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elfdyke · 1 month
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this is the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen jesus fucking christ
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elfdyke · 1 month
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masc taylor is everything <3
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elfdyke · 1 month
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elfdyke · 1 month
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everyone hate my loquacious swag. its always "why did you make this sentence so long" and "why do you use so many commas and em dashes" and never "how did you come up with run on sentence" or "writing that run on sentence looked fun"
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elfdyke · 1 month
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i watched through all of fim a little bit ago and my only wish is that they kept starlight a little evil, like comically
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elfdyke · 1 month
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it hurts the lord when you listen to lustful, violent music. so crank that shit UP
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elfdyke · 1 month
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Woman at the zoo: Why do they look so sad? 😔
Sign literally 10 feet away:
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elfdyke · 1 month
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I wish we had more female characters like Eleanor Shellstrop. One of the most unlikable people you've ever met. Read a Buzzfeed article on most rude things you can do on a daily basis and decided to use that as a list of goals. Makes everyone's day worse just by being there. Dropped a margarita mix on the ground and tried to pick it up, only to get hit by a row of shopping carts which pushed her into the road where she was hit by a boner pill delivery truck, killing her instantly. Cannot keep a romantic partner despite being bisexual. Had a terrible childhood but will die before she gets therapy. Best employee at a scam company. Just the worst but also can't help but root for her to improve.
Absolute loser. Girl-failure. Bad at almost everything. Literally perfect female character.
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elfdyke · 1 month
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cain is like soooo funny bc how was he supposed to know that hitting your brother with a big ass rock kills him? everyone with a brother has had that urge but at least we have the privilege of knowing that he might die if we do that. nobody fucking told that poor guy what "dying" or "a severely fractured skull" even were. bruh just didnt know in my mind
THEY HUNTED
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elfdyke · 1 month
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Men love me for my cadaver swag. The way my skin is cold like a corpse, my off-putting demeanor, and the way I stand in the threshold of the still-living and the dead.
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elfdyke · 1 month
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something that’s both really funny and endearing to me is how you can tell when a cc is a speedrunner because of how they constantly shift into f5 randomly. mining blocks? f5. wandering around aimlessly? f5. building their house? f5. even when they’re not speedrunning and just playing casually there seems to be an ingrained Instinct to hit that f5 key and it’s so endlessly endearing to me
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elfdyke · 1 month
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elfdyke · 1 month
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there is a huge difference between criticizing an institution and criticizing individual behavior. i can criticize the makeup industry without criticizing the 14 year old girl who uses concealer because she’s self-conscious about her acne; i can criticize the plastic surgery industry without vilifying the woman who decided to get a nose job after two decades of pointed comments and bullying. it is intellectually dishonest to respond to an institutional criticism as if it were a personal attack; on the flip side, it is cruel and unnecessary to leverage personal attacks in the name of institutional criticism
if i see one (1) more person respond to a perfectly reasonable beauty-industry-critical sentiment with “but i personally enjoy eyeshadow. why are you attacking people who like eyeshadow :(” or “exactly, all women who wear makeup are miserable and brainwashed” i am going to climb a tree and bite the top of it
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elfdyke · 1 month
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If you were in charge of Brazil, what would be your policies?
everybody has to come to brazil
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elfdyke · 1 month
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“We dropped different numbers of balls at different rates, different heights. We had a ramp. The ramps were at different angles, trying to get the most out of the balls as they hit the actors. After doing the tests, we figured out 35 feet above the deck of the ship was the height we needed our nets. We had these three big nets that held almost 80,000 per net. The balls dropped 35 feet into ramps that projected them towards the stunt guys. It just knocked them over. It was pretty spectacular.”
-Mark Hawker, SFX Coordinator for Pirates of the Caribbean
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“It’s amazing to see a bunch of 40 and 50-year-olds turn into three-year-olds all of a sudden. Everybody had to pick up blue balls, hit the other guy in the head. It was like, ’Is it time for the parents to come pick up the kids?’”
-George Marshall Ruge, Stunt Coordinator for Pirates of the Caribbean
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elfdyke · 1 month
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Dating is easy af tbh. First, you make a great number of deranged and vividly insane personal posts on tumblr until someone dms you. Then you marry them.
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elfdyke · 1 month
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sorry i won't be able to come in tomorrow, i was about to go to sleep and some vintage quality Something Awful drama just dropped. yeah no, a popular let's player got outed as a pathological liar trying to fake his own death, and maybe faked his daughter dying a few years ago, and maybe even faked the daughter existing in the first place? i don't know, there's a lot going on here so obviously you see how important it is for me to focus on this. thanks see you tuesday!
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