5 Years On, Avicii

For the 5th anniversary of Avicii’s Death, I was thinking of doing a tribute show. But I convinced myself out of it because as we all now know, I loathe perceiving myself as an artist let alone being one. That should not take away from the fact that I miss Tim so much. I wish the world had been as good to him as he was for it. It makes me believe that it is a good sign to not to want to live…

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I Should Have Journalled

I sometimes wish I used to keep a journal when I was younger. Because all I remember is sadness. And I would like to imagine that I am wrong. There must have been happy times. I remember having to invent my own version of football where I was all the players. All the match officials. The commentators. And I would play against a wall and a fence. I think this was a form of escapism. Much as…

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Serve

Serve… Be on the brink of tears. Sin. Live on the edge of death; Repent. Love, on the verge of a broken heart. Live, tussle with death. One foot in life, the other in death. The acknowledgment of the fleeting nature of life. The perceived perfectness of death. The imagined perfection and permanence of death. The temporariness of joy. The overbearing weight of sad times. Life remains a…

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I Was.

i was. Someone capable of love Someone capable of truth When I die, please forget me I was someone Someone who hoped then lost hope If you are to remember me Remember me that way. but better to forget. I was someone who saw But turned blind, my eyes Turned dark, my heart… I was someone, a pessimist A crier Snot and tears, but for why? Because futile. Because I only wished I wasn’t…

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Removed, Never Too.

I extremely appreciate everyone who has shared what they possess in this cause, and in any other causes that you have dedicated your hard earned resources to. ( I requested financial help for someone who had rent arrears and a few people really generously assisted) It is my sincere hope that we learn to intensely feel the pain of others. To put them first, in our wants and prayers. Because that…

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Gravity and Tomorrow

The gravity of life is yet to sink in. The brutality of it. The fleetingness. This assuredness of tomorrow that is prevalent in today’s society Is why we live our lives in the tomorrow. But when tomorrow does come, we choose to live tomorrow Until we die. A mass of dreams, ambition. A mass of tomorrow. A tomorrow that never came; some might say. A tomorrow that came many a time but was…

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God Unbless Amerika

I saw a butterfly in hell todayWill I die or go to jail today. Free will is the essence of man, yet it breeds the contempt of man to authority. God. Living in the glim land of kill them all and let them die. What more then to yearn for, except transcendance, to roll and die? As things stand, it is better to suffer in silence. If what I share is what I feel able to share, do you even have an…

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The Journey Capsized

We are social beings. The approval of others, especially those we look up to, matters; however much mental health gurus implore us otherwise. I wish that the people who meant to me much, cared more for the aspects of my life that I was most invested in. The nature of life is that we are too concerned with ourselves, to care for those around us. And we hear not cries for help. Until it is too…

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Hmm. Cardigans, scarves, and sarcasm. Photoman: @nji.ru (at Kiserian, Rift Valley, Kenya) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cl0qlF0orNE/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

It Don't Hurt Me; No More

It Don’t Hurt Me; No More

The breakage of souls by current times  Can be effortlessly evidenced By the fact that true ‘no strings attached love’ is responded to by The perception that: To love that intensely And expect nothing back Means that you are broken and unable to love yourself I feel for anyone who is so broken within themselves That they cannot believe that someone can appreciate them in a way so intense And…

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Sometimes, Just Sometime.

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Little Knee Verner

More than anything else All I want All we want And yearn. Is to be seen. Not only that, but be seen in the way That we perceive ourself We want to be seen in the way we see ourselves The way that we feel about ourselves Which is why human interaction seems very flawed To be seen and felt for who you truly are To open oneself to the critical eyes of the log bearer Is such an eroded concept now We…

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13 (i) It is indeed painful to lose. But loss is prudent to progression. We can only truly know what one meant when we lose them. The nature of our mind is to be comparative. That we cannot truly savour what we have; what I have. Until we lose it. Until I have lost it. Pride comes before a fall. When during the fall, do we realise, do I realise that I am succumbing to myself? I am falling into an abyss forged out of the egocentric yearning for acknowledgement. Perhaps even self-preservation. To love and to lose negates the love, I feel. It amplifies the selfishness that our selflessness is rooted in. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I am tired of always having to be the bigger man in my interactions. And as my life nears its demise, i will swallow all my bitter tears and all my pain; if that will hasten the process of my demise; then at least I get to go out on a sincere bang. Suicide. A carving of my own destiny. How beautiful is it for the souls brave enough to choose their way out. Physically. My heroes. Suicidees. I aspire to be like you. Dead. Not out of circumstance or culmination to life. Dead out of pure disgust to the supposed beauty that life is imagined to hold. 'Thanks please. I will now hasten the process and meet my Maker. Or the consumer of souls that prove to be too autonomous for the liking of the Maker.' But what if even the decision to take one's life is something that was innately planted into them? What if that's how it was always meant to be? What if choice is an illusion? Because choosing between being alive and taking my own life seems not much of a choice. It seems that there is pain either way. It seems that the lesson is to learn to absorb pain. To conquer it. There is futility as regards death. Just read 'Appointment in Samara'. That running away from pain inevitably seals fate with unimaginable pain. 'What you are running from here, by a death of your own choosing, and what you are running to, what you have despaired into hoping is a better place to seek solace in is far more chaotic than what you are refusing to accept of this form.' Trini. (at Sarit Center, Nairobi, Kenya) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ci_P9VyIR_6IPvy9ErWFWbOa8nzER2meEkondk0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

13. Ambivalence. (ii) I have just realised that I have been so intent on being dead That I have been too distracted from experiencing the little deaths that have been gifted to me. Usually takes me a very long process to go out and interact with human beings. When the inevitable happens and I choose my exit, I realise now that a part of me dies with these interactions. Rather than focus on the unrest that comes with losing someone, a feeling; the excitement to interaction: I must now learn to cherish the death I feel within. Because it is indeed painful to fall out. And rather than hurt and then compress these feelings, I want to be able to feel them on a deeper level. I want to be able to breathe them through me. To focus less on the reasons for their demise, and more on my interpretation of their absence. https://www.instagram.com/p/Ci_NC5MIM2o863IJcczPLrWPQpR2-zBPpM7Bl00/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

12. I am too fly to be lowkey. New Album out on 28th of September 2022 !(Next Wednesday) Title: A Sacrifice/ Nazatrinity Pre-Save: Link on @dvbliew_ Instagram bio. Or magroove.com/pre-save/sacrifice-nazatrinity #dvbliew #apachirecords #nazatrinity (at Sarit Center, Nairobi, Kenya) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ci68j_Go-f0TJn11o914OqJv7LzARmR45eqCec0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

@_squadbear_ launched one of the most important records of our history as Apachi Records, the KO-XO EP. We still receive compliments due to this work. It remains the most unique and intricately produced work that we have released. It also features guest vocals from @brown02yh We finally managed to get a fair distribution deal signed, and this project will be out for digital streaming and purchase very soon. Pre-Save it via the link in @apachi_records bio. https://www.instagram.com/p/CiegDZIo5I_/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

9. Life indeed is a breaking endeavour. The consciousness to life inspires a purer kind of pain to that caused by ignorance. In consciousness, you realise that life has no inherent meaning. Neither does life have intrinsic value. Life is beyond us, our comprehension. A principle as simple as time is mind-clogging. What was there before the beginning? When there was nothing, how did the creator learn what was needed? You see, this is our highest form of thinking, yet if you think critically, it is also the lowest form of thinking. The creator is not bound by the rules of our interpretation. You are supposed to live in supplication and dedication. Not knowing where you are, where you came from, and where you are headed. The futulity of life is an isolating experience, left to its own devices. (at Sarit Center, Nairobi, Kenya) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiX0ufsoDPQwpuczhXM2GOS7Eh6NC99c7hOgKg0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=