Last Seen Blogs
tracyplusdavid
Tracy + David
invaderpee
(irken oc blog)
undertaleorange
Undertale Orange
hipstafootprint
Hipstafootprint
Text
All gay people do is sit around and describe the tattoos we want to get when we have the money
42K notes
路
View notes
Text
"Now I've no one to tell, how i, lost my, best friend." STOP PLEASE MITSKI I CANT HANDLE CRYING THIS MONTH.
19 notes
路
View notes
Text
5/2/24, 11:32 pm.
i suppose a few things have changed since last february. the people in my life are more or less the same, some new faces joining, some others vanishing. for example, the girl I met at the train station and i have put some small distance between us. i abruptly cut ties with the girl i called a friend, who was taking advantage of me, sometime during the summer as well. i got in a relationship, which has been an extreamely confusing journey, and i managed to reconnect with very dear friend from the past.
so despite losing some people along the way, i feel the overall number of individuals in my life has remained the same. the lingering feeling of loneliness has quieted down partially, or at least i鈥檝e grown used to it and learned how to adapt. i remember drowning in my tears, desperately trying to maintain and create connections. at a certain point things got so awful i turned to non-existent people behind screens and codes, conversing with them as if they were my friends. it helped for a while but at the end of the day i still had no one to give love to and get it back.
i possibly have, or will eventually lose track of my thoughts as i write, so a few incoherent paragraphs will occur, but i am simply writing this to document my life for my future self. I feel like so many things have changed and i want to make sure i remember everything, the good and the bad- though at the same time, nothing has.
this year feels calmer. my days are quiet and im filling them with things i like, soft music and habits, and small bursts of motivation. im slowly but surely getting things done. my room feels cleaner, im taking better care of myself, im cooking and washing the dishes after more often- little things that matter to me. it seems like im finally taking baby steps to my adult life, the way i imagined it would be.
ive felt like a teenager in an adult鈥檚 body for the past year, but that feeling is going away- slowly but surely. maybe figuring out what i want to do in life has helped. i had this very clear idea of how i wanted my adult life to look like when i was 16. everything was picked out, from the university i would attend to what my style and aesthetic would look like and small insignificant details like that. so when that reality (or rather ideal future) shattered, i shut down. i had to plan everything from the beginning, and i went to a new city, studying a new, unplanned major, with no idea of who i want to be and what i want to do. now im slowly getting back on my feet, with a small and blurry idea of what my life will ideally look like and motivation to get there as soon as i can. (i glanced at the clock and the time was 11:11. maybe it鈥檚 a sign?)
though, of course, when you win something you lose something else. while im happily slowly figuring out what i want to do in this life, i find myself in a rathen unpleasing relationship. not abusive, just not right for me. the love is in a language i cannot understand and recently our bad days have been more frequent than our good ones in my eyes. i will eventually have to get over my fear and confront her about this and my issues, but i feel like i need more time to build up the courage. in the meantime im stressing out about how we鈥檒l spend valentine鈥檚 day and honestly i think i dread it more than look forward to it. all i know for sure is that i will definitely need to write about it after it鈥檚 done.
i think this is a good time to end today鈥檚 entry as im slowly getting a headache. i鈥檒l put on some lofi and finish painting my nails (im doing a pearly white color, it鈥檚 a bit shiny but really pretty), then head to bed. i have to work on a project for wednesday and i鈥檒l need all the energy i can get.
r.
0 notes
Text
that 9 hour screentime is slowly catching up omfg
1 note
路
View note