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ficlibra-ry · 27 days

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I love them so much 😭 the story is progressing so well, my slow burn loving heart couldn’t be more excited to see what’s coming next

Also I can’t even express how happy I’m that we get to read another part of this story and that you’re still here with us @jeonstudios

dextrocardia | 12

Dextrocardia. Originally a medical term, but also a way to describe someone who's got their heart in the right place.

"She's been moved to another operation to help out. This pairing is necessary because you'll be undercover as spouses. I know you two can be professional about this."

"What?!" It's Jeongguk's upset voice that sounds, and for once, you share his displeased opinion.

Spouses.

pairing: cop!jk x f detective!reader

genre: undercover cops, fake marriage, e2l au, angst, fluff, (smut?)

word count: 6.6k

warnings: talk about dv and sa but pretty briefly. also includes some (implied) trauma/ptsd reactions.

rating: NC-17 – Adults Only

masterlist

part 12/?

An hour and a half later, you’re on your way to the bathroom when you run into Jeongguk nearly head first. He mentioned at breakfast that he was going to use the gym before taking on the window once more, and judging by the sweat that’s soaked through the dark green t-shirt and also glistens on his face, that’s where he’s just come from.

“Oh,” you step back, saying the first thing that comes to mind. “Almost didn’t recognize you. You know… with your shirt on.”

It may be stupid, but better than to admit how seeing him sweaty, his breathing still heavy and his veins more prominent than usual, makes your own body heat up.

He dabs his forehead with his arm, “Yeah… You know, I’m sorry for being such an ass to you. I thought it was cathartic, getting my revenge by flustering you. I didn’t understand that I was probably scaring you.”

Your eyes widen. He was. You remember your heart rate increasing uncomfortably whenever he’d walk toward you, his shirt off and saying something suggestive. If he wasn’t actually intentionally scaring you by implying he could do something to you whether you wanted it or not then he was an ass but not unforgivably so. It was immature, yeah, but if he thought you shot his friend for getting rejected and then protected by the chief, it almost makes it understandable. Almost.

“It’s okay. I appreciate it. It doesn’t bother me here, though, and it’s your home.”

He tilts his head slightly, looking down at you. “It’s what I want to do, and besides, it’s not nearly as hot as it was this summer.”

For a brief moment, you stand there, looking up at him and wondering if he’s actually a real person, a real man. Somehow he wants to do the right thing, be as kind and considerate he can, even if he doesn’t have to. It’s so far from the Jeongguk you thought you knew, but also… not. In a way, it makes sense that he hated you so much because he’s loyal, wants everything to be fair and right, which makes you wonder…

“Can I ask you something?”

“Mhm?”

“Why did you hate me so much?” you question, “I know you thought I shot Hoseong, either on purpose or by being reckless with the gun, but… what were your thoughts?”

His gaze turns curious, and you assume he doesn’t understand exactly what you’re getting at–after all, he thinks he’s explained it before.

“I hated you because I thought you shot him for rejecting you, and then I hated you because I thought you got away with it. I thought that the chief protected you by not dealing with what happened. Then I hated you more because you were always complaining about men when it seemed like you got off scot-free because you were a woman. I felt like you excused your shitty behavior as being a feminist or whatever and accused anyone calling you out of being sexist.”

You consider his words. “Thank you.”

You were right.

“You’re… welcome?” he tilts his head slightly. “I’m gonna try to finish the window quickly, but I’ll need to head to the station after that, and I wanted to ask you if you want to come? I don’t think it’ll be too crowded today, and I know who’s working; all good guys. ”

You bite your lip. Going to the station would mean getting stared at and whispered about because at the end of the day, what happened to you–and then subsequently to you and Jeongguk–was what set the ball in motion.

Sensing your hesitancy, Jeongguk continues, “We’re going over some paperwork of the changes we’re implementing, so Jihyo will be there, and we’ve asked all female employees to tell her if there’s anyone they’ve ever felt unsafe with, and we’re investigating those. The guys there right now are people I really trust from back home and the rest have no complaints, no reports made against them.”

You don’t really want to ever set foot at the station again, but logically, you realize that you’ll probably have to. After all, you can’t keep your pay and never work again, and you don’t have any other education. While you could try to find another job, it would have to be something like a customer service job, and your nineteen old self was more than done with that.

Jeongguk still looks at you with gentle and hopeful eyes. Sooner or later, you’ll have to. Maybe it’ll be easier to have him with you when you do? Additionally, the least you can do is point out which guys haven’t made comments about you or threatened you.

“Okay.”

The tiniest form of raindrops hit the windshield as Jeongguk drives you toward the station. You bounce your knee nervously, trying to focus on the fact that you’ll get to see Jihyo and Sana again.

It turns out that walking inside the station with Jeongguk is just more reason for people to stare. He’s wearing dark blue and somewhat baggy jeans and a big black hoodie, but even without his uniform, he gives off an aura of authority among the people present.

You trail behind him, just knowing that he’s glaring at those who let their eyes linger on you for too long, making them turn away their heads apologetically. You thought everyone knew, you really did, but judging by how many seem to want to come up to you and show their sympathy (or pretend to?), that’s evidently not the case. They all know now, however.

Jeongguk leads you through the corridors, and you stay behind him, feeling more unsure the farther in you go.

A man walks past in front of you as you reach the open part of the station, but you hear Jeongguk order a low ‘Don’t’ when his step falters. It’s a guy you’ve seen around but don’t really know, and even his name is escaping you at the moment.

“Sorry,” he says before smiling gently at you, “Good to see you again.”

You nod, wondering to yourself if it’ll ever get easier. You don’t recall hearing the man insult or threaten you, but how can you believe he truly didn’t know?

Jeongguk leads you into the room you once knew as the old chief’s office, but now Jihyo’s family name is stamped on the glass. It’s empty, and you relax your shoulders when he closes the door behind you.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Some still stare but less so than I assumed.”

“I might have told them not to make a scene or make you uncomfortable.”

His words have a small, appreciative smile pulling on your mouth. Two seconds later, there’s a knock on the door, and you see the blurry shape of a man through the frosted window.

“Jimin,” Jeongguk mumbles, walking back to the door to open it.

A smiling, dark haired man walks through, a little shorter than Jeongguk, and his eyes land on you. Immediately, he approaches, his hand outreached. You’re not sure if it’s the way he’s smiling–his eyes narrowing but almost endearingly so–or something else, but he’s got a whole different aura than the typical man who works around here. Even Jeongguk at first glance looks more mysterious and intimidating.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Jimin.”

His hand is warm when it shakes yours, and he nods when you say your own name. From behind him, you hear someone repeat it excitedly. Jimin steps aside, and you spot Sana approaching fast.

Your heart grows warm as you meet her in the middle and wrap your arms around her. She holds you close, doesn’t seem too keen on letting go, and you feel the exact same.

“I missed you,” she mumbles into the embrace, and you hug her tighter. The truth is that you met with Jihyo a few times after the incident at the house, but you only spoke with Sana on the phone before you decided to leave town, telling them to give you space and not to visit. Being around people had felt overwhelming, but in retrospect, you’d been very lonely.

Sana steps back, “Jihyo had some pretty urgent matters to attend to, but hopefully she makes it before you leave. She said we could get started.”

“Right, there are some people already in the conference rooms, but we can just stay here,” Jimin points to a few chairs stacked in the corner, and Sana goes to get them.

“Sure. Coffee, anyone?” Jeongguk asks, getting a chorus of affirmatives.

You watch him leave the room and the door glide shut behind him. Taking a seat, you clasp your hands on the table, looking at them inconspicuously.

“So, how do you know Jeongguk?” you ponder, even though your guess is that they used to work together before Jeongguk came to town.

Jimin pulls out the chair to your left and sits down. “We met at the academy, worked at the same station, first as highway patrol and then he switched to patrol and like… mostly DV calls before he transferred. After everything went down here, he and Jihyo asked me and a few others to help out.”

You blink in confusion, peering up at him. “Domestic violence?”

“Yeah. Of course, there’s not a specific DV unit, but if he was free and close, we usually sent him,” he explains casually.

“It’s often a complex situation as I’m sure you know; a manly man does best at talking to the offender–usually a man–but a woman or a less “harsh” man, like myself, usually does better talking to the victim and earning their trust. Jeongguk, for some reason, does well at both. So since we didn’t have a lot of female officers, he and a partner usually went. He would also talk to a lot of victims that came in to the station, taking their statements and supporting them to get the rape kits done if needed.”

You’re thrown back to the living room in your fake house, where you’re accusing Jeongguk of being one of the people leaving women to die at the hands of their husbands. You recall vividly how he stood there, just taking everything you threw at him. Why didn’t he tell you?

“Oh,” is the first thing that comes out of your mouth. “It’s never worked like that here, as far as I know?”

It really hasn’t. You couldn’t imagine the chief calculating who’s got the most fitting, empathetic personality and sending them out for calls like that. Closest guys went and then whoever was free talked to victims at the station. How well the job was done is a whole other thing, and you don’t even want to think about it or how any critique you and your female colleagues have raised has been handled.

“Yeah. Of course, it’s not always doable, and priority for all urgent cases is to send help out as quickly as possible, but if we could, then that’s what we did.”

Jimin’s words leave you with a lot to think about, and you can’t really keep your full attention on the papers Sana and Jimin pull out and start to go through. Though you hear them continuing on the subject, discussing whether to assign some officers a certain priority when a domestic violence or sexual assault victim comes in or just hold more thorough classes in how to talk to those people for everyone employed at the station.

A few minutes later, Jeongguk returns with coffee, and he wastes no time joining in from the chair beside you. You hum and nod sometimes, but it’s definitely hard to focus.

“You okay?” Jeongguk nudges you gently, observing you with big, understanding eyes.

Logically, it wouldn’t be weird for you to feel intimidated by the current topics, and it’s most likely what he thinks is the reason for your quietness.

“Yeah. Just… have a lot on my mind.”

He nods at the small smile you give him and surprises you by casually reaching for your hand on your lap. With his face forward and attention on the discussion, he briefly intertwines your fingers, stroking his thumb against your skin. Then before you know it, he’s pulling away.

“I have some… news,” Sana says with a lip balm in hand, watching your expression through the mirror as you exit the bathroom stall behind her.

“Okay…” you say, confused, joining her at the sinks to wash your hands.

“I’ve been in touch with a lawyer. You know how the bar owners said they didn’t save any footage from the Christmas party?”

You nod, thinking back to how you practically begged the owners of the bar where you all went for the after party to release their footage. They said no, said their cameras weren’t functional, and the chief didn’t grant the search warrant you requested. It was always so clear that the owners liked the business that the nearby station’s get-togethers brought, and you definitely know at least one of them was real buddy-buddy with some officers.

“Jimin and Jeongguk helped me get it. It was Ryung, not the one who put the drugs in the drink, but who asked the bartender to. I’ve been in touch with a lawyer, and we think we have clear enough evidence to prosecute.”

Your eyes are wide. Fuck, you hadn’t expected them to work together like that. The owners trying to protect whatever officer it was, sure, maybe even due to threats from said officer, but to have evidence of them essentially committing the crime together?

“Oh my God. Sana… That makes me so… I wanna say happy?”

She chuckles, but you can tell there are emotions bubbling under the surface. Fortunately–thank God–nothing happened to her that night since you and the rest of her friends at the station were quick to notice that something was wrong and took her to the hospital, but you can only imagine what it’s like to know that someone–most likely watching her in her day to day life–drugged her. Of course, their intentions were anything but good, and walking around, not knowing who was bold enough to try, and might just give it another shot, would terrify anyone. At least you knew who was trying to get rid of you.

“Something… needed to happen here,” she places the lip balm in her pocket, turning her full attention to you through the mirror. “We’ve been brave and fighting tooth and nail, but it was never going to be enough because we’re women and outnumbered. The men here, they either knew or didn’t–and evidently there were actually quite a few who shared Jeongguk’s belief–but the ones who knew–even if they didn’t partake–they didn’t stand up for us. I hate that you left without telling us–”

“–Would you have let me go?”

“No, of course not. In hindsight, yeah, it was the best thing you could’ve done because we needed something to happen. We needed Jeongguk. But when I found out that you were at the hospital after going on a solo mission with him? I thought he’d killed you.”

You let your gaze fall to the floor sadly. “I’m sorry for worrying you. I just… I couldn’t do it anymore.”

Sana touches her hand to your shoulder, giving you a sad but understanding smile, “How are you now? I imagine it’s scary, knowing they haven’t been caught yet.”

You sigh. “Yeah. I don’t know, in a way, I feel… numb. Sometimes I used to think I heard stuff… Footsteps, voices… Living with Jeongguk makes me feel safer in some ways.”

“But?”

You exhale, feeling your shoulders drop slightly.

Sana gives you a sad and almost defeated look. “Don’t do that. I really think he’s one of the good ones.”

“Don’t do what? Nothing is going to happen.”

“You sure? Knowing you, would you have agreed to live with him if you didn’t like him at least a little? And do you have any idea how much he cares for you? I heard from Jimin that he worked his ass off just to find out where you were, like from the moment he was discharged from the hospital and we wouldn’t tell him. He still asked about you almost everyday, even after he figured out your location and technically could go and see for himself. He works day in and day out to catch these guys for what they did to us and to him, but mostly for you.”

You tap your nails against the porcelain sink, listening to her words but not sure what to make of them. “He might be one of the good guys but I promise you, nothing like that is ever going to happen. Not between us.”

She purses her lips. “Okay, if you’re certain. But be honest with yourself if anything changes.”

“So, you and Jimin,” you change the subject, watching Sana roll her dark eyes and fail to suppress a smile.

“He’s a sweet guy. I didn’t think I needed to talk about what happened at that party, I thought I was over it. But since nothing happened and we never knew who it was? I guess I never let myself really process it and the always-present… fear I lived with. I know I talked to you, but I think I needed to talk to someone who in a way wasn’t in the same boat.”

“I get that,” you smile a smile that grows into a wide grin, “Can you believe it? We might finally get some justice.”

Two hours later, you’re rushing from the station’s front doors to the parked car, rain still falling from the gray sky. Jeongguk makes it before you, opening the passenger door.

Weird, why would you drive his car?

He looks back at you where you’ve come to a stop, “What are you waiting for? Get in,” he smiles, undoubtedly confused. There’s a raindrop running slowly from his forehead, down between his eyebrows and down the side of his nose.

Oh. He opened the door for you.

You move your legs, getting inside while Jeongguk remains standing there with his hand on the top of the door. As soon as you’re comfortably inside, he shuts it and rounds the car.

“Do you want to come with me or should I drop you off at home on the way?”

“Home, please. I think one station a day is enough for me,” you let out a stressed laugh at the mention of Jeongguk’s old workplace, gazing out through the window.

“Of course,” he says, placing his arm on the back of your seat to look behind him, reversing the car.

You fiddle with your hands in your lap, glancing over at him while he steers the car out onto the road. “So, Sana told me she might have a case against Ryung as well.”

“Yeah. If the bartender testifies against him, which I think he’ll do considering all the other charges we’re working on. If we can just catch them first to make him more relaxed with them in custody.”

You nod, more so to yourself. You hope the bartender testifies that he didn’t drug Sana by his own accord. Hopefully, he’d rather share the blame than take it all, even if he fears an eventual revenge act by Ryung’s cop friends.

“And you helped her?” you ask, tapping your fingers against your jean-clad thighs anxiously.

“To get the tapes, yeah. I remembered you told me what happened to her, so I asked her when I got back, and she explained everything. Owner was a real asshole and definitely tried to avoid it, so I might have threatened him a little.”

You look at the side of his face as he continues. “That if he didn’t hand all the footage over and make sure the cameras are always up and functional, I’d look into every crevice of the bar. Which, we technically can’t, because we don’t have any legal reason to at the moment. But I’m hoping it might deter them from shitty behavior in the future.”

He’s got such stunning features; the nose, the jaw, his eyes… His hair is relatively unstyled, parted to reveal his forehead. You didn’t think he could get more physically attractive, but boy, were you wrong. How much of one’s attractiveness is due to their personality? You find it so… heart-warming to know that he helped your friend and didn’t bring it up with you in order to win any brownie points. It feels like… he did it because he truly wanted to help her and left it to her to decide who should know.

“Thank you, Jeongguk,” you say earnestly, watching him turn his head to look at you for as long as he can before he has to focus his attention back to the road.

“No problem.”

You hear Jeongguk drive off only when you’re safely inside. Slowly but surely, your heart rate continues to increase, almost at the same rate as the rain that’s on a whole new level now. You faintly recall reading something about a smaller storm rolling through the city, but you didn’t remember it happening this week.

The first thing you do is lock the front door. You even pull on the handle a few times just to be sure, and then you head toward the living room before you walk back, checking it again.

It’s six p.mm when the first round of lightning hits. Holding your breath, you wait for it. One, two, three… There it is, the thunder. It shakes the entire house, and you feel restlessness fill your body. Your feet take you through the house and into your bedroom, locking both locks and sitting down on the floor with your back against the bed.

However, Jeongguk removed the curtains for better access to the window and seems to have forgotten to put them back up. There’s a small space between the wooden planks, and you turn your head away as lightning flashes through.

Your breathing turns shallow, and you rise to your feet again. One, two… Any second now, it could happen. Any second. It rumbles again, and you feel it in your entire body.

Unlocking your bedroom door, you end up wandering the hallway in search of a calmer spot. You find a fitting room, and you pull the thicker curtains closed before slumping down with your back against the bed. The silence between the thunder fills your head with thoughts and memories and your body aches in pain. Trying to tune out the waves of thunder, you hide your face against your arms that are hugging your knees to your chest. It’s closer now, and you feel the walls rumble with it.

You try to keep calm, but your shoulders are so tense. It feels like it’s right above you; it never moves. Moment after moment passes but it never moves.

Footsteps stop next to you.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” someone says, and you open your eyes, peering over your arm at the familiar but worried face where he’s kneeling beside you. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

When did he even return? Wasn’t he supposed to visit the other station? Or… has he already? You can’t tell.

“I’m… fine,” you sniffle, raising your head, and meeting his brown eyes for a second. “It’s just that… bad things tend to happen to me when it storms.”

“I see,” he says, “Do you mind if I sit with you?”

You shrug because it’s his house, after all. Jeongguk sits down next to you with his back against his bed as well, barely touching your side.

“No one is looking for us, you know?” he informs quietly. “We’ll be perfectly fine in this house. Jimin said that according to the latest updates, he thinks they're at least four hours away, and they definitely have more important things to prioritize than looking for you. Besides, I’m here, and I’m prepared this time so no one’s getting to you, okay?”

He nudges you softly with his shoulder. You nod shakily, trying to breathe calmly. For a while, you sit there on his bedroom floor, next to each other, until the worst passes. He makes it better; the feeling of his arm gently pressed against yours, the sound of his quiet breaths, and the scent of his cologne all pull you out of a darkness.

“We should do something.”

A lot calmer, you turn your head to meet his eyes, reflecting once again over how kind they look. There’s an additional sparkle in there too.

“Do… what?”

He stands up, holding out his hand for you. “Come on.”

A bit skeptical, you still give in and take his hand, letting him help you up. He doesn’t explain whatever plan he’s got, but you follow him into the kitchen where he stops.

“Teach me how to bake?”

“Jeongguk… I’m not a baker, myself,” you look at him, confused.

“But you baked those cookies? And they were good?”

“Yeah, I followed a recipe and had a bit of luck. Wouldn’t know how to replicate that without the exact instructions. I only know how to bake, like, one thing, and the last time I tried, it turned out terrible.”

“And that is?”

“Okay, uhm, eggs? And… butter?”

You watch as Jeongguk opens the fridge, searching for the ingredients you list.

“And we’ll need flour, baking soda, sugar, and… I’m guessing you don’t have vanilla extract?”

He places a cartoon of eggs and a stick of butter on the kitchen table before looking at you with a guilty face. “...No.”

“Alright, well, I guess we can do without. But we’ll need the flour, baking soda, and sugar; you have that?”

“Coming right up.”

You roll your eyes with a smile on your lips as you place his laptop on the counter, not displaying a recipe but a Netflix documentary.

Jeongguk follows your directions flawlessly, except for ‘accidentally’ making somewhat of a flour mess and tasting just a little too much of the batter. The cupcakes go inside the preheated oven, and he starts cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes in the meantime. Although your creations are a tad bit too dry for your liking, and you have to stop Jeongguk from popping an entire one into his mouth the second they’re out of the oven, you guess he succeeded because you don’t spare the dwindling rain any more thought.

At least not until you’ve closed the laptop and put the cupcakes in the fridge, turning the lights off in the kitchen. You’ve joked and laughed, but now that it’s quiet… You bite your lip, standing outside your room with your fingers on the handle of the half open door.

“Everything okay?”

You turn your head, meeting Jeongguk’s eyes. He’s stopped on the way to his own bedroom, and you make an effort to smile at him, “Yeah. I probably won’t be able to sleep… with the rain, but it’s okay.”

“Sleep with me in my bed?”

You can’t help the risk analysis your brain performs. It’s the concept of laying your unconscious body in an extremely vulnerable state next to a being much bigger and five times stronger than you, whose kind you know to be extremely violent and without a trace of empathy. But Jeongguk has had plenty of chances to hurt you, and in that way, he hasn’t. He quite literally could’ve murdered you when you fell asleep against him on the couch and didn’t even wake up fully when he carried you to bed.

“Okay,” you nod, taking the leap and watching him smile and continue to his room.

You change in your own room, emerging in a pair of baby blue cotton shorts and a white, loose t-shirt. Jeongguk is wearing a similar outfit, only his shorts are longer and his entire outfit is black, and he’s pulling away the bedspread as you enter his bedroom. Despite just spending hours with him, your heart rate increases.

He looks back at you over his shoulder. “You know, I’m sorry for making you sleep in bed with me back at the house. I thought you seemed uncomfortable because you were a little prudish, not because…”

“Because I was scared of you?” you continue, smiling softly at his confession.

He nods, and you see the way sadness fills his eyes.

“It’s okay. Thank you, though.”

There’s still a trace of hesitation in his eyes, so you roll your eyes playfully as you sit down on the bed. “Get in, Jeongguk.”

He follows your instructions, switching the lights off first, and though you’ve slept beside him in the past, it feels so different. There was always a tension, mostly because you were quite literally fearing for your life, but also because you did find him insanely attractive.

In the middle of the night, you wake up to the bed moving and soon after feeling Jeongguk reach for you in a clumsy way that definitely means he’s not awake. With his arm around your waist, he pulls you back against him, nuzzling his face into your hair and sighing. He’s really, really warm and sturdy, and you find that… it doesn’t scare you that much. Not too long after, you feel him tense a little and start to pull back his arm, a sign that he’s awake and realizing what he’s done. Surely surprising him–and honestly, yourself too–you grasp his hand to keep it there, and a few beats of silence later, you feel him snuggle just a little closer.

When you wake up in Jeongguk’s warm, white sheets, you’re alone. Rolling over, you find yourself face to face with the ring, still on his bedside table. Should you ask him about that? (Or about how you basically cuddled?) Is it weird or are you overthinking stuff? You observe the shiny gold for a minute before you stretch your arms over your head and decide to get up.

After visiting the bathroom, you head toward the kitchen. Expecting Jeongguk to have left already, you’re surprised to see him at the kitchen table, still wearing the clothes he slept in.

“You’re not going to the station today? I thought you had some sort of meeting” you question, walking to the fridge to grab a cupcake and pour yourself a glass of apple juice.

Jeongguk puts his phone down, scraping the last of the cereal from the bowl in front of him onto the spoon. “Moved it to Wednesday. Thought I’d stay home today.”

You wonder if it’s because of you and the bad day you had yesterday, but you don’t voice your thoughts. It’s still raining, but luckily there hasn’t been any more thunder, and it’s supposed to last until tomorrow. Though, while you can handle ordinary rain, it feels… good to have him close by.

After breakfast, Jeongguk resumes working in his office. You’re not really sure what to occupy yourself with, and although he left the door open, you don’t want to disturb him.

You end up in the kitchen, inventorying the contents of the fridge, freezer, and cupboards. You used up the last of the butter when you made the cupcakes, and although there are a couple of eggs left, if you want to bake, you should probably get some more.

With a list in your phone, you knock on the open door to Jeongguk’s office.

“Can I borrow the car? I was thinking of going grocery shopping.”

He turns to you in the chair, leaning back. “Are we out of something? I went not too long ago and thought I got everything?”

“I want to try baking some more.”

From confused, his features turn to understanding.

“Yeah, of course. I have the bike in case I get called in,” he turns back to the computer screen, clicking around. “Hold on a minute, and I’ll get my card.”

You pull the door closer to your body. “It’s alright, I’ll pay.”

Jeongguk swirls the chair all the way to face you and stands up before you, looking down at you, “I don’t mind, though.”

“Jeongguk, you’re very kind, but it’s not like I’m without pay. I can pay for some things while living in your house.”

“I know, but you still pay rent for your own apartment that you can’t live in at the moment, you pay for your car you can’t safely use, and I know you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t really have to, so in a sense, you’re paying that price as well. And it’s partially because of me. Just let me pay.”

“You’re stubborn, you know that?” you roll your eyes but let him pass you into the hallway.

“In a good way, I hope,” he calls out.

You follow him, taking the car key and card he just pulled out of his wallet from his hand. “And please just use it. I’ll check.”

“Fine.”

He grins happily, and then he returns to his office. But the joke’s on him because you do use his card at the grocery store, but you also take the opportunity to fill the car up with gas, and for that, you pay with your own card.

It’s just past noon when you return, locking the car in the garage and carrying the grocery bags inside. You notice the empty office on your way to the kitchen, and doesn’t it seem very… quiet? Then again, wasn’t the bike still in the garage?

You bring the groceries to the kitchen, unpacking everything before checking your phone again. If Jeongguk left he would’ve at least texted you, right? When there’s no notification from him, you conclude that he must be somewhere in the house, so you set out to find him.

You peer into his bedroom, finding it empty just like his office. Next, you open the door into your room, but he isn’t there either. That leaves, what, the bathroom?

The door to the bathroom is ajar, and as you approach, you see movement inside. Jeongguk stands with his back toward the door, sorting and throwing laundry into the washing machine. The final item he decides to wash is the shirt he’s currently wearing, and you watch him reach his hands to the back of his neck and then pull the black shirt over his head.

Which means that he’s left shirtless.

He places it in the washing machine and closes the door to it, unknowing of the way your heart has filled with an incredible weight, and you press your lips together in order to stop the bottom one from trembling.

The night that you almost died–Jeongguk more so than you–sometimes feels so distant. Like a terrible dream or something from another lifetime. But you’re now cruelly reminded by the large, very pink and ugly scar close to his shoulder blade.

He’s about to start the machine when he turns around as if he forgot something, worry filling his eyes and coloring his face when he spots you, on the brink of crying.

It doesn’t help you much, though, because there’s another huge, pink scar on his chest as well, spanning from right above where his heart should be and down a few inches.

You remember how he used to look when he couldn’t ever be bothered to wear a shirt around the fake house; how his warm, essentially flawless skin looked under the summer sun. And now, it’s going to look like that for the rest of his life. Because of you. You could’ve moved out of the way when Hoseong rushed toward you with the sword, but you didn’t. You could’ve at least tried, but you hadn’t.

“Jeongguk,” you whisper, distraught, taking a few steps toward him. He looks at you as you reach your hand out carefully, but he makes no effort to stop you, so you ghost your shaky fingers over the scar on his chest, as if it still hurts him.

“I–I…”

“Hey, it’s fine, okay?” he tries to meet your eyes, but you keep them on the scar, “It doesn’t hurt.”

He could’ve died. He was so, so close to dying. You nod, but your lip trembles as you tilt your head.

“Listen… I’m fine… They’re just scars. I’m not bothered by them. Not at all; I don’t think about them. I can barely see them.”

Your gaze drifts, and you spot another scar on the side of his ribcage. “And this? I don’t remember this?”

He lifts his arm a little, giving you a better view of it. Luckily, it’s not close to as big as the others. “This,” he says, touching his other hand to raised, pink skin, “is from the chest tube. The others are from, well, the sword and fixing my ribs and my lung.”

In order to get your attention, Jeongguk places two fingers under your chin and lifts it to search your eyes, “I’m okay, I promise. The doctors told me not to exert myself like I used to for a while, so I’m still taking it a little easy, but I’ll definitely be able to.”

You grab his hand, holding it tightly in the air between you. “You’ll be completely fine?”

“Yes. I mostly am already. I’m like 99%.”

You think about the damage the sword did to his body, and if he hadn’t taken the blow for you, Hoseong would’ve aimed it for your heart, and it would’ve pierced your body. It hurts just thinking about it.

Closing your eyes for a second, you nod softly before gently turning him around again to look at the scar on his shoulder blade. He lets you, standing patiently with his back to you.

“Have you tried any of those oils?” you sniffle.

“Oils?”

“That make them less noticeable.”

“I haven’t,” he answers over his shoulder. “I don’t think it’ll help since they’re so… textured. But if it’s just for appearance, I don’t mind. They don’t bother me.”

“It doesn’t hurt?” you ask to make sure, letting your fingers touch his skin still very lightly but less so than the previous ghosting touch.

He shakes his head, turning it forward again as if giving you free reign.

You trace the scar, the long vertical, raised line that thickens more to the middle. You’ve never seen scars like this before, not where you can even make out the stitches. For a moment, you stand there in silence.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your work?” you ask quietly.

He turns his head to the side, “What do you mean?”

“Back at the house, when I essentially yelled at you for being a shitty cop and about the patriarchy. Jimin said you worked a lot of domestic violence and sexual assault cases, like… voluntarily. Why didn’t you tell me that? Why did you let me go on and on about women’s rights and police violence and abuse when you were actually trying to do good?”

Jeongguk shrugs lightly, “Would it have helped? In the moment?”

You think about it, letting your hand fall from his back. He turns around and leans back against the washing machine, his hands on top of it behind him.

“I probably wouldn’t have believed you.”

It wouldn’t have helped. You were angry–furious–and upset, and it wouldn't have changed anything because you would’ve thought he was lying. Lying and somehow trying to invalidate your feelings.

“I had the feeling you needed to vent. I sorta realized then what your impression of me was, and I felt like I understood you more in that moment as well.” He tilts his head, looking down at you with those kind, brown eyes and a small smile.

“That I wasn’t a fake feminist, using the movement for my own personal and professional advantage? And that I actually thought you were the most misogynistic asshole to ever live, not just throwing blame around to victimize myself?”

Jeongguk chuckles at your colorful description, “Yeah.”

Even so, he still looks so… sweet.

author's note: so i hope you like this spontaneous april fools' prank lol. i'm also really, really hoping that if you did like it that maybe you'll leave a reblog or an ask with your thoughts? makes my day to hear if you liked it (and what you liked)!!

#kariereads

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ficlibra-ry · 1 month

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I'm excited to announce that I have signed a book deal with Del Rey at Penguin Random House in the US and Michael Joseph in the UK for my debut novel, Alchemised, a standalone dark fantasy set in a war-torn world of necromancy and alchemy, in which a healer with amnesia is taken as a prisoner of war and must fight to protect her lost memories and the secrets hidden among them. It will grapple with themes of trauma and survival, legacy, and the way that love can drive one to extreme darkness, and it is, as you may be able to tell, a reimagined version of Manacled.

I know I’ve been rather quiet about my publishing journey, and a lot of that has been because I didn’t want to spark any concerns or worry that I might be abruptly taking away a story that is such a deep part of myself and that I know has meant so much to so many people. This process has unfolded very slowly and quietly because I have tried to be mindful as I could be in every step of the way.

As most of you know, I have been a reader in fandom long before I ever began to write. Fanfiction is incredibly special to me, and I have tried to do my best not to undermine its legal protection or allow my works to do so either. During the last several years, there has been a growing issue with illegal sales of Manacled, putting both me and the incredible community that shares fanfiction freely in legal jeopardy.

After consulting with the OTW as well as other lawyers, it has grown clear that as a transformative writer I have limited options in protecting my stories from this kind of exploitation, but I wasn’t sure what to do; I didn’t want to just take the story down, in part because I worried that might only exacerbate the issue, but I didn’t know what other options I had. Then I suddenly had this idea of alchemy, which was peculiarly appropriate; an academic world filled with unique transmutational abilities, and a necromantic war against people who had discovered the secrets of immortality, and I could see a path to reimagining the story while still holding on to as much of the original spirit of Manacled as possible.

I began redrafting the concept privately around Christmas 2022, and then as if the universe had aligned, just as I was finishing, Caitlin Mahony and Rivka Bergman of WME reached out to me and were delightfully enthusiastic about concepts and ideas for my new alchemical world and the ways I had reimagined the story.

I'm thrilled to be working with Emily Archbold, my visionary editor at Del Rey, along with Rebecca Hilsdon at Michael Joseph in the UK, to polish this novel for publication in Fall 2025. I feel uniquely privileged that both my publishing teams are familiar with Manacled and understand how special it is to so many people, and how important it is that this reimagining captures the same spirit while also having its own wings.

Manacled is not going anywhere at present. It will remain online throughout 2024, at which point it will, if you’ll pardon the pun, alchemise for 2025 and be removed from AO3.

I'm so thankful to all of you who've enjoyed my works, and I hope that I can continue to rely on your support as I take my next steps as an author.

#this is what I wish to all of you wonderful fanfiction writers #can’t wait to see more of you getting your works published #also this story!!!!!!!#highly recommended #even if you’re not hp fan #this story is everything #katiereads #manacled #alchemised #senlinyu

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ficlibra-ry · 1 month

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tolerate it

pairing: y/n x jeon jungkook

genre: angst, age gap! au, failing marriage! au

warnings: allusions to cheating, not confirmed. failing marriage, age gap (jungkook is in his mid 30's, reader is early 20's)

synopsis: marriage is difficult, and every married couple fights. but jungkook has been late one too many times and broken one too many promises. it has you wondering why you give everything for a man who simply tolerates you.

a/n: of course, inspired by a taylor swift song. this time it's tolerate it, but you can listen to this playlist which includes more songs which helped me write this. thank you!

click here for playlist

Dinner’s ready.

The large spread of various side dishes and grilled meat sits on the table, and the smell lingers in the house after hours of you slaving over the stove. You gingerly wipe your hands on the apron adorning your body and settle yourself on one of the large chairs in the living room.

He should be here any minute now.

The t.v. plays a rerun of your favorite show, and you get so lost in the episode, you don’t realize half an hour has passed. Frowning, you reach for your phone and pull up the conversation you had with your husband earlier that day.

Good morning my love, when will you be home tonight?

I have a lot of work. I’m thinking 8:00.

Ok, I’ll make something for you so you can eat as soon as you come home. I’ll be waiting for you, I love you.

Read 11:23 a.m.

The clock reads 8:30 p.m. and dinner’s cold.

You should’ve seen this coming. Trudging into the kitchen, you begin disassembling the dinner you had worked so hard on. Another half hour passes and you have everything packed away, and his lunch ready for the next day which consists of the leftovers from that night.

You stare into the mirror after the hot shower you force yourself to take, taking in your sunken eyes and hollow cheeks. You find yourself thinking back to these past few months, and how every day felt like a war you had to overcome. The man you fell in love with was fading away into a stranger. You initially took his indiscretions as a sign of the stress of his job manifesting itself, ignoring the warning signs blaring so loudly in your stubborn face.

When Jungkook got down on one knee and proposed to you after only dating for a few months, you felt like life was finally beginning to treat you right. Failed relationships had ruined your perception of love, and how to be loved, but he had broken down your walls and made you feel something again. Initially, the age gap between the two of you served as a hindrance to your growing fondness of him, you had heard stories of younger women getting into relationships with older men, and how so many of them left worse than they came into it.

You never thought it would be you.

The jingle of keys brings you back to the present, you quickly shuffle into your shared closet and begin getting dressed into your nightwear, trying your best to not let the stinging in your nose turn into tears. God, you think, even the closet was a semblance of where your love lied. His t-shirts you used to use as your pajamas every night had remained untouched for weeks, the smell of him deterring you from any sleep as you lay alone on the large bed meant for two.

“Hey.” His tone is soft as he enters the closet, and you quickly turn around. He stands in front of you, hair disheveled, face in a light frown as he reaches to pull you into a hug.

“Hi.” You whisper back, nuzzling your head further into the older man’s chest.

He moves to take his shirt off, slowly unbuttoning it with nimble fingers. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it on time tonight.”

You feel the stinging in your nose again, but you just turn away and begin placing the shirt he had just taken off on a hanger. “It’s fine.”

He sighs, and the room gets quiet. “Is it?”, he asks. You’re taken aback, pausing your movement to look up at him with furrowed brows and questioning eyes.

You nod, “Of course it is, I know you’re busy.” You go back to rearranging the strewn about close from that morning.

Your heart’s beating so fast, yet you try to keep a neutral look on your face. He had never outright confronted everything to you, you had made a habit of going along with whatever mood he had depending on the day, never wanting to bring up his obvious carelessness when it came to the two of you.

“We should take a break.”

The room goes quiet again, although this time you can swear you feel the temperature drop, too. You halt your movements, one hand on his dress pants, the other on the hanger. And as the reality of what your husband says sinks into your bones, you start to tremble.

Slowly, the tears begin forming in your eyes and the tight grasp you had on the items drops. You bring your hand up to your mouth as you turn to face the man you love. He’s looking at you with an indifferent gaze, shoulders back as he takes in your deliberated form.

Finally, you speak. “What?”

It’s soft, so soft he almost missed it but when he realizes what you say he just sighs. “I want to take a break, y/n. It’s clear we both aren’t happy in this relationship right now.”

You laugh at that, like an actual full belly fall, and any person without an idea of what was going on would’ve thought you were insane. You sure felt like it. You finally look up at him again.

“You’re telling me,” you pause, scanning his face, “- that I spent two hours cooking for you, cooking your favorite meal, for you to come home and tell me you want to take a break?”

His shoulders finally drop, taking in your words and letting reality hit him. Yeah, you think, listen to how much of an asshole you are.

“Actually, you’re right.” You say as you make your way out of the closet. You pull out a large duffel bag stowed away in your bathroom cabinet, throwing it onto the bed and forcing it to open as big as it can. You begin by emptying your bathroom drawers, taking out anything that belonged to you and haphazardly stuffing it into the bag. Jungkook just stares at you.

“I must have ‘dumb fucking idiot’ written on my forehead, huh?” You grumble as you push past him to begin emptying out your closet drawers next.

“Ignored everybody who told me not to be with you, had fight after fucking fight with my own mother as she warned me about how you would break my heart.” You pause, staring into his eyes as you seethe, “I should’ve fucking listened.”

The next few minutes consist of slamming drawers and harsh sniffles as you take pauses to wipe both your eyes and nose from how hard you were crying. You couldn’t believe it was ending like this, but you couldn’t stay any longer. After another short while, you throw the bag over your shoulder and begin stalking towards the front door.

Jungkook’s hurried feet scramble to reach you, holding a firm grasp on the door you’re trying so desperately to open.

“Move.” You say, trying another futile attempt to push past the man’s strong grasp. He shakes his head.

“No, this is not how I wanted things to go. I said I wanted a break, not a fucking divorce. Not whatever the fuck this is.” He says as he motions to your disheveled form.

You laugh, again, setting the bag down as you cross your arms. “Yeah? Well you might as well have served me divorce papers and kicked me out with the way you’re been treating me these past few months. I’m so sorry I got the wrong idea.”

He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms too, and you both glare at each other.

Sighing, you pick up the bag once again, moving to open the door. “Let me do the both of us a favor, let me leave.” He goes to stop you, but you bring up a finger to tell him to not fucking try it.

“For months I have sat here like a fucking dumbass playing the stupid housewife. Making you dinner, washing your clothes, packing your lunches. I never wanted this, you knew I never wanted this. I told you my biggest fear was being in a loveless marriage and yet you didn’t care, because day after day I sat there on that fucking couch and waited for my loving husband to show up for once.”

You look at him, “And you never fucking did.”

His forlorn expression brings a smile to your face, “You tolerated my love. And while any other man would’ve gotten on their knees and begged for me to stay, you try to justify your selfish actions and tell me you want a break?”

Finally opening the door, you step outside and turn to look at him one last time. “Where’s the man I married, Jungkook? Because I’m surely not looking at him right now.”

And with that, you walk away.

there will be a part two for this!

#jeon jungkook #established relationship au #marriage au #r:sfw #5-10k #two shot #lmaosope

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ficlibra-ry · 1 month

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Frost Impressions (M) | JJK

Summary: Jeongguk is so disgustingly smitten with his new coworker that he ends up making a terrible first impression, and neither of them realize they’ve actually been in love with each other for the better part of a decade.

❄ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

❄ Genre: Teacher AU / Gamer AU / Simultaneous (One-Sided) Enemies to Lovers + Best Friends to Lovers + Idiots to Lovers AU / Humor / Tooth-rotting Fluff / Smut / Heavy Pining / Slight Angst

❄ Rating: 18+ / Explicit

❄ Word Count: 41.3k

❄ Chaptered AO3 link in case you don’t want to read the fic all at once or your app crashes: HERE

❄ CW and other tags: Jungkook is disgustingly smitten, Jungkook is a MESS, seriously the second-hand embarrassment that writing this fic gave me deserves it’s own warning, please help Jungkook, swearing, sexual innuendo, sexual tension, Jungkook can’t stop putting his foot in his mouth, disgusting amounts of pining, past bullying/harassment mention, horribly awkward situations, wet dreams, accidental exhibitionism/voyeurism, thigh riding, making out, masturbation, Jungkook is lowkey a freak, Jungkook has a sexy teacher kink (nevermind that he IS a teacher), more masturbation, love kink, oral sex (female receiving), sexual fantasies involving inappropriate places to cum, I spell Jungkook “Jeongguk” the entire fic, that’s not a warning I just wanted to make that clear, angry sexual tension, fat cock indeed, waking up from a “nightmare” lmao, footsie =) =) =), some sad angst but it’s really not that bad, just emotional, face riding, protected vaginal sex, mentions of unprotected sex, reader loves creampies lol, a whole lot more love kink, accidental (very minor) injuries, I really can’t stress the ‘love kink’ or second-hand embarrassment enough, I probably forgot a bunch of stuff and I’m sorry, I’m trying to remember everything I wrote, but if you see something not listed, let me know and I’ll tag it <3, but hopefully I got most of everything, anyway this fic is really, really, grossly soft and fluffy, tooth-rotting fluff, really,

❄ A/N: This is my favorite thing I’ve written and my favorite Jungkook that I’ve written, by far, and I’ve written a lot of Jungkook. I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Addendum - if you wanted to reblog and leave comments, or just come back to it later, but the app is crashing, I’ve been told that quick-reblogs work.

Czytaj dalej

#another reread of one of my favorite fics ever #what a delight #highly recommended

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ficlibra-ry · 1 month

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reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something

#this #I think I've said it once #but I wholeheartedly wish every ff author that wants to get their work published would have their chance #you deserve everything #i've read too many mediocre novels while some of my favorite stories are still on Tumblr/ao3 #I believe in you ff authors #if you get published I'll be the first one to buy your book

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ficlibra-ry · 1 month

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between takes | 01

as a fluffer for a popular porn star, your focus is to keep him hard and performing on set. turns out he's not the only thing that's hard.

pairing: porn star!jk x f fluffer!reader

genre: porn star au, fluff, angst, smut

word count: 4.5k

warnings: yearning x 1000, also, due to the nature and theme of the fic: handjobs, head receiving (both m and f receiving), regular ol' sex, role playing (swat/cop), jk is a cheeky, insanely attractive man. he doesn't have the lip piercings....

rating: NC-17 – Adults Only

masterlist

part 1/5

Usually, you leave your apartment early enough to take the subway that leaves before the one you absolutely need to take.

Today, however, you couldn’t find your keys, and after spending ten minutes going through all the pockets of the outfit you wore yesterday only to find the keys under your shoe rack, you were left to take the later subway. And just because it’s you, and just because it’s today, that one was late.

Which is why you’re slightly out of breath when you step through the door onto the day’s set.

“Morning,” you greet Jeongguk’s stylist, Wendy, as she’s rummaging through one of her large black bags, opened up like a book on a table.

“Good morning,” she replies happily, but you’re already peering around the room. The walls are darker than you’re used to, and you quickly realize that you’ve never actually been at this specific set in this part of the building before. Are those… metal bars?

But before you can spend any longer thinking about it, you feel a large presence looming behind you.

“Put your hands behind your back. Now,” a low voice orders sternly, but there’s not enough time for you to even consider obeying before you’re grabbed and your hands forced behind your back. “Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law.”

You crane your neck in an attempt to see your assailant. “What the hell… Gguk?”

He laughs as he lets you go, and as you turn around, your breath catches in your throat.

He’s decked out head to toe in police uniform and gear, and not the dark blue one regular police officers wear, but the black one used by the special forces.

“What do you think? Can’t believe it’s taken me so long to do cop,” he grins, and your heart clenches when you see him smile so excitedly his dark eyes twinkle.

“How did I miss this?” you wonder, making no effort to hide your wandering eyes. He asked for your opinion after all.

It’s not uncommon for Jeon Jeongguk to look hot. After all, he’s a porn star so dressing his already handsome self in panty-dropping outfits is quite literally the point. And you’ve seen it all, well at least you think you have now.

You weren’t into thighs until you met Jeongguk. Actually, that could be said about almost all of the male body. You were attracted to guys, but as a whole. The difference is that although Jeongguk is most definitely a masterpiece in his entirety, you’re also attracted to every little part of him.

Like his thighs, currently straining the fabric of the black pants. As you take more of him in, like the black vest with ‘POLICE’ written on it, over a just as black jacket. Or the black cap on his head that instead has ‘SOU’ marked on it. The dark hair that’s usually framing his face or forehead in some way is pushed away by it, enhancing his strong, dark eyebrows.

The worst part is probably that he’s got the sleeves of the jacket pushed up, exposing his veiny forearms, one of which is inked down to his knuckles. From his belt, he’s taking a set of handcuffs to twirl casually around his finger, his other hand resting on a holster.

When you look up again, he’s waiting with a confident grin.

“You look hot,” you smirk, “I mean, you always look sexy, but they’ve definitely missed out not having you as a cop.”

“Right? And you’re my first arrest since you were late.”

“I wasn’t late, just later than usual,” you defend before lifting your arm to glance at your watch.

“Fuck,” you whisper, seeing that although you weren’t technically late, you still have a lot less time to get ready than what you’re used to.

Hurriedly, you reach for Jeongguk, your hands finding purchase on the straps of the vest and pulling him to you.

“And what’s this now?” he smirks, gazing down at you as you unbutton his pants. “Assault on police officer?”

“Ha ha, very funny, but c’mon, get your dick out, we need to get you ready.”

“Relax. We’ve got time. Director got here not even twenty minutes ago, apparently there’s been issues with the subways all morning.”

Your hands stop, and you lift your head to look around once more. And yeah, Jeongguk’s right, people are still running around, fixing things.

He’s smiling warmly when you meet his eyes. “Also, I’m always like at least half hard already when you’re around.”

You snort, rolling your eyes. Your right hand moves to toy with the velcro strap on the front of the vest. “Did you sleep well?”

Jeongguk doesn’t respond immediately, he just gives you a knowing, amused look.

“What? You said you found it hard to fall asleep on Sundays?”

“I did, didn’t I?” he sighs, still smiling as he gestures toward a couch placed next to the table with coffee and snacks. “I slept well, though. I promise. I’m well rested.”

You follow him, sitting down and turning toward him. “Good.”

For around twenty more minutes, you sit on that couch, just talking. Sometimes, despite the costumes and occasionally odd background sounds, it’s easy to forget that you’re at work. That Jeongguk is actually a porn star—a very popular one—and that you’re hired as his fluffer, essentially his assistant whose focus is mostly to keep him hard and performing.

“So, how’s today’s script? Oscar worthy?”

Jeongguk laughs. “Uh, almost. I’m bringing my victim to the cell and “punish” her by giving her the fuck of her life. You know, the usual,” he grins lazily, leaning fully against the backrest. It has you rolling your eyes. “Tried to convince them to have her cuff me to the cell instead and make a run for it, but they didn’t get my vision.”

Somewhere, you hear the director, a middle aged woman, call out that there are ten minutes left, and so you scoot closer to Jeongguk.

“Sad,” you agree, tapping his belt with your fingers, “maybe one day they’ll see you for the cinematic genius you are.”

He unbuckles the belt and unzips the black pants, revealing white Calvin Klein boxers.

“By the way, who’s your co-star?”

You crane your neck to look around the room once more, your hand dipping below the waistband of Jeongguk’s underwear and gripping him.

“Irene,” he grunts.

“Oh. I don’t know who that is,” you admit, eyes zeroing in on what you pull out of his pants. Funnily enough, he is half hard and warm in your hand already.

“You don’t know anyone in the industry except for me. You don’t even watch porn.”

“I know a lot of the women you’ve worked with, actually.”

You set a slow pace, having had a lot of time to learn how to make the process as comfortable as possible for him. The goal is to get him hard and keep him there for as long as it takes to start filming without getting him too close or tease him too much. So the result is a firm grip and slow pumps of his cock, your hand twisting over the head occasionally. And Jeongguk likes it, his entire body relaxes, and his breathing deepens.

“Name two,” he raises his eyebrow at you, and you meet his eyes.

“Uh… Irene… and, uh…”

He watches you knowingly, but you’re determined to prove him wrong. “And… Seulgi…?”

“Fine.”

“Also, I watch porn literally three times a week.”

He rolls his eyes, “You being here three times a week doesn’t count. Besides, you’re always reading something or working.”

“You know maybe I should talk to whoever comes up with all these concepts and ideas because I think you don’t do nearly enough submissive roles. I feel like someone should definitely fuck the brat out of you.”

He groans when you pinch the head of his cock slightly. “I do a lot more sub roles than the average male adult actor.”

“I know. I’m just saying I think they let you off too easy.”

Without really thinking about it, you’ve moved closer to him. It’s what always happens, wherever you are, no matter if you’re standing in a corner or sitting on the couch, you pull each other in until you’re inches and whispers away.

His eyes fall to your mouth for a second. Usually, when the position allows it better than this one, he holds your waist or your thighs or arms. But he’s not allowed to touch you more than that, isn’t supposed to kiss you either.

When you started–and before you met him–you signed a contract, and they asked for your boundaries and preferences. Better safe than sorry, you checked the box where you’re willing to touch your actor if you feel okay doing it, but you don’t want to have sex in any way or be touched in a sexual manner.

And you could’ve changed it, could’ve asked for a new contract to sign, but honestly, you’re glad you signed what you did. As Jeongguk watches you with half-lidded eyes, his big hand warming your thigh through your jeans, and his cock twitching slightly in your hold, you’re living dangerously enough as it is.

He kissed you once. It was in the heat of the moment, and he apologized profusely afterward, and sure, you could’ve admitted to him that you liked it and how it was probably your favorite kiss ever, but all you did was assure him it was okay and you weren’t mad or anything.

If you want to stay relatively sane, you need to have a line drawn. Otherwise Jeongguk will move inside your head and he won’t leave, and that’s not preferable when he isn’t yours and can’t be.

“Jeon! You ready?”

Used to the interrupting voice, you start to move away from him, his rock hard cock bouncing when you let go of it.

“Yeah. On my way,” he replies, moving his hand from your thigh to tuck himself back in his pants as well as he can. A second after he rises from the couch, Wendy swoops in and dabs something on his face and readjusts the cap on his head.

“Hey, I was thinking of running down to Subway for lunch, want me to get you something?” you call after Jeongguk who turns around, Wendy standing on her toes and moving his jaw to inspect his makeup.

“Yeah, sure. The usual? My wallet’s in the pocket of my jacket.”

“I used your card last time though, so I’ll pay this time.”

He narrows his eyes at you but there’s not much he can do as he’s being dragged away.

You’ve long since learned to somewhat tune out the sounds of people having loud sex. You usually bring your laptop, and at first, you used it to get some (quiet) schoolwork done, but now that you’ve graduated and found a full time job–which luckily enough, you can do a lot of remotely–you’re doing that instead.

At first, it was incredibly hard, and you found yourself feeling… almost flustered whenever you heard Jeongguk’s voice order his costar around or his moans or even pleas. Even worse when you couldn’t stop yourself from sneaking a glance over your laptop screen. If Jeongguk is beautiful in any costume, he’s even more irresistible naked. You try not to think too much about it or, again, you can practically say goodbye to your sanity.

At the moment, you’ve placed your laptop on your thighs, but you keep it closed while you observe the scene from behind all the lights and microphones and cameras. It’s alright while everyone’s still dressed, and you do enjoy watching Jeongguk act, even if the scripts are a little cheesy sometimes.

Currently, he’s got Irene pressed against the bars of a cell as he cuffs her hands behind her back. In reality, it’s probably at that moment he’s supposed to uncuff her if anything, but who cares, it’s porn.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he questions sternly as she starts to “innocently” feel for him with her hands, his crotch being at the perfect height.

“Nothing,” she says, looking at him seductively over her shoulder while still tracing his cock over his pants. “But officer, I think I’d prefer a different punishment…”

Both Irene and Jeongguk are exceptional actors, being able to keep straight faces at lines like that. You, sitting on the couch at the back, have to close your eyes and put a hand over your mouth just in case a laugh tries to escape.

However the comedy ends when Irene, still handcuffed, is on her knees in front of Jeongguk and pulling at the zipper of his pants with her teeth. You don’t look more than a brief glance here and there as she chokes on his cock, or when he’s got her on her back on a desk, eating her out like his life depends on it. Nor do you watch as he fucks her against the bars, or in any position, really.

“Cut!”

Immediately, you shut your laptop and place it beside you on the couch, reaching for the white robe you hung over the armrest earlier. It’s a very sweaty and even more naked Jeongguk that walks off the set and toward you. On the way, he removes the condom and discards it in a nearby trash can. It’s not because it’s full and he’s soft or because he finds them uncomfortable, because he’s definitely still at full mast, but he knows you definitely prefer touching him raw than over a used condom.

“Long or short break? I didn’t quite hear,” you ask him when he takes the robe from your hands. While he puts it on, you reach for a water bottle, handing that to him as well.

“Short, there was a problem with the mic, I think.”

“Hm, okay. Doing good?”

He grins at your question, unscrewing the top of the bottle and taking a swig. “Yeah. You? Getting anything done?”

You look back at the laptop where it lies forgotten on the couch. “A bit, actually. But it’s a little hard to focus sometimes with how loud you’re moaning,” you tease.

“Oh, really?”

“Mhm. So what’s the status, are you soft yet?” you ask, pulling him closer by the robe.

“Didn’t I say I’m always at least half hard when you’re around?”

You chuckle. Although it’s a game to keep him hard and turned on, you don’t hate it. True to his word, Jeongguk is very much still hard when you sneak your hand inside the robe. Sound guys walk through the set, and so you move toward the back corner of the room so as to not be in the way.

You continue the same kind of handjob you did earlier, but when you see people making calls and seeming a bit too irritated, you furrow your eyebrows and peer up at Jeongguk.

“This looks like it might take a while; you sure you want to continue?”

The option to just let him go soft isn’t very popular, you know that, but you’re not so sure how nice it is to essentially be edged for too long either. Orgasming is also pretty much out of the picture since you don’t know how long he’d have to recuperate, and you’re pretty sure they want a big cumshot scene.

“It’s up to you. I think I’ll hold out a bit longer, and although I do like it when you do it, I can do it myself if you prefer that?”

Every trace of the teasing Jeongguk is gone and left is just a warm smile and a gentle tilt of his head. He looks so incredibly sweet and kind.

You shake your head, smiling back, “Just let me know if you change your mind, we don’t know how long it’ll take.”

Luckily, it only takes another ten minutes before Wendy comes knocking on Jeongguk’s shoulder where he stands, his arm against the wall and trapping you against it. You’re still jerking him off slowly, but except for his breaths–every one almost like a sigh–you wouldn’t be able to tell.

“We’ll continue this later?” Jeongguk looks at you hopefully as he’s ripping open a new condom with his teeth to roll over his cock, “I wanna hear more about your project. And I also think you should tell them about this job, I think it’s pretty cool.”

You chuckle at his smirk. “No offense, but this job is weird. Not something I typically bring up among colleagues.”

It wasn’t even a job you actively applied for. Your previous neighbor was Jeongguk’s stylist, a job she quit when she moved away a year ago. You were pretty good friends, and when the entire subway system was down once, you took it upon yourself to drive her. She knew you were looking for a part time job and also that Jeongguk was looking for a new assistant, so she recommended it to you.

At first, you declined, but she was very clear that you would not have to partake in anything sexual unless you wanted to and no one would look at you weird for not doing it either. Additionally, the actor was supposed to be a real sweetheart. Which honestly is why you’re still here even after graduating and getting a full time job.

You and Jeongguk continue talking over lunch, sitting on the same couch at the back of the room as earlier. He then goes to shower, having finished the shoot, only to start planning for the next one since he’s taking two days off for a family member’s wedding out of town.

You stay as long as he does, talking to Wendy who’s been running between sets to fill in for another stylist, but the moment after Jeongguk has pulled on his leather jacket and left the room with a warm smile your way, she turns to you.

“Ask him out,” she groans quietly but dramatically, “you’re making everyone else frustrated at this point.”

You blink in surprise. Sure, she’s hinted at you liking him before, but she’s never been this straightforward.

“What?” you reach for your own jacket from the coat rack. “I don’t think he likes me like that. If he did, he would’ve asked me out, we both know him.”

“Oh come on, you can’t be that stupid. You signed a contract saying you don’t want him to touch you, and although he’s not your boss, there’s definitely a power imbalance here. He would, but he doesn’t want to put you in that kind of situation.”

You’ve never really thought about it like that before. Yeah, you know what your contract could signal, but you signed that before you even met him. The power imbalance though, you never really considered that.

“I know that you like him, and he’s obviously in love with you. I mean, you spend every free second on set together. Sure, you keep him hard and such, but as soon as he can, he goes to you, and you retreat into your own little world, just the two of you. And you care way more about him than I’ve seen any other assistant care for their actors.”

You zip up your jacket, then meet Wendy’s eyes sadly. “I do like him, I think he’s… great and really sweet, but… he’s a porn star, Wendy.”

That’s the thing. You never even really entertain the idea of the two of you together for real, because on the off chance that he’s as attracted to you as you are to him, you can’t handle his profession.

Knowing that having sex with other women day in and day out is what pays his bills doesn’t work for you. It makes you feel superficial and shallow for even thinking about it, but the worry it would put into you? Not knowing if he falls for a costar, if he prefers them over you? It would feel like cheating even if you don’t think Jeongguk is the type of man to cheat. And don’t you have the right to feel that way, isn’t it valid to not want your significant other to sleep with others?

Wendy bites her lip looking at you like she understands.

“I just… can’t. Not a porn star.”

“I get it, I just think it’s a shame,” she says, lifting her bag to reveal a small box on the floor.

“Oh, aren’t those Jeongguk’s?” you say, bending down to pick it up, “I’m pretty sure these are his earbuds.”

“They must’ve slipped his pocket,” Wendy concludes.

It’s a warm, sunny day when you step out of your apartment building and head toward the subway. Almost the entire journey, you think about Jeongguk and how you’re looking forward to seeing him again since it’s been a few days. Your hand squeezes the earbuds in the pocket of your denim jacket.

You ride the elevator to the reception, smiling when you spot Yeri behind the monitor.

“Hey, could you tell me where Jeongguk is? I can’t remember which set it is today?” you ask, coming to stand in front of the desk and leaning your hands on it.

Yeri, working mostly as the big boss’ assistant and sometimes filling in as receptionist, clicks on the computer.

“Yeah, they’re in… A20, but, uh… listen, I was told to tell you that you’ve been moved to another actor. If that’s alright with you, both Jimin and Taehyung are looking, Jimin for a fluffer and Taehyung only for an assistant, so you can choose if you want to.”

“Wait,” you say, furrowing your brows. “Moved? From Jeongguk? Why? Did I do something wrong?”

“I don’t think so, there at least isn’t any sort of report or complaint, but as you know, we let the actors decide who they want and allow them to switch, no questions asked.”

“Yeah, I know that, but… I just don’t get why he would…” you trail off, going through the last time you met him in your head.

He was happy. You were happy.

Yeri looks at you with empathy. “You can take the day off if you want to think about it. You’ll still get paid. Or you can visit the guys to see if anyone’s a fit if you’d like?”

Heartbroken, you blink as you try to regain your senses. “I… I think I’ll just head home.”

“Understandable. I wish you a nice day.”

You smile back at her before turning around and with slow steps, approach the elevator. What just happened? Jeongguk… switched you out?

Why?

You put your hands into your pockets as you step back inside the elevator, sighing when you feel the outline of Jeongguk’s earbuds. So, instead of pressing the button for ground floor, you press the 2.

You’ve been on set A20 before, but it was a while ago. It’s a set meant to look just like a regular home, and you think the last time you were there, Jeongguk was playing some sort of handyman or electrician or something.

Reaching for your keycard, you hold it to the reader until the light turns green and the door unlocks with a click. You wouldn’t have entered if it weren’t still so early, knowing they definitely haven’t started shooting yet. But since there’s a relatively low risk of you walking in on someone fucking or something, you open the door.

There’s movement inside as usual. People are fixing the set and equipment, talking to each other, and moving around. That’s when you spot him.

He’s standing in front of Wendy, in nothing but a pair of baggy jeans, as she’s trying to decide on a shirt for him, holding a white t-shirt in front of him before repeating it with a black one and seemingly settling on the latter. You can’t really tell what the script is about, and you weren’t really listening last time, but you don’t care.

Somewhat… nervously, you take a step toward them, letting a small but polite smile pull on your lips when Jeongguk happens to turn his head and spot you. His eyes widen, and you watch as he says something to Wendy, who also turns her head. Does she know why he decided to switch you out?

“Hey,” you start quietly when he’s gotten close enough, Wendy taking the hint and leaving inconspicuously. “You dropped these last time.”

He peers down at your outstretched hand with the earbuds resting in the middle.

“Oh. Thank you.”

“No problem,” you say as he takes them from you to put in the pocket of his jeans. “Jeongguk… Can I ask… Did something happen? Did I do something?”

He looks down at the floor briefly before meeting your eyes. “No, it doesn’t have anything to do with you. I just… decided that I can’t continue working with you like this because I… I have feelings for someone.”

You didn’t think your heart could break like this because of the man in front of you, but something definitely cracks inside your chest.

“Oh. I didn’t know you were… seeing someone? Why didn’t you tell me?” you ask carefully.

“I’m not. At least not yet; it’s pretty new, still. But I hope you can understand that I can’t…”

“Yeah, no, of course. I get it,” you nod.

Suddenly, he smiles gently, “But I heard both Jimin and Tae were looking for someone, and I know either one of them would be happy to have you.”

“Yeah, sure. Look, I gotta go, but good luck with… her? Him?”

“Her.”

You smile, “Good luck with her, I’m rooting for you.”

“Thank you.”

Your smile falls the second you turn away from him. It hurts to know that he’s in love with someone else, but you had your chance, at least to see if he was interested at all, and you didn’t take it. The worst thing is probably knowing that you wouldn’t have acted differently if you had the chance to rewind.

You’re not mad at him, and you truly do wish him luck. It makes sense that he doesn’t feel comfortable being so close to someone else if he’s in love. You’re not really sure what he thinks about still starring in porn, but it’s not your decision to make.

“Still here?”

“Yeah, I just had to return something to someone. But can you do me a favor, Yeri?”

“Sure what is it?” she says, peering at you curiously and resting her chin on her hand.

You breathe in, feeling sad but not very hesitant. “Since my conditions changed, essentially without my input, I can quit on the spot, right? I don’t need the two week notice?”

She smiles sadly at you, “Yeah, you’re right. Do you want to fill out the form right now?”

“Yes, please.”

author's note: so pls let me know if you like it <3<3 EDIT: there is no taglist

#ongoing #jeonstudios

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