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❝ Help? ❞ she whispered to herself. A word she hadn't heard many times before, and not even once from anyone who meant it. It was pure instinct — she couldn't hold herself back, a rare occasion she let her real feelings show — seething at the memory of all the times she had fallen for such a lie, losing even more of herself every time. I don't need your– She didn't say it. Right when she was about to, gray eyes met his, and anger turned to immediate embarrassment.

What was wrong with her? Had she become the same as those she despised, ungrateful, one with the darkness, blind to the light ? This man, whose intentions remained unknown, kept coming to see her, never asking for anything in return. Not even once, seeing her less than human, even if she had long ceased at being one. Those eyes of his, holding a pain similar to hers. Holding concern, and a kind of warmth she couldn't resist. And yet, she had been ready to poison him with the same poison they poisoned her with.

❝ You must think I'm a horrible mother. ❞ She'd do everything to make sure her son would grow up healthy. Didn't matter how much of herself she had to give. She'd do everything, and still, she couldn't provide what was necessary. She couldn't provide the sun, or the freedom he deserved. ❝ I wasn't raised in the underground, like most people here. ❞ The admission had finally come, even if she was certain he knew. Not even once, she had been honest with him — her soul naked for him to examine. ❝ There's equal darkness above ground . . . ❞ Folded hands on her lap, clenched tightly at her dress. ❝ But I don't want my son to live without ever seeing the sun. ❞ Eyes softened, a vulnerability she hadn't shown before, the heartache she'd been concealing for so long.

Stop me. Take him with you. Many times before she thought about asking Grisha to take Levi with him on his way back. That thought, that hope, tortured her whenever he visited her. Many times she thought, it would have been better for him if she could let him go. Guilty she was, the worst of all criminals, keeping him prisoner to the darkness. Her son hadn't known the sunlight, yet he kept shining for her — for how much longer? When would his light burn out ? When would he succumb to the cruelty of their world, just like she had? She wouldn't stand it, if her son became the same as her because she couldn't let him go. . .

WRONG.

He had an effect on her, the doctor, hadn't he? His light was misleading, for a moment guiding her off course, making her believe it was her rotten nature to blame. But this wasn't the case, not really. She'd keep Levi close, not because she needed him, but because she was the only one who could keep him safe. She'd protect him, protect his heart with her own as a shield, make sure no damn being would ever lay hands on it. Levi wouldn't survive without her. And she couldn't yet see, of the crime she had committed.

❝ But I don't have the privilege of choice. ❞ Coldness returned, along with her composure. He couldn't understand. Why she'd hide. The curse her blood carried. The reason she sold her soul long ago.

⋆ ┊ . 𝐼𝒻 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝐿𝑜𝓈𝑒, 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒟𝒾𝑒 ◞ ˚ @knightinsourarmor ⤸ ❝ Doctor, don't you think my son is a bit too short for his age? ❞

❝ Well, I wouldn't say he's too short. Some children can turn out to be late bloomers. ❞ Grisha's tone is light, delicate to the subject in a rather awkward manner. Here again. How many times now had he journeyed down? When he heard about the pregnancy, it plagued his mind ; if he wasn't checking in, it would distract him, pull him away from his tasks ... and still, even after the birth, he returns again and again. There's only so much he can do. He knows not to get attached to anything, nothing in this world, not after everything ... of the things he'd been entrusted, he could only march towards that single goal. An prolonged death sentence, it often felt like.

Lips form into a line as he studies her expression. She was a woman who kept her heart locked away, apathy concealed her emotions ... he often looked into her eyes and found nothing staring back. So, there's something bitter-sweet about the concern in furrowed brows, a light gleam in her eyes whenever she spoke about the boy. Pain and love, concern, the frightening future that awaited them. Grisha dare not argue against her decision, never once had he convinced her towards the surface; so he'd take these moments instead, providing what little he could, trying to save the lives around him. Instead of being their downfall.

❝ Still, nutrition is important for health and growth. I don't think there's much to worry about just yet, but if he starts to show any signs of malnourishment, let me know. Outside of my professional opinion ... a personal interjection- ... for the sake of both your lives, please. It's not too late to start over. I'd be able to help you on the surface. Just, give it some thought. ❞

#( say hello to my kuchel sideblog )#( i still don't know if i made the right choice cause that means all my muses go to sideblogs but!! )#( i wanted her to have her own space )#—⚜ tba. thread.#—⚜ tba. in character.#—⚜ tba. ft. grisha yeager.#—⚜ tba. kuchel & grisha.#—⚜ tba. grisha yeager (worldhell).#worldhell

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