elunamae
Eluna Mae
Reader. Writer. Artist. Has many short-lived enthusiasms.
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If Cosmere Characters worked at a coffee shop...
[Spoilers for Rhythm of War & Mistborn Era 1, technically! All other references should be safe.]
Let’s say the Cosmere characters lived in our world and worked as baristas. What would they be like in that role?
1. Kaladin: Keeps trying (in vain) to unionize with the other employees
Kaladin: I really thought we had it, that time.
Kaladin: I can’t believe I’m the only one who didn’t get fired.
Kaladin: AGAIN
2. Shallan: Makes the most gorgeous latte art you’ve ever seen
Customer: H-How did you make the flower 3D? It’s just MILK
Shallan: I learned it from a book!
3. Sarene: Is the queen of malicious compliance and working to rule
Sarene: Manager got on my case because the customer said the coffee was weak.
Sarene: I am using this scale to measure out the proper coffee amounts to the gram.
Sarene: These tweezers help.
4. Kelsier: The rumors of his firing were greatly exaggerated
Doug the normal barista: Uh, I’m pretty sure our new coworker Ty Decker is just Kelsier in a mustache.
Doug the other normal barista: Impossible! We saw him get fired!
Doug #1: I’m telling you, man! It’s like he can’t leave this coffeeshop!
“Ty” (to a customer): Hello would you like to join my secret club?
Doug #2 (whispering): And I’m pretty sure he’s in an MLM!
5. Adolin: Knows each customer by name (and flirts for tips)
Adolin: Janala! It’s so great to see you! You look gorgeous as always!
Janala: …
Janala: Is our date going to be just hanging out at your coffeeshop while you’re working?
Adolin: I-It’ll be fun; you’ll see!
6. Lirin: Refuses to apply upcharges
Lirin: No one should have to pay EXTRA for oatmilk!
Lirin: I’m just going to give this to you for free.
7. Steris: Has the employee handbook memorized
Steris: Actually, it’s illegal to ask Doug to start the coffee before he clocks in.
Steris: Employee handbook Section 3.7a.
8. Lightsong: Refuses to believe that he is a god (of coffeemaking)
Lightsong: Ugh, WHY are we always so much busier when I’m working?
Lightsong: I’m not even that good at making coffee!
Llarimar: People believe your coffee is the best in town.
Lightsong: The coffee maker does all the work!
9. Lezian: Keeps forming grudges against coworkers
Lezian: Every time someone else gets chosen for Employee of the Month instead of me…
Lezian: I make it my mission to see them FIRED before the month is OVER!
Kaladin: But that’s…always.
Kaladin: You’re not very good at your job.
Lezian: THAT’S IT
Lezian: YOU’RE ON MY LIST
10. Tress: Really just loves the cups
Tress: Oh! I love your travel mug!
Tress: Where is it from?
11. Vivenna: Gradually has all of her coffeeshop illusions shattered
Vivenna: Man, I really thought people would come in, order off the menu, and then wait politely for their drink to be made and delivered.
Customer: NINE SHOTS OF ESPRESSO! WHIPPED CREAM!
Vivenna: I have seen the darkest parts of humanity.
12. Hoid: Is somehow everyone’s previous coworker
Shallan: Wait, didn’t we work for UberEats together?
Kelsier: No, that’s the bastard who slapped me! In the middle of Walmart! While we were on the clock!
Kaladin: Huh? I think that’s the guy who always changed the radio station in the store I used to work at.
Steris: I think he did Lyft with my sister.
Vivenna: Are you sure? I thought he worked at a bookstore with MY sister.
Sarene: I think I recognize him from my last office job. He never really seemed to do anything.
Adolin: How old IS this guy??
13. Rock: Makes the coffee…very strong
Rock: This is how we drink it where I’m from!
Customer: M-My tongue is dissolving!
14. Jasnah: Doesn’t like coffee
Shallan: You don’t like coffee??
Jasnah: I do not.
Shallan: You work in a coffee shop!
Jasnah: I don’t try to convince others to dislike coffee.
Jasnah: But I do believe that it is an unnecessary contrivance that people depend too much on.
Shallan: I thought you pulled, like, constant all-nighters!
Jasnah: That’s just sheer willpower.
15. Silence: Takes safety rules very seriously
Silence: Hey!
Silence: Wash out that cut, put on a band-aid, and wear gloves! You can’t bleed around food!
Silence: T-turn off that stove! You shouldn’t leave an open flame if you’re not heating something up!
Silence: AND NO RUNNING!
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I have a problem.
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#baby yoda#the mandolorian s3#grogu#the mandalorion spoilers#the armorer#the mandalorian#digital fanart#may the 4th be with you
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just had a winter storm so I stayed home and drew for 3 days
#cats#cozy#digital art#winter#cozy art#cats and books#cats in windows#cat lovers#cat illustration#cozy cat#cats sleeping#cat art#kitty#sleeping cat
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me every morning
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OC from my first sci fi story. Celica Tan
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Ultrviolet fairy queen.
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One of my favorite series of all time!!
Just a little intermission update on the progress of PRACTICAL DEFENCE AGAINST PIRACY. It'll be back this summer at the latest!
Anyway, you know how to keep in touch. Don't be a stranger.
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