talk to me about king falls, wtnv, limetown, tanis, rabbits, or really just anything at all. vampire weekend, doctor who, the dead poets society, neil gaiman, and the secret history are cool too.
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donate to my kickstarter so i can build a time machine and
get julius caesar addicted to hentai
seduce cleopatra
“oh but how will you seduce cleopatra?” you might ask because you’re a moron. it’s simple: i’m 6′2″ and i’m fat. fatness was considered attractive back then because if you were fat, that meant you were wealthy enough to get fat. plus, 6′2″ is unreasonably gigantically tall in the BC times.
so cleopatra will be like “a giant? AND he’s got stretch marks?” and she’ll instantly become infatuated with my rotund, hairy body
then i will live in royalty for the rest of my days. kickstarter backers will have their names written in my tomb, baffling archaeologists for centuries to come.
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Emily: I hope Ben didn’t do anything stupid.
Sammy: Whatever Ben is doing right now, it’s probably pretty stupid.
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