funniest crime would be breaking into a car on a hot day so you can die in it

Teacher, can I..*sigh*🙄 MAY I kill myself?

FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK i got tomorrow tomorrow

he can infodump so deep inside me I'll have trivia running down my leg

this girl thunked a guy unconscious and its funnier every time i remember it

I was at the veterinarian and I looked down and saw a Rollie Pollie on the floor so I put it up on the exam table and when the vet came in and said “so who are we seeing today?” I said “him” and gestured at the Rollie Pollie and the vet didn’t even smile

dude your pussy just skittered away. like a insect

sorry for fading into you. but it's kinda strange you never knew...?

Hey! I found your Supercorp fic today and really enjoyed it! I'm wondering if it's been abandoned? No pressure, I just want to adjust my expectations accordingly.

hey! its in my mind!!! has it been almost a year yes, but my intent is to finish it… im so sorry omg…

Me and the guys at the gym making biscuits on each other and meowing

bro please shut the fuck up im looking at the moon

*me eating something that I know will make my tummy hurt* i don't really care if this makes my tummy hurt

*a few hours later when my tummy hurts* oh... the quencies ...

dude did you seriously just put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up?