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Stealing my jacket and my heart. What’s mine is yours. @adacaseywells

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adacaseywells‌:

Casey can see him flinch, she can see how he stiffens under her touch and how everything on his mind is putting up a wall between them, or at least he’s trying to, but the brunette refuses to let it be successful. If there is one thing she’s certain of it’s that is that she would stand by him and help with whatever he was going through just like he did for her. She would hold his hand, sit next to him silence, let him scream of cry if that was what might help, because relationships were meant to hold that. They supported each other, it was something she’d started to accept slowly even if when she was doing it in her own time the whole thing seemed laboured. Pressing one more soft kiss to his neck she finally gets up to give him some space. Maybe that was what he needed? She had no idea. Casey felt like she was stranded at sea without a life raft because fixing things was meant to be what she was good at but…this wasn’t in her wheelhouse.

“Just because you’re not sorry he’s dead it doesn’t mean it’s not going to be taxing on you baby, it’s okay, you can let yourself feel.” God she sounded like all the people around her when her mother died, how they’d pandered to her and used words normally reserved for airy fairy therapists, but maybe they had a point. All the same things were coming out of her own mouth and part of the ADA truly believed them. “You can begin wherever you need to, or don’t if that’s what you want, there is no right way to do this.” Once she was stood the woman held onto the bar with her left hand, balancing herself attempting to not let his bitter laugh that ran cold through her show on her face, swallowing hard. His father had been a terrible person but she couldn’t say that, he knew it, hell he was saying it himself. “No, I need to look after you, I want to, that’s what people do when they love each other.” Her hand comes up to stroke his wrist as he touches her cheek, following him into the bathroom as he starts to remove her shirt from his hand, sadness filling her eyes as she saw the extent of the damage. Reaching out Casey took the discarded shirt from him, still clad only in her underwear and boy shorts now, still following. There was no way in hell she’d leave him alone in this state. “Walking to the bathroom is okay, I don’t need to rest that much, I’ll help you clean it up and then you can come to bed with me.” It was with quiet authority that she took the first aid box from him, finding the antiseptic wipes and opening them carefully, holding his hand so she could find the wound, murmuring an apology that it would sting when she finally made contact, mouth set in a line from the concentration. “It is a shock regardless of what you felt towards him, you’ve had too many shocks recently, you need to take care of yourself.” Now she sounded like him, but Casey couldn’t help it. She loved him too much to let him remain in so much pain.

He wants to be able to feel lighter at her touch, like he usually does.  But right now the only thing he can feel is anger, fear, loathing, not at her, obviously, never at her. But still, it's there, consuming him. He does appreciate her, he thinks, that she's being so good to him, not that he ever really doubted that she would. He's already known it, it's of course, why he fell so hard for her, but she's an incredible woman.  He hates that his initial reaction is to push her as far away as possible. Especially because when she stands up and gives him even the smallest amount of space, he wants to pull her back to him, pull her into his lap and wrap his arms around her, bury his face into her neck and breathe her in until everything around him goes away. But he can't do that, he can't forget everything that's happened and he certainly can't ask her to stay with him while he's like that, even if she is insisting that she'll be here for him.

He sighs, because she's probably right, but she also sounds like his therapist, which is slightly annoying. He doesn't want to feel anything about it. He doesn't want it to be taxing. His dad should be the last person he's grieving over, and yet here he is, feeling like his chest is caving in and he can't tell if it's because he's glad the man is finally gone, or upset that he went so easily, with the last words he said to Elias just a confirmation of how much he hated him. He thinks it's a mixture of both. Relief, that he'll never have to hear his voice again, that his children will never have to know him, and anger that he went out with out closure. His eyes snap up though, at her words. Because of all the times, he thinks, for her to admit to loving him and it's now. He shakes his head and his eyes darken slightly “you shouldn't love me” he breathes, “I'm not worthy of your love, Casey...you don't know what I've done” his voice is low, a little broken and he can't even begin to explain all the reasons why he shouldn't have let her get close enough to love him. He's lucky for it, of course, to have her love him, but he's not worthy of it. But he does let her care for him, thinks that he probably doesn't have a choice. She's just as stubborn as he is, after all, and he still can't say no to her.  “I don't want you worrying about me, it's not good for you,” and he only winces a little bit when she cleans his hand with a wipe. Let's her clean it and put cream on it and even wrap it up, because he knows if he tries to resist he very well may be the next Morgan man to die. So he waits it out, and when she does it, and his hand is freshly bandaged, he gives himself a moment to gargle some mouth wash, rinsing the taste of alcohol and vomit out of his mouth before he turns back to her, his very pregnant, very near naked girlfriend, who had given up her body and her apartment and now apparently her shirt, for him. He smiles at her gently, offers her his good hand “let's get you back to bed, shall we?”

adacaseywells‌:

“Don’t thank me, nothing to thank me for.” She breathed as she pressed her lips to his neck, wrapping her arms around him. Admittedly part of it was driven by fear because something was really wrong right now but the ADA had no idea what and the unknown was something she feared. The lack of control. No, she would give it a hard pass whenever she could. He was her entire life at this point, him and the twins despite them not being born yet, so she would do anything he needed from her even if she attempted to make it seem like she didn’t care half the time. God she cared more than she could possibly explain to him in words which was why right now instead of speaking the brunette was simply trying to show him with actions. “Hey, hey it’s okay.” She whispered as he flinched against her touch, brow furrowing slightly her mind racing as to why he was doing this. Elias had never done that in the whole time they’d known each other, he was always there to pull her closer when she instigated anything even slightly physical but today he was acting with considerably trepidation.

Running her hand up the back of his neck as she kissed him the woman didn’t move far when she did finally pull away, resting her forehead against his, eyes looking into his imploringly in a hope she might be able to silently let him know it was okay to talk to her. Whatever was upsetting him they would deal with it together because that’s what they did now. They were a team through thick and thin. Spotting the tears in his eyes the fear welled up inside her once more, she swallowed hard to rid herself of it, focusing entirely on him. Still when he uttered what had happened the same happened to hear eyes, tears pricking at them because even if their experiences were very different Casey was well aware of the pain of losing a parent. It was the loss of someone who could never be replaced even if you relationship was bad, they had still been…half of you genetically if in no other way. “Oh baby…” She whispered, eyes following his down to his hands, taking the unhurt one in her own as she gripped it tightly. “I’m so sorry…I’m so so sorry…” Sniffing she wrapped her arms around him to pull the man into a tight hug, refusing to let go of him even if he resisted, burying her face in his neck as she breathed in the smell of alcohol and sweat, intoxicating in any other situation you can be sure of that. “What can I do for you? Do you want to talk about it?” She doubted the answer would be yes but still wanted to ask, drawing back to stand up slowly. Not that she had a choice in the speed considering her situation. “Come…we should clean your hand, otherwise it will get infected. Please?”

She's wrong, he has everything to thank her for. She is being so gentle he feels like he's going to cry just from the way her lips press to his neck.  She could be anywhere else, with anyone else, but she's here, she chose here and him and that both comforts him and breaks his heart. He wants to wrap himself up in her, but he knows what emotional labor this all is, and she's on bed rest, she can't be stressed out, god, he's so selfish it's near criminal. As much as he hates that he flinches away from her touch, he can't help it, whenever there's a hand on him right now it stings, and he hates that, because her touch is usually what brings him down and calms him. The only thing, he thinks, that does that. He feels bad, because he doesn't want her to think that it's her, or her touch, that's making him feel this way, and he wants to apologize but he doesn't know what to say, doesn't know that he can say anything right now.

He tries to relax into her touch, he really did, but there was a stiffness in his shoulders that he can't shake. She is being very loving with him and it wasn't that he didn't know that she loved him, because, he thinks, with all she goes through for him, she must, but this is entirely different, the way she finds his gaze and holds it, and he feels safe to talk to her even if he doesn't want to talk it out, he knows he can. God, he loves her so much it's maddening. Loves that she is sitting on the floor behind a bar with him, loves that she kisses him despite that he's just thrown up and that she's at his side, he couldn't really ask for anyone better to be at his side. Still though, he hates that she has to put up with him, and all that he is. Hates that when he tells her what happens he can see her eyes well up with tears. That she calls him baby in a moment when he can't properly appreciate it and he shakes his head at her apologies. “I'm not, I'm not sorry he's dead” he admits, because the sound of a belt buckle hitting his back resounds in his ears. And he allows her to wrap her arms around him, to press her face into his neck and sniffle and he just stares blankly at the wood of the bar in front of him, lifting one hand to hold onto her arm. He glances at her though, when she pulls back and stands up, slowly, of course, carrying two babies, things like this take time. “Well where would I begin? The physical or the emotional abuse?” he says, and his tone and the laugh that follows are bitter. He does as she asks though, because even now he can deny her nothing, so he stands, brushing his pants off and looking at her “you don't need to take care of me, no one needs to take care of me” he tells her, and his voice isn't bitter this time, it's quiet but firm, and before he slides past her, he presses a hand to her cheek, gives her a long look “you should get back in bed” he says, because he doesn't want to burden her and doesn't want her to see him like this any longer “I'll take care of this” he waves his hand, starts unwrapping it as he heads for the first aide kit.

adacaseywells‌:

Casey’s concern builds even further when he pulled away from where her hand cupped his cheek, he never normally moved away from her touch because they both knew it was rare for her to instigate it so that was a red flag in her eyes. Letting him look over him with worried eyes that only getting worse yet again when he disappears behind the bar, following him so she could stroke his back the way he did when she’d been suffering from morning sickness. Slowly kneeling next to him she waited for him to finish before stroking the hair at the nape of his neck in the way she knew he liked, hoping it might in some way comfort him from whatever what hurting him. It had to be something considerable because normally he’d be able to hold his drink better than this, Elias was a pro after all, it might make him sloppier than usual but it never made him straight up vomit into a trash bin. “You feeling any better? Hey, sit there for a second, if you stand up too fast you’ll just get sick again.” She murmured as he took a drink, ignoring the kind of gross contains of the bin that now sat next to them, even when he spat water into it.

Her heart truly hurt as she considered how much pain he was in in front of her, because she had no idea how she was meant to help him without knowing what exactly had gone down. As far as she could see there were no other physical issues apart from his hand which was a relief because as she’d seen earlier that week it could have been a lot worse. Bullets to the chest worse, knuckles and a cut palm would heal over time with possibly no more than a couple of stitches at worse. “No, it’s not nothing and I’m not going back to bed. I’ve been in bed all day anyway, please talk to me? I don’t like seeing you upset like this.” He might have just thrown up but the ADA didn’t care, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as she stroked his cheek with her hand, resting her forehead against his. “Something must be seriously wrong if you’re distracted enough to think ‘too much to drink’ would be something I’d buy as an excuse. Please let me help you?” This was one of the first times in their relationship she’d been so persistent about feelings being talked about because he was clearly in a lot of pain. Not just physically. “I’m your girlfriend, you have to let me in at some point, please Elias. What’s going on?” She asked again in a soft voice.

He doesn't expect her to follow him behind the bar to be honest, and he feels even worse when she does.  She cares too much about him, loves him, even, and he hates that for her. He's not worthy of her love he thinks, as he gets sick into a trash bin. She is far better than him.  He hears his father in his ear as she rubs his back, thinks about how his mother would try to soothe him after he'd been hit, he flinches at her touch, at the way her delicate hands run over scars he likes to pretend aren't there.  He hates himself more for that, because he it's not her, not her, he both craves her touch and feels repulsed with himself for that.  He simply hums in acknowledgment, glances at her and doesn't know how to form his words yet. His throat feels rough and it's a combination of fear and the vomiting. He croaks out a “thank you,” tries hard to offer her a reassuring smile, even if he feels like he's been hit by a truck. She doesn't deserve him taking this out on her.

His hand hurts, he thinks briefly, even with her shirt wrapped around it, it's throbbing and the white is now stained dark red. He is usually fine with blood, has come home covered in it too many times to have an aversion to it, but he looks at it and it turns his stomach. She is sweet though with him, gentler than she's ever been and she kisses him, despite the way he's pulled away from her and despite the probably sour taste on his lips. He is so incredibly grateful and lucky for her, kisses her back even while he thinks that she would be better off somewhere else, with someone else. Someone who couldn't hurt her or put her in danger. He is going to hell, after all. The devil in the flesh. He does not think he's worthy of her kindness. He takes it anyway, might as well indulge while he gets the chance. Thinks that this is fleeting, probably, because isn't it always?  He hears the pleading in her voice, and he feels tears prick at his eyes. When she calls herself his girlfriend, for the first time in the months they've been seeing each other, he swallows thickly and avoids her gaze. “He's dead” he breathes, and he knows she needs more context, so he looks at his hands and huffs a sigh “my dad is dead.”

forgive me father, for i have sinned. and as i kneel here now; hands red with blood, i know deep down, that i’ll do it again.

confessions || k.a. (via phrongs)

adacaseywells‌:

Casey thinks nothing of Elias being so late home today, because if it weren’t for her being stuck on bedrest and not allowed to be out at work herself she wouldn’t have even noticed. Just assumed he was working later than normal, and carried on shooting him annoying texts every couple of hours about how bored she was. Frustrated that she was trapped in her own home. Elias had told the office what was going on so no one was even sending her through e-mails about her cases, all warned to let the woman rest which in her eyes was totally laughable. She was fine, fat and tired, but fine. The Braxton hicks contractions had eased so much she was now only getting one or so every couple of hours if that, not really sure what all the fuss was about her blood pressure. As a lawyer it was her duty to be busy at all times, hence the highness of it, why was everyone having a fit over that. The brunette just saw it as logical.

Still as three am rolled around she did glance at her phone with a frown, eyes bleary with unavoidable sleep that was slowly starting to overtake her. Before she could text her boyfriend however it overtook and she was plunged into darkness, her head sinking into the pillow with soft snoring breaths huffing from her nose rhythmically. The sleep became so deep it was probably that nothing could break her, not until she hear a smash come from the other room causing her to sit bolt upright in a snapping motion, a gasp coming from her lips as her heart began to hammer. In fact she could have been forgiven for thinking it was an intruder except for the voice that joined the slapping noise was distinctively Elias’ and something sounded more than a little bit wrong. More wrong than usual. Moving off the bed as quickly as her bulk would allow her the ADA padded down the hallway to see what was going on before looking alarmed. “What the fuck?” Her English accent pierced the silence as she took in the sight of his bleeding hand, shards of glass on the floor, the smell of alcohol that hit her as soon as she was near enough to the figure who had clearly been drinking for a long time.

“Elias what happened? What are you doing?” She frowned, not missing a beat as she pulled off the white vest she was wearing and using it to wrap up his hand in a vein attempt to stem the blood dribbling onto his wrist. “It’s nearly four am, where the hell have you been?” As if she didn’t know, he’d been at Lux but that for some reason wasn’t stopping worry from bubbling up inside her, written across her brow as she tried to meet his eyes with a duck of her head. “Something is wrong, Elias, talk to me.” Her tone was more soothing now, spare hand going up to his cheek as she cupped it gently. The woman had never seen him quite like this.

He knows he’s an asshole when Casey finds him drunk and bleeding in the living room. He knows he’s an asshole for many reason, one being that this is probably the not the first time she’s catered to his bleeding form, and likely not the last. He’s an asshole because she’s near six months pregnant and supposed to be on bed rest and she’s tending to his wounds like the girlfriend she never wanted to be in the first place. He thinks, while he watches her worry about him for the second time in days that maybe his father is right, maybe he doesn’t deserve anyone’s love. He’s just going to ruin everything and everyone he touches, look what he’s done to her after all, ruined her life at 28 years old. He feels disgusted with himself suddenly, and feels all the whiskey he drank tonight coming back up. He pulls back from the way her hand is cupping his cheek, gently, too gently, he doesn’t’ deserve that from her, and he makes his way quickly behind the bar, allowing himself to expel the contents of his stomach into a trash can.

When he’s done, he wipes at his mouth with a hand that’s not wrapped in her now blood sodden shirt, finds a bottle of water to rinse the taste out of his mouth, spits it back into the trash can and finally focuses on her. Casey. This incredible woman who he has destroyed, not deserving of any of the love she’s giving him. Too much like his father. He feels sick to his stomach again but pushes it away. He wants to smile at her and reassure her that it’s all okay, but instead he shakes his head “I’m fine, Casey. It’s nothing. Go back to bed, I’ll be there soon.” And he’s not, it’s not, he won’t, but he won’t tell her any of those things. She doesn’t need to be worrying about him anymore than she already is. She doesn’t need to be worrying about him at all. He frowns for a moment, but softens it just to appease her, steps around the bar again and presses a kiss to her head “too much to drink” he explains to her, and god he hates lying to her, because she knows he can hold his drink all too well, but he can’t say the words right now, and he doesn’t want her to deal with what will come when he can. It is much worse than a bleeding hand and a broken mirror.

He gets the call when he is at work. He almost doesn’t answer it, because his cell phone is set to do not disturb besides for Casey, who’s calls are always allowed through, and when he’s busy, Madelaine knows to screen his calls.  He’s preparing for a meeting with a potential eye witness when Madelaine doesn’t even page him, just walks right into his office and gives him a look he’s never seen before. That grabs his attention immediately., He pauses his perusal of the case file in front of him to give her his full attention, and when she says ‘its your mother’ he tells her to tell the woman to fuck off. She stands there though, waits for him to inevitably look up.  She has the same look on her face and it clicks now that it’s concern, and he’s annoyed by that, even more annoyed when Maddy insists that he pick up the call. So he does. 

He thinks maybe she’ll ask for money, or to see him again. Maybe his sister opened her big mouth about the pregnancy, and he’s prepared to tell his mother that she can have all of those things as soon as she goes back and remedy what happened. But he doesn’t expect the sound of her sniffling, crying voice.  When she finally tells him that his dad is gone, dead, from a heart attack, he thinks it’s kind of pathetic that she’s so broken up over a man that destroyed her. That destroyed them. He mumbles a brief “Okay, thank you. I’m sorry” into the phone before he’s hanging up, and he freezes. Maddy offers to cancel his meetings for him, and he waves her off. He goes through the motions of the day, takes his meetings and answers calls and through all of it it feels like his brain is buzzing. So when the day his done, he drinks.  He has two drinks at his office, opens the scotch Caseys sister got him, and then he calls his driver and he drives him back to Lux, but he doesn’t go upstairs. He just drinks some more, makes Emmanuel keep pouring him two fingers off scotch until he feels like his body is buzzing instead of his brain. He lets women and men hit on him and he barely flirts back, doesn’t really have the heart to do it, but he also doesn’t stop it, either, just drinks more, gets a little more drunk until Indya is pushing him up the stairs and into the elevator. 

When he gets upstairs he removes his jacket, throws it carelessly onto the ground and heads straight to the bar.  Pours himself another glass, and after finishing that, another, and then another, and the whole time it’s a an ongoing tape in his head, bible verses, wincing at the hand across his face, a belt across his back ‘i’ll beat the devil out of you’ is heard in his fathers deep timber as he downs his fourth glass.  He doesn’t register the fact that he’s squeezing his glass as hard as he is until his hand is aching. He doesn’t think about his next actions, throwing the glass at the mirror behind the bar, turning so then he grips the edge of the bar top, hand bleeding now, the resounding “fuck” as he slaps the wood, none of these things register as disruptive until he hears foot steps padding into the living room, and he sighs.  @adacaseywells

@adacaseywells

adacaseywells‌:

Casey had moments of panic in her life before, obviously, hadn’t everyone? She knew what it was like to have that sense of relief wash over her entire body, but this was such an intense feeling it caused her to physically collapse backwards into the pillows behind her, breath rushing out in a loud sigh before she had time to even reply to the doctor. Everything that had been building up inside her for the last couple of hours just dissipated in a split second and she felt lightheaded with the joy. Braxton Hicks contractions she’d heard of because…well she’d seen television and films in her life but the lawyer hadn’t actually believed they were that bad until she heard that she had been suffering from them herself, realising the magnitude of the pain they could cause. She’d been convinced she was actually in labor which brought on the more worrying thought of how much worse it must be when the pains were real. Setting that aside for now though she looking over at Elias with a tired smile, then to their doctor with a grateful look in her eyes. He was probably her favourite person in the world in that moment.

“Braxton hicks? So…are they going to stop?” She asked, back to being slightly more pragmatic about everything once knowing there was no danger to her children, if she’d had her binder with her she’d probably be writing in it. “I can go back home?” Her eyebrows rose as she kept Elias’s hand gripped in her own, rubbing the back of it with her thumb absentmindedly, half dreaming of crawling under the duvet of their bed and slipping into a warm sleep. Something she hadn’t thought about since she was about fourteen and sleep was still something she enjoyed and indulged in. “Should I be taking something to stop them? Medication or something?” The questions ran on one after another, hardly time for the doctor to respond before she was already onto the next one, still Doctor Morales did his level best, a small amused smile on his face as his eyes twinkled the way they always seemed to be. “They might not stop completely but if you want to ease them you’re going to have to slow down considerably, Casey. You need to get some decent rest, and sleep, everyday, otherwise these could turn into something more serious and I don’t think any of us want to see that. Twin pregnancies are harder on the mother anyway, we don’t need you making things worse for yourself.” Picking up her chart he scanned it, noting her slightly elevated blood pressure with a raised eyebrow. “I’m going to need you to rest at home for at least a week, preferably bed rest, you’re blood pressure it a touch high. Have you had any headaches or noticed any excessive swelling in your ankles?” Now she was confused, what did that have to do with anything. If she could see over her stomach from where she was laying she might have actively checked the state of her ankles but instead just shook her head. “No, not that I’ve noticed. Now about this bed rest, it seems a little excessive. I can still go to work, you said yourself it’s false labor and both babies are fine, doesn’t bed rest seem like an overreaction?” Turning to Elias in the hope of getting support even though she knew it wasn’t going to come. If the doctor instructed her not to exert too much he would no doubt implement that at home.

 Elias, as tough, untouchable and emotionless as he claimed to be, was also an anxious mess a lot of the time. He tended to keep that part of him hidden away, because for him, showing too much negative emotion showed a weakness he didn’t want anyway to see of him. He didn’t like to be vulnerable. But it was different now, with Casey, where he allowed himself to be just that more vulnerable, allowed the panic to show in his eyes and his body language. Like it shows in her, the tension of the stress, he’s sure it’s showing in him too. But he feels a bit of a weight off his shoulders and his tension releasing when they’re informed it’s just Braxton hicks. False labor. She and the babies are perfectly okay.  He gave her a gentle, relieved smile, squeezing her hand and turning back to the doctor who looked like they had more to say.

Before Doctor Morales could get a word in, Casey was jumping into asking one question after another. Which was fair, they both wanted as much information as they could get, she was just quicker. He respected that about her, and was a little amused by it. Though of course, he would never know that last bit. He and the doctor both let her get through her list of questions, Elias keeping his hand firm in hers, an anchor. She would need it, because as soon as the doctor started to tell her that she would need to slow down, he knew that she would resist. Casey did not know what slow down meant. She was constantly going, constantly working, ever dedicated and passionate. And then came the part about resting, for a week. Elias cringed; Casey on bed rest would not go over well, both for him and for her sanity. She would not take it well at all, and he knew she would fight the whole time. True to character, quickly denying and questioning the doctors orders, insisting that she should be fine to go to work. When she looked at him for support, he sighed. Usually he’d support her through anything, present and loyal at her side, but this he had to agree with. He had been begging her to slow down for weeks now, and she had refused. Maybe coming from a medical professional she would actually heed the advice. He gave her an apologetic look “I think darling, that I agree. You should take a little bit of time off your feet, distress just a bit” he said, avoiding the glare he knew she’d be shooting his way “and if it’s the doctors orders, of course, we should listen.”

#deviltraining

adacaseywells‌:

Casey was relived in moments like this that Elias was as pig headed as she was about certain things, knowing when she heard the tone of his voice that he wasn’t messing around, he wasn’t going to leave her for anything right now. Giving his a squeeze she closed her eyes, not wanting to feel another wave but knowing it was likely she would soon since it had been a while since her last. If they were contractions the space between them would presumably only get shorter unless something was done by the doctors and that was her biggest fear. She was not ready to be a mother and these babies were nowhere near ready to come out. Chewing her bottom lip which was something the woman had never really done before, she looked down at her stomach like some kind of wanting glare to these children, daring them to hurt her anymore.

Opened her eyes when she felt the sensation of someone lifting up her gown and wrapping a band around her stomach, a real one this time, she watched as she was hooked up to the various monitors that had been wheeled in, lips pressed together in a hard line. Glancing over at Elias she could see the concern etched in his face making him look ten years older than she had that very same morning, it was taking its toll on him that was for sure. On both of them. She actually hadn’t noticed how the pregnancy had effected him because…well he was an incredibly good looking man if she was being truthful, but maybe he was taking on more stress than she thought. Suddenly the lawyer felt terrible about what she’d been putting him through even though it was far from intentional, reaching over to pull him towards her, resting their heads together in a rare moment of romance sparked by her rather than him. “It’s going to be okay, they’ll be okay.” She whispered, rubbing their noses together for a few seconds before letting go so she could sit back into the pillows. Just as soon as that moment had come it was gone, replaced instead by a ripple of an oncoming pain through her lower stomach making the woman grunt and the monitor that was strapped to her fluctuate slightly. “Hmm…” The nurse hummed to herself, at least not looking very concerned which was a…relief? Casey wasn’t really paying the woman enough attention to notice instead just closing her eyes as she breathed through the uncomfortable feeling, shifting on the bed a little so she could ease it slightly. “Let me go and get doctor, but you can breath Mr and Mrs Morgan, I don’t think these baby’s have any intention of greeting us this early.” It was music to the expectant mothers ears so much so she didn’t ever register being called Mrs Morgan yet again, what was this, the fourth time. Instead she broke out into a relieved grin letting out a breathy laugh and turning to look over at Elias with tentative joy in her eyes. Sure the midwife could be wrong but damn was it nice to believe her just for a few moments. Her breath coming just that little bit easier as the tightness in her stomach eased at the same time. “So wha is it?!” Was the quickly following question.

The thing about her insisting he stay was that he had no plans to leave in the first place. Even if the doctors tried to kick him out, he wouldn't allow it. He wouldn't leave her side.  Not ever, but especially not at a time like this. So he helped her get dressed, and get onto the bed, and then he held her hand the whole time, because that's what she needed right now, and he'd do whatever she needed.  This was something that neither of them knew how to handle. Neither of them knew how to handle a pregnancy at all, of course, but this in particular, because combined with the fear and anxiety, he was sure they both felt completely out of control. His gaze followed hers to her stomach, and he had to stop the bubble of laughter that threatened to come up, instead he lifted his free hand to her hair, curling his fingers around a strand. “I don't think this is them, darling” Watching her being hooked up to monitors was difficult, because he didn't know what they would say. They shouldn't have been here at all, and the more and more he thought about it, the more he worried this was all his fault, from the fact that, obviously, he got her pregnant, but also the stress, of her job, his job, what she saw in the closet. The hooked her up to a uterine monitor, and he kept his brows furrowed every step of the way. He wasn't a doctor and he had never dealt with this. He had no idea what was going on and he wished he did. Wished there was more he could do than just stand here. Every test they did just made him more worried, and more frustrated. Casey must have noticed the concern in his face though, because she tugged him forward towards her, pressing her head to his, which was a surprisingly soft gesture from the usual tough as nails lawyer. He nodded slowly at her words, “they'll be okay, you'll be okay, too” he agreed, murmuring and lifting his hand to her cheek, running his thumb across it slowly. When she pulled back, he took her hand in his own again, and tried not to give the nurse shit for just making noises and not telling them a damn thing. She didn't seem worried, or in a rush, so that was hopefully a good sign, but he stilled needed words. Some reassurance.  But then she finally did speak, he listened to the nurse but his eyes were on a clearly uncomfortable Casey. Finally though he nodded at the woman, smiling gently “thank you” he breathed, feeling a sense of relief settle into his chest at those words, smiling gently at Casey, who looked back at him with near joy in her eyes at the nurses words. The nurse was back quickly with the doctor, able to catch Casey's question. He watched as Dr. Morales looked over the test results before addressing them “according to the tests, it seems to be Braxton Hicks, or false labor. Likely induced by stress. Rest assured you're not in actual labor, and the babies seem to be doing very well.” and at that, Elias felt his throat open up and his lungs stop constricting, his fingers wrapped around Casey's hand, and he squeezed “thank you, that's good to hear, thank you” Elias said, not really sure what to say right now, his body too busy catching up with the reality that everything was okay.

forgive me father for I have sinned in all the coolest and most glamorous ways possible

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my heart is thrilled by the still of your hand. @adacaseywells

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adacaseywells‌:

Okay so she heard him call her his wife but for once in her life Casey said nothing about it, she didn’t protest or contradict him, she just leant against the reception desk with a heavy sigh. “It’s not contractions, it can’t be contractions because I’m only six months pregnant and that’s too fucking early for contractions.” She murmured, fully away there was no truth in what she was saying and very relived when the nurse behind the desk came around the front to usher them towards an empty room with words of reassurance to Elias that the pregnant woman wasn’t listening to. She wasn’t in pain right this second but she was also paying no attention to anything going on around just letting the medical professionals do what they needed to do and Elias to do enough panicking for both of them.

Once they were in the empty room she clocked that a gown was being thrust at her by a midwife, she was being instructed to put it on and get on the bed which …well she wasn’t going to argue. “He’s staying with me.” Casey pointed at Elias with a tone that offered no room for negotiation, beckoning him towards her. “You, turn around.” She bossed everyone apart from him around without a second of hesitation, pulling off her shirt, needing her boyfriend around to help her take the sweatpants off as she couldn’t bend down to do it herself in that moment. “Can you do this up behind me as well, I don’t want my butt hanging out.” The ADA looked like she’d aged about ten years in the last three hours and her face was haggard and there were huge dark bags under her eyes. If they offered her sedation she wouldn’t delay in accepting because a sleep sounded perfect right now, one that didn’t involve concern about being woken up every so often with painful cramps in her stomach. “Mr Morgan has Mrs Morgan done anything out of the ordinary lately? Vigorous exercise, heavy lifting, high stress situations, anything like that?” The midwife was asking Elias as she readied the strap to secure a heart rate monitor to Casey’s stomach, another nurse pulling a sonogram into the examination room as she hummed under her breath, squirting gel onto a wand as she waited for the expectant mother to get onto the bed which she did soon after with help from Elias. “Do you want to answer that one, Mr Morgan? I feel like it’s your story to tell.” Casey rubbed the side of her exposed stomach letting her head fall backwards onto the pillow behind her as she closed her eyes with yet another heavy sigh. Every time she remembered the ‘contractions’ a ripple of fear rose in her chest that she was going to get another one sometime soon, that it would mean the babies were coming far too early, that she was going to give birth right here and now. As long as that wasn’t the outcome of today she would be happy. Reaching out still staring at the ceiling she grappled to find Elias’s hand, waiting for him to take hold of it so she could wrap her fingers around his tightly.

She sounds just as much in disbelief as he feels about it being contractions. But with the way she described things, and the intervals between the pain, it just had to be, right? As absolutely terrifying as that was, that was the only base they had. Maybe if they knew what it was they could figure out the way, and try to stop it.”We could be wrong but it's all we've got right now” he replies to Casey, worry still clear in his voice.  But the nurse responded to that, coming around the desk to lead them towards a room, explaining what the next steps they would be taking to Elias and Casey, but truthfully he didn't need a play by play, there was too much for him to pay attention to when all he gave a shit about was getting her into that room and getting her examined.

“I'm staying with her” he repeated once they were in the room, because if Casey said so, it happened, but he needed to sound like he had any semblance of control of himself right now, even if he didn't. And when she wasn't in pain, she was pretty damn near normal Casey, giving orders and doing whatever she wanted, which was fair, and he loved that so damn much about her in general and for this, because it was a relief. Once she had her shirt off, Elias helped her finish getting undressed, helping her into the gown and tying the back up for her. All without any lewd comments, which showed just how he was dealing with this whole situation. He didn't want to say Casey looked horrible, because she didn't not in his book, but she did look exhausted, and god, as bad as he felt about all of this, he wanted to be able to take on all of the dread she was feeling too. Just the idea of a mother having to go through what she was dealing with, the unknown, right now, he couldn't. It was rough for him, but for the person who as home to the twins? It had to be hell, and he knew a bit about that.  He managed to help Casey onto the bed while he was being bombarded with questions and machines and things were being carted into the room. He sighed at his girlfriends answer, but did clock the Mrs. Morgan bit, and then smiled too sweetly, too charmingly at the midwife, shrugging “My wife and I did get into a bit of a fight before this, but nothing too serious and certainly nothing physical” he explained, trying to keep his tone even. He couldn't very well tell her why Casey had had a breakdown, now could he? What a mess that would be. The midwife hummed and made note of it, which bothered Elias, but he didn't have time to bitch about it because there were more important matters at hand. When he saw her reach out for him, he stepped closer, taking it in his own and letting her wrap her hand in his tightly. An anchor. He does take a moment to bring it to his lips, kissing her palm. “This isn't anything serious, is it? It could be nothing, right?”

This is four months too soon. They had a plan. Well. Casey has a plan, a well thought out plan in one of her many binders. His was ready for that, at nine months, when the twins and Casey would be healthy. This, whatever it was at five months could not be good and could lead to nothing good. But now that they were in the elevator and she was pressed against him, moving to try to ease the pain and tension, he assumed, he could breathe just a little easier for now. When her head was pressed to his chest he brought a hand to the back of her neck, holding her there gently. He was, nervous and maybe a little terrified and having her close where he could make sure she was okay for the time being was keeping him from curling up in the corner of the elevator and rocking back and forth. Which, had been known to happen once or twice. Not in front of her, but still.

He laughs gently, but it’s not exactly genuine when she makes a comment about him being shot. He lets her get it out because it’s both a good sign and a distraction for them both. She was still Casey, so of course she was telling the driver to go faster, and he wasn’t a dumb man so he listened, picking up the speed and Elias would need to tip him a little more for all of this mess. “Everything’s going to be okay” he agreed, and oh, maybe he should take some breaths of his own because he could not panic in front of her. He had to be much stronger than he was currently acting. But everything in his body was telling him that something could very well be wrong, and he couldn’t handle that, couldn’t handle the very idea of losing any of them. And then she was in pain again, leaning forward and grasping his hand right and he was there, holding on, feeling useless because what could he do “hey, you’re okay, try to breathe through it love.” he says, voice low enough for only here to hear. And when she explains that it’s not bad he sighs, shakes his head “don’t downplay it for me, if you’re in pain, you’re in pain, I can handle it, don’t worry about me” and his voice is stern. He reluctantly lets go of her to slide out of the car, helps her out when she’s ready too. “We’re almost there, and then it’ll all be okay, you’ll be okay” he reassures her and he can’t promise that but he has to say it, there can’t be anything else but her and the twins being okay. When they reach the desk he keeps her hand in his grasp and gets the nurses attention “Elias Morgan, my wife is...she’s in pain, we called doctor morales and she should be here for us already....” he stops and looks at her “she’s just near six months along and, it sounds like contractions?” He finally says, and the worry in his voice is evident by the way it goes up.

eliasmorgan‌:

He waits until she’s taking the deep breaths he told her to take, waits until he can visibly see her relax so that he can relax just a little more too. Except not at all at the same time, because she’s still in pain for some unknown reason and that means  trouble for her and the twins. He won’t relax until they’re in the hospital and the doctor gives them the all clear. He hopes they get the all clear. He doesn’t want to think about what would happen if they’re not but the thought crosses his mind anyway.  “I know, I know, he’s meeting us out side” he tells her, bringing her hand to his lips before dropping it so he can make sure he has everything they need one last time.  He didn’t want to miss something because he was panicking. He really shouldn’t be panicking at all, but there’s a sense of dread that settles into him that he can’t shake loose.

Elias wasn’t stupid. He knew what this looked like, had read the books and the blogs and the websites when she told him she was pregnant and they decided to keep them, and with the fifteen minute intervals between the bouts of pain, he swallowed thickly. All of this probably stressed induced, all because he had put on a shirt he hadn’t meant to put on. He did listen to her, reluctant to leave her, but she was right, if she didn’t want to be carried it would take her a moment longer to get to the lift. So he pressed the button, slapping it impatiently until it dinged just as Casey met him at the doors. Mere seconds after they step inside Casey is grabbing for him, palms flat on his chest to steady herself so she can breathe again. He clasps his hands over hers, holding her there and hoping his hold will keep her steady and reassure her he’s there with her. He lets her take the moments she needs, breathing himself to try to push back any panic attacks, and he nods at her words “you’re going to be fine, everything’s thing. Nothing they can’t fix when we get there” he agrees, and they’re finally at the ground floor, and the car is just outside the elevator doors so he removes her hands from his chest and takes one in his own “come on, are you ready?” he asks, leading her towards the car where his driver is already holding the door open, car still running as Elias requested, he helps her in before sliding in next to her. He doesn’t have to say a word, because once his door is closed, he hears the drivers, and then the car is moving. Elias’ turns his body towards Casey’s, reaches out for her, hand pressed to her stomach, offering her the other “whenever it hits again you just, squeeze. I don’t care how hard. I can take it.”

How she’d been if and when she actually went into labor, assuming this wasn’t it, she had no idea how she was going to handle it because this was exhausting. Once the pain as subsided she felt like she just wanted to go to sleep instead of forcing herself towers the elevator, clocking the way his finger had been hammering at the button with ferocity. “Careful, you’re going to break it if you keep doing that.” The lawyer gave him a wry smile as they travelled down to the ground floor, not that he could see it because her hands were pressed against his shirt and her face looking towards the floor. “Well good, at least he’s doing something right.” Moving from one foot to the other she swung her hips a bit to loosen the tension she’d managed to build up from tensing her entire both. Not just from the pains but also from earlier when her whole body had gone into shock from seeing him with bullet holes on his shirt. “Mmmm…” Casey hummed, putting her head against his chest until she heard the doors ding open, signalling she had to move once more. Far too soon if you asked.

Still it wasn’t too long until they were in the car, his hand on her stomach as she leant over to put her head on his shoulders, eyes closed, panic still present in her throat as she swallowed hard. “You can take it, after all you take being shot…” She muttered, okay it wasn’t entirely necessary but she was between pains so she was back to being a little snappy with him. You could take that as a good sign if nothing else. “If we can get there before another one hits that would be great.” The brunette called out a little louder than if she was just talking to Elias, making sure the driver could hear as well, eyes lifting to see that they were in fact driving slightly faster post her comment. Good. “It’s okay, you’re panicking, it’s okay…” No it was far from okay but maybe if she told him it was she could convince herself. Casey hadn’t been…jazzed…about becoming a mother but the idea she might lose one, or both of her children was enough to make the woman feel like she was going to vomit all over herself, it made her feel like she was going to burst into tears. It was the worst thing a mother could go through and she hadn’t really understood that until now. Hence why tears kept coming into her eyes sporadically, only for her to blink them back and hope Elias hadn’t spotted them. They could see the hospital through the front window when another pain rolled through her making the pregnant woman hunch over a little bit, grabbing her boyfriend’s hand tightly and letting out a low groan. “Fuck….” She hissed with her teeth clenched, moving her hips in the vain attempt to ease the feeling, eyes squeezed shut. “Hold on a second, I’ll be fine to get out, just give me two seconds.” The brunette whispered as she felt the car roll to a stop, face twisted. “It’s not too bad but it’s just…it took me by surprise, I’ve never had these before, it’s not as bad as that moan made it sound I swear.” She attempted to reassure him.

adacaseywells‌:

Nodding her head she takes a couple of deep breaths, snatching them in at first since the oxygen was pretty hard to come by, but as the pain eased off she could luckily breath a bit better. Oxygen flowing back to her bloodstream again she found herself becoming less dizzy than she had been a moment ago, looking up at him as she listened carefully to the desmans he was making down the phone to the doctor. Then his driver. Grateful that he seemed to be treating this as the emergency she felt it truly was. “Good….” She muttered, squeezing his hand just one time to signify she was okay because…well in reality he looked like he was panicking possibly more than her right in that moment. “He doesn’t need to park he just needs to pull up in front of the god damn building it’s not like I’m going to be walking very far.” The more tense she got the more British the ADA got as well, her clipped London accent ringing through clearly as she finally let her bump go and moved more freely across the bed. Sure she was in pain but that didn’t mean she was going to let her boyfriend carry her down to the car, there were limits and while Casey could still manage to force herself onto her own two feet she was sure as hell going to do it.

“No, no I’ll walk, if I fall you can pick me up then but considering how it’s been going we have a little while before I get anymore pain so we should be fine getting down to the car.” Hesitant to say the word contraction because that seemed all too real, plus it was impossible that she was actually in labor, she was only five nearly six months gone, no one had their babies this early. “Just go and call the elevator and I’ll follow you over there, it’ll….take me a second longer.” The lawyer wanted to agree that it would all be okay, but the words got stuck in her throat as she eased herself up off the mattress, padding across the room slowly. Probably looking utterly insane considering what she was wearing, plus the worry in her eyes, making her….frazzled at best. Once she was in the metal room that would carry them downstairs she rested both hands palm down on his chest, head hanging forwards a bit as she took a few deep breaths, puffing her cheeks out with each exhale, no longer any actual pain but it was helping her stay a little calmer than she might be otherwise. “It’s fine they just need to…give me a shot or something I’m sure, it’s all fine. Indigestion.”

He waits until she's taking the deep breaths he told her to take, waits until he can visibly see her relax so that he can relax just a little more too. Except not at all at the same time, because she's still in pain for some unknown reason and that means  trouble for her and the twins. He won't relax until they're in the hospital and the doctor gives them the all clear. He hopes they get the all clear. He doesn't want to think about what would happen if they're not but the thought crosses his mind anyway.  “I know, I know, he's meeting us out side” he tells her, bringing her hand to his lips before dropping it so he can make sure he has everything they need one last time.  He didn't want to miss something because he was panicking. He really shouldn't be panicking at all, but there's a sense of dread that settles into him that he can't shake loose.

Elias wasn't stupid. He knew what this looked like, had read the books and the blogs and the websites when she told him she was pregnant and they decided to keep them, and with the fifteen minute intervals between the bouts of pain, he swallowed thickly. All of this probably stressed induced, all because he had put on a shirt he hadn't meant to put on. He did listen to her, reluctant to leave her, but she was right, if she didn't want to be carried it would take her a moment longer to get to the lift. So he pressed the button, slapping it impatiently until it dinged just as Casey met him at the doors. Mere seconds after they step inside Casey is grabbing for him, palms flat on his chest to steady herself so she can breathe again. He clasps his hands over hers, holding her there and hoping his hold will keep her steady and reassure her he's there with her. He lets her take the moments she needs, breathing himself to try to push back any panic attacks, and he nods at her words “you're going to be fine, everything's thing. Nothing they can't fix when we get there” he agrees, and they're finally at the ground floor, and the car is just outside the elevator doors so he removes her hands from his chest and takes one in his own “come on, are you ready?” he asks, leading her towards the car where his driver is already holding the door open, car still running as Elias requested, he helps her in before sliding in next to her. He doesn't have to say a word, because once his door is closed, he hears the drivers, and then the car is moving. Elias' turns his body towards Casey's, reaches out for her, hand pressed to her stomach, offering her the other “whenever it hits again you just, squeeze. I don't care how hard. I can take it.”