, tests and research.
Her gaze went back to the data pad, helping to analyze the young cloneās vitals but the gears in her mind were working tirelessly, trying to understand why, even though they both were girls, they had been so different.
The tear in her heart grew bigger, the emptiness taking over more and more of her.
_____________________
It was her sixth birthday.Ā
Today she was not brought out to study. She hadnāt been for a very long time and nobody had told her why. She did all the tests, she studied day and night like she was told to, and yet she was now confined to her small room as if she had done something wrong. She was bigger now, grew up quite a bit since last year, and started to ask questions.
Why was she alone?
Why couldnāt she see or even talk to Omega?
Why did she need to study all this?
First jealousy, then longing had overcome her, feeling like she had wanted a sister. She had seen the boys with brothers so why couldnāt she had had been a sister?
At one point she had asked too many questions.
And now she was confined to her room, going out only every now and then to join the research. Even though she always did everything right, she was being discarded to the side.
Of course, she was smart so she could have figured out as much. She would only work in the labs as a child, not have any access to the others even though she had known of their existence, even studied them and analyze their progress. But as far as she knew, nobody was analyzing hers.
Just at the end of the day, when she was already setting in her room, thoughts spinning around in her mind of why wasnāt she good enough, she heard the door open.Ā
Hemlock.
He came to her- to her out of all other children! - and asked her to leave with him. She didnāt know why, he seemed like he was in a rush, and he had a troubled expression, but he was very gentle, his voice calm and stable. And she already knew him, she knew she could trust him as he worked closely with the Kaminoans and was a valued researcher. He was the only one who had treated her like a human while all the other scientists seemed to leave her and focus on the new male soldiers, or Omega. He actually saw her for her potential, even asked her to help with his own research.
He said that he valued her and saw her potential to be great. This was the first time in her life she heard someone say it. She feltā¦ important. Seen. Why else would he have come to her?Ā
āCome, little one. Be brave.ā His smooth deep voice had something she had longed for, a hint of warmth to it. So this was what it felt like, to be spoken to softly.
Little one.Ā Finally, a nickname.
But she wanted more.
āIām not little oneā she replied, putting on a brave face. āIām Emerie.āĀ
āEmerie. It suits you, little one. Now come, we have much to do and I cannot do it without you.ā Hemlock chuckled as he reached towards her, offering her his hand. The sound of her name spoken by someone else made her stomach flutter with happiness and excitement.Ā
For the first time in her life, she was no longer a number.Ā
She had a name.
Emerie.
________________
Emerie woke up early and headed to the lab, like everyday. Ever since Hemlock had taken her out of Kamino, she has never been alone unless that was her wish. The place he had brought her to, some faraway planet, was empty at first but started to fill up with people sooner rather than later. And she was introduced to everyone she was supposed to work with as Emerie Karr, she had been given that surname by the scientist to feel more socialized with the others. Less odd.
She was eternally grateful to him. Hemlock had done so much more than just taking her out of the solitude life on Kamino, hopeless and with no endpoint in sight- he had given her back her humanity. Her autonomy. Ambition.Ā
Nobody knew she was a clone; it didnāt matter where she was from. As Emerie was one of the most promising students, more diligent and thorough than most, the doctor took her directly under his wing soon enough. He valued her research and opinion, trusting her with different types of research and since she had been taught by the Kaminoans, she had the knowledge of the process, however limited. The girl was a rising star due to her intelligence and devotion to the man who she considered her savior,eagerly sharing everything she knew, finally feeling like she was needed and appreciated by someone.
Thatās not to say that it didnāt come with a cost. Emerie wanted to prove to Hemlock that she was better than most, that he made the right choice by taking her with him, so she devoted her life to research. She never wanted to disappoint him, even if she had to ignore some more inhuman aspects of the research. Following the doctor meant that something like a boundary doesnāt exist, she had learnt it in a painful way.
One of the test subjects had been a parrot. It had been closed in a small space, barely able to move. Emerie felt for it and had wanted to help it, so she had let it out to fly in the closed space just for a moment.
Hemlock was notified.
The next day, the parrot had been delivered to her door, dead.
The reason? It tasted the flight, so it hasnāt been that willing to come back to the cage. It had been useless now. As Hemlock explained to her, the bird had been a source of a specific enzyme that would be able to save the heavily wounded as it had made binding the flash faster and with less blood loss. Needless to say, she felt awful as he was scolding her and she swore sheād trust him and never disappoint him again.
As she reached the lab, she took her datapad and started on testing the blood samples they have taken earlier that day. If she was correct, this research could be groundbreaking and she would have a chance for a promotion.Ā
She went over the data and came up to her desk, sitting down to write the newest reports. However, before she could get to work, she noticed a quite small package laying just by the keyboard, a card attached to it.Ā
Happy birthday Dr Karr
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā -Hemlock
Right, her tenth birthday. She forgot.
Opening the package revealed new glasses, with new visors that made the research analysis easier. Emerie smiled to herself, touched that he remembered and even got her a gift. She put them on, in awe in how much difference they made when it came to research.
_______________
Now, Emerie finally is in the moment she waited for so long. She has finally proven herself to be trustworthy, good enough to lead the biggest project Hemlock oversees.Ā
She always wanted it, to prove herself to Hemlock, to be someone.
So why, the sense of accomplishment, pride she should be feeling now, are not there? Why does this feel so wrong? Image of Omega comes to her unconsciously and she starts feelingā¦ guilty. Did the teenager leave that much of an impression on her that she felt responsible for her?
Emerie is walking to finally get access to the vault, the privilege only a few obtain, and she was one of them. The protection around the area is like nothing she has ever seen, something this safe should be insanely valuable. Considering the M-count was an important asset, she expected nothing else.
Anticipation eats at her as they enter the restricted area, a mix of anxiety, curiosity and pride.
Children
The assets are children.Ā
They have no names, just numbers. It brings back memories Emerie doesnāt want to remember.Ā
She, too, was just a number. She, too, was separated, tested and closed off from others.
And now, as an adult, she is supposed to do the same towards these kids as was done to her.
She looks around, suddenly aware how deep into the research she has been. Remembering Omega. Was the girl right all along? Was the woman not freed like she had thought, but taken from one prison to another under the false guise of humanity, of empathy?
Emerie glances at the date.
It is her birthday, the fourteenth one to be exact.
The day the world she knew shattered to pieces.Ā
#the bad batch#emerie karr#emerie karr fanfiction#emerie karr childhood#emerie tbb#the bad batch spoilers#tbb omega#emerie is just hurt#emerie just wanted to be seen#redemption arc#dr hemlock#tbb hemlock#kaminoans#yeah they were not that nice#emerie is lonely#tbb fanfiction#tbb spoilers#tbb season 3
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Omg I was reading and publishing on DeviantArt. Also idk why quotev was not mentioned, it was the it website for me at the beginning. And even before then, I was reading some Caspian x Suzanne fanfics on blogger (idk why but I remember it as blogspot?), Zutara as well.
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a few crosshair drawings from the past months
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hot artists don't gatekeep
I've been resource gathering for YEARS so now I am going to share my dragons hoard
Floorplanner. Design and furnish a house for you to use for having a consistent background in your comic or anything! Free, you need an account, easy to use, and you can save multiple houses.
Comparing Heights. Input the heights of characters to see what the different is between them. Great for keeping consistency. Free.
Magma. Draw online with friends in real time. Great for practice or hanging out. Free, paid plan available, account preferred.
Smithsonian Open Access. Loads of free images. Free.
SketchDaily. Lots of pose references, massive library, is set on a timer so you can practice quick figure drawing. Free.
SculptGL. A sculpting tool which I am yet to master, but you should be able to make whatever 3d object you like with it. free.
Pexels. Free stock images. And the search engine is actually pretty good at pulling up what you want.
Figurosity. Great pose references, diverse body types, lots of "how to draw" videos directly on the site, the models are 3d and you can rotate the angle, but you can't make custom poses or edit body proportions. Free, account option, paid plans available.
Line of Action. More drawing references, this one also has a focus on expressions, hands/feet, animals, landscapes. Free.
Animal Photo. You pose a 3d skull model and select an animal species, and they give you a bunch of photo references for that animal at that angle. Super handy. Free.
Height Weight Chart. You ever see an OC listed as having a certain weight but then they look Wildly different than the number suggests? Well here's a site to avoid that! It shows real people at different weights and heights to give you a better idea of what these abstract numbers all look like. Free to use.
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a few crosshair drawings from the past months
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No because he defended her cause he would have done the same. HE ALREADY DID. When he escaped inside the Imperial prison just to send the warning message for the Batch to go into hiding, he was ready to pay the price with his life.
Also, for the fandom, it's literally "who did this to you" when it comes to Crossahair's trauma. I have never empathised with a fictional man this much.
crosshairās so fucking terrified of the idea of going back to tantiss, his hand was the shakiest weāve ever seen it.
but heād do anything for omega. and if that means returning to tantiss? so be it.
#crosshair is hurting and I don't like it#just leave this man alone please#let him be happy#crosshair best boy#but also most traumatised#the bad batch#tbb crosshair#istg im gonna cry#he is so traumatised#literal ptsd
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